The overseer had been called away to attend upon the lord, Pius Primus, who resided in a rather palatial manor in the major metropolis. In fact Pius Primus owned many villas, the least of which was Fecunda, however he was loathe to set foot in this back water. A visit to the largest city in the area might provide some information or perhaps even the location of the Stargate, so Jack tried but failed to be one of the slaves accompanying Cletus. After a particular difficult day with the overseer's second-in-command, Crassus, and a sweltering night, the inability to sleep had Sam and Jack feeling testy. Sam started to vent some of her frustrations.
"We need to get back; we have to find a way."
"Don't you think I've been trying?"
"The SGC needs us."
"Don't you think that's a bit egotistical? Do you really think the world will spin off its axis if we never get back?"
"Don't you want to get back? Are you happy here living the happy-go-lucky life of a slave."
"That's not what I said. Someone will take our place, in your case, maybe nowhere near as smart, in mine with better knees but no one is irreplaceable; we are not the center of the universe."
"But your wrong, each point in the universe is the center."
"And when we get back, and we will, do we have to resume these lives of being absolutely indispensable? Can I retire and let some one younger and brighter take that role or will you only be happy if I continue to give up everything and die with my boots on so the rest of the world can sleep soundly. They have had more than their share of a pound of my flesh and I'm just damned tired. Maybe just used up. I don't know anymore if I have anything left to give. And I'm beginning to wonder why. So some one else can have a life? What about me, Carter? What about you? What about…?"
He walked out into the night alone, the word 'us' caught in his throat. Half hour later she
came out to find him.
"I couldn't function if I didn't trust others at the SGC, if I didn't know that they were
competent and dedicated. I need to know and trust those who are at my back, and that
has always been you."
"Sam, it's time for me to give way to the young. It's time for me to allow them to succeed, for them to lead. That's what they are doing right now."
"But we need you."
"No, you need…it's time, time for some one else. Contrary to popular belief, I'm not that egotistical."
He brought his hand up and almost touched her face but stopped and biting his lower lip turned away. She realized he was talking about more than just the SGC and she began to realize just how deeply she had hurt him. She walked after him and touched his arm.
"You're wrong about that."
"You think that I think the world revolves around me?"
"You're wrong about who and what I need."
"I use to think I knew."
"I was the one who lost track. I was the one who couldn't wait, who was desperate for more."
"Why didn't you say something?"
"How the hell was I supposed to start that conversation? And when? Oh wait a minute I did try but you wouldn't hear it; you always cut me off. You always 'knew'."
"Maybe I was a fool."
"And maybe this is the only opportunity we'll ever have."
A cooling breeze blew in from the west and with it the threat of rain. Then she smiled
lighten the charged atmosphere. "You know what they say about opportunity when it
arises."
"You should… what… run like hell."
As the first drops fell she faced him and her fears.
"Aren't you tired of running away, tired of all the missed opportunities, the lost chances?
What if tomorrow doesn't come?"
"That's what I was saying, Sam, I tired. Don't know how much I've got left."
"Enough for today? Enough for me?"
"I honestly don't know. I know I won't fight him for you. You, you're the one that has to make the decision, you have to know what you want out of life."
"I want someone to love me for myself. I want to be able to let you know how I feel. Sometimes I want to strangle you, you make me so angry and sometimes I could cry because of the things that have happened. But for years I've had to ignore or sublimate my feelings. Don't get that vacant look in you eye – you know what I'm talking about. I don't want that anymore. I don't want substitutions or illusions and I don't want to wait, not any more."
She began to cry and laugh sardonically at the same time "I'm I too damned late; missed the boat; screwed the pooch; are things too fucked up to ever work for us?"
They were now getting soaked and she shivered. He led her into the cottage.
"We've made a mess of this haven't we. I should have said something, should have
resigned for you, for us."
"I should have…"
"No, Sam, no more tonight." He goosed up the fire and made a cup of tea while she slipped on a dry shift. She sat beside him sharing the mug of tea. He put his arm around and she leaned into him. She finally stood to go to bed, the air lighter and breezier but her heart still heavy but not without hope.
SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
She turned round slowly, the gown fluttering at her ankles.
"This is the shift you bought for me. Did I ever tell you how beautiful it is; how beautiful
it made me feel."
He stood slowly, took a step toward her with a gentle smile on his face.
"You need nothing to make you beautiful."
His fingers gently gliding across her collar bone, tracing a path from the hollow of her throat to her shoulder, and on the last sweep dragged the delicate strap off her shoulder. His other hand then traced those same motions on the other side. Her hands were lightly touching his chest so that the straps hung at her elbows, and the front of the gown clung to her breasts. He then ran his hands down her arms sweeping the straps down past her finger tips. It floated down and puddle at her feet.
He looked deeply, lovingly into her eyes – they flashed bright light as she raised her arm to strike him down, plunging her fingers into his chest to rip out his bleeding heart.
He woke up desperately trying to get his breathe; his body overloaded with testosterone and adrenaline.