Disclaimer: I own only that which you do not recognize; anything else belongs to J.K.Rowling.
A/N: To all of you who reviewed, I am supremely grateful of your input, which mostly consisted of 'No!! She's not dead!!!! They still need to make babies!!' and to that I must say…. I entirely agree!! Who says she's dead!! I didn't! Sirius said she was gone – but she could have gone to sleep, for all we know!! So for all of you who despaired at her death, have no fear, I would never kill off my main character (not with so many loose ends, at any rate.) So read on, I'm glad you all still like it despite the fact that I left you with an awful cliffhanger.
On with the Story!!!
Chapter 14: Confessions and Apologies
"I'm sorry, Moony." Sirius said, as gently as possible. "She's gone."
Sirius felt a hand on his shoulder and looked up to see Albus Dumbledore looking gravely down at him, Madame Pomfrey right behind him. When did he call for Poppy? Sirius mused, but moved nonetheless moved quickly out of the way. She too felt for Sarah's pulse, which was a bit awkward, as Remus had gathered Sarah's limp body into his hands and was holding on to it for dear life, his face as pale as her lifeless one. Shaking her head, she stood up slowly.
"Mr. Lupin," she spoke quietly and kindly. "I'll need to take her upstairs – If you'll let me just conjure a stretcher…"
Remus shook his head. "No," he croaked out, his voice hoarse. "No, no, I'm not letting her go, no…"
Most of the other people in the room looked on in silence; most had barely or not at all known Sarah. Those who did, however, stood by in shock. Bill found that the air around him was suddenly musty and choking him, as if it were filled with ash – his brother and Tonks looked at each other incredulously – Sarah, dead? No.
"Remus," Dumbledore said gently to the younger man – his own voice sounded tired hollow. "Why don't you apparate upstairs with her, then?"
Remus nodded numbly, and seconds later, was upstairs in her room, followed by Dumbledore, Sirius, McGonagall, Tonks and the two eldest Weasley brothers. Madame Pomfrey already had her wand out when she appeared, running it over Sarah's body, which Remus had carefully lain out on the bed. Everyone watched her carefully – she seemed to be concentrating furiously.
"Hmm," she muttered, under her breath. To the others - mostly Remus – "Please, do not be alarmed. She may have stopped breathing, but…"
"Corsious Alirosas." She commanded, and a bright yellow bolt of magic hit Sarah straight in the chest, causing her body to spasm off the bed.
"What are you doing?" Remus cried, moving towards Sarah, but was held back by Sirius.
"She knows what she's doing, Moony." Sirius said, holding on to his devastated friend.
Madame Pomfrey repeated her command, and Sarah's body jumped once more. Remus choked back a sob – how was this happening? He understood that other people collapsed, tragically died young, but not his Sarah. "Oh, Sarah…" he whispered, feeling his heart utterly torn to pieces.
Suddenly though, after the third bolt hit her chest, Sarah's eyes widened and she took in a huge gulp of air. For one split second she looked Remus directly in the eye – and then she fell back onto the bed, her eyes closed, but her chest rising and falling with the natural rhythm of the heart's beating.
"It's okay," Madame Pomfrey bustled around Sarah. "She's comatose – but she's stable; at least, she is for now. Has this girl had no sleep??" she demanded, running various spells over Sarah simultaneously.
"She slept today," Remus said, his voice laden with guilt. "But she's been working herself to death all week – I just – I didn't really notice – I…" he stopped, choking up over the fact that if they hadn't had their fight she probably wouldn't have worked so hard to be out of the house, that he'd left her alone and never saw that she wasn't sleeping properly. He hung his head, remorse overcoming him. Most of the others in the room misunderstood his actions, believing him to be upset about the display he and Sarah had put on earlier downstairs, but Bill, however, shot Remus an accusatory glance before he caught himself and reassured him.
"You probably wouldn't have been able to convince her to stop – you know how Sarah gets." He smiled at Remus, as the others agreed wholeheartedly.
Remus nodded but still felt as if he was being turned inside out all the same. Sirius took one look at Remus's face and pulled him out of the room, followed by everyone except for Madame Pomfrey herself. They walked down the hall to Remus's room; that is, Sirius made sure that Remus moved enough so that they made it to the room at the far end of the hall.
"Moony," he said quietly, about to tell him to lie down and relax for a few minutes, but Remus suddenly looked up at him and smiled.
"Sirius!" he cried, his voice bright. "Look at me moping around, paying you no attention whatsoever – you've only just come back and, well, you alright, mate? Did anything happen to you behind the …the veil? Do you need anything?"
"Oh," Sirius said, making a dismissive gesture. "I can tell you all about that later. But then again," he paused, looking cautiously at Remus. "I'd like to know who she is; after all, she did 'bring me back'."
Remus took in a deep breath of air, forcing himself to calm down, forcing himself to believe that Sarah would be okay now, that she just needed to rest and catch up on all that sleep she missed.
"Sarah Brenton." He said slowly. "Professor Dumbledore's goddaughter. She's been living here since September and since I am here most of the time, I've – well – got to know her pretty well."
Sirius smirked, and Remus sighed, his head drooping again. "Just the two of you, here, all alone? I dare say that you've…" he trailed off when he caught sight of the pained expression on Remus's face. "Okay – so there's more to this."
Remus was silent for so long that Sirius had to fight an urge to prod him. He knew, though, that Remus would tell him – he could see it in the way that he was nervously twisting his hands back and forth.
"She's a muggle, you know," he began, and Sirius opened his mouth to exclaim that it wasn't possible – how had she brought him back, then? but realized that Remus was about to explain. "But she has certain non-muggle abilities… and they're not magical either… that she uses to help out the Order. I was stunned out of my mind when I found out about them." He shook his head, smiling slightly.
Remus turned to Sirius with a wide grin momentarily on his face. "She's telepathic, and telekinetic too. Well, that made for some pretty interesting dreams that night."
Sirius snorted. And to think everyone said that Remus was the shy one – did they have any idea how werewolves could be at certain times of the month? He grinned back at Remus, but the smile quickly faded off of the latter's face as he continued.
"After that- we'd been friends before - but we got even closer. You know," Remus paused thoughtfully. "I have a sneaking suspicion that Bill and Charlie had a bet going on the two of us – and that they got Harry into it too."
Sirius's head shot up. "Harry??" he asked.
"Came to stay for a bit – he and Sarah got along splendidly. Dumbledore has...had Sarah teaching him Occlumency."
"Has, Moony." Sirius corrected him. "She's alive, she'll be okay."
Remus closed his eyes for a moment, his hands clenched tightly together. "We would have been more than friends," he said, his voice sounding constricted. "We would have, except I was an idiot, and told her it couldn't happen, that I was a wizard, and she was a muggle. God, I made her cry that day. I was awful, Padfoot, awful. Kissed her like I thought she was the only girl in the world for me – and she is!! Then I went off about how it couldn't happen, told her I didn't even like her." Remus shook his head, feeling incredibly guilty. "And then we talked it over, just this morning – we hadn't seen each other all week because of that stupid fight – and we fixed it. At least, we decided to be friends, seeing as we're from such different worlds, with such different lives. Just friends."
Sirius looked intently at him. "Really?" he questioned. "So, that's what you want?"
Remus's jaw clenched and he got up, pacing the room and refusing to look directly at Sirius, as if he were fighting a proven fact.
"No!" he said vehemently, finally giving in. "I love this girl, Sirius! She's amazing – intelligent, fun, beautiful… she has so much life and now…comatose…what if she doesn't make it? What if she's not okay now? This morning – we at least had a chance – but now, even if she does wake up…" He turned to Sirius in utter frustration. "I yelled at her in front of everyone, I ignored her the rest of the time… Sirius…I…just want her to be okay. I love her, but right now – I just want her alive and well. Even if we were just friends and she lived halfway around the world and wrote now and then – I'd be happy knowing she was okay. As long as Sarah's alright, I'll be fine…"
He sank down onto the bed, his head in his hands. Sirius patted his back, at a loss for anything remotely relevant to say. Remus had dated other girls; between the four of them, the Marauders had gone through a significant chunk of the female Hogwarts population – but none of them had ever been faced with a situation quite like this. Horrible breakups, yes, but near deaths? No, nothing like this.
"Do you think," he ventured after a few minutes. "Do you think that…she…loves you? You were the one she called before she…fell. Not her godfather, but you."
"I-" he began, but Dumbledore had entered the room.
"Gentlemen." He said, his face serious.
"Sarah." Remus jumped up. "Is she alright?"
Dumbledore looked long and hard at Remus before replying. "Hopefully, she will be. Madame Pomfrey sent me to tell you that you can come and see her now."
He turned and led the way back to Sarah's room, Remus and Sirius following closely behind.
"Sarah is still unconscious." he informed them. "And we do not know when she will wake up – if she will wake up. She expanded far too much mental effort this week and her mind has gone into complete overload. If all goes well, Sarah will be able to regain control and so recover. If not…well, to be completely honest," he turned to face Remus and Sirius at the doorway to her room. "If she does not wake up within three weeks, she most likely will never wake up at all."
He nodded to the two men before walking away, looking older and more tired than ever. Sarah was the closet Albus Dumbledore had ever had to a daughter, and should anything happen to her when he'd asked her to come back into a world she hadn't wanted to be a part of, he'd find it near impossible to forgive himself.
"Sarah," Remus said softly to the comatose girl, holding her hand. "Sarah, you know how we talked things over that morning? Well, I was thinking, and I never told you I was sorry."
Sarah had been unconscious for two weeks now, and Remus grew more and more despairing with each passing day. He'd taken almost immediately to sleeping in her room, should she happen to wake up one night, but she hadn't stirred. If it wasn't for the gentle sound of her breathing, he wouldn't have known she was alive.
"Sarah, it doesn't matter that you're a muggle. That was utterly wrong of me to say, and I'm so sorry. If it came down to choosing to spend time with you or a myriad of witches, I'd take you, any day. I just hope you can forgive me for that, Sarah. You mean… oh, you mean the world to me. Do you hear that? So you can't die on me, alright?"
Sarah gave no sign that she did hear him, but lay sleeping on her bed, her hair fanned out from around her head. With his free hand Remus played with the golden lock of hair as he looked around the room. Sarah had made it entirely hers, right from the packed bookshelf and desk on one wall to the several sketches and pictures she had up around the room. Some were works in progress – others beautifully rendered portraits and landscapes. He still marveled at her ability to capture the very emotion of the person she was drawing. Just to the right of him, on the door to her closet, was a picture of him and Harry that she'd done about a week after Harry had arrived at Grimmauld Place. Neither of them had known that she was drawing them as they had quietly talked, afraid to disturb her from whatever task she seemed to be heard at work at. She'd laughed afterwards when she'd shown them the picture, saying that they'd been the best subjects she'd drawn in a long time.
As he looked at the picture now, the sound of voices downstairs brought him back to reality and reminded him of something else. "Sarah, peaches" he smiled to himself. "You really have to wake up now. Harry's here, or Christmas, with everyone else. He doesn't know you're not awake, because we wanted to surprise him with the whole Sirius being alive thing, but if you don't wake up now, it'll all go out the window." He looked sadly at her when she didn't move, although he'd know that she wouldn't. Kissing her forehead softly, he got up and left the room, going downstairs to Harry and the Weasleys.
This time around Remus was the one begging for air. Harry ran at him the second he appeared at the bottom of the stairs and totally unashamedly knocked him over, hugging him tightly.
"Air…" Remus gasped, and Harry reluctantly let go, grinning at him.
"Hi, Remus." He said, smiling broadly at his former professor.
"Harry!" Hermione gasped. "It's Professor Lupin! And hello, Professor Lupin." She said, giving Remus a much less life-threatening hug.
"It's alright, Hermione." Remus said kindly, slipping back into his professor voice nonetheless. "I'm not your professor anymore."
"Still feels a bit awkward." Commented Ron. "'Lo, Professor." He greeted Remus, finding himself unable to call him by his first name. Behind him stood the entire Weasley clan, including a much subdued looking Percy, Remus noted, but was glad to see him there anyway.
"Sarah?" mouthed Bill, and Remus shook his head slightly. Unfortunately, Harry hadn't spent three weeks studying Occlumency intensively for nothing.
"Where's Sarah?" he asked, frowning. "Is she alright? She hasn't replied to my last couple of letters."
"Oooh, Sarah." Fred said, rubbing his hands together gleefully.
"He fancies her, you know." George told Remus.
"Oh, yeah." Said Ron, oblivious to Harry's pleading looks. "Gets all these letters from her, and always owls her back straight away."
"I don't fancy Sarah." Harry said tiredly. "Where is she, then?" he asked Remus, but Hermione cut in before Remus could answer.
"Harry, it's okay, you know." She told him, smiling reassuringly. "We all know, and are really excited to meet her. I'm sure she's really nice."
Remus looked around him warily, but Harry had a determined glint in his eye again – there was no use trying to wait to tell him. "There's was a bit of an accident a couple of weeks back, Harry." Remus told him. "Sarah did something pretty amazing…and you'll be very excited with the outcome… except she didn't really have enough strength to do it, so she's been…unconscious since then."
Harry looked up at him in shock; he'd known something was wrong with Sarah but he'd had no idea it was so serious. Fred and George, who'd obviously been gathering steam to continue teasing Harry went very silent and serious, and Charlie said quietly,
"There's been no change then?" Remus shook his head in the negative, unable to form the words. Harry looked at him, realizing the pain Remus must be in. He didn't know the full story between Remus and Sarah, but he knew that they both cared about each other but yet were not together.
"I'm sorry, Remus." He said, looking Remus in the eye. Remus gave a slight nod of his head to show that he'd heard him, and then turned away for a moment.
"She's upstairs." He told Harry, Bill and Charlie. "In her room."
The three of them immediately bolted for upstairs, Harry taking the steps three at a time. Everyone else looked on curiously after them. Ron looked especially confused.
"So, who is she?" he asked. "I mean – Harry looked pretty put out when you told him."
"Well," Remus answered slowly. "Harry left school for about a month in October."
"He WHAT?" Ron and Hermione demanded. "No he didn't!! He was right there with us the whole time!"
Molly and Arthur Weasley looked rather sheepish. "Actually, dears," Molly said. "That was Charlie."
"Polyjuice?" Remus added, looking intently at Hermione, who flushed furiously. "Anyway," he continued. "Sarah has been staying here since the beginning of September – she's Professor Dumbledore's muggle goddaughter."
"Muggle??" said Arthur, looking as if his birthday and Christmas had come early all rolled into one big celebration. Remus grinned as Molly rolled her eyes, sighing and saying "Oh, honestly, Arthur."
"Yes, Sarah's muggle. She was here while Harry came to stay, of course, and they got along really well – but then, Sarah's a really friendly person. Everyone likes her…" he trailed off, his face growing pensive again. The room was silent for a while, Fred and George whispering furiously about the implications of pranking a muggle, even if she was Professor Dumbledore's goddaughter, Arthur still looking elated, while Ginny appeared to be thinking over something furiously. Suddenly she looked rather sick.
"Oh, eww!" Ginny cried. "That wasn't Harry, that was my brother!!!"
"So?" Ron asked, confused. "It's Charlie. You've always got along well with Charlie!"
"Yeah, Gin." Said Fred.
"Don't you love us, Gin-gin?" George said reproachfully. "We're your brothers too!"
Hermione, however, looked sharply at Ginny, whose face was slightly green. Remus secretly wondered what all the fuss was about until he remembered something Harry had told him while he was staying at Grimmauld Place.
"Hey, Remus?" he had said. "She's really something else, you know. And I can't even tell Ron, because he'd probably pound me on the head about it or demand that I marry her right away. You know, do some protective older brother kind of thing."
Remus's eyes widened and he looked at Ginny in sympathy. "Ginny," he said kindly. "Why don't you go up and see how Harry's doing."
The girl nodded and ran quickly up the stairs. "They're in the second room on your right." Remus called up after her.
"Well," he said, turning the people remaining at the bottom of the stairs. "Why don't we get something to eat?"
Harry had been incredibly upset to see Sarah, but the appearance of Sirius had done wonders in dimming the pain. As Christmas approached, he, Bill, Charlie and Tonks took turns in sitting with Remus in Sarah's room. He spent the rest of his time basking in the fact that he had his godfather back. Sirius, unlike the Christmas of the year before, did not mope around but threw himself back into life with such enthusiasm that even Remus had to join in now and then.
It so happened, on one of those occasions that Remus had been persuaded – no, coerced to leave Sarah for a while, that Arthur had discovered, much to his supreme delight, the muggle game that his wife had hidden from him; Twister.
This in itself almost convinced Remus to leave there and then, but Sirius and Harry clamped down onto his arms and very firmly told him that with the exception of Hermione, he was the only one who knew how to play the game, and as they were competing boys against girls, they needed him desperately.
Remus sighed but sank down into a chair anyways; he couldn't refuse Harry or Sirius alone, and the two of them together was a force to great for him to contend with. Bill, Sirius, Ron and Harry made up the boys team, with Remus coaching them and Fred and George as overenthusiastic cheerleaders. Hermione, Ginny and Tonks with Molly as a substitute made up the girls team, insisting that they didn't need four people to win such an easy game. Percy, Arthur and Charlie refereed, much to the displeasure of the girls, who demanded that only Percy could be trusted to have fair judgment in such a case, and even then they said that it would be a biased game.
Whether or not it was biased, both sides played extremely well, Ron showing a natural gracefulness that was the subject of much teasing from Fred and George for months afterwards. After the selector called out "Left hand, red!" Bill suddenly found himself upside down, looking underneath the chair that Remus was sitting in. He struggled for a moment, much to the delight of the girls, of whom only Ginny was left playing against Ron and Bill, then regained his balance. But before he was given the all clear, he caught sight of a pair of feet just behind the chair, attached to a pair of ankles, one of which was sporting a small tattoo in the shape of snowy-white tiger wrapped by the letter S.
"Sss-sar…" he managed to say before falling over. Ginny and Hermione hooted with triumph, but Harry, Tonks and Charlie stood mesmerized, staring at the figure behind Remus.
Remus had been watching Bill and Ron play against their little sister with a half amused smile on his face when he heard gentle footsteps coming down the hall. Freezing in his chair, he listened intently, shutting out the sounds of the game in front of him. Suddenly the sound of someone stubbing their toe floated into the room, followed by a soft "Ow! Damn!" that he would have been able to recognize anywhere. Not trusting himself to turn around, he held his breath as the person came into the room, finally coming to rest behind his chair. It was Bill's stunned stammering of her name along with the looks on Harry, Tonks and Charlie's faces that convinced him.
Heart pounding, he got up and turned around. Sarah was standing just beside his chair now, smiling shyly at him. "Yeah, you were right." She said, blushing. "I guess I wasn't fine, hunh? How long have I been out for?"
Sarah never really got an answer other than Remus engulfing her in a hug that told her he never ever planned to let go. She hugged him back tightly for a few minutes, then pulled away to look at his face. He was smiling at her, but there were tears on his cheeks.
"Oh," she said quietly. "Oh, Remus. A while, then, I suppose. Oh I'm sorry, Remus, I…"
Remus silenced her by gathering her up in his arms again. "I thought I'd never get to be with you again." He choked out. "You were – you were – I'd lost you, and I… you were…"
Behind him, Sirius quietly shepherded everyone else out of the room, closing the door as he left to give them some privacy.
"Well, I'm not gone," Sarah whispered, wiping his tears away. "I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere, okay? I promise, I'm staying."
"You promise?" Remus managed to croak out.
"I promise." Sarah said, wrapping her own arms around him and moving close to him.
Remus closed his eyes, holding Sarah tightly against him "Sarah," he mumbled against her hair. "Sarah, I.. I...lo..." Words escaped him, but Sarah buried her face in his neck, rubbing his back softly.
"I know, Remus." She said, her own eyes glistening. "I know."
A/N: Woohoo!!! There it is!! In terms of words, that's the longest chapter I've ever written! And she's back!!! Remus loves Sarah!! Yes!!! Honestly, guys, I know I'm the one writing this, but even for me, it's exciting when good stuff happens. It's like I'm watching a movie in my imagination, and I'm just writing it down how I see it happen. Hoo boy. Okay then, calming down. Did you like it?? Can you guess what they're going to do next?? Review and let me know! Love you all.
-Laren