Disclaimer: I own nada, with the exception of Sarah, Nolan and Michael (and whoever else I come up with) as well as the plot
A/N: do you people like this? If so, review and let me know!! Also, does anyone want to draw any fan art for this? I would love a good pic of Sarah and especially Remus, seeing as I'm abysmal when it comes to drawing guys. And – what colour are Remus's eyes? (I don't have any hp books handy right now)
Chapter 4: Understanding and Revelations
"So" Remus said. "That's what you do."
Sarah's heart sank. Remus's voice sounded so dead – not disappointed or upset, but dead. After a few seconds, in which neither said anything, she gathered her courage and looked up at him. Remus was looking off to the side, seemingly absorbed by a painting on the wall.
"Remus – God, I'm so sorry. I should have told you to go and apparate back home; they wanted nothing with you! I got you hurt – I'm so sorry, Remus." Sarah had been mentally kicking herself ever since Nolan had taunted her for bringing her 'boyfriend'. She knew that she should have taken care of things herself, Remus wouldn't have left her without an explanation, and it would have been too late at that point.
"Remus," she took his hand into hers. "I – I should have told you earlier; then you would have known to leave." Her voice shook slightly. "I guess – I do the muggle equivalent of the Order, then."
Somehow, her mentioning the Order caught Remus's attention. He slowly turned to look at her, eyes tired. "No." he said. "It's not your fault. I'm just shocked, I suppose. I mean – I've known you for almost two months, and you've been-" he struggled for the right words, but failed. "I just didn't see you as a - well – a soldier?" He wasn't sure exactly what Sarah did, and for this, Sarah was grateful.
'Remus,' she thought. 'there's still so much you don't know about me…'
"I'm not a soldier." Sarah said. "I work with an …agency." Remus raised an eyebrow, but remained silent. "I can't tell you much else," she looked apologetic. "but it's a bit like the order, except we have no single 'bad guy'. We deal with problems as they arise."
"In this case," Remus ventured. "That problem would be this Nolan person, right?" Sarah's hopes began to climb; Remus actually sounded interested.
"Yes – and no. He was part of it." Sarah stood up abruptly – she didn't want to go into much more detail. 'Gods – how could I have let him come with me?' she berated herself. 'I should have stopped him, told him to stay in the store.'
Remus took one look at Sarah's despairing face and his heart melted. He had been upset at first. She knew all about the Order, and had a fairly good idea of what he'd done for it. But she hadn't told him what she did, and that had made him feel… untrustworthy. Now, thought, it almost seemed like she had wanted to tell him. She was clearly genuinely upset that he'd been hurt.
"It's not your fault, Sarah" he reassured her, touching her arm gently. "Look, I'm fine. By tomorrow night I'll be just – peachy."
His use of one of Sarah's favourite expression elicited the response he'd wanted; a smile. "Look," Remus tried again. "Yes, I had hoped that you and I were close enough now that you'd have told me." He didn't feel a need to add that it was only fair since she knew about what he did for the Order. It hung in the air between them anyway.
"And we all have our secrets. Just, not with good friends – and – we are, right?" he looked somewhat nervously at her. Sarah smiled back weakly.
"Yeah." 'Remus – you have no idea what else I'm keeping from you'
Remus paused, momentarily confused by the slight hesitation, and then continued. "So, it's okay, alright? Mind you, I'm definitely one to talk about keeping things from friends. I never actually told James, Sirius and Peter that I was a werewolf. I only admitted it after they'd figured it out themselves!"
Sarah turned away again, her posture stiffening. "With the way a lot of wizards treat werewolves, I'm not surprised. Anyone would have done what you did. I – what I do – you saw me today, Remus! I killed people!"
"And if you hadn't?" Remus asked, not expecting an answer. Sarah remained silent. "You'd be dead. And for that matter – so would I. So, thanks are in order, Sarah. If you hadn't called out to me when you did-"
"YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE BEEN THERE!" Sarah suddenly yelled at him. Remus gaped. He'd seen her annoyed before, but never this furious. Her eyes were blazing, her fists clenched and the air around her crackled with energy. He could have sworn that sparks were shooting out the ends of her hair as she seemingly towered over him, despite her five-foot four-inch height.
"You don't understand." She ground out between clenched teeth. "So we got lucky. You are fairly decent at defending yourself and I happened to see what was going on at the right time. But supposed you couldn't defend yourself?!? Suppose I hadn't looked up at that moment??? You'd be DEAD and it would be MY FAULT!!!!"
White-hot fury burnt through Sarah, partially at Remus, but mostly at herself. If only she'd swallowed her pride and let him know what her job entailed earlier, then he wouldn't have been there. Sure, he'd only been shot, but what about next time? Hell, she was going to make sure that there never was a next time. She'd tell everyone to stay as far away as possible from her the instant she felt something out of place. Heck, she should just stay away from them – they were already dealing with a crazy psycho hell bent on world domination; why burden them with any more problems? Suddenly, she found herself literally jolted out of her thoughts as Remus shook her hard.
"Sarah." He said, quiet but deadly. "Don't you think that I don't understand. I'm a werewolf. A WEREWOLF! Do you know what that means? Once, I almost…I almost…" He closed his eyes at the memory of what had happened in his fifth year at Hogwarts, unable to say it out loud. "What I mean, Sarah, is that things happen, and once they do, we move on. If it was our fault – IF, Sarah-" he saw her head sink and place a hand underneath her chin, lifting it so she looked at him. "-IF it is, Sarah, we move on and learn from our mistakes. If it isn't – well, then we still move on and we DON'T blame ourselves for something we had no control over. Look at me, Sarah." He said. Her eyes had dropped from his and were looking frantically anywhere but him.
"Sarah." He said again, but with a hint of steel in his voice. Sarah looked up into Remus's eyes. He was right, she knew that, but she should have told him. She should have!
'And yet,' and inner voice seemed to say. 'you still aren't telling him something, are you?'
"Learn from our past mistakes" she said, dully. Remus arched an eyebrow. This was not the response that he had been expecting. "Learn, meaning not making them again." Remus nodded, unsure of what was happening. "Well then, Remus," she said, taking in a deep breath for what she was about to do next.
There's just one more thing that you don't know about me, then.
Remus looked at her, confused. "What do you mean?" Sarah looked seriously at him, patiently waiting for him to figure out what had just happened.
When he did, his reaction was immediate. He jumped back, pulling his hand away from her abruptly as if she had burnt him. His face was pale and him mouth opened and closed a few times before he was capable of normal speech again.
"W-Wh-What??!! I thought we'd gone through this, Sarah, you're a muggle!!" Now Remus's voice shook as her stared at her, wide-eyed. Sarah winced as he took another step back from her.
"Yes." Sarah said, trying to make him comfortable. Remus sank into an armchair behind him, a look of obvious relief on his face. Maybe he'd just imagined the whole thing. There was no way that Sarah, a muggle for goodness' sakes, could be a… he couldn't even bring himself to think it.
But, Sarah continued, the blood leaving Remus's face once more. Muggle or not, I am a telepath.
A/N ooooh!!! So there you have it! but guess what? There are more revelations to come. Whoever else guesses what it is gets a gold star. And whoever finds the reference to Sarah's telepathy in the first chapter gets a character named after them! (or whatever name you come up with) Here's a hint: read it through out loud slowly and it'll jump out at you. Oh – and Harry will be making an appearance in a couple of chapters – should he have a romance going of his own? If so, with who?
So please please please please review (besides, if you review mine, I'll review yours!) Yes, I know, I have no shame, but reviews are all that let me know if you all like this or not! - Laren