Chapter 15: Surprised Talk
After the parade...
"No, that's not him." Caitlin hung up her cellphone. "Sigh, can't people learn how to perfectly match people?" She walked back into the clubhouse.
Pashmina was sitting at the table, Penelope sat next to her looking mad, and Bossy sat in his high chair giggling. Caitlin walked over to the table.
"Thanks for watching Bossy again for me." Caitlin picked him up out of his high chair. "Heylo, Bossy Wossy!"
Bossy giggled and kicked his little feet in the air. He flapped his ears happily. But then he sneezed.
"We were watching the parade, but we stood inside a little store," Pashmina explained. She batted her eyes. "Did I see you with someone, did I?"
Caitlin turned pale as she sat down at the table. "What are you talking about?"
Pashmina giggled. "You were standing next to Mike with his arm wrapped around your waist! You can't forget that so easily." She blushed. "Why didn't you tell me you were a Bad Ham, Miss Shoxxi?" Pashmina laughed.
Caitlin blushed yet turned wan. "Shh... Don't tell anyone else."
"Does Boss know?"
"...No..."
"Oh, what if he saw you in that parade? He'd be so mad we wouldn't see him for weeks!"
Caitlin glanced down at Bossy. "It's too bad. I mean, if he did see me, he deserves it... Why isn't he home, Pashmina?"
Pashmina shrugged. "Anyway, you looked pretty standing up there next to him. You were all red in your cheeks, too." She flashed her eyes. "Tell me, what did he feel like?"
"Mike?"
"Yeah!" Pashmina bounced excitedly.
"Well... His fur was very fine, very clean... He smelled...like an awesome cologne. Um... He was very warm."
"I mean, was he muscular?"
"His arm was very strong. He held me so close to him that at first I thought I'd suffocate." Caitlin paused to think for a minute. "What else do you want to know?"
"How did he hold you?"
"He held me close to his side."
"I mean, how did he-"
"Pashmina, I never knew you were this perverted." Caitlin shrugged. "I don't know. He just had his arm wrapped around my waist right close to him. That's about it."
Pashmina got stars in her eyes. "If only..."
"You want to be a Bad Ham?"
Pashmina shrugged. "No, I could go for being a slave." She giggled as she got up from the table. "Anyway, hashaa-sha, Miss Cait Shoxxi!"
"Hashaa-sha."
Meanwhile...
Boss continued to sit thinking. He thought until his mind itched with cluelessness. He tried to look for things that would help think for him, but no luck in a small gray room.
The wooden door opened, and Mike came waltzing in. He was still wearing his clothes from the parade as he sat down at the table.
"Hashaa, how are you?"
"Hamha, just fine. You?"
"Oh, trying to pull a stunt on the Stunt Master?" Mike flashed his chocolate brown eyes. "I already pulled a stunt on you this morning."
"What the hell were you guys doing this morning anyway?" Boss flashed his baby blue eyes in a Mike-manner.
"I can see you're easily taking after myself." Mike glanced away. "Alright, let's start this over. Hashaa, how are you?"
"Hashaa, I'm fine. You?"
"Ha! I made you say that. I win!" Mike flashed his eyes again with Boss reflecting the flash of the eye. "Anyway, I've got a few, er, things to say... Alright, I'm going to say it plain-out and I KNOW you've heard this before and feel lied to, but I'm going to tell the truth for once for your sake so I can tell my awesome story."
"What?"
"Okay, your wife really IS one of my double agents. Get over it." Mike glanced away toward the ground with Boss doing the same.
Silence unveiled itself and filled the cold room. Though light, it might as well have been dark and suited the mood more.
Boss glanced back up. "Tell me more."
"Her alias is Miss Cait Shoxxi."
"How long has she been a Bad Ham?"
"A long time before she even met you."
"How did she get it?"
"Actually, I kinda forced her in... Alright, I'm going to tell another truth: I like Cait's style. I like her. Alright? Now get over that, too."
"So what were you going to tell me before you had to explain that?"
"Well, what did we do this morning?"
"Yes." Boss lost some color yet regained it just as quick.
"We were in the Christmas parade, what were you thinking? Anyway, she stood next to me because that gay-as-a-flower photographer that was hired by the parade to pose everyone put her there next to me and Stella. I got to go through the whole parade with my arm wrapped around her waist and her snuggling right into my side. So ha, I'm the pure Sex God, I could tell she was thinking that."
Boss glanced down at the ground. "She hardly lets me hold her close anymore..."
"Well, guys with heavy weight and girls like her that are as fragile as an antique vase don't go well together."
"Are you saying I'm fat?!?"
"No, I'm saying you spend too much time in front of the television. I'm pretty strong (she liked my muscles, too, I could tell!), but I'm as light as a flower." Mike seemed to indulge himself with his own words.
Boss rolled his eyes while thinking, Well, he's got a point... Ever since we had Bossy back in August, I have seemed to ignore her and given Bossy more attention... Maybe I should rethink my ways. You know, I'm actually learning something through this... "So, you think I'm spending all my freetime ignoring everyone?"
"Yes, I am. Do you know how much time I spend with Stella doing literally nothing but talking while staring up at a black ceiling?"
"Are you sure you're doing nothing?"
"Er, yes. I'm pretty sure... Eh, shut up. Anyway, do you know how much time?"
"No."
"Two hours talking at night. Now you know why everyone loves me. I actually socialize. On Friday and Saturday nights, all of us have a good time out or just hang out here. You're welcome to come sometime if you want. I just don't think you're especially enjoying those little kids anymore playing all of that innocent stuff..."
"What do you mean by that?"
"Those little kids just sit around playing with plastic things. We have everything you can imagine... I mean, if we don't have it, we can afford it at least."
"Yeah, Mike. I'll join you sometime."
Mike glanced up at Boss. "You really want to hang out with me and the rest of the guys? You, Mr. Ham-Ham Leader?"
"Yes, Master Mike Montgomery."
Mike paused. He coughed. "Alright, I'll think on that." He got up from the table and came to the door.
"Hashaa-sha, Mike."
Mike turned around with a surprised look on his face. "Hashaa-sha, Boss." He opened the door.
"Wait, do you mind coming back later?"
Mike turned around. "What for?"
"Just wanna talk. You know?"
Mike leaned up against the door frame. "I think you're actually beginning to understand everything I've been trying to show you. Sure, I'll be back later."