YunCynImaginator: TADAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIMAAAAA!!!

Muses: Oy vey...

YunCyn: We are VERY sorry for the ultra, super, hyper, mega long disappearance from the fanfiction scene...

Imaginator: We COULD say that we were really, really busy with school work and homework and whatnot...

YunCyn: Truth was, we were dry outta ideas. (nervous chuckle)

Imaginator: (sweatdrop) In any case! We present to you with another scene for your reading pleasure.

Muses: (grumble) What reading pleasure? First draft was full of spelling mistakes, second one was chock full of grammatical errors, THIRD draft was- MMPH!

YunCynImaginator: Enjoy the scene!! (glares at Muses)

Muses: (start trembling violently)
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Disclaimer: Yes, we ALL know who Saiyuki belongs to. Namely not us.
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Direction-Blind

By: YunCynImaginator

It was a splendidly clear day, one of those times of year when one would inhale the fresh, clean air and be grateful to be alive in the world. The misty dew drops of the night before still hung pendulously upon the forest like fairy lights, casting sparkling miniature rainbows reflections along the dirt-wearied paths. In every tree sweet birdsong rose and filled the air with trills and carousels, singing the very joy of life itself and transcending an earthly calm not known since…

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Well, since the Sanzo-ikkou came along.

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(Abruptly, said birdsong croaks and dies)

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The cool, playful breeze wafted from unseen oceans stirred lightly the heavy boughs of the old sentinels of the woods, indulging gently the whims of the wind, seeing from their great heights the sun-kissed villages a distance away (among some, which had, sadly, been reduced to rubble) and a green, green marsh from which a pure white heron emerged and spread its majestic wings against the brightening skyline as if to scrape the last remnants of stars from the sky.

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(BAM!!! The heron squawks and plummets back down as a triumphant shout of "I'VE GOT 'IM!!!" resounds.)

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In the twilight dusk of the not-yet morn, a falcon cry is heard as a swift shape darts into the brush and neatly pulls out of the nadir of its dive, a still form clutched within its powerful talons as it soared off.

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(A tiny voice, somewhere within the thick canopy of the trees howl, "THIEF!! BRING 'IM BACK HERE!!! YOU-" followed by choice unmentionables which, due to PG-ness and sensitive ears, will be very politely censored.

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In lieu of reply, the falcon swerves, flies back to hover over the hunter's head, aims and….splat! Bullseye.)

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Anyway, back to the flowing narration….

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(Random Reader: (pissed) Exactly what are you guys doing, writing all these big, unpronounceable words that have NO RELEVANCE at all with the story???

Imaginator: It does TOO relate!! We're just describing just how perfect the day was for the Sanzo-ikkou, dammit!

Random Reader: OK, we now know the sun is shining, the sky is blue and some heron we can't even identify with is dead. And a hunter got doused with bird poo. Can we move on now???

YunCyn: We ARE!!!! If you hadn't interrupted us, we'd probably be in the middle of the scene already!!

Random Reader: You mean, after all this crap, this isn't even the middle?!?!?

Author(esses): (together) Of course not!!!!

Random Reader groans, stuffs a sock in his mouth and retires.)

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ANYWAY…

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Between the filtered shadows of the leaves and occasional tendrils of light was a Jeep the hue of the lush forest around it, chugging contently along the gravelly track. The green-eyed, green-clothed mild-mannered man-cum-youkai behind the wheel was driving with one hand whilst marking landmarks of their travels on one very large, very detailed roadmap courtesy of the last town they were in. Unfortunately, their stay there had to be cut short when a typical bunch of senseless, brainless and utterly graceless youkai had gate-crashed the guesthouse, with more in mind than just a night's stay. In other words, your basic crash-smash-trash-bash-mash-Sanzo-and-steal-his-freaking-sutra youkai. (read: stereotypical prototypes.)

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At any rate, Jeep had driven off into the morning, with a hoard of very, very pissed off (and that's putting it lightly) villagers, screaming for their blood, the ruins of another wrecked town behind them. Hakkai made a mental note and added it to the ever-growing heap of 'Towns Not to Pass on the Way Home'. Really, it wouldn't do to return victorious from tromping Gyokumen's ass only to be assassinated by revenge-driven townspeople.

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SWWWEEEEE…..CHHHHHH!!!!

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Jeep halted, centimeters away from a tree, unceremoniously hurling his passengers to the front against the windscreen and various seats. Again.

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"Hakkai!!!! That was the fifth tree this hour that you have only -just- missed today!!!! Stop looking at that stupid map and watch the bloody road for once, dammit!!!!"

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"Gomenasai…" Using a fine black pen, Hakkai carefully marked a little 'X' on that particular region of the map, labeling '309675th tree almost crashed into on journey' besides the neat label of '45637th tree actually hit'.

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From behind came a dying groan. "Harahetta, harahetta, harahetta……Hakkai, how much longer to the next town? I'm dying of hunger already…"

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"Have patience, Goku; we're very close already." Smiling cheerfully, "I think I can promise you a roof to sleep under tonight, Sanzo."

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"Hnh."

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Sanzo took a long drag of his cigarette, his mind disturbed by a nagging thought at the back of his head. Some thing was not quite right with this picture. His eyes scanned the trees scope, the horizon, the map obscuring the windscreen, painstakingly being marked by diligent Hakkai.

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A sixth sense he never knew he had was tingling like crazy, screaming and throwing tantrums on his consciousness. Irritably, he mentally-shot the mental-sense, resulting in a mental-BANG. It did nothing to improve his mood (mental-mood?).

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Goku put into words what had been (mentally) shot to death in Sanzo's head. "It's so peaceful today, isn't it? No youkais, no mad mob, no rain…"

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Exactly. That would have been a perfect cue for youkais to pop out of bushes and make a few death threats. But, as it was, there was nothing in sight but Hakkai's road map.

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It was peaceful. Too peaceful. As Gojyo began to argue with Goku in the back at the top of their voices over another stupid, pointless subject, Sanzo divined various reasons for the non-emergence of the youkai:

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A) All the youkais were on leave/holiday/whatever day they took off.

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…Impossible. Gyokumen would never let her 'servants' off even to celebrate their own birthdays. Sanzo scratched that possibility.

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B) All the youkais have dropped dead.

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…Implausible. Just because it was. Sanzo scratched that too.

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C) Gyumao had finally been awakened and all the youkais have been called back to base to witness this miracle.

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Scratch, scratch, scratch…

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D) All the youkais have assassinated Gyokumen and her merry men and are now planning to take over the federal government and over throw the Russian mafia -and- take over the world.

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…What the hell?!?!?

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E) All the youkais were in hiding and were waiting to ambush them in a kill-Bill fest.

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Finally, something rational that makes complete sense.

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A sudden rustle in a nearby bush caught his attention and put him on alert. Hakkai, still in the midst of mapping out their journey so far on the map was oblivious to it and the two idiots (he swatted them with his harisen absently) in the back were too busy yapping inanely stupid remarks about each other to each other to notice.

Oh well. Nothing to worry about. At least it proved that everything was normal.

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A scaly, greeny hand with razor-sharp claws (read: stereotypical youkai) appeared from within the leafy branches. A head, snarling with unprecedented glee peered out…

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Only to 'ack!', eyes bugging out as human hands (read: ours) clamped themselves around his neck and efficiently pulled him back into the bush.

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Sanzo could only stare. His eyes narrowed and he shot the bush once, twice for good measure, whacking Gojyo over the head as he muttered something about crackpot monks.

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No youkai body. He seemed to have vanished into thin air.

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Something was going on. Clear blue day. No clouds. No youkais. No invisible gaping cliffs or rickety old bridges. No scary doom-is-here-run-for-your-pathetic-lives orchestra playing at crescendo.

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Nothing but peace and boredom (excepting the squabbling at the back.)

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Perhaps it was one of those holidays he was so long overdue. One of those days when one can pass a day without being harassed or disturbed and just lie back and enjoy the view.

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…

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Yeah right. And Goku could fly.

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That only left one possibility: There was something else. And it wasn't the youkais this time.

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It would be much, much worse.

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(Death-and-doom-and-gloom-and-angst string assemble plays a few mournful notes before two irate authoresses push them out of the picture, muttering something about 'lousy timing'.)

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But…what could worse than a horde of attacking youkai clones whose chief ambition in life is to play 'Mary had a Little Lamb' on your ribcage? (The reader is not, repeat: NOT to answer that question.)

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Just then, Hakkai, who had just finished charting their trail through Togenkyo on his map stared at it, blinking before sucking in a deep, deep breath and releasing it very slowly.

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"Ah, Sanzo..?" very, very nervously.

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"Hnh."

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"Err….you know we're on a journey to the west, right?"

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A low grunt. Hakkai gulped audibly before plowing on bravely.

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"Ah… well…you see, I think we've been going in the opposite direction."

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For a very long, long while, there was no sound, not even the rumble of Jeep's engine (he'd stopped when Hakkai had hit upon this remarkable revelation) as everybody digested this new fact.

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Then, the impact of Hakkai's words hit home.

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"Y-you mean…" Goku's incredulous voice.

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"Hai."

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"All this time…we've been on a journey to the EAST?????"

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"That would seem to be the case."

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(Death-and-doom-and-gloom-and-angst string assemble is pushed back into picture. Looking slightly disoriented with the arrangements, they continue playing Beethoven's 'Prelude in G Minor'.)

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"S-sanzo? Are you OK?"

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Silence. More silence.

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Then the woods wilted visibly, sending birds shocked out of their very feathers flapping what was left of their wings out as a very, very (read: absolutely, completely, unbelievably) furious monk began to spout many, many colorful words inappropriate for any human ears, screaming for the hides of two authoresses and swearing to kill them on sight should he ever set eyes on them again whilst causing a hail of bullets to shower down on the forest.

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..

Well, they should have brought compasses.

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The End.

YunCyn: (dodges a whizzing bullet and shakes a fist at the monk) IT'S A RANDOM SCENE YOU TWIT!!!

Imaginator: YIPE!!! (ducks another flying bullet) STOP antagonizing him!!

YunCyn: Well, it's TRUE!! Random scenes involve situations such as the above!! ACK!! (narrowly jumps down and misses getting decapitated by another bullet)

Imaginator: OBVIOUSLY, THEY don't APPRECIATE that!! (remains on the ground and crawls to shelter) Gotta go!

YunCyn: Hope you enjoyed reading- AIIIEEE!! RUN!! RUN!!!