Chapter 13: Santa Claus Is Coming To Town! :D
"Anyway, we entered our Christmas tree for the contest," Stella remarked as she looked at the finished tree. It literally looked as if a professional team had decorated it. "Maybe we might win... The prize is our Christmas tree in the newspaper and a visit from Santa Claus."
"A visit from Santa Claus? What the hell?" Number 1 began laughing, too.
Stella giggled. "'Santa Claus' is going to be asking the whole party of winners and bringing one of them what they want when he visits them on Thursday. I got a few things in mind..." She flashed her silver eyes.
"Santa, Santa, I want a pony!" Mike and Number 1 chanted in high-pitched girlish voices.
"Attention all contestants!" an announcer announced through a microphone. "The judges will now go see all of the Christmas trees!"
The judges began looking at all of the trees. They seemed to like the tree the Bad Ham girls decorated. The girls blushed after they were complimented how nicely they had done.
About thirty minutes later, the announcer came onto the microphone again. "Would everyone please come to the center stage?"
The Bad Hams walked together to the center stage. Mike held tightly onto Stella's paw with one paw and wrapped his other arm around her shoulders. Roger and Becky also held paws, and so did Number 1 and Kayla. Caitlin watched them while silently muttering curses under her breath.
"And the winners that will get their Christmas tree showcased in the daily newspaper and a visit from Santa Claus are..." The announcer paused to open the envelope that was given to him from the judges. After he finally got it open, he gave the piece of paper a hard look and glanced toward the judges. When he knew it was no mistake, he continued. "The Bad Hams! Congrats!"
"YEAH, SANTA!" Mike and Number 1 shouted in hilarious high-pitched voices.
There was not much applause. Mike walked up to the center stage and showcased the death glare in his brown eyes. "...AHEM."
The crowd burst with applause. The rest of the Bad Hams walked up to the center stage.
"Anyway, congratulations!" the announcer exclaimed. "Great job, guys. Your tree looks awesome!"
"You apparently didn't think so at first." Mike glared at him.
"Oh, but it WAS awesome! Anyway, I'll take a picture of your tree, and some or all of you guys can stand next to it." The announcer jumped off of the stage. The Bad Hams led him to their tree. Mike and Stella stood next to the tree for the picture. Once the announcer took the picture, he led the Bad Hams into the mall down the street. They walked all the way to the set-up where "Santa Claus" was. Santa sat on a big, green chair with a despaired look on his face.
"YEAH, SANTA!" Mike and Number 1 shouted again with humor in their voices.
"Oh my God," Santa, a pudgy gray hamster with a real beard, muttered to one of his helpers. "Do I have to ask all of them?"
"YES." Santa's helper, a midget dark brown hamster, batted his eyes. "Alright, one at a time..."
"I'M FIRST!" Number 1 ran up to Santa. He sat in his lap and giggled like a little boy in preschool.
"Um, what is your name, sir?" Santa coughed.
"I'M NOT A SIR, I'M A BOY!" Number 1 shouted in a high-pitched voice.
"Er... What is your name, little boy?" Santa coughed again.
The other Numbers laughed.
"MY NAME IS NUMBER 1, AND I CAN KILL YOUR ASS!"
"Oh, so nice of you to say... So, how old are you?"
"I AM FOUR!" Number 1 displayed a childish look on his face.
"Alright, it's cute when little kids do that, but not guys in their twenties..." Santa shook his head. "What do you want, Number 1?"
"I WANT A PONY!" Number 1 clapped his paws childishly. "AND IF YOU DON'T BRING IT, MY LAWYER WILL BE IN CONTACT WITH YOU!"
"Oh dear God..." Kayla laughed even though she was slightly embarassed by her boyfriend.
"Okay, have a good day! Next!" Santa looked desperately at his helper.
"GIMME MY PONY!" Number 1 screamed with his hilariously high-pitched voice.
"God, get off me! You're about to break me in half!"
Number 1 stood up and walked back to the other Bad Hams who were laughing so hard they could barely breathe. After the rest of the Numbers talked to Santa either like Number 1 or like a fickle little girl, Santa was practically worn out.
"I can't take much more... Next!"
Roger walked up to Santa. "Bonjour."
"Oh, thank God, he's not gonna crush me," Santa muttered.
Roger crossed his arms. "Si vous êtes vraiment Santa, vous pouvez comprendre ce que je dis."
Santa looked toward Mike. "...What did he say?"
"Vous n'êtes pas vraiment Santa! Vous êtes un article truqué!" Roger growled. "Santa peut comprendre toutes les langues." He walked away.
"...NEXT." Santa looked pissed off.
Becky ran over to Santa and sat down on his lap. "Ooh, hi, Santa! Remember me, Becky?"
"No, but yes."
"Anyway, for Christmas, I want that French guy to propose to me!"
"You wanna marry that guy?"
"Yes!" Becky giggled and blushed. "Now!" She stood up and ran back over to the Bad Hams. Natsu then walked over to Santa.
"Hi!!!" Natsu sat down on his lap. "I'm NATSU! Yee!"
"Let me guess. You want more sugar for Christmas?"
"HOW DID YOU KNOW? GASP!" Natsu got up and ran back toward the Bad Hams.
"Good God, I hate this job..." Santa looked despairingly at his nonhelpful helper.
Megan then walked over to Santa. "Santa, I'm going to save you from sitting on you and crushing you like the Numbers attempted to do, but I just want one thing... I want the painting The Waltz from Biltmore Estate."
"That's gonna happen your dreams," Santa muttered under his breath. "Anyway, next!"
Kayla walked up to Santa hesitantly. "I don't know what I want..."
"NEXT!"
"Peh, fine, then..." Kayla crossed her arms and walked back over.
Stella skipped over to Santa. "Hashaa!" She sat down on his lap.
"Um... What do you want for Christmas?" Santa glanced around.
Stella thought for a minute. "Santa baby, just slip a sable under the tree for me... Been an awful good-"
"Er, could you go over to your husband and sing that to him? Not saying you're a bad singer, you're good, but... I can't afford that much..."
Stella flashed her silver eyes. "Ooh, good idea..."
"Next!"
Mike walked over. "I want a Christmas train!" He kicked Santa in the shin. "Now!"
"OW!" Santa doubled over and rubbed his shin. "Is there anyone else, for the love of God?"
Caitlin walked up. "I'm the last person! YAY!"
"YAY, indeed. Now what do you want?"
"I want my husband to quit running away from me."
"Don't you all..."
Caitlin turned pale. "No, you don't understand... I want him to come home."
"Your husband ran away?"
"I don't know... He disappeared almost a week ago."
"Wow, tough luck, gal."
"No! You don't understand! Something happened, but I don't know what... You didn't happen to see a guy with a yellow helmet this week, did you?"
"Nope."
"DAMMIT!" Caitlin jumped up and down. "HAS ANYONE?"
There was silence.
Caitlin glanced down. "No luck here... Anyway, I gotta get home to my son..."
Later...
"You didn't happen to see CC, did you?"
"Yes. Yes, I did see her."
"How is she doing? Is she alright?"
"I would never know if she was alright in her head or not. Maybe, maybe not."
"I mean, is she alright without me?"
"Not really."
"...Then...?"
"Nope. Sorry, I got everything already laid out how I want it all to happen."
"C'mon..."
"Oh, quit whining. Do you like dark cells instead?"
"No..."
"That's what I thought." Mike flashed his chocolate brown eyes.
"Christmas wish number one: I hope you die."
"And I hope everyone else does, too. Maybe that's because that might be the end of the world."