Come Clean

by shabizzle

I hate rainy days. They always come right when everything sucks. They always come right after a fight. Or a breakup. Or a lonely day. Or a day without you.

I hate rainy days

Let's go back
Back to the beginning
Back to when the earth, the sun, the stars all aligned

They always come right when everything sucks. They always come right after a fight. Or a breakup. Or a lonely day. Or a day without you. Which is strange, because it's almost metaphorical. That's so cliché – but its true…a day without you is like a day without sunshine. Which is why it always rains when you're gone.

'Cause perfect didn't feel so perfect
Trying to fit a square into a circle
Was no life
I defy

I admit, I've made some mistakes, but none as big as the day I let you go. When I think back on all the fun we had, all the games we went to see, all the late nights watching movies with ice ream in our jammies, I never thought I'd lose you.

Let the rain fall down
And wake my dreams
Let it wash away
My sanity
'Cause I wanna feel the thunder
I wanna scream
Let the rain fall down
I'm coming clean, I'm coming clean

But, I did. And you moved on. And I moved on. At least, I pretended to…I still had nights where I missed you, where I thought about everything we had, and how it was never coming back. About my mistake.

I'm shedding
Shedding every color
Trying to find a pigment of truth
Beneath my skin

I really didn't mean to, it really wasn't my fault. I couldn't help it, and neither could you. And I think that's what bugged you the most…that there was something in the world you couldn't control, or fix. You couldn't kiss everything better, so you walked.

'Cause different
Doesn't feel so different
And going out is better
Then always staying in
Feel the wind

I just wanted to say I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything I ever put you through, I'm just sorry. For the pain I caused, for everything, and nothing. For you, but for me. Because the only way I can truly move on is if I apologize. For everything I've ever done, to anyone. But do I really want to move on?

Let the rain fall down
And wake my dreams
Let it wash away
My sanity
'Cause I wanna feel the thunder
I wanna scream
Let the rain fall down
I'm coming clean, I'm coming clean

I keep asking myself, why do I always get this feeling that I'm trying to hold onto something, grasping it tightly, yet it always slips away.

I'm coming clean
Let the rain fall
Let the rain fall
I'm coming...

Last night I had that dream again. You know, the one where I'm hanging tightly from a parachute with only a few fingers and I slip? I always wake up right before I hit the ground…but this time, I grabbed it. I don't know what it means, but I grabbed it and held on, so tightly, and it worked. I didn't die this time, It all came back to me. I hit the ground nicely, and when the parachute deflated, underneath it was you.

Let the rain fall down
And wake my dreams
Let it wash away
My sanity
'Cause I wanna feel the thunder
I wanna scream
Let the rain fall down
I'm coming clean, I'm coming clean

I hear a knock on my front door. I have to wrench myself away from staring out the windowsill, and actually go and answer it. I look through the peep hole, and I can't believe what I see. I open the door cautiously, as it what was waiting was a viscious tiger, waiting to attack. I look at you, soaking wet, form the rain. You give me the tiniest of tiny looks. You look at me as if you had done something wrong. I can't help but let my guard down. You look up at me with those, big, puppydog eyes, and whisper "I'm sorry…I'm so, so sorry". At that moment everything is okay again. You're back, and I love that you're back. I will never make that mistake again. And I thought I was the one that had to be sorry…

Let's go back
Back to the beginning