Birth of a Beast

Gasping, panting, dripping with sweat
I pushed once more at the command of nurse Simonette
"Just the head now, almost there
Do exactly what I say this must be done
With great care!"
I did as she bid
Crossed myself and hoped it wasn't dead
Gave one last push, then the pain ceased
But instead of hearing my baby crying
I heard the nurse sighing,
"Go fetch the priest
This one has the face of the dead!"
When the priest arrived, he came alone
Apparently the servant girl had absconded
I knew the priest had seen many terrible things
Yet when he looked into the cradle, added to my pain
He recoiled with shock
How would we be able to let this one run amok!
I was going to name my son, Charles
After my late husband, but now that was absurd
I begged the priest
To baptize him with his own name
For the love of Christ
The priest looked at me with a questioning stare
Probably wondering what amount of sanity was left there
But did as I said
Then laid my son next to me on my bed
"Learn to love him as God does."
Collecting his lantern and cloak
Gave me one last look
Then left, leaving me with my son
Oh Lord! What have I done?
What horrible sin did I commit?
What do you want me to admit?
That one time when he kicked me with such violence
I called him a little beast for his defiance
Mademoiselle Perrault said I must be careful
But I said nonsense
You wouldn't be listening to the faithful
Don't you think I've suffered enough?
The death of my husband and parents,
Now this is too much!
I remembered how once Charles had held my wedding ring
Over my swollen abdomen on a cotton string
Declared that it would be a baby boy
That would give us much joy
Oh! How I long for that dream to come true
Replace this monster that has come out of the blue!
During this time, not once has he cried
Maybe he has died
However when I looked down
I gave a worried frown
For the bundle had taken a deep breath
Let out a seducing wail that pierced my chest
With an intense longing to hold him to my breast
But once his wails ceased
My longing turned into hate
For this horrid thing seemed to be my fate
I quickly dashed him away
I wanted Charles back today!
I need him to hold me tight
And tell me that everything will be alright
I ran into the farthest corner and cowered
Plugged my ears in case he hollered
Squeezed my eyes tight
I realized I couldn't fight
I couldn't stay like this forever
I didn't wish to become a recluse, not ever!
After awhile, I slowly gathered enough courage
To face the lifeless bundle that just laid there
Not realizing what a cruel life it would have
For his mother was used to popularity
Not prepared for anything as terrible as this

At first I thought he was dead
But suddenly he moved, filling me with dread
Fearing that piercing wail
That would make even the devil cry in hell
But he merely stretched
Resumed his peaceful slumber
I picked him up
Tried not to look at his deformed face
And placed him into the cradle
That dear Charles had made for him
I left that room
Sat down at my loom
And began to fashion the first garment
That he would ever wear
A mask
His Terrible Childhood
As long as Erik wore his mask
Which thank go he did without complaint
I was able to tolerate his presence
In fact, I hardly paid attention to him
Only to feed and change him
Sasha kept him company
Though Marie often fretted at the prospect
Of letting a dog near a baby
Saying "He will think she's his mother!"
I would simply reply, "I wouldn't be surprised
If all the attention is simply because she thinks
It is my pet rat!"
At this, she always end the argument
For she knew that it was useless to pursue
When I was in that kind of mood

Unfortunately, news travels fast
Marie and the Priest became my only companions
I was no longer welcome anywhere
Yet, every Sunday, though I dreaded it
I attended mass, my head held high
Ignored the cold stares from the parishoners
Prayed with the rest of the community
Though I often thought about leaving
I realized we wouldn't have any place to go
I was lucky that I had the Priest and Marie on my side
If I were to move, I would risk our lives!

My son surprised me everyday, though I didn't admit it
He would display a new talent, skill, knowledge,
Way beyond that of his years
I tried to ignore it a first
But Marie always insisted on showing me
Proof that he wasn't going to be an idiot
One day, in fact, she tugged me away from the kitchen
Though I argued fiercely that my cakes would burn
She was determined to show what he had learned
We stopped outside his room and listened to the bells
Played by a lonely child neglected by his mother
But presently, I distinguished a tune
That was repeated several times over and over
Then gracefully switching into another
This wasn't a coincidence!
This child was going to be a genius!
Feeling myself go red with shame
I turned my flushing face away
Muttered something about my cakes burning
But what I really wanted to do
Was get out of there
Before she could see the tears of shame
Coursing down my cheeks

One night, during a rather loud thunderstorm
I couldn't find Sasha
Who by all rights
Should have been hiding under my bed
Suddenly I heard a loud crash
That came from Erik's room
With half my heart heavy
And the other half filled with hope
I slowly walked into his room
His crib was turned on its side
And Sasha was pawing at a trembling bundle
I watched in mute horror as she dragged it across the room
When I finally got my voice, I feebly said
"Sasha! Sasha! Leave it alone! Leave it alone!"
Even as I said these words
I stayed rooted in my spot.
Sasha reluctantly came to my side
Then I heard a great cry
"S..A..S..H..A, SA..SH..A, Sasha, Sasha!"
It was the first word I had ever heard him say!
I watched in fascination as he crawled over
Pulled himself up by grabbing a fistful of her hair,
Touched her on the nose, and repeated her name
I couldn't take it any longer
I straightened his crib, tossed him in
Grabbed Sasha and locked her in my room

I soon discovered that he would be a fast learner
By the age of two, he could read
With amazing clarity
The Bible, and sing like
A god from the heavens
But the one thing he fought
Was improving the way he wrote
No matter how many times I tried
To beat him into submission
He refused to learn in absolute stubbornness
After awhile, I gave up
He knew so much more
That took scholars years to learn
That it seemed pointless to scold him for something
So petty

I had to constantly keep him supplied with paper
Otherwise, I would find his designs
Lovingly carved into the woodwork.
I tried taking all knives and other sharp objects
Out of his reach
But when my silver needlework scissors disappeared
And despite the fact that I beat him until I was afraid of causing
Serious damage
He refused to tell me where they were.
It was at that point where it occurred to me
That he made things seem right
Even if it was wrong
It frustrated me to no limits
The priest said it was most likely
That all he needed was some preaching
But no matter that he spent
Days, weeks, months preaching
Erik didn't get it.

From day one
Marie, Father, and I all agreed
That it would be a grave mistake
To take Erik outside into the world
So he had to be school taught
Even though my father had taught me
Enough geometry equal to that of a man's knowledge
Erik was soon way beyond it, computing formulas I didn't understand
Even when he spent
Several hours patiently trying to explain
I still couldn't comprehend it
Soon Marie and the priest insisted
That I find him a better tutor
One that would fit one of his main interests
Architecture
So I agreed to see a friend of the priest
When the man arrived, however,
I got the impression
That he wasn't here on a mission
Only for a good time, not business
After his second whiskey
And two hours of conversation about his family,
I asked him if he had heard about Erik.