Thank you Niffer, Blue Demon and Rai for reviewing. And there could be an appearance by Folkie-sama and perhaps the d-slayers in future chaps Rai, and there's still a chance of a F/H fic

----------------------------

i tried to kill the pain
but only brought more
i lay dying
and i'm pouring crimson regret and betrayal
i'm dying praying bleeding and screaming
am i too lost to be saved
am i too lost?

my God my tourniquet
return to me salvation
my God my tourniquet
return to me salvation

do you remember me
lost for so long
will you be on the other side
or will you forget me
i'm dying praying bleeding and screaming
am i too lost to be saved
am i too lost?

my God my tourniquet
return to me salvation
my God my tourniquet
return to me salvation

my wounds cry for the grave
my soul cries for deliverance
will i be denied Christ
tourniquet
my suicide

Tourniquet by Evanescence
----------------------------

Chapter 7: Tourniquet

Hitomi refused to go to school the following Monday. For Hitomi her life was over. Everything she had believed was nothing but a fairy tale that was never meant to come true. She had never felt so low in her entire life. Dilandau, however, couldn't have been in a better mood. Hitomi's depressive mood made him happy.

When Yukari questioned Dilandau on her friend's absence from school he simply shrugged. Of course this got under Yukari's skin but she would find out sooner or later. All she had to do was phone Hitomi after school. Unfortunately for her, Hitomi had unhooked the phone.

A week had passed since her visit to Gaea and still she couldn't get over Van. Everything she looked at reminded her of him. The colour red reminded her of Van's ever so famous red tunic. Seeing birds fly freely in the sky made her think of when Van flew down and saved her from certain death. I can never go back there. She sighed and put away another plate from the dishwasher.

She continued to reminisce about Van as she put more dishes away. It pained her so much but try as she might, she couldn't think of anything else. Tears slowly filled her emerald like eyes, threatening to spill down her soft, gentle cheeks. She picked up a knife and went to put it in its drawer but hesitated. I could end it all now…no one's around. No one would find me and even when they did, I'd be dead.

She looked at the blade with fascination. She felt completely mesmerized by it in everyway. Her grip on the handle tightened. She wanted to die but why was doing so, so hard? She took the knife and held it against her wrist. She kept it there and tried to find the strength and courage to apply the pressure needed to tear her delicate skin.

"What the hell are you doing?" a voice echoed from the other side of the kitchen. Startled, Hitomi dropped the knife. Her breath was caught in her throat. What's he doing home so early?!? "Were you trying to kill yourself?" Dilandau asked bluntly.

"Uh…ummm…"

"You were weren't you?" Hitomi looked away and shook her head. "You're such a horrible liar dear Hitomi." Hitomi didn't say anything and bent down to pick up the fallen knife. As she bent down, Dilandau drew near to her. "If I ever catch you doing that again, you'll wish you were dead." Dilandau spat as Hitomi stood up and went to put the knife away.

When Dilandau was out of sight, Hitomi made a quick run for her bedroom. Only there did she feel truly safe from that monster. She shut the door behind her and leaned against it, slowly sliding down to the ground. Bottled up emotions exploded out of her in sobs. She thought back to when she witnessed her own brother's death and to when she was betrayed by Van. She couldn't control her thoughts or emotions.

"Mom…Dad…Mamoru…Van…" she spoke in a whisper between her sobs. They were among the five most important people in her life; now they were all gone.

----------------------------

Another week had passed and Hitomi still didn't return to school. This only worried Yukari more. She begged for answer from Dilandau but he insisted that he not meddle with Hitomi's friends. He did however suggest for Yukari to visit Hitomi. He knew that would be the last thing Hitomi wanted.

When Yukari did visit, Hitomi turned her away saying she wasn't feeling "well" enough and made up an excuse that whatever she "had" could be contagious. Yukari didn't question her friend. Although she knew Hitomi was lying, she knew that it was obvious her friend needed her privacy and she didn't want to take that away from her friend.

----------------------------

It was Monday morning and Hitomi awoke to the soft music coming from her alarm clock. Sluggishly she sat upright and turned off the music. She looked at the time on the clock and yawned. She hadn't woken up at 6 am in such a long time. It took a few minutes but she eventually made it out of bed.

Hitomi didn't bother to change, instead she went straight to the washroom. A cold chill ran up her spine as she stepped onto the cold tile floor. She shut and locked the door behind her. Hitomi then looked at herself in the mirror. A faint smile could be seen on her face. Finally I'll be free…

Her eyes moved from the reflection of herself to her razor. Confidently she picked it up and proceeded to remove one of the small blades. When it was removed, Hitomi placed the razor back on the bathroom counter. She held the blade delicately in her right hand and looked down at her left wrist.

You can do this Hitomi, she told herself. She bit her lip, she wanted to do this but would it hurt? Pain was the only thing stopping her. She took a few deep breaths and found every ounce of courage in her. Her eyes snapped shut as she slit her wrist with the sharp blade. Quickly Hitomi put the razor in the other hand and slit her other wrist.

When her eyes opened, all she could see was the blood flowing heavily from her fresh wounds. The sight and smell of the blood made her feel nauseous. Everything around her began to spin. She fell to her knees and watched the blood pool around her body. That's when it happened; everything began to become a blur and soon faded into nothingness. Hitomi had loss consciousness and was one step closer to her wish.

----------------------------

A/N: Does Hitomi die? Maybe, maybe not. So I hoped you enjoyed and like always, if you want an e-mail when I update, just leave your addy in a review or e-mail it to me at