TITLE: The Christmas Gift
RATING: PG
PAIRING: Harm/Mac
Disclaimer: I do not own JAG
Author's Note: This is a short snippet, or epilogue, after my last story. It can also be read as a separate Christmas story. Harm and Mac have just returned from a difficult time in Arizona, and now are trying to get back to normal. It's short, took me some time to write because of my busy schedule. But I hope you like it! Enjoy!
Chapter 2: If the Fates AllowBud and Harriet's home
2030 EST
The chill was almost unbearable. Unfortunately, because she lived in Washington, Mac's body was used to such extreme temperatures. Well, she mused, most of the time. The gifts in her hands were hardly heavy, but the cold quickened her movements across the hard, icy sidewalk. Before she had a chance to imagine herself falling helplessly into the snow around her, Mac climbed the few steps onto the porch soon stood outside the door, ringing the bell.
She thought quickly of Harm, hoping he made it to the party okay since she didn't see him at home. They agreed, however, if she didn't make it home in time he would leave without her and meet her there. Since his injuries prevented him from driving to the party by himself, he would be forced to call someone to pick him up. Sturgis became the perfect candidate for such a request since he already knew of their relationship. And there was no need to make up some lame excuse explaining Harm's presence at Mac's apartment, healing from his injuries.
Maybe she did have reasons to be angry in learning Harm revealed their relationship to someone, but she wasn't. In fact, Mac had to admit her own need to tell someone of her relationship with Harm. Especially recently, her heart told her she needed a helpful ear. Considering what may happen, the future approaching them at an ever steady pace, Mac felt the urgency to tell someone, anyone, what was happening in her life.
Well, not just anyone, Mac reconsidered quietly… someone I can trust.
The thought barely finished as the door opened, revealing on the other side a happy, and very pregnant Harriet Roberts. "Ma'am! You finally made it."
Mac smiled and walked in, the warm air quickly draining the red glow from her cheeks. The soft bustle of fellow officers and friends filled her ears, and in the next moment the packages that were held tightly in her hands were gone. As was her coat. "Sorry I'm late," she replied, the switch in scenery invading her senses. For the entire day, Mac either gazed at case files, clients, the General, or the cold night air. In contrast, all she saw in the Roberts' lovely home was tinsel, wreaths, red and green candles, Christmas music from a stereo, and a tall tree sitting comfortably in the far corner of their living room. "Your home looks wonderful, Harriet."
Harriet blushed a little as she escorted Mac into the living room to the right. "I didn't think I would get anything done this year. The kids have been so rambunctious lately. Many days I almost called AJ's Godparents for some assistance," she said hastily, winking slightly at her friend.
Mac nodded, knowing full well how crazy AJ could be at times. "Well, you should've called. I know I could use a brush up course in child-rearing."
"Don't tempt me, ma'am. Because next time I might just take you up on your offer," Harriet warned playfully.
"Did Harm get here okay?" Mac asked in a whisper, her attempt to care but not care too much coming off quite poorly. It was difficult acting ignorant, or uncaring short of love when it came to talking of Harm with friends. And that very thought only supported her inward insistence on telling someone, breaking the silence.
Harriet nodded as she moved towards the kitchen, surprised to see Mac following. "I'm glad to see he's doing so well," she said with a small smile, moving quickly to a plate of cheese and crackers.
Mac concurred quietly, "Me, too." Any other response might give too much away.
"I know Bud's certainly been worried about him," Harriet confided, settling the crackers and cheese in a decorative pattern.
Mac knew their friend worried. In fact, she knew everyone at JAG worried. And though she wanted to reassure them by sharing some of the special knowledge she had of the situation, such a hasty move may threaten the special secrecy. Perhaps that was another reason to believe the time to tell their friends had come. But it was a decision that could not be made now.
To move past the conversation, Mac watched Harriet lift the platter and immediately interceded, "Here, let me take that." The perfect way to change the subject, Mac thought.
Harriet smiled warmly, glad to give the job away, though simple, to someone else. For her, nothing was simple in her condition. "Thank you. Just set it in the family room."
Mac nodded and proceeded in that direction. She hoped the next room she ventured in might have Harm inside, sitting in the couch, perhaps standing, initially waiting for her to arrive. Maybe they couldn't stand too close together; maybe they couldn't hold each other's hands, or even look at each other for too long without arising attention for staring. But the idea was still very real.
This was their first Christmas together.
And it promised great things.
However, there were only three other people in the family room, and none of them were Harm. Mac tried to hide her disappoint as she approached Bud, who stood next to the couch, Coates, who sat on the couch, and Bud's brother Mike sitting next to her. What other room could he be in? Bathroom? Maybe visiting AJ up in his room? Maybe I'm overreacting?
"Colonel Mackenzie!" Bud greeted enthusiastically, who stepped back a bit to give Mac room to set the platter of cheese and crackers on the coffee table in front of the couch.
Coates recalled with an innocent smile, "We considered sending out Marine Recon to make sure you were okay, ma'am."
Mac smirked, the image of such a situation easing her mood. It was ridiculous, certainly, but it would have taken a Marine Recon force to break her away from the work any sooner.
"What took so long, ma'am?" Bud asked as he took a sip from the drink he nursed the entire night.
Mac sighed gently, aware of her own heart, her own need to vent, even if it may be unprofessional at its core. But there was only one person she even dared to share such feelings with, and he was nowhere in sight. And even though she may have rightful gripes, there was no place for complaints. The General may be difficult, but no less than Chegwidden has been before, or in comparison to any other commanding officer on a carrier or infantry unit.
"The General has given me a little more responsibility. Just some different tasks he feels I should be taking care of," Mac began, strolling over to the comfy chair adjacent to the couch and sitting down, and continued with a small smile, "But I would have preferred some warning before he was suddenly appointed."
Coates shrugged a bit helplessly. "No one received any warning, ma'am. Frankly, I'm surprised with the Navy's haste and secrecy."
"More like the SecNav's haste and secrecy. Trying to cover up whatever Admiral Krennick was involved in," Mac added, convinced the SecNav's name was written all over this appointment and change.
Mac's mind immediately began to wander and only vaguely heard someone respond, her eyes traveling around the room as casually as possible. She couldn't seem to shrug off her worry for Harm, practically ignoring the wonderful decorations on the fireplace, walls, and night stands as she considered the numerous possibilities of where Harm could be. And while she thought of the many ways to break away from this conversation and head to the next room, convinced he must be in there, her mind caught the word she'd been searching for … Commander Rabb.
"He seemed pretty good to me … well, you know, considering," Bud replied quietly. Then he looked to Mac with interest, and asked, "Have you seen him since he's been home?"
Mac almost felt her heart leap with amusement. Hiding the smile that pulled at her lips was the most difficult part, so in need to recognize the irony of the question. Or perhaps the ignorance. Or perhaps how well she and Harm have kept their relationship a secret. And to answer Bud's question with no extra feeling, she tried desperately to forget about all of it for the initial second. "Only once. I brought him soup," Mac admitted. Actually, she did bring him soup. But more than once. "I think he's getting better." And she knew for a fact he was.
"I can't imagine what he went through," Coates replied grimly, rightfully concerned about him. Besides Mac, Coates seemed to worry about Harm the most since he returned from captivity. Just like everyone else she only visited him at the hospital and kept a distance away as he healed comfortably at home. Both Sturgis and Mac unofficially promised to keep an eye on him until he returned to JAG, which inevitably kept visitors away for the time being.
And of course, no one knew the real story.
"Me neither," Bud began, looked to Mac and added, "Good thing you found him in time, ma'am."
The conversation soon entered a realm that Mac became used to recently, one in which included everyone thanking her for her efforts. Of course she was happy, of course she was thrilled her actions saved Harm. But it grew quickly overbearing. And she was careful to sidestep it. "Speaking of finding Harm, I haven't seen him yet."
Bud moved to the platter and chose a piece of cheese before he informed nonchalantly, "He left to get dressed."
"Dressed?" Mac asked, unable to hide her curiosity.
Bud nodded and looked to Mac as if she had lived underneath a rock the last few days because she didn't know. "He's playing Santa Claus. I asked if he would for AJ. Then he came up with the idea of arriving at the party dressed like him to give out the secret Santa gifts." He paused then, quickly noticing Mac's surprise, evidently hearing this piece of information for the first time. Quickly he recovered by suggesting, "Well, it's no big deal. Just some fun, ma'am. Only a few of us know. It's kind of a surprise."
Mac acknowledged this casually, though internally turned a bit annoyed with Harm for not telling her his plans sooner. Why wouldn't he tell her something like this? Or was it supposed to be a secret?
Just as she considered the possible reasons that prevented him from informing her, everyone heard the front door open wide and the familiar chant of a bearded man in a red suit echoed through the house.
Soon everyone was gathered in the living room and watched as Santa carried his bag around the room and unloaded a gift for each person he came to. Immediately Mac recognized the man under the suit to be Harm. His demeanor was too difficult to miss for her. A 6'4" frame, he was always difficult to miss. Mac liked going out with a man who did have a few inches on her, was strong, and attractive. In comparison to the other men she was involved with in the past, from Eddie to Clay, none were the same as Harm. And Mac liked that.
"I think he's a little too tall to be Santa," Sturgis mumbled next to her. So involved in her thoughts, Mac didn't realize she was on the other side of the room next to Sturgis and his fiancé. They stood next to the fireplace that was decorated with stockings, pictures, and garland across the front, and Mac felt strangely nostalgic. Or maybe curious. Gazing at Harm, his red suit and beard almost hiding the man underneath, Mac saw their children, the ones to come, standing at his feet. Saw them in his lap, in the rocking chair, listening to his soft voice recite a treasured bedtime story. Saw one running to their bedroom to feel safe from a thunderstorm, climbing in between them, safe in each other's arms.
What she saw was perfection.
Crossing her arms, she whispered, "I think he's just right." He was exactly what she was looking for.
Soon enough he stepped up to them, his bag held tightly in his hands. If anything gave Harm's true identity away, it was his eyes. The dark blue could not be missed, a color she would recognize for the rest of her life. The same distinct shade she saw through happiness, sadness, and in the deep night of their love. And the future she envisioned for them only moments before intoxicated her once again, it's air so thick it almost suffocated her.
"Merry Christmas," the fake Santa bellowed, giving a small wink as he handed her the gift nestled in his strong grip. Stripping her gaze from those dark, blue eyes, she looked to the present, it's wrapping distinctly familiar, barely the size of the hand that held it.
Mac was almost afraid to take it, as if handling it may instantly break it. Yet it remained inviting, just as every gift before this. Before this latest act of kindness, Mac believed Harm's intentions matched that of any boyfriend or lover in a relationship. But now the rationalization could not be made so easily. Clearly all of this was much more important.
Now it could be nothing else. Harm had something very special planned for today. For tonight. Perhaps the rest of their lives.
The gift itself distinctly fell under a different category. It was neither heavy nor big. In fact, it was the complete opposite. And for the first time, Harm physically gave her the gift rather than leaving it in a spot where she would find it on her own. And though this initially gave her the opportunity to ask him about it, the public forum in which he gave it did not allow for that.
And the only thing left to do was open it.
As Harm continued his gift giving, Mac ripped the gold paper to reveal a small, felt box. Of course there were obvious conclusions to make by just gazing at it, unopened, but Mac did not allow for shock until she actually saw what lay inside. It could be an engagement ring, the one gift she almost expected to see now, but though the box was small, it was just a tad wider than a normal ring box would be. Seeing this, and considering they were at a party with friends, it was safe to assume this was not what it initially suggested.
Sighing deeply, and taking one last glance at those around her, all of whom were engrossed in their gifts and discussions, Mac carefully lifted the top up.
The colors of tinsel, white lights, and the tree across the way intensified the gold, familiar shape of the object that stared back at her. And above everything else, this was the last thing Mac ever expected to see inside this small box. Her fingers traced its distinct shape and careful, carved precision along its very small frame. It characterized Harm's dreams, as well as her own fantasies. And maybe, for the first time, they were one in the same. For the first time in nine years the desires of her heart matched that of Harm's.
I was always a sucker for dress whites and … Mac mused, tightening her hold on them … gold wings. Harm's gold wings. And no one else's.
And underneath these gold wings the small note awaited her curious eyes. It would set the meaning to something so unreal, so initially confusing.
You're the adventure I've waited my whole life for …
Mac was now second place to nothing.
Mac's Apartment
Georgetown
0140 EST
After the Christmas party everyone went to the annual Christmas Eve candlelight service, as per tradition. Once the service finished, just like every year, Harm went to the Vietnam wall to stand vigil over his father's name. Though Mac was given special access to that part of his life, she rarely stepped in unless asked. And each year she merely watched as Harm left for his annual conversation with a father he barely knew. A few years back he asked her to join him and she quickly refused. To go would acknowledge her relationship with him as serious, to admit there was more there than either would admit.
This year he didn't ask.
But Mac tried to ignore that, and only remembered his personal need to share that time with his father alone. And how could she forget the many gifts he showered her with today? So many, so meaningful, so much to absorb. In the past Harm was frequently known for saying the wrong thing, or saying it at the wrong time. Now during their relationship he said everything correctly. Said exactly what she needed to hear. And said it with more meaning than anything he said during the eight years before.
The elevator door soon opened and Mac walked down the quiet hall. It was safe to assume everyone in her building was either gone or asleep, which left much of the atmosphere to her thoughts. Within this small world, Mac didn't initially recognize anything strange as she stepped inside her apartment. Only darkness, some twinkle from the tree that stood far off next to the window. Harm insisted on having one, even insisted on buying a real tree, and they decorated it during the small window of time between his return from the carrier and her case in Iraq.
As she considered that memory, it's importance, Mac stepped to a lamp and turned it on.
Blue.
Everywhere …
In fact, there was no other way to describe it. The lamp itself did not turn on, but stretching along the entire perimeter – on the ceiling, along the walls, the windows, and around the doorways – were dark blue Christmas lights. The room was cascaded in an illusive vision, dreamlike in nature; as if cleansed, or a rebirth. Even the tree gleamed of blue, smaller lights than those around the apartment but still effective.
Mac shrugged her heavy coat off and set it on the couch as her eyes caught a definitive box-shaped, gold-wrapped gift that sat all alone on the bare coffee table. To assume this had nothing to do with the previous three gifts was ignorant. Of course Harm was behind this, behind every gift, every kindness, and every surprise that was to come. And with the dreamy atmosphere all around, all Mac could concentrate on was the unopened gift in front of her.
And just like every other one, she lifted the gift to observe it closer, it's shape the same width as the last, but a bit taller and much boxier. It was then she saw the small white card attached to the bow, the same gesture that previously awaited her eager eyes inside the other presents. This certainly broke the code, and only intensified Mac's need to know exactly what Harm planned for tonight
Walk to the tree …
Certainly a strange message, but Mac followed the instruction. The soft, blue light cast a warm glow over her hands holding the note tightly as her eyes drifted to the next message just below the first.
Now open …
Mac smirked slightly, amused with Harm's little game. But she had to play along, especially if she intended on solving the puzzle. Both liked to take control, to urge the other one into games and situations. What Harm planned for tonight, though she could guess, she really didn't know for sure. Her eyes gazed at the tree full of blue lights, ornaments, initially interested mostly in how he ever pulled off something like this. There were days where she did leave Harm alone in the apartment. And who knows what he did or planned when she left for Iraq. But she didn't remember seeing anything like this during her time home. To change the tree lights, as he did, would take some time. Maybe that was one of his errands for today, because Mac must admit her lack of observation when she returned home for those ten minutes to change.
Regardless, it was still sweet.
A sigh crossed over her lips, almost in preparation for what was in the box she held. Perhaps the engagement ring she expected, and perhaps not. Either way, remembering the three gifts before, it was going to be special. Though she loved this attention, loved the showering and intimacy, part of her still remained nervous. And she knew she felt this way with no other man in her life. Harm was the only one to create such nervousness, anticipation, and a flush to her cheeks.
Soon the paper to the gift was gone, the bow pulled off in haste, and once again a very white box met her eager gaze. Mac pulled the top off, and inside, much to her amusement, was a blue ornament. She could barely hold back her wide smile, a kind of giddiness that came with everything he has given her thus far. Carefully she lifted the blue ball from it's box, it's dark pigment matching the same blue that still glowed deeply in the room.
And at first Mac didn't see the white letters printed on the ornament itself. Only when she held it by the hook and let it twirl did she finally see the message etched into the ball itself.
Our First Christmas
2004
The light from the stars above sparkled through the window and blended with the those twinkling, blue lights on the tree, so much so that Mac almost forgot exactly where she was save for the warmth of the apartment.
And from the warmth of strong arms suddenly encircling her from behind.
"Something blue," Harm recited gently in her ear.
Then it made sense. Though Mac suspected a marriage proposal in the midst of this overwhelming gift giving, the simple words caught her off guard. She certainly didn't expect it to come the way it came. And yet it did.
And suddenly the gifts fell into the riddle, so obvious now. Why she didn't see it before, Mac could hardly fathom. To let something so clear pass over her head almost shamed her. She was much more intelligent than this. Perhaps given so many gifts in such a strange way completely shut her off from normal, rational thought. Maybe just the thought of Harm asking her, the possibility so true and real, took her mind off of everything else. Then did she recall the gifts, each one in turn …
The old Naval Academy t-shirt …
The new music box …
The borrowed Navy gold wings …
The blue ornament marking a milestone …
Mac felt a kiss to her neck, just below the turtleneck of her red sweater. Her heart started to beat a bit faster with the new intimacy, and never before did she feel this close to Harm. Or even anybody. Though Mic asked her to marry him, it came so impulsively, in a moment when she was clearly not ready. In a moment when she still brooded over Harm's rejection and searching to rebound. Chris, her first husband by stupidity and alcoholism, came just as impulsively.
With Harm, it came with love. The need to take that next step, to call each other husband and wife too overwhelming.
To have the family they both wanted, to live the life they both wanted. And to do it right, in the love and intimacy that resided deep in their souls. And nothing seemed impulsive about it. Not like at the airfield weeks before, when Mac truly believed Harm was driven by fear.
Maybe there was fear here. Maybe Mac wasn't giving Harm the benefit of the doubt.
Maybe it was time.
Harm's hand clasped hers as she lifted the ornament to the tree to hang it for everyone to see, and she realized then how perfect their hands were together. How well they fit, and how wonderful it felt. In the next instant she was facing him, his eyes full of promise, devotion, commitment, and love.
Mac noticed now he was still wearing the red coat from his Santa costume, dressed normally otherwise in his shirt and tie. And with a smile, she joked to ease the nerves that rode high, "So you do come on Christmas Eve."
Harm smiled widely in reaction, and shot back a quick retort, "Only if you're good." And just as quickly as the smile came, it left just as quickly to something much more serious. This was an important moment for both of them, one in which they would remember for the rest of their lives. And Harm didn't want to leave anything unsaid.
Have yourself a merry little Christmas
Let your heart be light
From now on our troubles will be out of sight
He took her hand and eased it into his as he began, "I know I didn't ask the way I should have the last time at the airfield. I was afraid I would never see you again, and you were right. That's not a good enough to reason to ask or to say yes." He took a small pause then, almost like gathering his thoughts and trying to remember everything he planned to say here. To make it memorable.
Have yourself a merry little Christmas
Make the yuletide gay
From now on your troubles will be miles away
"But I'm asking again. Now. Not because I'm afraid I will never see you again. But because I want to see you every day of my life. I want to make you happy. I want to love you every day, hold you every day. I want to share my life with you. I want to have a family with you," Harm urged on, and again he stopped momentarily, his eyes gazing to hers, into her soul. So many instances did they look so deeply, so intimately. And this above all else proved to Mac how right they were for each other. No other man in her life could see so much, let alone be given access to it.
Once again as in olden days
Happy golden days o of yore
And while she considered this, Harm continued, "I want to watch our children graduate from high school, have grandchildren. To grow old with you." He then reached into his red coat pocket and took out the small felt box that would have burned a hole through his coat if he neglected to take it out any sooner. He lifted it to their eye level, both staring at it, and only then did he notice his ragged breathing and tight chest. To combat his rising nerves, he squeezed her hand and continued quickly, "We're good together, we belong together. We were meant for each other. And I really believe that. It explains all of our …"
Loving friends who dear near to us
Will be near to us once more
A weak smile crossed her lips and she hugged him, allowing her hands to drift up to the back of his head. Harm, the arrogant Naval aviator, the hero … nervous to ask her. And it was the same feeling that rose inside her heart, and the only way to get pass this was to ease the tension. So with that weak smile, Mac whispered into his ear, "You're rambling, Commander. Just ask me."
From now on we all will be together
If the fates allow
Harm immediately released a smile of his own, his heart falling to a normal rhythm as Mac pressed her cheek to his.
But till then we'll have to muddle through somehowHe broke contact only slightly, enough to urge Mac's eyes to the felt box he still held in between them. And perhaps with more bravery then he thought he had, and with a loving smile, he opened the top.
So have yourself a merry little Christmas nowMac wrapped her hand around his hand that held the box tightly. The blue, twinkling lights sent color into the diamond that stared back at her. She looked up into his eyes, swam in the dark, blue pool of warmth and love. From this moment Mac knew her life would never be the same. She was no longer single, no longer alone. Big, decorated trees would characterize future Christmas', with toys underneath that took them all night to put together.
Holidays full of love …
"Please marry me," Harm whispered.
Mac ran the back of her hand along his cheek, his skin soft to her touch, tingling underneath her fingertips. And at this moment, she wanted nothing else. Maybe life would allow them to stay here, together. To live the life they both wanted, and, for the first time, wanted at the same time.
Because it was meant to be.
This was what they were waiting for.
With a small, sweet smile, Mac whispered in return, "Okay."
Through the years we all will be together
If the fates allow
To remember this moment, this day, this time, Mac knew she would always remember it as if she was looking in on it rather than living it. From a distance she saw Harm place the ring on her finger with a soft smile, his forehead leaning against hers, his arms encircling her waist. And somewhere in the midst of this, whether she was lost in Harm or her future, she neglected to hear the carols beginning to play on the stereo across the room. But that wasn't on her mind.
Hang a shining star upon the highest bowIn fact, all she wanted to do was pull Harm closer to her, feel his nose nuzzling her neck gently as he breathed in her wonderful scent. And as she ran her hands through his short hair, kissed him on the cheek, she melted in his arms.
And as the music continued, the night moved on …
In the glow from the window, from the moon, from the Christmas stars …
They danced as one.
And have yourself a merry little Christmas now
Fin (for now!)
Merry Christmas!
Happy New Year!
And May God bless you and yours this Holiday season