BULMA:
"Dun, dun, dun-dun, dun, dun, dun-dun, dun, dun, dun-dun, dun!" Vegeta sang loudly down the hall.
"What are you doing now?" I asked with a roll of my eyes.
"Dun-dun, dun, dun, dun-dun!" he continued to hum the wedding song.
"Vegeta!" I yelled.
"Dun, dun-!" I interrupted.
"Stop that!"
"Don't you want to know why I'm humming?" He asked with a quirked eyebrow.
"Yes! What are you doing?" I asked again.
"Wilston is to be married today. And I have taken the liberty of inviting everyone I can stand!" Then he marched off, "Dun, dun, dun…."
My mouth hung open. "You invited everyone to come and see your duck get married?! To who?!" I called after him, but he was already half way down the hall.
I chased after him, until I came into the living room. There were many flowers and frilly things hung all around the room. And they seemed to be there on purpose.
"Who put all this here?" I asked.
"I did." Vegeta answered as he put up some more ribbon.
"Why?"
"Because Wilston told me to." He answered and pointed to the duck that was sitting on the couch in a tiny tuxedo that looked adorable.
Next to him, was a girl that I recognized as our next door neighbor. "Nanari, did you agree to marry Vegeta's duck?"
"Nanari?!" Vegeta asked spinning around. "You were suppose to be Sono!"
"She's sick today, I'm filling in." Nanari answered with a shrug.
"Okay, whatever. Wilston doesn't have a problem, so neither do I." Vegeta turned back to putting up some more stuff. "You wouldn't happen to have a tux I could borrow, huh Bulma?"
"Why would I have a tux you could borrow? I'm a girl, you know!"
"Oh yeah… well do you know where I could get one?"
I sighed. "There's one in your closet upstairs."
He nodded. "Trunks! Bra! Are you ready yet?!"
Trunks came down first. He had on a black tuxedo with cufflinks and everything. He looked very unhappy. "Dad, why do we have to do this? Wilston is a duck. Don't you think it would make more sense to marry him to a duck?"
"None of them are good enough for him! He is a prince you know." Vegeta answered.
Bra came down next. She was in a bride's maid's outfit. It was pink and purple with like frillies that I knew she didn't like all over it.
"Did your father pick out those outfits for you?" I asked.
They both shook their head. "No, Grandma did."
I rolled my eyes. I should have known.
"And here's yours!" Vegeta said and handed it to me. It was the exact same one as Bra's.
"How did you know my size?"
"I read it off the Internet from some guy… I mean! From your closet." He grinned.
I gave him a suspicious look, and then headed to the bedroom. I'll play along with this… 'Wedding' for a while… But I don't think he can legally do this!
I changed into the poofy dress. It was terribly ugly. But, I don't think Vegeta even really noticed.
Then I went to the computer to see if he can really marry a human to a duck. I also looked up if the duck's best interest counted, and if a little girl can be married without a parent signing.
I looked for a long time, and it turns out he can do this. He can marry a duck to a human. And since the particular human is older then 13, then she has the choice to be married or not. Had it been another human, then she would have needed a parent signature.
But then I thought, was there a law that the duck had to be a certain age? I looked it up, and it turned out, by some wacky twisted rule, that the duck did have to be old enough. Or have a guardian with him at the wedding.
I rushed off to tell Vegeta this.
"I'm already way ahead of you, Bulma!" He pointed to the table. "Wilston's mom and dad!"
I looked at him dully. "Vegeta, that's a goose, and a chicken."
"Adoptive parents!" he cried.
"Do they have legal rights to him?!" I yelled. Jeez, I was fighting with my husband over the well being of a stupid duck. This has to be the dumbest thing we've fought over yet.
No, wait. There was that one time when we fought over what to fight about. And that time we fought about weather hot dogs should be microwaved inside the bag to keep in the flavor or to be opened so that they don't explode. Now that was the dumbest thing we ever fought over.
Anyway, back to the duck thing. "Vegeta, you can't just pick up any old birds and say that they are Wilston's parents! Technically, he thinks you're his parent." I shouldn't have told him that.
"You're right! I'll go have Bra go print up some legal documents so the wedding can go on!" he started to walk off.
"But if you get them, then he won't have to be married in the first place! You're only doing this so you can keep him hear at the house!"
He paused for a moment. "Can't I just have the wedding anyway? I mean this thing already coasts close to a half a million dollars!"
"What?!" I cried. "What could you have possibly spent half a million dollars on?!"
"Well, there was all the decorations, the outfits, and then I had to get them a honey-moon, and then I needed a stripper for the bachelor party, and…"
"You hired a stripper?!" I asked, almost ready to just take him back to Goku's house.
"No… of… course not…" he said, his eyes darting away from me for an instant.
I sighed. He used to be such a calm person. Well, not calm. More like always-angry psycho with mood swing issues. But he was my always-angry psycho with mood swing issues… guy!
"Vegeta, I can't let you live like this!" I cried and hugged him.
"I know you always cry at weddings, Bulma, but it hasn't even started yet! So just sit right back," he let me to the couch and sat be down. "And hear a tail, and tail of a fateful ship. It started on this tropic isle, abroad this tiny ship." Before I knew it, he was singing the Giligan's Isle song to me.
I just stared as he finished. "Here on Giligan's Isle! There, do you feel better?" he asked, cocking head to one side innocently.
"No!" I wailed and cried on his shoulder.
"There, there… here, but this on you're head." He handed me a paper bag.
"Why?"
"So no one will see you're tears of joy." He answered gravely and stood. He walked over; no he floated over to the stairs. There was something to his walk that was a little funny. It was like a woman's walk… only more masculine. Like a gay man's walk!
I shook my head. He's just a little crazy right now. If I get him his gloves back, then he'll be saved!
Only one problem though… I forgot where I put them!
I scrabbled to my feet, and headed up to the bedroom. They had to be there somewhere!
VEGETA:
"Um, Mr. Crazy guy?" Nanari asked. I figured that was me, because I was the only other person in the room.
I turned and looked at her.
"Wilston swallowed the ring…"
"Oh great! Not again! Now I have to get another one! Come with me!" I walked out of the house with her behind me.
We went to the drug store on the corner of the block. I took out a quarter from my pocket and put it into the candy machine. I turned the knob, and out popped a ring in a plastic case.
"These rings are made of candy?!" Nanari asked in shock.
"I'm not made of money you know!" I cried and we headed back to the house.
Back at the house, I made sure to keep the ring away from Wilston. "Ring swallower!" I yelled at him.
He looked at me and peeped.
I rolled my eyes. He was such a baby sometimes.
I had to find Bra now to print up some documents.
"Daddy, that crazy. I can't just print out some legal documents for you! I wouldn't even know what to put on it!"
"Just put, 'Vegeta is Wilson's legal guardian, so there.'"
She turned to the computer to look it up. "Uh, it looks like it has to be a certain number of words…"
"Oh well, just put this there until the words match up." I typed something on the computer.
She blushed. "Um, okay…"
I left her alone for a while, while she typed that up.
I had to find someone to be the ring barrier. I need someone young and cute. Me! No wait, I've already got a job!
Let's see… Marron! No, she's a girl…
Huh… I guess we have no cute, young boys around anymore. How about someone that looks young, and hot! Me! No! I already have a job!
Uh… hmmm.
I have to find Bulma now. I opened the door to our bedroom, and hardly noticed that it was in shambles. She had literally torn the place apart.
"Bulma," I said.
She jumped, banding her head on the bed she was underneath. "What?" she asked, annoyed.
"I need a young, hot boy to be the ring barer, but I can't think of anyone."
She looked at me as though I was mad.
"Well, okay, I did think of me, but I already have a job!"
She blinked slowly. "Did you try Brad Pitt?"
"Why him?"
"Because, he's dreamy!" she said with a dazed look.
I cocked an eyebrow. He will be on my next hit list. Kill Brad Pitt, so I will once again be the hottest man alive!
"Do you know Brad Pitt?" I asked instead of telling her my plan.
"Well…no. But I wanted to marry him before I met you! Does that count? Anyway, how about you use… uh… Yamcha!"
"Too old!"
"Tien?"
"Even older!"
"Chiaozu?"
"Too… yes! He's perfect! Thanks Bulma!" I ran over to the phone and dialed the number.
"Hello?" Tien asked like he'd never spoken on a phone before. "Are you a telemarketer? Because if you are, I'm hanging up!"
"Can I talk to Chiaozu? I need to ask him a favor."
"Vegeta?"
"What?"
"Okay, I guess…" some shuffling went on in the background before Chiaozu picked up.
"Hello?" he asked in his high voice.
"I need you to be the ring barer at Wilston's wedding!" I cried quickly.
"Really? Wow! Sure I'll do it!"
"Thanks!" I hung up and turned to Bulma. Her mouth was wide open.
"I didn't think he'd say yes!" she told me.
I shrugged. "Good things come to bossy people. Just look at you for instance!"
"That analogy didn't even fit with what I said! And what do you mean I'm bossy?!" I rolled my eyes. Now to see how Bra was doing.
BULMA:
Vegeta was over doing this a bit. He's always been a little crazy, but not like this. Not like this!
He was gone from the room for only a few minutes, before he returned, and showed me a piece of paper.
I read it allowed. " 'Vegeta Brief is the Legal Guardian of Wilston Duck, so there. S-' Vegeta! All it says after that is 'Screw Kakorot' over and over!"
"Nu-uh! Right there is says 'Skewer Kakorot'!" he pointed to the seconded to the last word. "But that's just a typo."
I sighed, and handed the papers back to him. "Why are you doing this?"
"I just want Wilston to be happy…" he said, his eyes darting away from me.
"Did it ever occur to you that Wilston may not want to get married?" I asked.
He thought for a moment. "Hmm…. No." then he marched off again, humming that stupid song.
I sighed again. There just had to be a way to stop this wedding! So, I did the only thing I could. I called the one person I knew could stop this no matter what, and not let emotion get in the way.
"Hello? Piccolo? Yeah, I need you're help."
Within minutes, he was at the front door.
"What's this I hear about a wedding?" he asked.
I explained to him what the whole stupid thing was about, and how he would have to stop it.
He thought for a moment. "Well, the only way to stop Vegeta when he's set on doing something crazy, which is often, is bribery. All we have to do is…." He started to mutter some stuff to me quietly.
"What? Do what? I can't hear you!" I complained.
He sighed. "Forget it. I'll do it myself." He then set off to do only God knows what.
I blinked at his retreating form. Then I smelt something burning. Thinking quickly, I put together the clues.
"Vegeta's making a wedding cake…. Duh." I started off to the kitchen in the unforgivingly poofy dress.
When I got there, I found him trying to the do that exactly, but he wasn't using the oven.
"You can't cook that over the stove!" I yelled at him, and turned off the flame underneath it.
"But… I didn't know how to turn on the oven, and this seemed like a better idea." He smiled brightly. No, it was more like the smile of an insane man instead.
It looked like a pancake, which was cooked on one side, burnt by the way, and still gooey on the top. "You can't even cook a pancake right!"
Trunks came into the room. "What's cooking?"
"Guess!" I showed him the pan.
He looked at it for a moment, "Was dad making taco salad again?" he asked innocently.
I rolled my eyes. "Get out of here, both of you!"
"But Wilston needs a cake!" Vegeta whined, stamping his foot like a three-year-old. "I refuse to move until I see a cake!" he crossed his arms.
"Fine! I'll make you're cake! Why don't you go check on the Prince?" I asked, just to get him out of the room.
"But I'm right here… oh! You mean Wilston!" he cried and sped out of the room.
I was about to yell at Trunks too, but he had left at the words, 'I'll make you're cake'.
It was literally about two minutes after I got started, when I hear an ear-splitting yelp of agony. Then the sound of feet running around upstairs was heard, coming my way. I had a feeling I was about to figure out what happened.
And sure enough, Vegeta burst into the room, panting, and looking as pale as a ghost. "Wilston's gone!" he shrieked.