This is a hard chapter to write, but I'll get through it. Hoping to wrap up in 10 chaps, wish me luck!

Chapter 4

Understanding

It's amazing how much and how fast your life can change in a few hours. I had figured on working my dead end job, continuing to meet Draco randomly for coffee or a night out. Hermione was in the picture now and I was looking forward to getting to know her better.

Now I was to become a death-eater. Life as I had known it was over.

It also surprised me how shaken Draco had been over this. Sure we had known each other for years, but I didn't realize how heavily he had relied on our friendship. I was beginning to realize Draco wasn't all stone.

Now don't get me wrong or anything, I'm not gay, nor am I falling in love with Draco or anything. I'm just trying to figure out what's going on.

It's not working.

Two weeks later

Dumbledore had owled me, but nothing was working out yet. He said he needed at least another week to get a hold of a few people who might be able to help. I had a feeling Potter and Weasley would be topping that list, along with the werewolf who was our professor in third year, if he wasn't dead. I also hadn't heard from Draco since that morning in the potions office. I could only hope he was still alive and campaigning for that damn job. I almost didn't want him to get it. I knew it would end up more trouble than it was worth and it would only give the Dark Lord more power. I was also terrified about my own upcoming initiation. I didn't want to go through with it. I did not want to become a Death-Eater. But it didn't look like I had a choice. I sighed and picked up the phone, maybe Hermione might be home and we could meet for lunch.

"Blaise, what's wrong?" Hermione had just walked into the café where we had gone the first night. She moved her chair closer to mine and sat down, a look of genuine concern on her face and clear in her tawny brown eyes.

"It's nothing, don't worry about it." I tried to give her a smile but she didn't buy it.

"There is something wrong, you've been acting odd for two weeks. Talk to me."

"Please, let's just enjoy lunch." She gave me a look, but finally nodded. I guess the pitiful look on my face worked.

"Alright, but we're going for a walk after lunch." She gave me the look I had dubbed her 'McGonagall' look. I nodded and she gave me one of her heart-warming smiles. I was going to change the subject but she beat me to it. "So, how many girls have you dated since Hogwarts?"

"Alright, now talk to me." We were walking in a small park a few blocks away, enjoying the last bits of summer sun.

"Hermione-"

"Don't try it, Blaise."

"But I-" she stopped and stood in front of me, beautiful eyes meeting mine.

"I don't care what it is. Whatever you tell me can't change how I already feel about you." I could see the truth in her eyes and didn't know what to say. "I know this is happening really fast, but I feel like this is what I've been waiting for for a long time." Her eyes were full of tears, but also filled with love. A lopsided smile lit her face. "It's weird, I feel like I've known you forever and that we've finally been reunited." Her words opened a door inside of me I hadn't realized was there. And I understood now. "And I know you're hurting. Please, let me help you."

"This story isn't pretty, I don't want to burden you with it." She gave me a small smile and a quick kiss.

"You will never be a burden to me. Now come on, I'd like to sit. I get the feeling this will be a long story." She slipped her warm hand in mine and led me over to a large willow tree near the water.  We took a seat and I began.

"I met Draco years ago, back in third year. He was more of a prat then then he is now. He thought his father was the best thing since magic. Then Voldemort returned in fifth year, his world changed and he finally opened his eyes. His father became more abusive than he had ever been and Draco spent most of the summer after sixth year at my home. His father would owl constantly, commanding him to come home. Draco just ignored the letters, burned most of them without reading them. Then he received another kind of letter, more of a howler really, threatening his mother if he didn't come home. I think the only thing in this world that Draco actually loves is his mother, and I don't blame him. She was the only thing that kept him from becoming his father. He went home.

"When he came back to school, he wasn't the same. He had only spent a month at home, but it had changed him forever. He never told me what happened, but whatever it was had made up his mind. He wasn't going to become a pawn for 'a sorry attempt of a demon to become human'." Hermione gasped and I nodded sadly. "I know. He was doomed from the start. But he can act, Merlin, he can act. Everyone else saw him as the cold-hearted bastard he always showed the world. Only I saw his torment and listened to his mad plans. And they were crazy. Then the year ended and he went home. I didn't hear a word from him all summer. On the train back to school, he was silent. Later that night he showed up in the Slytherin common room and dragged me back up to your head common room.

"He was a wreck. I'm still surprised he hadn't killed himself that summer. The marks of the abuse covered his torso and back, many still raw." I shivered at the memory and Hermione put her arms around my waist and held me close, giving me the strength to continue. "But he had survived. And he had the craziest plan of all. He was going to become Minister of Magic. And not become a Death-Eater in the process. I asked him how and his explanation was as insane as he was. He would tell his father that he would be able to rise within the ministry's ranks faster if he could roll his sleeves up. That the Dark Mark would never let him become Minister. I guess it's partially true, but not very likely. He went home over the winter holidays and told him. And his father bought it."

"You mean-?" I looked down at Hermione and nodded.

"He's running for minister in the next month and if he wins, he'll be initiated October 31st. If he doesn't win, he'll be tortured until October 31st, then initiated."

"But what does that have to do with you?"

"I'm being initiated that night too." Hermione's eyes went wide and she just sat there for a few moments, seemingly unable to understand what I was saying. I sighed and went to stand up. She held on tighter, burying her face in my chest.

"I told you whatever you said wouldn't change how I feel about you."

"But, I'm going to be a Death-Eater!" I was incredulous, how could she still want to be near me? Then she looked up at me, a fierce love and determination in her eyes.

"I don't care. I love you and I won't ever let you go."

"Hermione, you could be killed."

"You think being friends with Harry couldn't have gotten me killed? Blaise, we don't chose who we fall in love with, it just happens. And then we put everything we have into being in love with that person because of how it makes us feel. And a lot of that energy is spent doing everything to stay with that person. I won't let you go."

"But-"

"No, no buts about it." I wrapped my arms around her tightly. I never wanted to let her go. And that's when I realized I would never, ever let anything hurt her. I would die first.

"I love you, Hermione." She looked up at me, a look of pure happiness on her face.

"And I love you, you evil Slytherin you." I laughed and caught her lips in mine. Time was passing and people were looking. We didn't care, we were in love. And it was perfect.

~*~

There! Not depressing!