13 – To Be Or Not To Be

Felicity pushed the motel room door shut and locked it. "Phew. What do you think that girl's problem was? She acted like the kid started the fire on purpose."

"I don't know," Ben answered with a genial shrug. He grinned. "I'm just sorry it ruined your chance at a rematch of air hockey."

"You are not sorry," she scolded. "Look at you. You're gloating."

"Maybe I'm gloating a little bit."

With a rueful shake of her head, she went to her suitcase and opened it to gather supplies for her shower.

Ben caught her by the wrist, and she nearly sprang into the air. He pulled her close. "Where you going?"

"I was…just going to…"

"I'm not done gloating about my win," he teased, swooping in to kiss her.

They have to make some kind of pill for Ben-Covington-induced vertigo, she thought with a smile. This is becoming a common issue.

His hands slipped around her back, and he rested his forehead against hers. "Gloat, gloat, gloat."

She giggled. "Okay, I give up. You won. You are the master of all air hockey."

"All right, I'm done gloating." His amused expression changed in an instant, and he kissed her more softly, drawing her closer.

Felicity felt her knees dissolving and leaned forward against him. He took a few steps back, pulling her with him, and sat on the edge of the bed with her on his lap. She put her arms around him, sinking into a blissful oblivion of everything around them.

Ben broke the kiss to look at her. "We can stop, if you want."

His words slithered into her pleasant haze. "What?"

He looked a little embarrassed. "This. We can stop. You said you weren't ready."

With the haze still clouding her mind, she blinked. "To kiss you?"

He cleared his throat and dropped his gaze. "Not just that."

Her heartbeat started surging in her chest. "Oh. I—I don't think… I'm not sure…" She felt her cheeks burning, and couldn't meet his eyes. "Do you think I'm a prude?"

His gaze snapped back up. "No," he answered, sounding genuinely startled. "Felicity…if you're not ready, you're just not ready. That's totally fine." His eyes softened. "I would love to be with you, but I'm not going to push you into it."

The tiny, icy seed of anxiety in her stomach melted, only to be replaced by another. She hedged a bit before asking, "What are we?"

"What do you mean?"

"You and me. This. I love it," she hurried to say, "but I've been kind of wondering what you and I are now. What this is."

His brow furrowed in puzzlement. "Why do we have to call it something? Why can't it just be whatever it is?"

The blush crept from her cheeks up into the roots of her hair. "I don't know. I just…kind of want to know where this is going."

He smiled. "It left New York, went through Pennsylvania and some other stuff. Right now it's in Nebraska on its way to California."

"I'm serious."

He eased out from under her with a shrug and a sigh. "I don't know, it's just…us." He got to his feet. "I'm going to go out and get something from the soda machine. You want something?"

She shook her head. "No, I'm—I'm going to get in the shower." When he left the room, she blew a frustrated breath. "What did I do that time?"

By the time she emerged from the shower, their awkward conversation had been neatly swept under the rug. Felicity decided that for now, it was best left there. Anything was better than the way he pulled away from her.

They passed a more or less companionable evening watching old sitcom reruns. "Oh, my God, I love this episode," she said, sitting cross-legged on her side of the bed with her sketchbook in her lap. "This is the one where he gets the job at the ad agency and he thinks his boss is hitting on him."

Ben lay sprawled out on his side of the bed with his arms folded behind his head. Craning his head at her sketchbook, he asked, "What are you drawing?"

She held up the sketchbook to show him the half-done drawing of a pair of roller skaters. "Going to that museum today kind of inspired me."

He sat up. "That's really good. I was never any good at drawing."

"Well, you were too busy winning at track meets," she grinned.

He shrugged. "Yeah, that's me. Good at running."

She closed the sketchbook. Something in his tone told her he wasn't just talking about track. "What do you want to do for the rest of the summer?"

The change of subject caused him to raise his eyebrows at her. "I don't know. I haven't thought about it much yet. I'll probably have to get a job to pay for books and stuff in the fall."

"Yeah," she murmured, thinking privately that even though she planned to do the same thing, she was lucky to have two parents who were both willing and able to help her with college costs. She dropped the sketchbook and her pencils on the floor and laid down. "What do you say we go somewhere nice for breakfast tomorrow instead of doing fast food? My treat. I don't know about you, but I'm dying for pancakes and sausage."

"Sounds good to me." He reached over to the nightstand for the remote and clicked the television off. Propping his head up on his hand, he asked, "Where do you want to go next on our trip?"

She beamed. "I don't know. What's in Nebraska?"

He shrugged and returned her smile. "Corn. We could check out some corn."

Giggling, she rolled onto her back. "Corn?"

"Why not? I don't think you really appreciate corn. It's got to be more useful than roller skates."

She shot him a glare. "Hey."

A throaty laugh rumbled up from his chest.

She woke in the middle of the night out of a dream she couldn't remember to find that Ben had shifted over to her side of the bed and was now curled around her back with his arm over her. The air conditioner was on a little too high, and his warmth felt nice. She snuggled closer to him with a sigh of contentment. Whatever we are is fine. We have the whole summer together, and that's enough. She looked back over her shoulder at him and melted.

He was smiling in his sleep.