Picking up a carrier bag each, they headed slowly for the elevator and the sidewalk below. There seemed no need for conversation; they'd said all they needed to say, for now at least. Instead they walked slowly, arm in arm through the heavily falling snow. It was too early for drunken revellers and the streets themselves were quieter now, caught in that limbo between the closing of the shops and the closing of the bars.
She glanced at him, taking in his profile. His head was bowed, his eyes on the slick ice that made every step precarious. He was leaning on her pretty heavy now, and she had to battle to keep her own feet. May be it was the wine or may be just his tiredness, but the limp he usually hid so well, was obvious tonight. Why had she never really noticed it before? 'Because he didn't want you to' she knew the answer herself. She hardly ever thought of Jack as vulnerable, and yet she knew that he was. She wondered how he'd have made it to the subway without her, and then wondered if he'd been planning to go to the subway at all. He'd slept enough nights at the office in the past; one more wouldn't have made much difference. And suddenly she was glad that he wasn't sleeping there tonight.
He kept his eyes down, trying to watch for their footing, but he knew that she was the one keeping them upright tonight. His knee was throbbing in time with his head, and he knew that he was limping badly, but for once he didn't try to hide it. The scent of her perfume, the warmth of her body so close was intoxicating. Sure he'd sunk a lot of wine tonight, but he knew it wasn't just the alcohol that was making his senses reel. But then he thought of Martin and his stomach churned, not with jealousy, but with fear. Fear, because he knew that Martin was the better man and fear because one day he knew that she'd know it too.
The snow was still falling, soaking their hair and covering their clothes, but neither of them noticed. Together they stepped off the snow-covered sidewalk and slowly took the steep steps down to the subway below. In contrast to the street, the platform was crowded, Christmas shoppers on their way home. They had to force their way on to the platform, jostling their way through the crowds. Her train came in first and he walked over with her, joining the queue of passengers waiting to board.
'Thanks for walking me' he said, letting go of her arm and offering a half smile.
She nodded, smiling back 'You'll be alright?' she asked, not sure whether she meant tonight or more than that.
He paused, then 'Yeah I'll be alright'.
The passengers around them were moving forwards, anxious to get on board. They were getting separated now, she moving on towards the train, he hanging back.
As she got to the door, she turned back to wave.
Suddenly he pushed forward, trying to get closer
'There's just one thing I wanted to ask you' he shouted over the noise of the subway station.
'Yeah?' she said, her eyebrows raised in surprise.
'When you came back to the office, you said you'd come back because you'd forgotten to do something'.
She smiled 'That's right I did'
He looked bemused 'So what did you forget?'
Leaning out of the doorway, she smiled at him standing on the platform, his dark hair wet with snow, his brown eyes tired but curious.
'I came back' she said 'because I realised that I'd forgotten to wish you Merry Christmas.'
'Oh' he was surprised, then he smiled.
The doors were beginning to close
'Merry Christmas Jack' she called out and then she was gone.
As the train pulled away with her on it, his smile faded.
'Merry Christmas Sam' he replied.
His apartment was warm and welcoming and she could smell a heavenly aroma wafting in from the kitchen. The strains of a Christmas carol could be heard on the radio – she smiled, Martin was humming along with it.
'I'm back' she called out, as still in her hat and coat, she stepped out of the hallway.
He was at the oven, pulling out a casserole dish, but he stopped as she came in and looked around, his face lighting up.
'Great timing' he said 'Dinner's almost there, I'll pour you a drink.'
Within seconds he was beside her, replacing her carrier bags with a large glass of wine 'You like red, right?'
She nodded, smiling at him 'Yeah I like red'.
He leant across, dropping a gentle kiss on her nose 'You're freezing' he said, and he pulled her towards him, squeezing her tight.
She returned the hug, surprised by how good it felt 'I'm warmer now' she replied with a smile.
As he released her, she looked around, savouring the glow of the candles he'd scattered around the room.
'This is nice' she said, putting her wine glass down on the table.
He nodded 'I hope so, you deserve something special'.
'I'm not so sure about that' she said, thinking back to another man, another glass of red.
He frowned 'Don't beat up on yourself, you're a good person Sam'.
She sighed 'There are things you don't know about me'.
He shrugged 'Everyone's got a past; it's the future I care about'.
She dropped her eyes 'I don't deserve you'
Reaching forward he gently lifted her chin; forcing her to meet his eyes 'That's just it' he said softly 'You do'.
She stepped forward into his arms and allowed her eyes to close. He felt so strong, so secure. And she thought back to that snowy street only a half hour ago and she realised how nice it was to be the one doing the leaning this time, to have someone who wouldn't let her fall. But was he right? Did she really deserve a man as decent as him? It wasn't a question she could answer tonight. Her feelings were too raw, her emotions balanced on a knife edge. She let out a deep breath; maybe tonight she didn't have to think about it. May be tonight she could just enjoy being with Martin and not worry about whether she was good enough. And then may be tonight she could stop thinking about her past and focus instead on their future.
They kissed, softly at first and then more passionately. He was smiling as he pulled away.
'I'd better serve up' he said 'Or I don't think we'll make it to the table tonight'.
She grinned back at him 'You could be right'.
Stepping away from him, she walked back to the hallway to hang up her outdoor clothes. Shedding her scarf, she pulled off her gloves and pushed them into the pockets of her coat. And that was when she found it. To her surprise, nestled in her coat pocket was a small gift-wrapped box. Stepping around the corner, out of sight of the kitchen, she read the label
'To S,
love always
J'.
Opening the box, she gasped at the beauty of the small, carefully crafted crystal angel she found inside. A perfect cut, it caught the light, casting a shimmering rainbow of colours on to the walls around her.
'Dinner is served' Martin said appearing beside her. 'Nice crystal' he commented approvingly, looking at the gift 'Where'd that come from?'
Replacing the angel in the box, she paused 'An old friend' she said.
He nodded 'That's nice, that they still think of you.'
She swallowed hard 'Yeah it's nice.'
And she knew then that her past wasn't gonna be so easy to forget.
He was bone achingly tired, his head throbbing from the wine and his knee throbbing from all the walking in the snow. But he hadn't caught the train back to the hotel. Instead he'd gone in the opposite direction. And now as he sat in the back row of St. Germain's Church, listening to the choir practising for midnight mass, he wondered what on earth he was doing here. He should be at the hotel, sleeping off his hangover, not sitting alone in a draughty church.
He'd been warm whilst she was there, but now the biting east coast wind whipped through the church, slicing mercilessly through his thin coat and jacket. Shivering, he pushed his hands deep into his pockets, hoping to generate a little extra warmth. And that was when he found it. Nestled in the pocket of his coat, was a small gift-wrapped box. Surprised, he read the tag
'To J,
with love
S'.
Opening the box, he smiled at what he saw.
The sound of footsteps alerted him that he was no longer alone. Looking up, he realised he'd been joined by Father Walker, the parish priest.
'Are you enjoying the carols Jack?' The priest asked.
Jack offered a half smile 'I hadn't really noticed them until now father, but yeah I guess I am.'
'That's a fine St. Christopher you have there' the priest commented, noticing the medallion in the other man's hands 'He's the patron saint of travellers you know, a guide for those who have lost their way'.
Jack nodded 'A gift from a friend'.
The priest smiled 'Obviously a friend who wants to help you find your way'.
Jack nodded 'I guess so' he said gruffly.
Looking at Jack, the priest placed a hand on his arm 'Are you alright Jack, you look tired'.
Jack smiled 'Actually father I think I am. I think I got something tonight that I've not had for a long time'
The priest looked puzzled 'And what was that Jack?'
Jack met the priest's eye 'Hope father' he said 'hope'.
THE END
Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed it. I realise that I might not have pleased everyone with the way the pairings went in this story, so I'm sorry if it didn't turn out the way you expected. My aim in writing this was not to specifically pair Sam with either man, but to show her confusion at having her past love return, just as she was trying to get over him and embark on a new relationship. I also wanted to explore a little of how the relationship she has with each man is completely different. I haven't seen any of Season 3 yet, so I have no idea if this story fits in any way with what's happened in the show.
Merry Christmas!