Luke's Little Bombshell
Scene: Lorelai and Rory at a table at Luke's. Rory is studying and Lorelai is watching Luke.
LORELAI: Know what I like about Luke?
RORY: What's that?
LORELAI: He's so Luke.
RORY: Can't argue with that.
LORELAI: I mean, you just look at him, and you know who he is. You know he's Luke and he's always going to be Luke.
Luke approaches with the coffee pot.
RORY: You're very Lukish.
LORELAI: There's nobody Luker.
LUKE: I am definitely Luke.
A woman approaches.
WOMAN: Is it you, Luke Danes?
Luke stands speechless.
LORELAI: He's the one!
WOMAN: Oh! I'm so glad I found you! I got the bus schedules mixed up, so I have to leave right away, but I wanted you to meet Luke Jr. (Presents a baby boy from a stroller.) Luke, I can't thank you enough for the way you've changed my life! But, I've got to go now. I'm sorry. Bye!
RORY: Who was that woman?
LORELAI: Who is that man?
LUKE: Don't look at me like that. It's not what you think.
LORELAI: You mean, you didn't have sex with her?
LUKE: I'm almost positive I did not have sex with that woman.
LORELAI: Ms. Lewinski?
LUKE: Well, certainly not her. Anyway, I know I'm not the father of that child. Look, I've got to get down to the bus station and see what's going on. Please wait here, and we'll straighten all this out.
Luke starts to walk away, but turns back, takes Lorelai's coffee cup, and hands the cup and the pot to Lane, who is passing by.
LUKE: Try to keep her off caffeine until I get back. I'll need her as calm as possible.
Luke leaves, and Lane and Lorelai have a brief staring contest, which ends when Lane sets the pot in front of Lorelai and stalks off while delivering the following line.
LANE: Wipe the lipstick off when you're done.
Scene: Luke's apartment. Lorelai is seated at the table. Conversation starts as Luke enters and sits.
LUKE: Good, you're still here.
LORELAI: Well?
LUKE: Her name is Jennifer, and I contributed to her pregnancy.
LORELAI: (makes with the eyebrows)
LUKE: Financially.
LORELAI: Lukey, You got some 'splainin' to do!
LUKE: A couple of years ago, a guy came in the diner who wanted to distribute anti-abortion leaflets. Well, you know my policy about leaflets.
LORELAI: So his ass hit the pavement?
LUKE: Eventually. But first, I thought about you, getting pregnant at sixteen, and the choice you might have made – what this world might have been like with no Rory. So, I asked the guy what he did to help the single mothers and do you know what he said?
LORELAI: I have no idea.
LUKE: Nothing!
LORELAI: Wait. You mean he said nothing, or he said "nothing"?
LUKE: I mean he said he did nothing. He said abortion was sinful, women who got pregnant out of wedlock were sinful, and I was sinful for throwing him out on his ass.
LORELAI: Well, bravo, Luke. But, what does this have to do with Jennifer?
LUKE: I'm getting to that. After I threw the guy out, I did some checking and found a church that supports women in crisis pregnancies. I told them that the next young woman who came through the door, I had everything covered.
LORELAI: And that young woman was Jennifer.
LUKE: I guess so.
LORELAI: (Hugging him) Aw, you really are the Lukest.
LUKE: I guess so.
LORELAI: But...
LUKE: Uh, oh.
LORELAI: "I'm almost positive I did not have sex with that woman"?
LUKE: I thought we might be talking about that.
LORELAI: You seem to me the sort of guy who would be certain about something like that.
LUKE: Ordinarily, yes. But what she said to me reminded me of a story I'm not sure I should tell you.
LORELAI: Well, you have to now, don't you?
LUKE: I guess so.
LORELAI: So, tell!
LUKE: Well, this goes back a ways, too. To the night before you didn't marry Max.
LORELAI: Ah!
LUKE: What's that?
LORELAI: Nothing. Just trying to get into the story. Pick it up, would you?
LUKE: Well, I decided to celebrate the occasion by getting blind drunk and going to bed early.
LORELAI: You're a party animal.
LUKE: How can I pick it up if you keep interrupting?
LORELAI: Sorry.
LUKE: Sometime in the night, I was aroused – and I do mean "aroused" -- by a naked woman slipping into bed with me. Did you say something?
LORELAI: No, I didn't say anything!
LUKE: Huh, I guess I was just expecting you to interrupt me right there. Anyway, I don't know how long we spent together. Before morning, I heard her whisper "Is it you, Luke Danes? Are you the one?" And then she was gone.
LORELAI: Hey, that's what Jennifer said. Sort of.
LUKE: Yeah.
LORELAI: But you never saw who it was?
LUKE: No.
LORELAI: Yet, you were pretty sure it wasn't Jennifer?
LUKE: I may not have seen her, but I got a very good idea of her dimensions, if you know what I mean. (Looks at Lorelai critically.)
LORELAI: Do you think you would ever recognize her again?
LUKE: I don't know. Maybe I could only be sure if I was with her again when I was blind drunk. And now I'm with you, so I guess that's not going to happen.
LORELAI: It better not.
LUKE: I have to get back downstairs.
LORELAI: OK.
LUKE: You gonna come?
LORELAI: I'll be along.
LUKE: OK.
Scene: The diner, Kirk is at the counter, Luke approaches, putting on his apron.
LUKE: What'll you have, Kirk?
KIRK: A question.
LUKE: We don't have those here, Kirk.
KIRK: It's a relationship question, Luke.
LUKE: Oh, well have plenty of those.
KIRK: It's about my girlfriend. Have I mentioned I have a girlfriend?
LUKE: Many, many times.
KIRK: And you've seen her, right?
LUKE: Yes, I have.
KIRK: And she's attractive?
LUKE: Well, as you know I have my eye on somebody else, but yes, I'd say she's attractive.
KIRK: And she's intelligent and mentally stable?
LUKE: Well I can't vouch for all of that, Kirk. What's this about?
KIRK: Does this make any sense to you?
LUKE: What in particular, Kirk? Nothing makes much sense to me when I'm talking to you.
KIRK: That a guy like me should have a girlfriend like her.
LUKE: No, it doesn't make sense, Kirk. But, there it is.
KIRK: So, you're sure she's my girlfriend.
LUKE: Haven't I always been completely honest with you?
KIRK: Many, many times.
LUKE: Well, there you go.
KIRK: Oh, that's a relief. I was beginning to think I might be delusional.
LUKE: Well, don't worry Kirk, there's still every chance of that.
Cut to Lorelai coming from stairs to the apartment and crossing to a table where Rory is waiting.
LORELAI: Still here?
RORY: Yes. I had work to do, and I wanted to see what was up.
LORELAI: Well, it turned out it was just Luke being Luke.
RORY: Huh! Who'd have thought? So, you're OK?
LORELAI: Yeah, as long as I avoid having sex with Luke when he's drunk.
RORY: (turning back to her studies) I can imagine.
LORELAI: (archly) Really?
RORY: What? No, not really. It's just an expression.
LORELAI: If you say so.
Rory turns back to her books. Lorelai watches her. After a moment, Rory looks over to where Luke talks to Kirk.
LORELAI: He's quite a man, isn't he?
RORY: Ah! Why do you do this to me? I'm going to have to beg Paris for time from one of her therapists! Again!
Back to the counter, where Luke and Kirk are continuing their conversation.
LUKE: So, you had a question, Kirk?
KIRK: Right. It's about my surprise birthday party this Saturday.
LUKE: Your surprise party this Saturday?
KIRK: I know, a surprise party is supposed to be a surprise, and that's the problem. My girlfriend is planning a surprise party for me, and I accidentally found out about it, and I don't know what to do.
LUKE: Well, if I were you, I'd go to the party and be surprised.
KIRK: But won't that be dishonest?
LUKE: I'm sure there'll be something there you can be surprised about.
KIRK: But what if it gets to the point where I have to pretend that I don't know that she knows that I know that she know that I know that she knows, you know?
LUKE: Well, that would be pretty complicated. But relationships are complicated. And there will always be things that you know that you shouldn't know, and things that you should know that you don't.
Something catches Luke's eye, and the camera angle changes so we can see him looking across the diner where Lorelai and Rory both smiling at him. Lorelai's smile is fiendish; Rory's is bemused and apologetic. The camera angle returns to Luke and Kirk as Luke continues.
LUKE: And there are some things you should never know.
KIRK: But I thought relationships were all about communication.
LUKE: Oh, communication is important. Relationships can't survive without communication. It's incredibly important. It's so important I could go on about it until you can't stand to hear about it, but...
KIRK: I'm pretty much there now. Oh, wait! Maybe you were being ironic.
LUKE: Kirk, you're not listening.
KIRK: Oh, well that's really ironic, isn't it?
LUKE: But as important as communication is, there is something more important in a relationship.
KIRK: Is it what I hope it is?
LUKE: Trust.
KIRK: Awww.
LUKE: Trust and hard work.
KIRK: Neither one of those is even close to what I was hoping for.
LUKE: Sorry about that.
KIRK: Well, that's OK, because I trust my girlfriend.
LUKE: Well, that's not enough, you've got to trust yourself, too, and the relationship.
KIRK: So trust and communicate?
LUKE: That, and work hard.
KIRK: Work hard at what?
LUKE: Trusting and communicating, mostly.
KIRK: In a weird way, that makes sense.
LUKE: Of course it does, Kirk. But remember (leaning in and whispering somewhat menacingly) at least one of us is almost certainly delusional.
KIRK: Uh, I've got to go now.
LUKE: Of course you do, Kirk.
Scene: Lorelai's porch in the evening, where Lorelai and Luke sit together.
LUKE: So, how was the rest of your day?
LORELAI: Hectic. Yours?
LUKE: After the visit from Jennifer and the session with Kirk, things were pretty smooth.
LORELAI: Hmmm. You know, I've been wondering...
LUKE: Uh oh.
LORELAI: How is it you weren't sure about the being with the Jennifer, but you were quite sure Luke Jr. wasn't your kid?
LUKE: Yeah. About that.
LORELAI: Are you going to tell me?
LUKE: Well, you needed to know eventually, but... Well, I guess I should just tell you.
LORELAI: OK...
LUKE: I'm shootin' blanks!
LORELAI: What?
LUKE: When I was with Nicole, she couldn't tolerate the pill. I didn't expect a life with... anybody else, so I went to see a doctor about getting snipped. Turns out it wasn't necessary.
LORELAI: Wow.
LUKE: Yeah, it was a kick in the head, at first. But, I didn't want kids, then.
LORELAI: Wait, are you saying you want kids now?
LUKE: No! I mean, maybe. I mean... I'm saying, things are different with you. Look, I know we're not ready for this conversation, yet, and we may never be. But what if we get there...
LORELAI: Well, we'll just have to trust that, if we get there, we'll work it out, somehow.
Luke smiles and relaxes and puts an arm around Lorelai. With his free hand he lifts a beer.
LUKE: I'll drink to that.
Lorelai cuddles to him and smiles at first, but then...
LORELAI: Hey, how many of those have you had?
(End)
Luke's Little Bombshell