Disclaimer: Anything/Anyone you do not recognize is mine; anything else, J.K.R's.

A/N: aaaand I'm back! Well, I've actually been back for a while as I was writing Summer at the Vale (which is getting funnier, I hope) but now I'm going to get back to my first baby, Chem for Werewolves! Yes!! I know, I'm awful, leaving it where I did, but I really hope that you all are still reading it. So, with that said, here it is!! (Oh, and for those who wanted a bit of Harry/Ginnyness? Here it is, although I bet it's not the way you expected – for some background, check out Summer at the Vale, my other story)

On with the Story!

Chapter 18: Are Often Things We'd Rather Have Stayed Unsaid…

Ginny Weasley walked into the Gryffindor common room, her hazel eyes quickly scanning the room for any sign of messy black hair. Finding none, she settled for striding over to a head full of frizzy brown hair instead.

"Hey." She collapsed into a seat opposite Hermione, who looked up from the various pieces of parchment surrounding her to smile at the tired looking younger girl.

"Ginny!" she exclaimed – then frowned upon closer inspection. "Ginny – you look terrible! Have you been sleeping lately?"

Ginny smiled wryly, and then shook her head. "Thanks, Hermione, I was just absolutely dying for someone to tell me how very awful I looked." Hermione blushed furiously and began to apologize but Ginny continued. "No, I know, you're right. And, well, I have been sleeping – but…" she paused and looked around the common room, her hands fidgeting with anything in reach. "things have been rough lately."

Hermione looked sympathetically at Ginny, but also slightly confused. "I'm sorry to hear that, Gin." She said. "But – I mean, I thought…that everything was going alright. You know, with Percy no longer being a git, and you and Harry are…closer, right?"

The response she got, however, was far from the one she expected. Ginny shook her head in disgust and threw her hands up in the air, clearly frustrated. "That's just it, Hermione, we're closer, but I'm not – we're not exactly together! And before, you know, we were just friends, so I didn't ask about certain things, but…"

Hermione raised an eyebrow at the redhead before standing up and offering her hand to Ginny. "Why don't we go up to my room, Gin – no one else is there right now."

Ginny gratefully accepted and soon the two were comfortably installed on Hermione's bed, where she gestured for Ginny to continue.

"Hermione," Ginny began, fiddling with the edges of her skirt. "Hermione, do you know anything about where Harry stayed this summer? I mean, I know that he wasn't at the Dursleys, so…"

Hermione eyed the younger girl warily, not knowing how much Ginny was supposed to know. "Well," she spoke slowly and deliberately. "I know that he was at some kind of safe house."

"What, all alone?"

"No, well, I don't know. I assumed there was someone there with him, of course." Hermione looked intently at Ginny. "Sorry, Gin, but I don't think I see where you're going with this so far."

Ginny merely sighed and stretched out on Hermione's bed, burying her face into the pillow for a few moments. Suddenly she sat up, her back straight. "You know Sarah? Well, she taught dance during the summers when she was younger, and she kept in touch with some of her students. In fact, there's one in particular – an Emily Gould – who she's apparently still very close to."

Hermione raised an eyebrow at Ginny. "Alright." She said, giving the other girl a long look. "Other than the fact that I'm still confused about how this involves Harry, how did you find out about this girl?"

Ginny looked frustrated – evidently she'd expected Hermione to catch on much faster. "Well, you know how Harry and Sarah are pretty close. At Christmas I kind of walked in on a conversation they were having, and they mentioned her several times. Harry saw me, of course, otherwise I wouldn't have asked, but when I did he told me that she was a former student of Sarah's."

Now Ginny could practically see the wheels turning in Hermione's head. "But how does Harry know her, then, and why were they talking about her?"

"That's exactly it, Hermione." Ginny nodded, but her lips were drawn into a thin line. "When I came in, Harry was saying how much he missed her, as well as how strange it was not to be able to see her whenever he wanted. Then Sarah said that Harry's reaction was completely normal, as they'd been living together all summer. Harry…he totally agreed with her, and then said that… that he'd go absolutely nuts if anything happened to her, as she was so incredibly important to him…Hermione, do you see what I'm saying?? He bloody well sounds like he's absolutely in love with this girl!! And he spent a whole summer with her! In the same house! How am I supposed to compete with that?!"

Hermione stared at Ginny in shock. Slowly, however, the shock was replaced by a thoughtful expression. "Well, that would explain why he's not so dense when it comes to girls, anymore. I mean, normally, it would have taken him years to realize you fancied him."

Ginny, however, looked furious. "Hermione!" she cried, bringing her fist down on the bed. "That is not the point!"

"Oh! Yes." Hermione quickly snapped out of her reverie. "Sorry, Gin. But really, now, he obviously hasn't seen her for months - and as I'm sure they are just friends Gin – it is only natural for him to miss her. I mean, I miss Harry terribly during the summer time, and I'm not in the slightest bit interested in him that way."

Ginny had opened her mouth to continue, but Hermione's calming words seemed to have the desired effect on her and she closed it again, harrumphing quietly to herself. "Gin," Hermione said kindly. "Why don't you go and talk to Harry about it? I know you're upset because he didn't tell you he knew her…" Ginny looked away angrily and was ready to launch into another tirade when Hermione continued. "But we're probably not supposed to know that this girl even exists, let alone that Harry spent a summer with her."

Ginny stared at Hermione for a moment before getting up off of the bed. "Where are you going?" Hermione called, more than a little disconcerted.

"I need to talk to Harry!" Ginny called back, already heading down the stairs to the common room. Arriving at the bottom, however, she stopped short. Harry was standing before her, his eyes seemingly locked onto hers.

"Gin," he said softly. "Parvati and Lavender said that you were talking about me; that you seemed upset."

Ginny bit her lip – now that Harry was right in front of her, his gaze never wavering, she felt a lot less confidence than she had only seconds earlier. "Uh…" she stammered. Harry continued to stare at her for a few more seconds; Ginny swore that he knew exactly what she was thinking. Suddenly he gave her a small smile and dropped his eyes. Taking her hand in his he lead her over to a darker corner of the common room.

"Alright, Gin." He said, once they were seated out of hearing range from any of the students. "So you want to know about Emily."

Remus frantically paced the kitchen of Grimmauld Place, much to the amusement and/or alarm of various Order members. Tonks was staring at him warily, muttering every now and then to the amused Bill about how Remus was supposed to be the calm one, while Sirius regarded him with a huge grin on his face, agreeing with Bill, who, despite Tonks' sour sentiments, was of the opinion that Remus was thoroughly and irrevocably head over heels for Sarah. Eventually Snape strode into the kitchen, his robes attempting to billow out behind him but failing miserably as the doorway was simply much too small for any such 'theatrics' as Sirius took great delight in calling them.

"Honestly, Lupin, are you trying your best to wear a hole through the floor? It's bad enough that we have to use this derelict old place; so please, do us all a favour and at least refrain from destroying it altogether."

"Shut up, Snivellus!"

Silence fell in the kitchen as the snarled words resounded through the room. Everyone was stunned into silence – no one had ever heard Remus refer to Snape in such a manner. Unlike Sirius, he'd always tried to be polite, but it now seemed as if something was eating at him to the point that he couldn't have cared less.

After his initial shock, Snape composed himself before swooping out of the room, his robes swishing around him as he quickly exited. Sirius was the first to recover, a look of absolute glee on his face as he got up, hand outstretched so as to congratulate Remus.

"Well done!" he exclaimed, beaming widely. "That was incredible…I mean…or…I could shut up too?"

He backed away slowly – the same murderous glare that had sent Snape scuttling away was now being turned on him in all its glory. "Sorry, Remus." He said quietly, tentatively putting a hand on Remus' shoulder. His friend merely looked at him before leaving the room himself, the room eerily silent in his departure.

Sirius stared around at everyone, who were all looking at him in utter disbelief. "Whooboy!" he said, stretching his face into a horribly fake grin. "Must be that time of the month, no?"

Sarah slipped quietly into Remus' room, trying her best not to wake him as she got into the bed, but the ever-alert werewolf was awake and had his arms around her in seconds.

"Sarah!" she could just make out his face, smiling at her in the darkness. "Sarah, sweetheart, are you alright? It's been over a day – I was beginning to think something had happened!"

Sarah relaxed as she felt Remus' arms encircling her waist. Snuggling close to him, she allowed herself to fall back with him onto the bed. "Things got busy…" she explained, lightly kissing his neck. "I'm so sorry; I wanted to get back here earlier, but…oh, everything is such a mess."

Remus grinned wolfishly in the dark. "Well, let's take your mind off of everything, then."

"Oh, Remus, I don't know…" Sarah's protests very quickly faded away as (A/N: it's eleven-eleven! Make a wish!) Remus' hands found their way underneath the rather small t-shirt that Sarah was wearing to what lay beneath it, which was, much to their mutual delight, nothing but bare skin. "Oh, god, Remus, yes…oh…"

Remus growled low in his throat as Sarah began her own exploration, her hands venturing ever lower. "This is in the way." He mumbled against her stomach as he pulled off her shirt and brought her closer to him. Sarah slid an arm around his neck and pulled her head down to hers to place a searing kiss on his lips, the intensity of it surprising both of them. Remus' mind was reeling as Sarah teased his lower lip, sucking and nibbling on it until he very willingly opened his mouth. He unconsciously settled himself between her hips, instinctively moving his crotch against hers as their tongues battled each other. Suddenly Sarah shot up, pushing Remus off of her as she jumped off of the bed and fairly ran to the other side of the room.

"I can't do this." She said, frantically searching in the dark for her shirt. "Remus, I'm so sorry, I can't…he…I don't know why it's bothering me now, but I can't…" She sank to the floor and began to cry, huge gut-wrenching sobs that immediately spurred the very shocked Remus into action.

"Peaches," he said softly. "Sarah, it's okay. Everything is okay." He gathered the sobbing girl into his arms and rocked her gently, saying comforting nothings until the torrent of tears finally ceased and they simply lay together on the bed. Remus, propped on one elbow, was looking down at Sarah's naked body, gently wiping the tears from her cheeks when she spoke again.

"I know I lied to you." she said, in a halting, scared voice. "My brother and I haven't always had the best of relationships. I didn't know him until about 3 years ago, when I joined MI5. I was pretty much fresh out of school at the time, not entirely sure of what I wanted in life, except for one, very definite, very big thing. I was going to marry Nathan Goldman."

At this, Remus, who had been softly stroking her cheek, stopped abruptly, his whole body stiffening. Sarah attempted to ignore this and continue, but fresh tears began to course down her face. "And…he introduced me to his best friend, ever since childhood, a man named Michael Calahan. It didn't take us long to realize that Michael and I were half-brother and sister. Nathan was so happy – he'd always invite Michael and his girlfriend on double-dates with us – he thought it was the greatest thing."

Sarah closed her eyes for a moment, not wanting to see the cool, stony expression that had come over Remus' face. "You know the next part. Michael recruited me for MI5. This, however, did not suit Nathan at all. It didn't matter to him that he was already an agent, or that he knew that I was capable of it – he was absolutely furious. But…I had to do it. I needed to do something with my life – and working at MI5 was the perfect opportunity. One day, when Nathan and I were fighting, he said that he didn't think he could handle having a wife who worked at MI5. I was so angry – I dumped him on the spot. Our wedding was only 4 months away – but I cancelled everything. We didn't talk for a while, but I joined nonetheless. Nathan was heartbroken…oh god I was so bad to him…but I was too proud to say I was wrong, that I still…loved him. Eventually he put on a brave face and settled for being friends – and we were, for the first little bit while I was at the agency. Then…"

Sarah's voice broke, and sobs came forth once more. This time, however, Remus found himself unable to move to her. He merely watched her, feeling numb, as if he was just a spectator and it wasn't really his Sarah that was telling him all these things. After a time, Sarah seemed to have got herself under control, and now she sat up to look directly at him, her eyes dry but full of pain that had never been dealt with.

"Then we went out on our first mission, and like I told you, I brought his body back. He made a simple mistake – but it cost him his life – and I wasn't good enough to save it. I loved him, oh, I loved him – and I watched him die." She looked down, playing with her hands in her lap. "Michael and I were only just getting to know each other at the time, but Nathan was his childhood best friend. He never said it out loud, but I know he blamed me. He still does, a bit, but we're getting past it. Except, more as friends. I know he's my brother, and I care about him, but when I think about him other than in the capacity of being my boss…I've moved on Remus, I really have. And… I love you. I love you so much, and I want to be with you…but it still hurts. It's not usually like this, but the memories just came flooding back and oh god I'm so sorry that I didn't tell you. I just…" she paused slightly before continuing. "I didn't want to remember."

Sarah tentatively took Remus' hands in hers. When he didn't pull away, she gave him a small smile and leaned forward to kiss him. As she kissed him, though, he made absolutely no move to kiss her back. Sarah felt much like she was kissing an inanimate object. After one last kiss, she pulled back to look at him. Remus stared back at her, his eyes clouded with an unreadable expression. "I love you," Sarah said earnestly, willing him to believe it. "I love you, Remus Lupin. You are the most important part of my life. Please, don't hate me. I love you."

She watched Remus for a few seconds, and when he made no move, she smiled tentatively at him. Slowly, however, his expression grew stony, and he shook his head at her. Sarah's world shattered into a million pieces.

"No?" she asked, her voice tremulous despite her efforts to remain calm. "I understand, then. I deserve as much for not telling you." she gave him another half smile. "I do love you. But…no, I understand. I'm mostly finished my work for the Order, anyway. After this latest issue is cleared up, I'll be gone." She got up, located her shirt and pulled it on. She had almost made her way to the door when she stopped and walked back over to him, bending down close and kissing his cheek. "Thank you, Remus." She said softly. Her hand was at the doorknob when his voice stopped her.

"What for?"

"For.. at least loving me, even though I've never been completely honest with you. You're a wonderful man, Remus. You deserve someone better than me." She gave him one last sad half smile before turning and slipping out of the room into the hall.

Left alone in the darkness, Remus Lupin bent his head and cried.

A/N: I'm crying. Oh, I don't know why I do this to myself. Or to all of you, I'm truly sorry, but that's just where the story went. It's not the end, though, so we'll see what happens. Sorry that it's so short, and that it's been such a long wait. Hope you liked it.

-Laren