Disclaimer: Sarah and the gang are mine, CLEARLY everything else belongs to Rowling
A/N: well!! It has most definitely been quite a while. I'm really really sorry about that, but I honestly just have not had the time to write, let alone even go on I hope you like this chapter, though, but if you're expecting sunshine and daisies, I strongly warn you that this chapter is NOT all happy go lucky. However, having said that, I say, keep hope!! Who knows – it may yet work out in the end for our troubled couple! Oh, and this chapter is dedicated to Blue Ducky, who writes very good stories and seeing their review in my inbox this morning was the reason why I really hustled and got this out and posted for you all to read. – Laren
On with the Story!
Chapter 19: Dead Betrayal"Sleep well, Sarah?" Sirius smirked at the young woman as she stumbled into the kitchen, sleep still written all over her face. "Or should I have said, sleep much?"
Sirius grinned wickedly at her, only to have the smile wiped off his face when Sarah looked straight at him, her eyes tired and dead. "Go check on Remus, Black." She told him, sitting down with a clunk at the table. "I was stupid and we broke up." Sirius gaped at Sarah, who was quite calmly pouring herself a glass of water. When he didn't move, she continued, in a horrible, monotone voice that grated at every one of his nerves.
"Go on, then...you know how he is – he'll mope up there for days if someone doesn't make sure he's all right. I'd go, but seeing as I'm the reason he's like that, well..." She smiled at him, but it didn't reach her eyes, and without saying anything more took her glass of water and left the room. Sirius stared after her, still in shock, before clenching his fists tightly and going in search of her. Halfway out of the kitchen, he paused, realizing that getting Sarah back for whatever 'stupid' thing she'd done could wait, and instead bolted up the stairs to see Remus.
Abandoning his usual time-honoured tradition of simply barging into a room without any prior warning, he stopped before the door and knocked on it, waiting for some response from inside. "Come in, Padfoot." Remus' voice called, sounding both somewhat amused and surprised. Sirius furrowed his brow at hearing his friend's tone of voice – did Sarah not just say that they had broken up?
Stepping inside the room, he carefully walked over to Remus, who looked rather puzzled at Sirius' expression of concern. "Moony," he began, knowing that it would be better for Remus to tell him on his own. "So, everything's...all right, with you, then?" The second the words left his mouth, however, he mentally kicked himself – he couldn't possibly have been anymore obvious unless he'd said that he'd heard about the break up.
Remus, however, looked somewhat relieved. "Oh, so, Sarah told you then? Well, yes, she and I are over."
"Remus..." Sirius began, not knowing what to say. He thought it had been hard enough when Sarah had 'died' – no, this was much, much worse. Remus was clearly in denial. "Remus, look, I know you're upset... it's all right."
A brief look of intense pain flashed in Remus' eyes, but it was gone so quickly that if Sirius had not heard his voice crack slightly when he spoke he would not have known it had happened. "She – well, still had some issues to sort out, and we came to an agreement that it would be better if we were not together."
Sirius eyed him suspiciously. "But Sarah...said...hang on – so – are you on a break? Just taking some time off from each other?"
Remus eyed him levelly. "In case you didn't notice, Sirius, Sarah and I weren't really together long enough to even qualify for a 'break'." He smiled wryly. "Padfoot, we just have too much baggage to deal with a relationship right now – and I don't know if we'll ever have one in the future."
Sirius sank down onto Remus' bed, trying to fit his mind around the new developments that had been presented to him. "But..."
"I'm fine, Padfoot. Yes, I'm not the happiest man in the world right now, but I can get past this. Besides, there are much more important things to worry about – there's a very evil wizard who is out to conquer the world, remember? Come on, I'm starving, maybe Molly will make her pancakes."
Remus strode through the door, only turning around when it became clear that Sirius wasn't moving. "Padfoot?" he said, looking worried. "Pancakes, Sirius. Molly's pancakes."
"Ah, yes, right, on my way." Sirius replied, his brain shifting back into gear. If Remus said he was fine, then he was fine. But he couldn't get Sarah's dead, monotone voice out of his head, nor the pain that had flashed through Remus' eyes. This is not right, he thought. No, this is wrong.
Remus sat down heavily in the large room in Grimmauld Place that served as the meeting place for the Order. It had been a long day, what with evading Sirius' questions, Sirius, and then Sarah herself. This cannot get any worse, he thought, before mentally slapping himself as Sarah walked into the room. Bill, who had been sitting beside Remus, grinned at her and moved over so that the seat between the two men was available. "Hey, Sarah, me and Remus saved you a seat."
Sarah looked rather puzzled for a moment, her confusion deepening when Remus quickly began to stammer that Sarah could sit anywhere she liked. Bill looked strangely at them. "Well, it's pretty full in here," he noted, gesturing around the rather crowded room. "Unless you want to sit on the floor, well..."
Sarah shook her head and smiled gratefully at Bill. "No, thank you, I'll sit here."
Remus stiffened as she sat down beside him, inwardly cringing when he saw how careful she was not to touch him at all as she did so.
They sat in silence for a few minutes, both listening to the general chatter going on around them and hoping that the other would say something first. Remus slowly clenched and unclenched his fist, willing himself not to show any emotion. He'd been blatantly resolute in his decision the previous night, when Sarah had tearfully begged him to forgive and forget, and Remus Lupin was a stubborn man. No matter how much it was killing him inside that he couldn't turn to her and see her smile at him, that he couldn't just turn to her and say that he loved her even though he wanted to, he couldn't forget what she'd told him. As far as he was concerned, he now knew only one thing; Sarah was still in love with another man, who'd died before they could be totally reconciled but she had loved so much she had planned on spending the rest of her life with him.
But that's over, Remus, you said it yourself, I loved him. Past tense. Now I love you. Remus' head snapped around to stare at Sarah, who was blushing deeply and staring intently down at her hands.
"I'm so sorry," she mumbled. "I didn't mean to – I couldn't help it." She looked up at him, her eyes quickly dropping back to her hands when she encountered his. "Sorry, Remus." She tried again, her voice stronger this time. "I...uh... well..."
Remus couldn't help himself; despite the fact that Sarah seemed to be pulling herself together, he could see that a breakdown was imminent and quickly gathered one of her hands in his. "It's all right," he said, his voice heavy. "You told me ages ago that it was hard for you to ignore – don't worry about it. Just – maybe we shouldn't be around each other so much anymore." Sarah nodded, her eyes visibly brimming with tears. "Sarah," Remus sighed, and then wrapped an arm around her body, pulling her close as she buried her face in his shoulder. Behind her, Bill looked at him, concerned.
"Everything okay?" he mouthed, looking worriedly at Sarah, who was quite obviously crying. Remus nodded to him, thankful that they were in a darker corner of the room. After a while, Sarah stopped sniffling, and pulled away, her eyes and nose red from the tears.
"Thank you." she whispered; the room had begun to quiet down in anticipation of the start of the meeting. Remus squeezed her hand gently, then reached inside a pocket and pulled out a handkerchief, offering it to her. "Oh, thank you" Sarah smiled at him, wiping away the remaining tears. Suddenly she leaned back into him and kissed him on the cheek before moving away from him entirely. Remus sat back in shock, feeling his skin tingle at the place her lips had been. Taking deep breaths to calm himself, he turned to her, but she was already talking rather animatedly to Bill about just how long it would take for Charlie and Tonks to come to their senses about each other. Disappointed, he looked up, only to find both Dumbledore and Sirius staring at him rather intently from across the room. Sirius looked at him, frowning deeply, and Dumbledore raised an eyebrow, the twinkle gone from his eyes as he looked at the younger man. Blushing slightly, Remus shook his head at them, and the two thankfully turned their attention to other matters, Dumbledore calling the meeting to order.
Remus was infinitely grateful by the time it was over, quickly escaping to the sanctuary of his small room. Dumbledore wanted him to try and contact some of the other werewolves again, and he was leaving for the continent in a couple of week's time. And by that date, Sarah will be gone. At the meeting, Sarah had reported, much to the vast relief of everyone present, that after the ambush of earlier that week, MI5 had managed to either round up or place a tracker on the majority of the remaining muggles who had allied themselves with Voldemort's forces. The sheer numbers that Voldemort had recruited within such a seemingly short period of time, however, was devastating, and therefore while it was still necessary for the Order and MI5 to remain in contact, Sarah was being rather quickly recalled in order to help control the situation from that perspective. It's...it's good that she'll be gone, then. Remus told himself. Make things a lot easier in the long run. Sighing, he shed his clothes and climbed into bed. And I don't wish that she was here beside me right now, he thought. I really don't.
"So, Sarah."
It wasn't friendly, nor did it leave any room for anything other than an explanation. Sarah slowly looked up from her book to see Sirius standing in the doorway of her room, his arms folded against his chest as he glared at her. She smirked at him.
"Remus won't be mad at me, so you will?"
Sirius' glare turned decidedly murderous. "You're lucky he's too nice for his own good."
Sarah rolled her eyes and turned away from him, clearly bent on ignoring him. The whole situation was tearing her apart inside as it was; she was in absolutely no mood to be nice to anyone right at that second. If he knows what's good for him, he'll leave right now.
Unfortunately, this was not the case – instead, Sirius strode across the room in about three steps and yanked the book out of her hands, forcing Sarah to look angrily up at him.
"What the hell is your problem, Black?" she yelled at him, clearly furious. "What do you think you're doing?"
"How could you do that to him!!" Sirius snarled at her. "So you have some 'issues' to sort out, hunh?"
"Yes!" Sarah replied, angry beyond belief. "Black, this is none of your effing business, okay? Just get the hell out of my room."
"It's my fucking house!!!" Sirius grabbed her roughly by the arm. "And Remus is my best friend so it damn well is my business!" He would have said more, but Sarah, seeing red from Sirius' assault on her arm, used her free one to shove him halfway across the room, where he stumbled against her bed and nearly hit his head on the wooden post of it. This didn't deter him, though, as he was up in a flash and back in front of her, although keeping a respectable distance between himself and her clenched fists.
"You have issues – so you break his heart and tell him that sorry, you just need some 'time', is that it?"
Sarah calmed down for a moment once she heard Sirius' accusations. "Is that what you think? Do you even know what happened?"
"I know enough!" Sirius yelled, advancing on her yet again. "I've seen it happen tonnes of times with girls that were always so nice, so perfect – but yet when it comes to him being a werewolf – even if they say they're okay with it, eventually, they run from him. Every time, Sarah!!! Do you have any idea what that does to him?"
Sarah, however, had gone very white, except for two small dots of red that showed in her cheeks. Slowly, she stalked forward, her entire body almost shaking with anger. "You fucking idiot." She said, her voice horribly calm and emotionless. Sirius started, unconsciously moving back to get away from the energy he felt crackling in the air around her.
"You utter, blithering idiot." Sarah's voice suddenly got very, very sharp, and Sirius became very aware that a wrong move now would cost him a lot more than a shove.
"No, Sirius, my 'issues' aren't with him being a werewolf. In fact, I've dealt with my issues; but when someone that you loved dies, no matter how much you've moved on, it'll always hurt a little bit. Don't tell me you don't know that."
Sirius was at a complete loss for words. This conversation was taking an entirely different turn from what he'd been expecting. Suddenly, the air was no longer crackling with anger, but heavy with sorrow, and he felt oppressed, so much that he had to fight an urge to run out of the room as fast as he possibly could. Sarah's voice had lost every hint of sharpness and instead was now so full of regret that Sirius winced as she spoke.
"No, Remus couldn't handle the fact that I was engaged before I met him – would have been married if he hadn't died – and that I never told him any of this until I told him about my half-brother. Whom, he also didn't know about; so I don't blame him, really. So, like I said...I've dealt with my issues. It's Remus who hasn't; Remus is the one you should be talking to. He doesn't care that I love him now...I don't think that I mean anything to him anymore."
Sirius stared open-mouthed at Sarah for a few minutes before finally managing to pull himself together. "I ...I didn't know."
"No, you didn't. But hey – I understand why Remus doesn't want to be with me anymore, so...could you just keep things quiet? I know Remus would want that." She smiled slightly at him. "Oh, and, sorry about shoving you. I hope you didn't hurt yourself too badly."
"No-no, I'm fine. And yes, I'll keep quiet. I'm sorry about...you know."
Sarah quirked an eyebrow at him. "Already forgotten. But, if you don't mind, I'm trying to keep from having a complete breakdown again over the whole thing, so I'd rather be by myself right now."
Sirius nodded, apologized once more and left the room. Halfway down the hall, he abruptly did an about-turn and walked right back into Sarah's room, barging right in and engulfing Sarah in a massive hug. Caught off guard, Sarah was stiff in his arms until she finally relaxed and the tears burst forth, her shoulders heaving as she cried over her broken heart.
Groaning with annoyance, Remus groggily tumbled out of bed, determined to fund the culprit responsible for preventing him from sleeping. From the sounds of it, Sirius was yelling at someone, although he couldn't tell who. Probably Snape, he thought, shaking his head in exasperation. The two of them will never grow up. Padding softly down the hall, he followed Sirius' scent until he stopped in front of Sarah's room. Confusion fast setting in, he peered inside the room, hoping that Sirius wasn't saying anything stupid. Oh, no, he thought. He's probably pulling his 'must protect moony' stance on her right now.
His heart stopped, however, when he saw Sarah in Sirius's arms, her own tightly wrapped around his waist as she obviously cried into his chest. Every now and then he heard her mumble things like "Its over... I messed everything up." and Sirius supply soothing words back, all the while holding her tightly to him. Remus stared dumbfounded at the two of them, absolutely rooted to the spot, no matter how much he wanted to move. Suddenly Sarah's voice came again, tearful and shaky.
"And look how you hated me! Everyone will... I'll lose every friend I made here...I was right, I don't belong here."
"No, Sarah, don't say that...look, I'm right here, aren't I? Even if everyone else is stupid and for some unknown reason cease to like you, which is totally ridiculous in itself because in case you haven't noticed, they all love you – oh, Sarah, sweetheart, no, don't cry."
Sirius' mentioning of the word love had spurred Sarah back into tears, her head buried in his chest once more. "Sarah, I'll still be here, I promise. I don't hate you. How could I? I owe you my life, remember? I actually have to be nice to you."
The light jest had its desired effect, as Sarah stopped crying and looked up into Sirius' eyes, smiling slightly. "oh, and you'd better not forget it!"
Remus' heart constricted as Sirius grinned at Sarah and gently led her over to the bed. Slowly, he eased back into the hall, turning to go back to his room and wishing that he hadn't seen what he did. He stopped dead in his tracks, however, at the sound of Sarah's words.
"Sirius – don't...go. I mean, not just yet."
He could almost hear Sirius' sharp intake of air as he stopped and asked her, "You...you want me to stay?"
Remus held his breath, hoping against hope that Sarah was not going to say what he thought she was. For a while, nothing came, when he heard Sirius' footsteps, he exhaled in relief; which was ridiculous, he told himself. I broke up with her – what do I care? Then, to his horror, he heard the rustling of covers, and then, silence. Remus sank slowly to the ground as he finally heard Sarah's voice, shaky, but resolute in its decision.
"I want you to stay."
A/N: Yes like? No like? What do YOU think happened there with Sarah and Sirius? And where will they all go from there? I'm currently taking a major poll here, and at least five people have to review for me to update and decide. So let me know – Do they get back together, or do they break up? Its up to you!!! so review! - Laren