Once again the boredness from Drama took form in another chapter!! I'm gonna try to connect this chapter with last one, but it's hard cuz I just write what comes to me. So this is from Terra's point of view.
Dis: I don't own the song White Flag by Dido (it's a REALLY good song! Download it! Or try and find it!) And I don't own Teen Titans.
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Woke up this morning just because. Since this place is underground no light reaches to wake me like it usually would. Instead I woke up after a sleepless night. After going to bed I wait 3 hours for my mind to erase my guilt and let me drift into the bliss called sleep. But no sooner do I reach bliss then my dreams take me back to that horrible day at the carnival. Every dream I can hear Beastboy's voice when he promised me we'd always be friends; his promise that even if I messed up, he'd always forgive me. My dream seems so real at that moment, as if I'm in the carnival for real. Then everything goes dark and I see Beastboy's pained look when Slade told him the truth. And my dreams always end with him accusing me of betraying the Titans and how he could never even try to forgive me.
With my Grade A sleeping pattern controlling me, it's no wonder that I've been feeling tired. More tired than usual anyways. Slade's been noticing too. My powers have been getting weaker, as well as out of control. I'm scared. What if he decides he doesn't want me anymore? Where will I go? Like I told BB a lifetime ago, the Titans were my only home.
As I ponder what meaning my life has, sometimes Slade lets me go out to the beachfront to relax. He sees how frazzled I'm becoming and I guess he really does want me, because he's trying, in his own odd way, to help me. I guess until I know what to do with my life and know what matters to me, I should be happy he wants to keep me. Funny how he has to be kind in order for me to not lose my mind.
Today I'm allowed to sit near some kids. I don't know why he even bothers letting me get near people. It's not like he'd let me talk and he's always watching me with those damn robots. I couldn't escape or try to talk to anyone even if I tried. Besides, I'm not sure whether I like being near people. They sit on their blankets in the sand and sing and dance to the songs that play on the radio. And their joy washes over me. And it feels good. But at the same time, I think it's slowly making me insane. It's like being shown the thing you want most and every time you go near it, it's taken from your sight. It's a cruel game. And I know how to stop it. But I haven't got the guts. I HATE THIS! I'm such a loser. I have no backbone cuz if I did, I'd have said no to Slade all those times he gave me "advice" on how to help me and my powers.
Thinking isn't going to get me anywhere. I might as well try to enjoy my freedom. I try listening to the radio where the kids are resting and this one song comes on. Suddenly it feels like someone's condensed my life into those lyrics. And I'm back again drifting in the past.
"I know you think that I shouldn't still love you
I'll tell you that
But if I didn't say it, well I'd still have felt it
Where's the sense in that"
BB doesn't have to love me. I've caused him enough pain for him to have righteous anger. But my love for him is still there. Not speaking about it doesn't make it fake.
"I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder
I'll return to where we were"
Ha, I am making his life harder. I've caused him all this angst and I can never return to what our friendship was like before. Of course, he might not be as much pain as me. He has people to talk to, I don't.
But I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love, and always will be.
Wow, I wonder if I actually am able to be brave and stand up for my love. Well, that's song's got one thing right: I'm not going to ever give him up. I might have a backbone of jello but I'm not going to stop loving him. Trying to stop loving someone isn't as easy as it seems I'm sure.
I know I've left too much mess and destruction
To come back again
And I cause nothing but trouble
I understand if you can't talk to me again
And if you live by the rules and it's over
Then I'm sure that that makes sense
Holy crap, does the chick who sings this know my life in detail? It's like she's pointing out to me how I screwed up. The fact that I'm not in control of my powers makes me leave trouble and definitely destruction. My emotional state leaves a mess for everyone
And when we meet
Which I'm sure we will
All that was there will be there still
I'll let it pass and hold my tongue
And you will think that I've moved on
Will I meet him? Other than in some embarrassing battle? Will I have to sacrifice my love for him just so he can move on? I know he's trying to get over me, but maybe it's good he is. Maybe I'm helping by not…oh god I don't even know what I'm saying. On one hand, trying to talk to him might make him more sad but trying NOT to talk to him might make him think I'm truly evil and never really cared for him.
"Ugh!…this whole love thing sucks," I say out loud without even realizing it.
"Yeah, it does," a voice answered.
Sorry there's so many weird cliffhangers people, but I really don't know how to tie it together. I've got the ending now I just need the middle. Pray that it comes cuz Drama is over and no more boredness just freedom!
Go ahead! Press the pretty little purple button! Press it!
Dis: I don't own the song White Flag by Dido (it's a REALLY good song! Download it! Or try and find it!) And I don't own Teen Titans.
----------------------------------
Woke up this morning just because. Since this place is underground no light reaches to wake me like it usually would. Instead I woke up after a sleepless night. After going to bed I wait 3 hours for my mind to erase my guilt and let me drift into the bliss called sleep. But no sooner do I reach bliss then my dreams take me back to that horrible day at the carnival. Every dream I can hear Beastboy's voice when he promised me we'd always be friends; his promise that even if I messed up, he'd always forgive me. My dream seems so real at that moment, as if I'm in the carnival for real. Then everything goes dark and I see Beastboy's pained look when Slade told him the truth. And my dreams always end with him accusing me of betraying the Titans and how he could never even try to forgive me.
With my Grade A sleeping pattern controlling me, it's no wonder that I've been feeling tired. More tired than usual anyways. Slade's been noticing too. My powers have been getting weaker, as well as out of control. I'm scared. What if he decides he doesn't want me anymore? Where will I go? Like I told BB a lifetime ago, the Titans were my only home.
As I ponder what meaning my life has, sometimes Slade lets me go out to the beachfront to relax. He sees how frazzled I'm becoming and I guess he really does want me, because he's trying, in his own odd way, to help me. I guess until I know what to do with my life and know what matters to me, I should be happy he wants to keep me. Funny how he has to be kind in order for me to not lose my mind.
Today I'm allowed to sit near some kids. I don't know why he even bothers letting me get near people. It's not like he'd let me talk and he's always watching me with those damn robots. I couldn't escape or try to talk to anyone even if I tried. Besides, I'm not sure whether I like being near people. They sit on their blankets in the sand and sing and dance to the songs that play on the radio. And their joy washes over me. And it feels good. But at the same time, I think it's slowly making me insane. It's like being shown the thing you want most and every time you go near it, it's taken from your sight. It's a cruel game. And I know how to stop it. But I haven't got the guts. I HATE THIS! I'm such a loser. I have no backbone cuz if I did, I'd have said no to Slade all those times he gave me "advice" on how to help me and my powers.
Thinking isn't going to get me anywhere. I might as well try to enjoy my freedom. I try listening to the radio where the kids are resting and this one song comes on. Suddenly it feels like someone's condensed my life into those lyrics. And I'm back again drifting in the past.
"I know you think that I shouldn't still love you
I'll tell you that
But if I didn't say it, well I'd still have felt it
Where's the sense in that"
BB doesn't have to love me. I've caused him enough pain for him to have righteous anger. But my love for him is still there. Not speaking about it doesn't make it fake.
"I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder
I'll return to where we were"
Ha, I am making his life harder. I've caused him all this angst and I can never return to what our friendship was like before. Of course, he might not be as much pain as me. He has people to talk to, I don't.
But I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love, and always will be.
Wow, I wonder if I actually am able to be brave and stand up for my love. Well, that's song's got one thing right: I'm not going to ever give him up. I might have a backbone of jello but I'm not going to stop loving him. Trying to stop loving someone isn't as easy as it seems I'm sure.
I know I've left too much mess and destruction
To come back again
And I cause nothing but trouble
I understand if you can't talk to me again
And if you live by the rules and it's over
Then I'm sure that that makes sense
Holy crap, does the chick who sings this know my life in detail? It's like she's pointing out to me how I screwed up. The fact that I'm not in control of my powers makes me leave trouble and definitely destruction. My emotional state leaves a mess for everyone
And when we meet
Which I'm sure we will
All that was there will be there still
I'll let it pass and hold my tongue
And you will think that I've moved on
Will I meet him? Other than in some embarrassing battle? Will I have to sacrifice my love for him just so he can move on? I know he's trying to get over me, but maybe it's good he is. Maybe I'm helping by not…oh god I don't even know what I'm saying. On one hand, trying to talk to him might make him more sad but trying NOT to talk to him might make him think I'm truly evil and never really cared for him.
"Ugh!…this whole love thing sucks," I say out loud without even realizing it.
"Yeah, it does," a voice answered.
Sorry there's so many weird cliffhangers people, but I really don't know how to tie it together. I've got the ending now I just need the middle. Pray that it comes cuz Drama is over and no more boredness just freedom!
Go ahead! Press the pretty little purple button! Press it!