Chapter 33 Starting Small
For a long while, after Steve had left them, Jo and Daniel just sat, exchanging the odd word, wanting to be together rather than do anything else. The early evening world outside turned dark and still they sat; needing each other more than either of them could explain. After they had finished the hot chocolate and cookies that Michael had brought to them Jo had quietly and calmly explained the connection between herself and Wayne. Her son's anger had been genuine and his hate for the man gratifying to Jo although she was also a little worried about it.
"Honey, I know that you only want to protect me, but there is no way that you can fight, not this guy, not the system, you have to make your way the best you can in this world an' know, in your heart, that everythin' you have you got honestly. If you can't do that, well then you're not a happy person, no matter what you might think. An' at the end of the day, when everythin' we have done an' not done is added up, money doesn't mean a darn thing."
"But how could he do that to you?" Daniel shook his head, he loved his mom very much and the thought of anyone hurting her in any way made him want to punch their lights out. "And then to come back all these years later and think he can just walk back into your life, what a loser!"
"Yes, he is, he lost me, looks like he lost his job, he certainly lost his wife an' kids, but I didn't, I found your dad, an' then together we found you, I know who I would rather be." Jo smiled and took the boy's hand in her own, the warmth of it making her feel incredibly lucky all over again.
"I guess I had better go and do my homework, will you be alright on your own?" Daniel went to stand up but Jo tightened her grasp and held him back.
"How did your day go? I thought I heard you say you got an A from Ms Burns."
"Yeah, I did, it wasn't that hard, the work I mean, and I did as you said and apologized to her again at the beginning of the lesson." Daniel had received a very short but sharp lecture before leaving for school that morning and he had made sure that he didn't annoy his parents any more by doing just as they said.
"What you said to Francine, it wasn't nice, you didn't like what Wayne did to me, but he didn't become a sexist pig overnight, he would have started small, maybe with rude comments to female classmates." Jo paused, knowing that her words would take a moment to sink in.
"No, Mom, I wasn't … I didn't want to … I was, wasn't I?" Daniel was horrified to feel his eyes fill with tears. He hadn't meant any harm by what he'd said, but now he could see it in a different light.
"Yes, Honey, you were, although I'm sure you didn't mean it that way. But think for a minute, how would you have felt if Francine an' her friends had been discussin' you in that way an' loud enough for you to hear?"
Daniel didn't answer; he knew that his mom already knew what he would say.
"I still don't understand why you would act like that, you have never been in trouble at that school before, why start now?" Jo didn't know why, but Daniel's face clouded over, and he looked away. "Daniel?"
"I don't want to talk about it any more, ok? I have homework to do, and I promised Maddie I'd call her tonight … Please, may I go?"
"Yes, if you want to, but Daniel, I meant what I said earlier, you made me feel very safe an' very loved, an' I love you too, Son."
"Thanks." Daniel stood up and left the room, his emotions suddenly in turmoil and, although he couldn't explain it to his mom, he knew they meant trouble for him.
ooo
"Will you be alright tomorrow, working I mean?" Jesse was sitting at the dining table reading the newspaper, but he looked up as he spoke.
"I have to be, Jess, I can't afford to have any more time off, not right now." Rae was sitting on the sofa, a pile of folders on a small table next to her.
"I know, and I saw what you're up against last night at Steve's, I didn't ask then, but don't you have enough to get this guy in, at least to question him?"
"Oh yeah, no doubt about it, but we have no idea where he is, we don't even know for sure who he is. I've tried all the usual things, so has Steve, he just doesn't seem to exist."
"But he's a hairdresser, can't you check them?"
"Jesse, do you have any idea how many hairdressers there are in LA? He could work for himself, he could be part of a salon that pays cash and doesn't notify the authorities who they have working for them, he could be an illegal immigrant, he …"
"Ok, ok, I get the picture, jeez; I only asked a simple question!" Jesse held his hands up in surrender and laughed.
"Sorry, Jesse, my time on this case and the one with the Chief has been so messed up that I'm kind of defensive about it. I apologize."
"Because I wasn't here to help out, to share things, Rae, I am so sorry." Jesse looked down at his hands, not knowing what else to say.
"Jesse, don't, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything." Rae got up from where she was sitting on the sofa and made her way towards the French doors out into the garden. They were dancing round each other, both of them scared of saying something that the other could take offence at, she didn't like it, but she also didn't know how to stop it.
ooo
It was dark when Dominic arrived back at his apartment, let himself in and collapsed into a heap on the sofa. The entire journey from San Francisco to Los Angeles he had felt that he was running, running away from Lucy and what she could still do to him. There had been an internet café in the concourse at LAX and he had made a quick trip in there to send an email back to the hotel, hoping it sounded like her as 'she' told them how great a time she was having and how she had just popped into the café before catching a plane to Rome. Dominic had decided that should settle their hash, the meddlesome receptionist as well as any cops who might be nosing around at least until the body was found.
For a few minutes he caught his breath, enjoying being back where he felt the safest, where his life was just as he wanted it to be. Dominic knew that he would have to quit working at the salon, it wasn't sensible to go there any more, he could be traced through the hairdressing competition, luckily he had never given this address to his boss so he was fine here. It might well be a different matter, though, for the people who had moved into his old place.
Slowly he got to his feet and grabbed the overnight bag from the floor, reveling in the anticipation that just that simple action caused him. He went straight to his own bedroom, placed the bag on the bed and unzipped it. The first thing that he pulled from the case was the hair, long, beautifully long, and so soft and silky. Dominic held it to his face and breathed in her scent, he could feel the grittiness of the sand alongside the natural smoothness of the hair and that excited him so much that, for a while, he was lost to all but his own feelings and sensations.
Gradually though, Dominic returned to the ritualistic routine he had to follow. He carefully laid the hair to one side and looked at the clothes he had taken off her. The weather had been cool and Lucy had worn a soft rose coloured dress with a white shawl over her shoulders. She had also worn a pair of white strappy sandals, which she had removed when they went down on to the beach. Dominic had been amazed and very aroused when he found out that Lucy was wearing nothing underneath her dress, she had peeled it off her wonderfully lithe body and he had, quite literally, devoured her.
ooo
Jesse had watched as Rae went out into the garden, feeling the rush of cooler air as the doors were opened. Now that he was here, home, where he knew he belonged, Jesse was finding it hard to take the next step in the journey, which had started in the front yard the previous day. He wanted to get up, follow his wife outside, take her into his arms and tell her that everything would be ok, but he couldn't even get out of his chair. With a half sob he rested his head on the table, his heart breaking for the things he could no longer do, and then, just when he needed her the most, she was there, her voice soft and tender, her hands even more so, and he was amazed to find that although he couldn't hold her he found that he could be held and he fell into her arms.
"Shhh, it's ok, it's ok." Rae put her arm around Jesse, gently helped him to his feet and guided him over to the sofa, hoping that he would be able to cope once again with being so close to her. Carefully she sat down so that he was still cradled in her arms and then she held him to her and let him cry.
ooo
Steve had found that he couldn't settle to anything, he made himself coffee, he looked at the map, made notes, screwed them up and threw them away, looked at the map some more, but the entire time he was thinking about his wife, and how horrified she had been, how his son had felt the need to protect his mother in their own home, and he knew he couldn't stay away any longer. Taking up the folders he had brought back into the station with him he emptied his coffee cup and was making his way towards the door when his phone rang. With a deep sigh he returned to his desk, put all the paperwork back down again and picked up the receiver.
"Sloan." Steve listened as Detective Emile Consadine from San Francisco filled him in on the details of another body which had been found on the beach there, and once the call ended he sat trying to work out another mystery, why had their killer suddenly returned to one of his previous haunts, had he moved on permanently, or would he return to LA? Steve held the piece of paper with the sketchy details of the latest crime on it. There wasn't much to go on, not yet at any rate. The victim was still a Jane Doe, she had been found on the beach, hidden behind some bushes, naked, violated and very dead. Steve put another pushpin into his map of California, and his heart grew a little heavier. Thirteen bodies, all of them young women with their whole lives before them who had been violently and viciously killed. He added the new information to the files he had collected together earlier and then, without a backward glance, he left the office and headed for home.
ooo
Jesse had sobbed in his wife's arms for a long time; he had no idea how long, but as each minute passed he felt a little more like himself. Rae said nothing, she occasionally rubbed gentle circles on his back, but most of the time she just held him and let him free his emotions.
"Rae, will you help me?" He looked up at his wife, he couldn't believe that he had shut her out of his life, and now he was afraid that he wouldn't be able to find his place back with her again.
"Yes, of course I will, but …" Rae paused for a moment, not sure if she should continue.
"But what? I'm still so scared, please, Rae." Jesse was suddenly terrified that Rae was going to turn her back on him.
"Jesse, you told me that you wished you never met me, that your life was better before I came along," Rae closed her eyes for a moment, but the picture that came up in her mind made her speak again, "I saw you kiss another woman, and then the two of you had dinner, I need to know … I need to know if you are gonna leave me for her." Jesse had sat up and so Rae got off the sofa and moved over towards the French doors once more, needing to look out even though it was dark.
Not knowing what to do Jesse sat and watched her, Rae had her hands clasped in front of her and was slowly wringing them, he knew that she couldn't make eye contact with him, and he also knew that whatever it was he wanted to say he needed to get it right first time.
"Rae, I was wrong, I shouldn't have said that."
"No, you shouldn't," Rae turned as he spoke, "but you did, you can't take it back, and you meant it, really meant it, didn't you?"
Jesse nodded his head, "Yeah, I did, at the time, but now I don't, I wish I could take it back, take all of the bad things back, but you're right, I can't do that."
Rae moved over, knelt down in front of her husband and took both his hands into her own. "Jesse, look at me." She waited while Jesse composed himself and looked into her eyes. "I have never hidden who I am or what I do, not from you or anyone else. I also never hid from you the fact that my life was always better with you in it. I'm sorry that you were involved in things that got you hurt or frightened, but there is no way I will take the blame for them."
"I know, but what you do, that was what caused all the problems, and looking at you, well, it made everything come back, all the time." Jesse tried to move his hands but Rae wouldn't let go.
"Everything, as in everything bad?" Again Jesse nodded and Rae, seeing a glimmer of light continued. "You saw me and you remembered all the awful things that happened, when Levington had you, when Werner took you and Texas, Jesse, they weren't my fault, I swear; I would have done everything in my power to keep you out of harm's way, I never wanted you to get hurt."
"I … I realize that, but don't you see, they told me … both of them … told me that if I let other people know what … what … happened then those that I … loved would be harmed. And, just like they said … just like they said it … it ha … hap …" Jesse couldn't continue, he didn't know if he could explain his deepest fears to Rae, he knew that she could help him, but he still wasn't convinced that if he did share with her that all the bad things wouldn't happen again.
"Jesse, please, tell me, tell me what they said." Rae looked at his face, the handsome, usually smiling face that she loved, right now it was haunted, and she knew that if he couldn't share his fear with her then it may start to overwhelm him again.
ooo
The knock on the door shocked Dominic, he hadn't told anyone that he would be coming back early, and he didn't encourage visitors anyway. Carefully putting Lucy's dress down on the bed he left the room, making sure to close the door behind him. Then he went and peered through the peephole.
"Matthew, are you in there?" Albert Hardy, the caretaker was just putting one of his own keys into the lock when Dominic opened the door.
"Hi."
"Hi, who are you? No, wait, you're young Matthew's friend, Dom … Dominic, that's right, what are you doing here? Matthew's out of town." Dominic watched as the older man eyed him suspiciously.
"I know, but he said I could crash here while he was away, man. Guess he didn't tell you, huh?"
"Nope, not a word, but then, I'm not surprised. Well, make sure you don't trash the place. Know when he's coming back?" Albert looked the younger man up and down; there was something familiar about him, something that he knew he should recognize. "Do I know you from somewhere?"
"Who me? No, don't think so." Dominic became instantly wary, "look, I'm sorry, but I'm … I'm cooking, I have to go." He moved to close the door but Albert put his foot in the way.
"I'm sure you'll let me know when Matthew is coming back, right?"
"Yeah, right." Dominic pushed the door harder, but Albert had removed his obstruction and it slammed in his face.
Dominic turned and leant back against the wood. He needed to get out, to go meet people, to get his life back on track in his own town, where he was in control.
ooo
Steve had arrived home having sat in traffic for over an hour. He was hungry, tired and he knew he was sweaty and unpleasant to be around too. The atmosphere of his home was a little tense and he wasn't sure if he had caused it or not.
Jo had come out into the hallway to greet him but wrinkled her nose when she hugged him. "Oooh, Honey, I think you had a rough day. Maybe a shower would be a good idea."
"Yeah, I guess, but are you ok? He didn't come back did he?" Steve looked at her; to his eyes she still looked strained and worried.
"No, no, he didn't even call, I'm sorry, I just … it scared me, ok? An' I don't like to be scared in my own home."
"I know, I know, and I am so sorry it happened, unless we increase our security even more we can't stop him coming to the door but Michael won't let him in again, you can count on that."
"Yeah I guess you're right." She had moved closer into her husband's arms, and was enjoying his closeness, even though he smelt of the city. "I talked to Daniel, to try to get him to see that what he said at school was wrong, but I don't know that it made any difference." Jo looked down, and felt Steve run his fingers through her hair, and kiss the top of her head.
"Want me to speak with him?" Steve felt his hand move as Jo nodded her head.
"Did you tell him about Wayne?" His hand moved again and he smiled. "I guess we don't need words, huh?" This time her head went from side to side and he laughed. "I love you, and now I'm going to go have a shower and talk to Daniel, is that ok?" His hand nodded again and he disentangled his fingers from her hair and moved towards the stairs.
The sound of music escaping from a set of headphones reached Steve as he climbed the final step and he walked towards his son's room. He knocked but didn't wait for a reply knowing that Daniel would have no idea that he was there. Considering the state the bedroom was usually in Steve was pleasantly surprised at its condition, and he made his way across it without any danger to life or limb.
"Dad. Hi." Daniel heard a movement and turned round, a smile breaking out across his face as he realized who it was.
"Hi, Son. How's it going?" Steve sat himself down on the side of the bed, which, he noticed with a smile, wasn't made, but then he guessed you couldn't have everything.
"Not bad, I've done my math homework, and now I'm struggling with Spanish, but Ms Beatty said she would help me if I got stuck. I know a lot of people speak the language, but do I have to be one of them?"
"Oh yeah, there are days when I wish I had a Ms Beatty around to help me with some basic Spanish, or a Ms Burns when I'm doing my expenses." Steve smiled, he wasn't kidding, especially about the math.
"Dad?"
"Yeah?" Steve could tell that his son had something he wanted to say and so he let the silence do its job.
"That guy, Wayne, did you want to hit him when you found out what he did to Mom?" The look of concern on Daniel's face made Steve consider fudging his answer but in the end he decided that honesty was always the best policy.
"Yes, I did, but it wouldn't have done anyone any good, least of all your mom, or me. Violence is never the answer, oh I know sometimes it makes you feel real good to belt someone, but you'll get into trouble, get a reputation, it's just not worth it. My life would be a lot easier if people kept their tempers!"
Daniel was silent again for a moment. "I guess it would. Dad, do you think that Wayne started off making sexist comments in class?"
Steve wasn't sure where his son got the idea from but he could see no harm in going with it. "He could have. No one starts off by committing serious crime, ok, maybe no one is pushing it a bit far, there are always exceptions to every rule, but most people have a background that leads up to what they are doing right now, whether that's good or bad. If you learn from what you did, tell yourself that you won't ever do it again, then hopefully as you get older you will remember this time and keep the promises you made to yourself."
"It was just a joke, I didn't mean any harm by it, I was just messing around." Daniel sounded defensive, and Steve knew that he would have given his own dad the same argument.
"Look at it this way, there's a fifty-fifty chance that the baby your mom's carrying will be a girl, how would you like someone to speak that way to her, or to Eliana or Anneya? There is no way it should be considered appropriate, you were wrong, Son, and you need to accept that, apologize and move on."
"I know, and I have, apologized I mean, to Ms Burns and Francine."
"Good, now I need to get the city out of my hair so I'm gonna have a shower and see what Michael has left me for dinner."
"I'll see you later then. Adiós, Pap."
"Oh, very good, adiós, hijo."
"I'm impressed, but I can't say that in Spanish." Daniel laughed and Steve joined in before closing the door and heading for his own room. As he watched his dad depart a frown crossed Daniel's face and he looked down at his hands. His dad was such a great guy and he enjoyed just being with him, but he knew that sooner or later he was gonna blow it, would say or do something to spoil it, just as he had always done in the past. Maybe it would be better for all of them if it was now, at least it would be over with.
ooo
As Rae began to ask Jesse what he had been told a high pitched wail emanated from the baby alarm and Rae rushed to the stairs hoping to get to her youngest daughter before she woke her sister.
Rae wanted to begin exploring what Jesse had said about seeing her and then all the bad things, and also how those who'd taken him had, in his eyes, foreseen his future, but other events took over.
Anneya had started to show signs of returning slowly to her normal routine, she was sleeping less, eating more and spending more time with both her family and Sally. Unfortunately this also meant that she was spending more time in her silent world and her frustrations were beginning to come out in screaming fits, temper tantrums and a tendency to cling and want to be with an adult at all times.
Eliana was stirring as Rae entered the nursery and she was relieved to realize that Jesse had followed her up. He moved straight over to their eldest child and began to make soothing noises. Rae took Anneya into her arms and left the room.
Rae had bought a small refrigerator and installed it in her bedroom. Inside it was baby juice, which she could put into a bottle in the hope that it would send her little girl back to sleep. Each evening when Rae put Anneya down she took a drink out for her so that it wouldn't be too cold should she wake. Rae knew that there was a chance the drink would become a habit, but if it meant that Anneya was happier then she didn't mind.
The juice was soon all drunk and Rae gently rocked her daughter back and forth hoping that the repetitive movements would send her back to the land of sleep. For a moment Rae wondered whether Anneya still heard sounds in her dreams, but she knew it was something she would probably never have an answer to and so she dismissed it as quickly as she had thought of it in the first place. Gradually Rae watched as her little girl's eyelids closed, and then the breathing evened out again into the deep rhythmical breaths that showed her she was asleep. Carefully Rae stood up and went back to the nursery, Jesse wasn't there and Eliana was fast asleep so she laid Anneya down too and headed back downstairs.
ooo
Friday dawned bright and warm, but Jo rolled over in bed and snuggled up to her husband not wanting him to get up now that the alarm had sounded.
He had the wonderful warm and soft feeling of someone who had just awoken after a long sleep and she drank in the sight and smells of him as she lay in his arms.
"Doesn't the actin' captain get to stay in bed a little longer than all his subjects?" Jo looked up into his clear blue eyes and saw them wrinkle up into a smile.
"Nope, unfortunately the subjects would revolt, and as two of them are Rae and Cheryl I'm not prepared to face the consequences!" He kissed her gently on the lips and then began to climb out of bed, leaving the covers in a heap by the footboard.
"Chicken!" Jo laughed as her husband, wearing very little other than a smile, began to impersonate the bird on his way to the shower room.
Thirty minutes later Jo, Steve and Daniel were sitting waiting for their breakfast when the phone rang in the hallway. Michael had been on his way into the morning room with the toast and so Daniel got up and took it from him so the butler could answer the phone.
"Good morning, Sloan residence … speaking … yes, that's right … oh, I see … yes, yes, I quite understand …" Michael kept on speaking and listening and, as they ate their breakfast, Steve and Jo knew that the news, whatever it was, wasn't good.
"Madam, Sir, if I might have a word with you when you have completed your breakfast?" Michael had finished his call and looked his usual calm unflappable self, but all of them knew that there was something wrong, and Jo nodded her head in agreement.
"You don't need to wait, now is just fine."
"Very good, Madam, thank you. That was my brother on the phone, Madam, it appears that my mother has suffered a stroke and is seriously ill. I am led to believe that she is unlikely to survive much longer than maybe a week, and so I was wondering …"
"Go, take all the time you need, an' don't come back until you are good an' ready." Jo had stood up as soon as Michael had mentioned his mother. "The plane is just sittin' at the airport gatherin' dust, I'll put a call through an' have it fueled up an' waitin' for you."
"That isn't necessary, Madam, I can get a scheduled flight to London quite easily."
"Nonsense, I won't hear of it, now go, scoot an' pack a bag, an' remember, don't come back until you are ready."
"Thank you, Madam, you are very generous." Michael looked a little overcome by the situation as if he wasn't sure what to do next.
"I have an appointment with Gilbert this mornin' so I will run Daniel to school, I'll take you to the airport an' then go on an' see Mr. Sholte. An' don't even try to argue yourself out of that one." Jo had her hands on her hips and a half smile on her face. Michael nodded his acquiescence and made his way towards his own quarters.
"I don't think I ever thought about M having a family." Daniel shook his head before taking a mouthful of his toast.
"To be honest neither did I." Steve smiled but he felt badly for the Englishman. He had lost his own mom far too early in his life, but at least he had been around to help care for her, to sit and talk with her, and to say goodbye, he hoped that Michael wouldn't be denied the chance to do the same things.
ooo
Rae stood in the shower just after seven thirty and tried to get her mind into work mode. She hadn't spoken very much with Jesse after Anneya had woken the night before, at least not about anything vital. They had discussed how the day would go on the Friday and it had been decided that Jesse would take Eliana to school and Anneya to Sally's as he wasn't starting until nine and Rae wanted to get in as early as possible.
Jesse was still asleep in one of the guest rooms, and there was no noise from the nursery so Rae made her way down the stairs and into the kitchen. She had dressed for comfort more than style and hoped that she wouldn't be called anywhere she needed to be smart and enthusiastic.
The house was still silent as she wrote a note for her husband and then quietly stole out of the front door and over to her car. She was still using a pool vehicle, and every time she saw it she wanted to get rid of it, but it took time to buy a new car, and that was something she didn't have a lot of right now.
Rae drew out into the traffic at the end of her road and slowed to a halt in a line of cars waiting at a red light. As she looked around her she tried to work out in what order she would organize her day. Rae had to admit she had been surprised that the Chief hadn't contacted her, he had been insistent that she follow through on his wife's case, and she hadn't done anything with it since. Rae had decided that a call to Barbados as soon as she got to the station would probably be a good thing; she could then let the Chief know whether or not his son was still on vacation, and if he wasn't then she and Steve could travel up to Santa Barbara, either over the weekend or on the Monday.
The traffic was reasonably heavy but it seemed to keep moving and before Rae really knew it she was parking her car and walking into the station. Alison was on the desk and Rae smiled and waved as she passed by, then she ran up the stairs, trying not to remember that she had almost collapsed on them the last time she was at work. She made herself a cup of herbal tea and grabbed her mail out of the tray on her desk and began to go through it.
There was nothing very exciting and a little over ten minutes after she started her first task of the day Rae had completed the job and was reading through the information on Callum Edwards to find the hotel telephone number in Barbados.
ooo
Matthew was surprised to find himself waking up in his apartment, it had been a while since he remembered being in control and now he wasn't sure if he wanted to even exist any more. He had always been the voice of reason, the calming influence, not because he was strong and brave but because he was a total coward. He had, on a couple of occasions, managed to pull Dominic away from a potential victim, had pointed out, somehow, that she was too short, too tall, too something, so that his alter ego lost interest, but last night, last night had been different, it had been too soon, too quickly after Lucy, the rituals hadn't even been completed and Dominic had killed again. There had never been a set time between kills, they had gone out when the mood took them, and he had hidden inside of Dominic and let him get on with it, for the most part not even knowing what happened. But last night had been different, the whole thing had made him disappear even deeper inside, but still he knew exactly what had transpired, and he knew that it was only a matter of time before he never came out again.