Being a tale of lost love and redemption, betrayal and forgiveness.
Written on December 21st by Misao7.
All rights to Takahashi Rumiko and Shuiesha Corp.
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The field was familiar enough. He remembered everything they'd done there, the long talks, the peace he'd found. It had been their sanctuary, a place nobody would go and discover the love between miko and hanyou. That would be their downfall. Naraku knew of the place, and when the betrayal finally came about, that was where he had found her.
It seemed fate enjoyed toying with them to no end. He had followed a saimyosho, a testament to her lost soul, and came to this place, where she had been waiting for him, just like that day it had all come crashing down. She was there, standing in the field with her bow and arrow beside her, just the same as she had been when that first talk came about. He had been flustered by their contact. She had been ice-cold, just like she was now. She had not changed. He had. He was confident now, and no longer did he find himself needing to say something.
The wind rustled in the trees overhead as he stood beside her. Her face was a mask as usual. His was troubled. They both knew this would come about, but nothing could prepare them for when it happened.
They sat in silence for a few painful moments, each with a thousand thoughts swirling through their heads, each wanting to say it all, yet both wanting to keep their mouths silent. He spoke first, just like it had been the last time, when they were younger.
"Kikyo…I know why you called me here today…"
"Go on." Her voice was indifferent. A sharp pang of regret cut to Inuyasha's heart-he had been the one to freeze her heart again.
"You wanted to talk, didn't you? We both know there are things that we need to sort out before we can go on."
The tension in the air was insurmountable. Kikyo remained silent. Inuyasha tried again.
"I…I know you died hating me…that was Naraku's fault, but it was mine too. You knew the dangers-"
"What dangers, Inuyasha?" Kikyo finally spoke again. Her voice quavered, if only a little. "I loved you. You were strange, different, but I loved you all the same. Is love dangerous?"
Inuyasha fought for control of himself. Just like last time. Just like last time. "Naraku used me to get to you. He wanted the Shikon no Tama, and we gave it to him the day we…we…"
The wind rustled again, moving the grass in shifting patterns. They were both silent. This was more painful than they had thought.
"I still love you, Inuyasha."
The hanyou looked up, shocked. "N-Nani-"
"But it's not that kind of love. Not like…Kagome's." Her mouth was forming something of a smile. "No. I love you because you loved me too. Not like Onigumo. He didn't love me; he lusted after me. You loved me for who I was."
Inuyasha was getting angry. He could feel the anger swirling in him like a demon trying to get out. "Kuso. Kuso! It wasn't enough, was it?" He clenched his fists, ground his teeth. "Naraku still found a way to get in! You still died, you still hated me…"
They were silent while Inuyasha calmed down. When he looked up again Kikyo was silently crying, a sliver of a tear trickling down her face, barely visible.
"Wha-"
"I'm not the one to comfort you." Kikyo seemed to steel herself. "I can't be the one to love you anymore. That's…her. Kagome." She looked back at Inuyasha, and he could feel a tide of emotions reaching out to him, lulling him. There was that stormy, wintry day he had helped her throughthe seemingly tenfeet of snow. There was the day she and he had fought to save Kaede, though she lost her eye in the end. So many things. So many pieces. She loved him. She still loved him.
Did he love her?
"Kikyo-I-I love Kagome."
"I know."
"But…I-I think…I love you too." Inuyasha bent down, trying his best to shield his face from her. "Not-Not like it is with Kagome, but…I…I know I still love you."
"I know."
The silence between them felt like a great rift. The tidal wave of emotion was still there.
"Inuyasha…"
"Hai?"
She turned to him and placed a familiar hand on his shoulder. "Go, now. She's waiting."
"Kikyo-you-"
She silenced him with a finger on his lips. "She's yours now. I was too, but that's in the past." The ghost of a sad smile played on her mouth. "Even though, in the end, you were the one to kill me, and even though I can never have you-"
She leaned forward and planted a kiss on his cheek. "I'm so glad I did love you."
Then she was gone, followed by her saimyosho, her bow on her left shoulder and her quiver of arrows on her right. She was walking away from him, from their past, from their present, from the future that could've been.
He was grateful, he discovered, touching the spot on his cheek where the kiss still lingered. There was so much between them. He knew without a doubt that he would always love her. And she-she did love him.
But no matter what, he couldn't reach out and take her again. They had both changed, been through too much, done too much to be happy together.
"It…it won't be the same." He whispered to the wind as it carried his voice down the field, hopefully to his lost love. "It was all Naraku." His eyes closed, painfully tight. "We could've been, if it wasn't for him. If you weren't the miko-" He breathed out and basked in the warm sun overhead. "But…"
He ran forward a few steps. "Kikyo!" He called.
She stopped.
"I-I-"
Slowly, she turned. Her face was the mask again, the mask he had made.
"I'm glad…I'm glad I loved you too...and…gods…Kikyo, I'm so sorry."
The sad smile played on her lips. Her eyes revealed a wave of emotion, reaching out for him.
She turned, away from him, but the words she said next were plain for him to hear.
"I'm sorry too."
And then it was over. She walked further and further away from him, bringing a piece of him with her. She would always be with him, and him with her, but they would never be together. This was the path they had chosen, the path that had to be. Miko and hanyou would never be together.
Inuyasha stood, heart clenching, looking after her, watching the saimyosho weave a pattern of death. It was all his fault. If he hadn't loved her, if he hadn't gotten so close to her-
There was no use trying to take back what wasn't there. She forgave him, and he forgave her, and that was the end of it. They were at peace. There was to be no more hard feelings between them, which was just fine-his memories were the best of her he had.
'Maybe we're deceiving ourselves.' He thought. 'Maybe we're lying to ourselves, but…I much prefer my memories to her reality. I'll meet her again, I'm sure of it…but…'
At that moment, a voice cut through to his conscience, a bell clear through his head.
"Inuyasha?" Footsteps. It was Kagome.
He did not move. She was tentative.
"Inuyasha…did you…"
The silence was painful again. He couldn't take it.
"Yeah." He slowly turned back to her, a comforting smile on his lips. "We…we're done."
She was worried, he could tell.
"Inuyasha…I'm sorry…"
"What for?"
Her head was bowed. "I'm not Kikyo."
Inuyasha resisted the urge to laugh. "Don't worry…I like you, for who you are."
"But you love Kikyo too."
"Yeah." He said quietly. "Kago-chan, I'll always love Kikyo. But I love you more." He moved to her, held her in his arms, held her warmth. "I love you."
She hugged him back, and it was all right. It would be all right. He had made Kago-chan smile again.
'Maybe we're deceiving ourselves. Maybe we're lying to ourselves, but…I much prefer my memories to her reality. I'll meet her again, I'm sure of it…but…
'This…this is our resolution.'
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A/N: Whoo! That was fun. I'm just churning these things out, aren't I?
Well anyway, this is just like all the rest of the Inu/Kik moving on fics, but I tried to make mine inherently different. Kikyo still loves Inuyasha, and he loves her too, but it's not like soul mate love, it's been-through-a-lot love, and though he'll be with Kagome, he'll always think of Kikyo with happiness and love, instead of the way she is now. This, I think, is how they will resolve things.
Thank you for reading.
-Misao7