Title: Kindled Flame
Author: Keithan
Disclaimers: Lord of the Rings and its characters belongs to their respective owners.
Rating: PG
Series: 4/7
Warnings: None other than implied love between same gender. mild/implied slash ; legolas/(estel)aragorn; (estel)aragorn/legolas
Summary: Having no tale to tell of its story would not mean that the light from the love of hope and its green leaves did not exist. But of the time when Hope was young, unburdened still of the cares and troubles of the world, only this tale was told.
Notes: Aragorn and Legolas, a sort of backstory. When it was said in the appendices that Elrond receives Aragorn as a foster-son, I take that to mean exactly that.
This takes place in Imladris and all dialogues may be assumed to have been spoken in Elvish.
Kindled Flame
part 5
Gilraen stood silently watching the scenes before her unfold.
The sun had already risen and the house was starting to bustle with activity.
But from her point of view, time was frozen, seemingly preserved within a glass box and never to be touched again.
Legolas and her son stood on the field below her, unmoved with the passage of moments even as the wind blew the leaves on their feet and the sun continued its gradual rise. Their words reached not her ears, but their actions spoke as loudly as the echoes of battle horns in mountain passes.
She was standing on one of the open corridors on the second floor of the house and she had stood there long enough to have witnessed the dangerous yet strangely beautiful sword dance that her son and the Prince of Mirkwood had just been engaged in. She was in awe for never before had she seen two blades move as one and handled with such grace that it seemed as if Legolas was wielding soft silk and not daggers. She had never seen such skill and grace as that of the Mirkwood prince as he fought.
Yet with all her awe and admiration of their otherwise deadly dance, she felt that such match was indeed a dance that seemed to hold its own symbolic meaning in both their lives.
And she knew she was right the moment the fight ended and time stood still.
Her solemn gaze then followed the blond Elf, who was then walking back to the house, blades clutched in one hand. Turning her eyes back to her son, she found him looking at the retreating back of the Mirkwood Prince.
As if feeling her knowing eyes on him, Estel turned and saw her watching. Realizing that she had been there for quite some time, he looked away guiltily, as if he was caught doing something that he shouldn't be doing. He walked towards his sword, which was dislodged from his hand, and picked it up before making his way back to the house to prepare for the morning meal.
Time once again flowed its natural course and she knew that what little moment time had frozen a while ago would forever be enclosed within the glass box of her son's and the prince's memory. She sighed sadly. And thus your road to suffering starts early, my child, she thought.
Bells began ringing and it signaled that the hall was ready for dining.
She stayed for sometime, looking out at the peaceful scenery of Imladris, until she felt a quiet presence behind her.
Without turning to look, she spoke. "Estel, my lord, is already a young tree growing still to be strong and to stand tallest of all. Under your tutelage and the guidance of those under your house, I would have no doubt of what he can do. You gave him much skill and wisdom and give him more still, and under the guiding hand of Prince Legolas, I doubt not the strength of his spirit and the fire of his heart," she said, not turning around, but her voice betrayed her emotions.
"You have foreseen it." It was Elrond that stood behind her. His face was a mask of perfect calm as he spoke cryptically.
"I have seen it," Gilraen replied. Turning to look at him, she continued, "As you have seen it."
"I've been blind," he simply answered. His gaze was directed to the practice field, where he had seen Estel earlier standing alone. He had seen the look on his face, and it was more than enough for him to know his thoughts.
The lady shook her head. "Do not blame thyself. Even they have not seen it coming."
"And even now they do not see it, at least not yet. I, however, should have seen it long before this. I have taken him as my own..." Gilraen laid a hand on his arm to stop him.
"Perhaps it was in Ilúvatar's design that you saw it not, or for any to see it not for that matter, for their part in the Great Music to continue (1). This was meant to happen, as I now understand it, and it would not have come to pass as thus if many were aware of it."
"Indeed, it would not," Elrond said, looking towards the sky. He grew silent for a moment before he spoke again. "The sun shines again on this day and hope is growing in my heart. Yet for Estel and the young prince, Legolas, I know not what hope I could give."
Gilraen smiled sadly. "I see in their eyes the purity of a love just kindled to become a raging fire, and it brings hope to me, for it is hope to Arda."
Looking at her, Elrond said, "You think it as thus? Love… and hope?"
"Aye, for what else could it be? Such pure an emotion can be nothing else and such innocent and true a love can be no other than light in the dark days that would come," she said. A soft sigh then escaped her lips. "Alas, it is not willed for me to see the end of my son's road, and thus, only this beginning of a bright flame will I see."
"Speak not of such things. Estel is here still and young yet, and he is our hope, and because of such I name him thus. He has yet a long way to go."
"And he is his hope. Yet his road in that path would not be easy."
"That is what I fear, lady." He looked then at Gilraen and his look pierced through her. "For it is not a path that he is destined to finish."
Gilraen immediately looked away, not really wanting to speak of such things. "And what path is he destined to finish, my lord?" she asked, almost bitterly. Even now, she knew the suffering her son would go through.
"I know not. It is a path that is hidden from me."
She sighed. "I know that well for what they have or could have had cannot be," she said sadly. "Grief I have for this, for their love or what it could be is true and pure."
She looked at Elrond then and saw the understanding and sympathizing look in his eyes. "It was never meant to be," she whispered almost to herself. "But the flame has been kindled and its flare will continue to blaze blindingly unto the ends of the world."
Elrond looked at her, seeing her firm belief. Nay, he thought. It is not merely a belief that fuels her words, the Elf lord realized in a sudden thought. It is a prophecy.
She smiled softly.
"I take comfort with the knowledge that their friendship and loyalty, even their love, would last to the end of his days, that much I have seen, no, I have known," she said to him.
"I know as much as well. But the future is shadowed before me. I know not where they are headed," Elrond said.
At this, Gilraen remained silent and grim was her face.
She spoke after a while. "You should have seen them, my lord," she said, directing her gaze on the open field below her. "They are confused still, but one could not mistake their feelings for each other. But they are still hesitant and blind on the matter."
"They would long be blind on the intensity and depth of their friendship and the love that binds them both. I doubt they'd acknowledge it as love. For them, what binds them together is a nameless emotion that reaches out to both their hearts. To name it is not important," Elrond said.
"Such innocence," Gilraen murmured to herself.
Bells began ringing for a second time and the Elf lord deemed it proper to finish the conversation for the morning meal was soon going to start. He offered his arm to the lady. "I feel the tension in my house. A strain that is palpable to me since the arrival of Mirkwood's prince."
Gilraen nodded and smiled, her shoulders barely shaking in a soft chuckle as she remembered every time her son would suddenly lack words in the company of the prince, and the small cracks, barely noticeable, in Legolas' composure when around Estel. It was almost comical how thick the tension was when the two were in the same room. "It can't be helped."
And together, Elrond and Gilraen walked to the dining hall to break their fast.
And so it was then revealed that Gilraen indeed had seen it coming and witnessed it even with her own eyes that morning.
She had known that Estel, her son, had loved Legolas Thranduilion and that the young prince returned such love, which was more than what it seemed, even when both knew it not. She knew as well the bitterness of such path that their love would take and she grieved for them.
Like Gilraen, Elrond Peredhil was gifted with the ability to gain knowledge of things that might or might not come to pass. Yet with all his knowledge and wisdom, a shadow lay in his thought for the future of his youngest and he could see it not, but he knew enough of the love that bloomed in his house to also know the suffering to which it might lead. Yes, a shadow had indeed laid in his thought for the future of his youngest, what he didn't notice was such shadow was shared by the future of both his youngest, Elf and mortal.
It was the first and last conversation that the Lady Gilraen and Lord Elrond, mother and foster-father to Estel of Imladris respectively, had of this matter.
But it was far from being a matter closed.
And so the inevitable change took place and the turn of their relationship had started to occur. The wheels of fate were at its fastest cycle, turning and spinning its web around them.
More than a week had passed since Legolas had arrived in Imladris. All had been well, normal even, and nothing seemed changed. As it was an Elven dwelling, that was not a surprise.
Elven though it might be, a human dwelled there as well. As for change... ah well , Legolas could always look away and ignore it for the time being.
He chuckled softly at this thought as he made light of the situation between himself and the said human. Tension lay between them still, but they had more or less learned to ignore it and adapt. He, for his part, gave it not much thought, afraid of where it might lead him.
The three sons of Elrond looked at him in puzzlement, three almost identical brows raised.
"And what, pray tell, is in the mind of our Mirkwood prince?" Elladan asked.
Legolas merely laughed softly. His eyes twinkled in mirth. He looked at them, unconsciously meeting Estel's eyes. His laughter fell short for a moment but he was smiling still.
Unknown to them, Elladan and Elrohir shared a look.
"Nothing important really," Legolas said dismissively, now looking at the dancing fire as he hummed to the merry tune of the song being sung.
The evening meal was just finished and most Elves of the house gathered in the Hall of Fire where songs were sung, tales were told and merrymaking was at its best. The three young Elves and the human were seated on the carpeted floor in one corner surrounded by cushions and looking content and comfortable.
Elrohir shook his head. "Sindar," he muttered. He then stood up and grabbed Legolas by the arm, pulling the prince from where he sat on the floor. "Come now, let's dance the night away!"
Laughing merrily, Legolas obliged as the two made their way to the center of the hall, which was empty of any dancing Elves, encouraging others to do the same. The song picked up a different tune, livelier and more appropriate for dance. Not a moment later, the hall was filled with dancing and laughing Elves.
Estel looked at their retreating forms, surprised. Then a slight frown was on his face as he watched Elrohir and Legolas dance around.
Elladan noticed this.
"You care for him, brother," The elder twin said softly to his brother seated beside him.
Estel looked at him, surprised. "What do you mean?"
Elladan turned to look at him, seeing the younger one's confusion. "What I mean was, that you care for him," he said, nodding his head to the direction of his twin and Legolas.
Estel sighed. "I long to be his friend, Elladan," he said, looking at Legolas.
"And that you are. Worry not, Estel. He holds you dear in his heart as well." At this Elladan smiled, almost relieved.
"Yes, I am his friend, but I do not feel it. My heart feels as though I never am enough, to be his friend I mean. That there is much more that I could give, yet have no way of giving it." Estel looked at his brother then. "Surely you have seen it, Dan. You spend many days with us; you see how different we are now."
The Elf's smile faltered. Yes, he had seen it. The confused glances, the awkward but sometimes comfortable silences, and moments that just made him realize that his brother and friend shared more than friendship and they, themselves, had not seen or realized it yet. That or they just simply chose to ignore the matter and let it remain nameless and unspoken.
"You look at him and see him not as the mentor that bade goodbye to you after more than a year of tutelage and guidance," he said quietly.
Estel looked away.
"What would you have me do, Elladan?" he asked. "Remain the pupil when in my heart he no longer is the instructor of archery I had when we first met?"
"Yes," Elladan hastily replied, then, upon realizing what he said, he shook his head. "I mean, be his friend Estel as he is a friend to you. Do not try so hard, little brother, for friendship is not something that is forced."
"But I feel as though a wall stands between us. We couldn't even look upon each other for a time without one of us looking away," he said, as he turned his eyes back on the dancing Elves.
Elrohir and Legolas were laughing, hands clapping in rhythm and steps in beat.
Elladan was silent.
Alas! They had not seen it coming. Estel already loved Legolas. That much was clear to him and to his twin. They had spoken about it, discussed the strain in the relationship between their human brother and the Elf prince. Others might not notice it, but for them, some moments of meaningful silence between the two was enough.
And their eyes told much.
How could they not have seen it? How could they miss the light in their human brother's eyes and joyful enthusiasm more than a year ago when Legolas was present? And the tender affection that Legolas bestowed on his young charge? How could they have been too blind?
But he was being unfair. What his brother and friend had before was merely friendship, an inseparable friendship that was akin to that of a much older brother to his younger sibling. What they had been blind to was the possibility of it happening; and now looking back, it was the most possible way that their relationship would take. Probably, if Legolas had stayed and was able watch the adan grow, their friendship would remain as that, mere friendship and brotherhood.
The thought brought to him a certain sense of foreboding that he could not explain. Because of this, he approached the matter with care, or tried to at least.
"A wall there will only be if you allow it. Remove the cares from your mind, Estel, and you will see that no wall is between you two," Elladan didn't know if he was encouraging his brother. He merely wanted to know of Estel's feelings and thoughts, and now that he was certain, he feared for them both.
Unlike his younger mortal brother, he knew of the Man's heritage, knew of the path he was destined to take as Isildur's heir. He was one of those who rescued Estel, then an infant, and his mother Gilraen five and ten years ago. Even if he knew it not, he felt it in his heart that Estel would experience much suffering inevitably brought on by such love, and for that he grieved to even think it. He wanted to protect him.
As for Legolas, he feared for his spirit. He feared that it might succumb to grief once grief would take hold of his heart in the course of such love. He feared for his friend greatly.
"I feel for him. Some unnamed fire in my heart that longs to reach out and melt away any that lies between my heart and his."
Elladan felt his heart tighten to hear this. He glanced at his brother. This was probably the closest thing to a confession and admission of Estel's love. The young mortal was unsure still and probably hadn't thought of categorizing what they had to that kind of love.
"What hinders you?" Elladan asked calmly.
"It is as though I'm betraying his tutelage, as if I'm crossing bounds that I was not supposed to cross. I'm confused brother. I know not how I see him," Estel said, bringing his knees up and resting his elbows on them.
"How else would you see him other than the true friend and guide that he is?" Elladan instantly answered, almost defensively, unable to hold himself back in time.
He realized what he had said and immediately regretted them. He couldn't spare his brother of heart ache in this way. In fact, he realized, it seemed to him that he couldn't spare Estel at all. He was about to apologize but he stopped when he saw his human brother's countenance.
Estel's face hardened in a frown. "I don't know, brother. I just told you I don't know how I see him," he said.
His tone made Elladan realized just how much his simple comment had hurt. "Estel, I didn't mean to… I'm…"
"But thank you, Elladan," Estel said, cutting him off. He made move to stand. "Thank you for making me realize and reminding me that I must look at him as a friend and nothing more." Standing up, he walked away, slipping out mostly unnoticed.
The soft call on Elladan's lips landed on deaf ears. He looked back, helpless, to the dancing Elves and sighed. It was then that he noticed that Legolas was looking at him, eyes no longer twinkling in mirth and smile gone.
Elladan turned his eyes away, unable to face him at the moment, but he could still feel the burning gaze, the questioning stare of the Legolas on him.
He gave no further notice, and he stood up to leave the hall.
And so all things were revealed to those who had eyes to see.
Indeed, they had not seen it coming, but when it already had come, few were blind to it. Fear and grief arose in the hearts of those who care, of those who knew of just who exactly Estel of Imladris was for there was a sense of foreboding in their hearts telling them that something else was planned other than such love.
So the immediate response was protection for them both, for although their love had already bloomed, their flame already kindled, it was yet young and both were still ignorant and in denial still.
But it was only a matter of time.
The fate of Estel, foster-son of Elrond and Legolas son of Thranduil had long been sealed.
Legolas stood in the balcony of his room, quiet and unmoving. He had retired to his room early from the Hall of Fire, troubled as he was upon seeing a distressed Estel hurriedly leave.
Not even when the door opened, after some soft and unanswered knocks, did he turn.
"Legolas, my friend, you seem burdened. Are you well? You grow quiet each day you spend here in Imladris. Do you not find peace here?"
Legolas knew it was one of the twins. He was yet to know which and did not trouble himself to find out; he had a strong feeling it wouldn't be Elladan, though. "Nay, that is not the case. Do not take any of my misgivings as a wrong to this beautiful valley. Nay, do not."
"Then what is it?" Elrond's son asked. Legolas then turned his head to him, meeting his gaze evenly as if saying, do not ask me questions that you already know the answers to.
The dark-haired Elf sighed, giving up the pretense, and Legolas looked away.
"I should never have come here."
He felt a hand on his shoulder. He then shook his head and smiled at the twin. "I'm sorry. It seemed the dancing took all my mirth away, leaving me in the clutches of melancholia."
Before the other could say anything, there was a knock on the door soon followed by the entrance of another of Elrond's son.
"Elladan, where have you been? I've been looking for you," the twin on Legolas' side asked.
Legolas, now sure of who was which, turned to give Elladan, the new comer, a meaningful and questioning glance.
Elladan ignored the question of his brother, and instead walked to stand before the Mirkwood Elf. "I'm sorry," he simply said.
Elrohir looked confusedly between the two.
Legolas sighed. "What did you say to him?"
"I'm sorry," he repeated. "I fear for him. I wanted to protect him from pain and loss. In haste, I said some things that upset him."
The Sindarin prince studied Elladan closely, who was avoiding his glance. He took a step back, suddenly wary and unbelieving as realization came to him. "You wanted to protect him from me," he whispered. "From me ."
"No!" Elladan head snapped up to look at Legolas. "No, that was not my intent!"
"You do not trust me?" Legolas continued, shaking his head, disbelief in his face, at the twin sons of Elrond. He then turned his back and leaned on his hands on the balcony rails.
At this point, Elrohir somehow picked up the conversation and shook his head vehemently. "No, my friend, you must understand."
"What must I understand?" Legolas asked. "Clearly, from your actions, Elladan, you would not want any of this happening. Do you think I have any choice on the matter? I am as helpless in this as your brother," he said as his voice lost its volume. "The flame is barely lit and kindled and it is already being stomped out."
"So you have not been blind," Elrohir softly stated to himself as he was assured then that Legolas was at least aware of what was happening.
Legolas looked at him. "Of course I have not been blind. But I choose to be. The past week I have lived in questions and confusion and when I find the answer lingering in the back of my mind I push it away. Do you not know how hard it is for me? And how is it for him who is yet too young? I am confused. I don't know where I stand. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to feel, what I feel." The words trailed off and there was silence for a moment. None of them knew what to say.
"What do you think is happening between you and Estel, Legolas?" Elladan asked softly. "What do you think lies between?"
The Elf prince sighed. "I know not," he answered. "And I'm not exactly sure if I'd want to know."
"He is a mortal, my friend."
Legolas eyes darkened momentarily and pain flashed through them as he looked at both of Elrond's sons evenly.
"For all the things I have to be reminded of, that is not one of them," he said, his voice hard. "Do you not think that I am aware of it? That he would die when I would continue on living? That I would have to watch him wither away as age and time would take from him his strength and beauty leaving only a shadow of what he is now? I am very much aware of that fact, Elrohir. You need not slap it on my face."
Elrohir took no offense but instead, he berated himself for being so tactless. He laid a comforting hand to the prince's arm.
Legolas sighed. His frustration and helplessness were fueling the fire in his words. He took some moments to compose himself. "I'm sorry," he said, finally.
Both Noldor waved the apology as unnecessary.
"Perhaps it is yet too early to speak of this," Elladan offered.
Legolas only nodded, looking at the soft lights of Imladris during the night from the balcony of his room.
"Then rest your troubled mind...and heart," Elrohir continued, unsure.
The prince nodded again, this time turning to the twins. "I'll think of it no more. You are right. It is yet too early for this, " he said, almost determinedly. "Let fate take its course. I have no power to defy that which is already planned. Forget this conversation, my friends. Be not burdened with it any longer."
"Get your rest, Legolas," Elladan said. "Worry not anymore. The sun would shine and bring a new day."
A new hope.
And so indeed, a new day it brought, and brought others more still as it continued to rise every morning in the east. Yet it changed not the feelings that seemed to even continue to blossom in the hearts of Estel of Imladris and Legolas of Mirkwood. But no more was said of the matter.
t b c . . .
Notes:
(1) Silmarillion-based where it is written that Ilúvatar, also known as Eru, the One, made the Ainur who sang before him and they sang in harmony together to create the Great Music, it is something like… uhm, I think I'd be confusing those who haven't read Silmarillion. I'm sorry, I don't know how to explain it without getting into a full account of the Tolkien's creation story. Let's just compare it to something like a web of fate, ok?
Author's Notes:
I just want to inform you that I will not be abandoning this story any time soon no matter how much time it takes me to update. Needless to say, things have been busy on my side of RL. I'm sorry. Also, forgive me for any typos and/or mistakes committed in this chapter. Thank you for your patience and all your encouragement. They are very well appreciated. Drop me some reviews, even if just to say you are disappointed at such a long time of not updating, that I may at least know how you feel.
Thank you all.