Exploding Knickers

Author: Lorraine

Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the following, so don't even try to sue.

July 5th

Bugger it all. Not only have I been dragged – against my will might I add – to the mall by Jas, but she is set on combing shops for knickers. What has my life come to when it consists of keeping Libby and Angus out of the trash bin, and going knicker shopping with Ms. Granny Knicker herself? A life vacant of pleasures, is what my life has come to. Malls are the Disneylands of my life, populated with gorgey boys and more leather boots than I could ever hope to wear. But instead of trying on the knee-high stiletto, white leather boots, I am sitting in a dressing room with Jas and her enormous knickers while she tries on several, more colorful and much smaller knickers than her own.

Being the only voice of reason in our dressing room, I decide that if she will not put this lunacy to rest, I will. For such a task is both necessary and too difficult for one of her caliber to complete.

"Its not like hunky's going to see them anyway."

"But Gee! I need to be prepared! You're always going on about my underclothes, I'd think that you'd at least see why I'm doing this."

"Well, yes, but there is the small fact that hunky is on his way to Kiwi-a-gogo-land. Unless his hands have adapted to stretching over thousands of miles, I don't see how he'd be able to de-pants you."

She didn't answer, only turned red and tutted. Much like Mum. Buddah's toenails, she's turning into my mother! Quite funny actually, Jas's basoomas are not nearly large enough to tut properly, the attempt is making her wiggle funny. Unfortunately, said wiggling is causing her arse to sway not too pleasingly in the mirror. Which I have the unlucky choice of facing.

"Stop jiggling you lezzie! I don't need to see more than I've already seen thank you." And being the wonderful friend that I am, gave her tips on possibly keeping the jiggleage to a minimum. "You know, if you tried to tighten up the muscles in the rear and thigh region, you could really cut back on the rear and thigh shiggling."

I really did not expect her to start screeching at the top of her lungs.

"Why for once, can you not agree with me and help me? Every time I ask you for anything, you act as if I'm insulting you my even-" this is where I stopped listening. How can she be so rude! I only tried to help her, well if she wants to do, whatever she intends to do, she can do it herself!

"Now you're not even listening to me! Well I've had it Georgia Nickolson, this is the last time you'll hear me talking to you!" By this point her face is near purple, she has also gotten dressed during her tantrum.

"Your hair-"

"I don't care about my hair. Stop being so bloody critical!"

Great, now she's practically in tears. Ms. Silly Tantrum does not know when her dramatic reenactments turn tragic.