The Tale of the Bench

By YunCynImaginator

YunCyn: (wince) Yes, it has been TWO whole months since we updated...

Imaginator: No doubt you've all forgotten poor lil' ol us by now... (sob)

Muses: Poor lil' ol' you?! YOU two are the ones who haven't updated!!

YunCyn: (scowl) If it weren't the season of peace and goodwill now, we would so pound you two...

Muses: Hehehe.... Merry Christmas everyone!

YunCynImaginator: And a Happy New Year!! (smile)

Bunnies: (waves)

Disclaimer: Deck the halls with disclaimers! Fa la la la la la la la la... Nothing belongs to us! Fa la la la la la la la la...

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Imagine a bench.

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Just an ordinary bench made out of wood and iron, meant for people to rest their feet and plunk their bottoms on when they get tired. You know, the kind you see in parks and shopping malls.

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Now, imagine that on this particular bench were two particular people. Both were sitting at the opposite ends of the bench, placed as far away as possible from each other. One would wonder why these two would want to be as far away as humanly possible from each other. After all, it's not like they knew each other or anything or were bitter enemies.

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Right?

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Wrong.

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Because on the left end of this ordinary wooden and iron bench…

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Sat the famous thorn in Gyokumen's side and every other temple elder's side, and 31st generation of the Sanzos, protector of the sutras.

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Also known as Genjo Sanzo. Hoshi-sama, if you want to be formal or if Gojyo feels suicidal.-

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Aaaand on the right side of this perfectly ordinary wooden and iron bench…

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Sat the not as famous thorn in Gyokumen's side and occasionally the red headed prince of Tenjiku as well as the ward of a certain violet haired chemist.

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Also known as Lirin. "Gaki" if you want to get a mouthful of her fist.

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Curiously enough, they were sitting in the same position.

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Hunched over and in a royally foul sulk.

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Now, this wouldn't be so strange about Lirin. She went into these fits when she was either a) denied food b) denied permission to beat the Sanzo-ikkou to a pulp c) Dokugakuji beat her at poker and black jack.

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But Sanzo sulking like a little child was something that took a rather long stretch of the imagination. Brooding darkly about his past, his comrades or the fact that it was raining, yes. But sulking?

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Yeah, rather.

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There was a long moment of silence as the two sat in perfect quiet. Not even a pin dropped.

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Then Sanzo, who had been sulking about his fate, his past, his lost master, his irritating ward, his equally irritating red headed, womanizing comrade, his as irritating smiley friend, his allergies to cats and how his cigarette wasn't doing it's usual job of calming him down, suddenly shifted focus from nothing in particular to the person at the other end of the bench.

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"Oi."

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Lirin, who had been sulking about her mother, her brother, her baby sitter, her friend who had this really annoying habit of beating her at card games, the Sanzo-ikkou and how she wanted to kick their butts soooo badly and how she was hungry, looked sidelong at the other guy at the opposite end of this bench.

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"What?"

"How the hell did you get here?"

"Beats me, Baldie."

"I would."

"…how did you get here?"

"…ch', I don't bloody know."

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The conversation stopped there.

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And for another looong moment, there was perfect silence.

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"…y'know," spoke Lirin suddenly, feeling unusually conversational that day. "It's funny. I don't feel an urge to jump on your shoulders, pull your hair and call you Baldie."

Sanzo, instead of feeling annoyed by her voice, found himself replying in a very conversational tone, much to his horror. "…And there's a lack of an urge to take out my gun and shoot a gaping, smoking, bloody hole through your skull."

"Huh. Funny."

"…Ch'." He finally said, his brain failing to supply any other intelligent reply.

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And once again, silence reigned supreme. Utter, perfect, uninterrupted silence.

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Then suddenly, out popped a tall, dark shadow, about twenty yards from Sanzo's end of the bench.

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And the monk didn't feel like taking out his gun and narrowing his eyes to be on guard from any sort of youkai attack strangely enough and much to his sub-conscious mind's terror.

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The tall shadow revealed itself to be Kougaiji's faithful retainer and Gojyo's beloved older brother with the unusually long name.

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Dokugakuji. Better known as Doku if you don't want to type the entire name each time he's mentioned and break your fingers.

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Sanzo looked up with an eyebrow raised, quietly surprised at his appearance. Lirin didn't seem to notice.

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A small feeling of doubt and suspicion crept up Sanzo's spine suddenly. For in one of Doku's hands, was a single, long stemmed rose with a few leaves. The thorns had been thoughtfully snipped off. The colour of the petals was a smooth red, a shade darker than Gojyo's hair and eyes.

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Without a word, Doku stopped right in front of Sanzo, got down on one knee…

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And held out the rose.

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Sanzo stared at the flower in shock, disgust and slight terror.

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For a minute or so, there was utter silence again.

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Then the monk deigned to speak.

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"What the bloody hell do you think you're doing?"

"What's it look like? I'm giving you a flower on one knee," answered Doku as if he gave men the symbol of love every day.

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Silence as Sanzo took in the answer spoken in the matter of fact tone.

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"Why the bloody hell are you giving it to me?"

Doku shrugged. "I dunno. Orders are that I'm supposed to come in, get down on one knee, give you the flower and leave."

"What kind of bloody orders are those?"

Again, the retainer shrugged and gestured upwards to the sky that had somehow materialized. "Ask them. I've got no clue."

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Sanzo glared upwards. Oh, the heavens had a bloody sick sense of humour concerning him, he knew.

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Particularly if the heavens were actually a bloody computer screen and a pair of sick authoresses with equally bloody sick plot bunnies and as bloody twisted muses. (Boy, he's bloody today, ain't he?)

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There was silence as the monk tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he asked again.

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"…what the hell am I supposed to do with it?"

Doku looked annoyed. After all, his knees were getting tired. "Just take it already and give it to Lirin to chew on or something. I don't know."

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With a growl, Sanzo's arm reached out and took the rose from Doku's fingers. Getting to his feet, Doku just turned and walked off, vanishing into the distance.

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Raising an eyebrow, Sanzo glanced over at Lirin who hadn't seemed to notice her friend at all.

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"Oi."

"What?"

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Sanzo stretched out an arm, hand extending the rose to her.

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"Here."

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Lirin turned.

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And stared at the flower.

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Sanzo looked up.

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And stared at Lirin.

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Then he stared at the flower.

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Both Lirin and Sanzo now stared at the rose.

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"Say CHEESE!!"

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Chi-CHIAK!!

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That, in case you didn't know, was the sound of a button being pushed and a photo being taken.

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Gojyo ran off as fast as he could, howling in laughter with a camera in his hands.

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In shock, the monk could only look after Gojyo running off, just realizing what had happened.

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The redhead had captured on film, solid evidence of what NO ONE in their right minds would imagine could actually happen in their entire lives.

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Sanzo giving Lirin a red rose.

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There was a long silence as the fact that he had been tricked into giving her a flower sank in.

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Then both monk and young youkai broke out into an exclamation that summed up their feelings about the whole affair.

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"…oh bloody SHIT!"

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The End.

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Imaginator: (cackle) This, just so you know, was inspired by me, YunCyn and our good friend, Alex the 3rd-

YunCyn: The 77th actually.

Imaginator: 77th? Who killed her?

YunCyn: Assassins, blitz ball players who hold long grudges... the usual.

Imaginator: Eh, whatever. Basically, all three of us were sitting on a bench at the local mall when... (snicker)

YunCyn: (snigger) Fluff bonked her on the head with the idea since I'd bought a rose for my dad to give my mom.

Imaginator: T'was her parents' anniversary, you see.

Muses: (glares at bunnies) You know, if they served rabbit instead of turkey...

YunCynImaginator: Hey! NO bunny stew!

Muses: (grumble then perks up) Once again, Merry Christmas, everyone!

YunCynImaginator, Muses: Remember, Peace on Earth and Goodwill Toward All Man! See ya!