Chapter Four: Don't Want To Leave You
Sesshomaru woke the next morning to find that Rin was still hovering above him.
"Girl, what are you still doing here?" he said rather coldly as he sat up. The majority of his wounds had healed quickly leaving him mostly with a dull ache. He was still furious that Inu Yasha had beat him yet again, but that could be dealt with later.
Rin bowed her head and looked away. "I was worried for you." she said softly her eyes looking lost and sad.
Sesshomaru's mouth tightened and he had to turn his head away from the sight of her. Rin looked up at him anxiously. "Is there anything else that you need?" She asked cautiously.
Sesshomaru waved away her useless offerings of help. "No. Nothing a human gives do I require." He said particularly cold. He didn't mean to sound like that, but he was just so damn annoyed at this moment.
Rin silently got up and left his side, the door closing noiselessly behind her. Sesshomaru gradually stood up and began to pace uneasily back and forth across his room pondering his dream. What did this mean? How could he be possibly feeling a emotion as fragile as love? There was no way he could hope to have her. He was sure that she would willingly give herself, body and heart, to him, but he could not allow such a thing. To have his reputation shattered would be too much of a loss. Besides if other demons found out that she was his weakness than they would go to no ends to use her to get him. Being with him could bring nothing but pain and suffering. How could this end in anything other than disaster?
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Rin slowly wandered back to her own rooms and fell down onto her bed. She was exhausted. She had been at Sesshomaru's side all night and she had not been able to sleep a wink. She had been so worried for him. She even remembered one moment where she was sobbing against him. He seemed to be alright now, but she wished he would still allow her to stay with him. It had been nice seeing the weaker, softer side of him and she wished to see it again.
What made loving Sesshomaru truly unbearable was the thought that she could never be with him, never tell him that she loved him. For if she did he would truly toss her out of his castle. He simply let her stay here because he did not find her troublesome enough to bother with, but if she truly annoyed him she knew that she would probably never see him again. She wouldn't be able to bear it if she could never see him again.
"It's not fair" she whispered into her pillow and she knew that she was just complaining. When had her life ever been fair to her? 'Sesshomaru-sama, you were the only good thing that ever happened in my life and even now I'm tormented by you.'
Rin's eyelids fluttered in exhaustion. Everything just seemed to weighing her down. Would it be easier for me not to see your face? Would it be easier if I just…ran away and pretended that you had never existed?
You never needed me…but I needed you so bad… Tears began to form unwillingly in her eyes. Seeing you injured I thought I was about to die, but inside I knew that if it had been me…you wouldn't have cared. You wouldn't have stayed by my side.
I love you, Sesshomaru-sama…forever…but…
"I can't stand it anymore…" Rin whispered to herself as she sat up. The room around her was bright with the noontime light pouring down in through the open window, but she couldn't help from feeling gray. All the colors that should have shone so brightly, the many things that Sesshomaru-sama had given her, the dresses, the things that could not satisfy her, they all just seemed so dull.
Slowly she rose to her feet and quietly walked over to the window to stare out at the brightness outside. Anyone would have said the view of the trees and mountains were so beautiful, but not Rin. Nothing in her eyes could compare to the beauty of her lord.
I could leave here forever and forget about him. I could stop this torment. I doubt that he would come after me. Rin thought miserably. I could end this all…but where would I go? Who would accept me? How would I eat, where would I sleep? How would I survive.
Rin ran her finger across the windowsill in thought. I could make it though. If I tried hard enough. If I sold some of the things that …that he…gave me. I could use that money to find a place. I know how to fish. I know how to hunt…I could make it…
But would I?
Rin fingered the necklace that hung around her neck, the one that he had given her. Could I ever really forget him though? Would it ever work?
If I left…he would never take me back again. That would be the end of it all. I would never see him again. He would never want to see me again.
His words haunted her again. "Nothing a human gives do I require."…And even more confusing…"Stay"
Why don't you make anymore sense to me, Sesshomaru-sama? Why can't I understand anything about you anymore. Is it all my fault? Is it because…because I'm such a nuisance?
Rin ran her fingers anxiously through her long black hair. She couldn't stand being cooped up in here anymore. She had to get out, go anywhere, just leave for a while. Pulling on some fresh, but inexpensive clothing she made her way out of her room and out of the castle.
She walked down in the embrace of the sun's rays and she felt a sorrowful smile fall upon her lips. I don't want to ever be separated from you, my Sesshomaru-sama. No matter how much pain I am, I can never leave your side. I will stay by you forever…even if—
She was so preoccupied with her thoughts that she didn't even see the shadows until they were right on top of her.
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Sesshomaru sighed as he sat back down on his bed, defeated, though his cold features showed no hint of the fact. He was interrupted though, as Jaken came bursting in the room.
"Master, master!" Jaken called anxiously.
Sesshomaru growled softly as he turned to look at the idiot who had dared to interrupt his thoughts. "What is it, Jaken?" he asked callously.
Jaken's face was a mixture of fear, regret, and sadness. "It's Rin! …she's gone…the fox demons…they took her!"
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A/N: Yay! I updated! Please review?
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