Disclaimers: Okay, one more time: I don't own this stuff. WB and the Wachowski's own the Matrix trilogy, and Dickens owns A Christmas Carol. So nobody sue, okay?
Fiction, not fact.
And here we are: the conclusion of…
A Matrix Christmas Carol
(Smith's bedroom, morning)
(We hear Smith's alarm clock go off. It is about 9 AM. Smith immediately wakes up and turns off the alarm. He looks around.)
Smith: It's morning. But of what day?
(Smith goes over to the window and opens it. Outside, running along the street is the Kid (the one that Neo made contact with at the end of the first Matrix and the one who fought under Mifune in Revolutions). He quickly gets his attention.)
Smith: Hey kid! Yeah, you! Can you tell me what day it is?
Kid: Today? Why it's Christmas, sir!
Smith: Christmas Day. I haven't missed it. The Zionists did it all in one night. I didn't even think it could be done, but they did it. (turns back to the Kid) Hey kid! Do you know the open market on the corner a couple blocks away?
Kid: Yes?
Smith: Do you know if they've sold that prize Christmas ham?
Kid: The one that's as big as me?
Smith: (chuckling to himself) Remarkable boy. (to the Kid) Yes, the one as big as you!
Kid: No, they haven't! It's still hanging there now!
Smith: Go and buy it! Have it brought back here! Come back with the deliveryman and I'll give you a twenty-dollar bill! In fact, if you can get back here within ten minutes, I'll give you a hundred!
(The Kid instantly takes off running as fast as he can towards the market that Smith pointed him to. Smith, meanwhile, begins to hurriedly dress.)
Smith: Gotta hustle. I've only got ten minutes to get dressed. And so much to do today too. (leaps up in the air) Merry Christmas to everyone, and a happy New Year!!
(The front door of Smith's house, ten minutes later)
(We see Mifune, from Revolutions, carrying a HUGE Christmas ham, with the Kid standing beside him. The Kid knocks on the door, and the two then wait for an answer.)
Mifune: Kid, if this is a prank, so help me, I'll knock the crap outta that little head of yours.
Kid: No, sir. He really did send me for the ham. Honest.
(Smith opens the door. He is dressed in his suit, but this time is not wearing his shades, or his earpiece.)
Smith: Good. You're here. (hands Kid a crisp 100-dollar bill) Here ya go, kid. Here's your $100.
(The Kid takes it and runs off joyfully.)
Mifune: So, where should I put this?
Smith: This is not for me, but is for one Agent Brown. (hands Mifune a slip of paper, as well as the money for the ham) Here's his address on this slip of paper. One very important thing, though: if Agent Brown or any of his family members ask who sent them the ham, you must tell them that he wishes to remain anonymous. Okay?
Mifune: Yes sir. Will do. And thank you, sir.
Smith: Thank you.
(Mifune loads the ham into the back of his refrigerated truck and drives off in the direction that Smith has pointed him. Smith goes back inside to put on his coat.)
(Outside Agent Brown's house, about twenty minutes later)
(We see Mifune pull up in his truck, get out, and get the ham from out of the back. He carries it up to Agent Brown's front door and knocks. Agent Brown answers.)
Agent Brown: Can I help you, sir?
Mifune: Are you Agent Brown?
Agent Brown: Yes.
Mifune: I have a ham here that is to be delivered to you.
Agent Brown: Wow, that's an awfully big ham. But I didn't order it.
Mifune: This prize ham has been bought and paid for, and the man who bought it ordered that I deliver it to you.
(Agent Brown hesitates, then takes the ham off of Mifune's hands.)
Agent Brown: Who had you deliver the ham to us? What was his name?
Mifune: (walking back towards his truck) "Anonymous!"
(Cut to a shot of Agent Brown in the dining room, surrounded by Mrs. Brown and all the children, including Tim. The prize ham is on the table, a very large towel under it to catch the water from it thawing.)
Peter Brown: So where did this come from, Father?
Agent Brown: I don't know. Somebody apparently bought it and sent it to us as a gift.
Katrina Brown: Who was it?
Agent Brown: I don't know. The gentleman said that he wanted to remain anonymous. So what should we do?
Mrs. Brown: There's only one thing to do: cook it, eat it, and have the best Christmas dinner we've ever had.
Everyone: Amen!
Tim Brown: And God bless us all, everyone.
Everyone else: (repeating) And God bless us all, everyone!
(A city street, meanwhile)
(We see Smith in the middle of dropping off a huge sack full of food, clothing, and toys at a homeless shelter. He then continues along his way, until he runs into Ghost and Niobe. They don't look too pleased to see him.)
Ghost: (suspiciously) Agent Smith.
Smith: Yes, that is my name. And I guess it's not a pleasant name for you two to hear. I've been thinking about you guys a lot, and I've decided… to give you guys a little money for your cause. Something like…
(Smith whispers something in Niobe's ear. She is astonished.)
Niobe: Oh my… Are you sure, Mr. Smith?
Smith: Yes, I am very sure. Consider it back payment for donations long overdue from me. And not one cent less.
(Niobe whispers to Ghost what Smith whispered to her. Ghost is equally astonished.)
Ghost: Wow! Th-thank you, sir! Thank you so very much!
Smith: Yes. (hands them a check, already made out to them) And you can put me down for said amount each and every year from here on.
Niobe: Thank you so much. And a very Merry Christmas to you.
Smith: And you too.
(Smith continues on. We follow him as he eventually reaches the home of Agent Thompson. He knocks on the door. Agent Thompson answers.)
Agent Thompson: Uncle?
Smith: Good morning, Agent Thompson.
Agent Thompson: Uhh, won't you come in?
Smith: Yes, thank you.
(Agent Thompson ushers Smith inside into the foyer. Agent Thompson's wife, Brittany, is also there.)
Brittany: Agent Smith?
Smith: Yes. And you must be Brittany, Agent Thompson's wife. (takes her hand and kisses it) Lovely to meet you. (turns to Agent Thompson) I just came by to ask… Your Christmas party… Do you have room for one more person?
Agent Thompson: Yes. Are you saying that you want to come? But… I thought that you thought… you know?
Smith: What? That Christmas was a humbug? A silly time for buying things? Why, whatever gave you that impression?
Agent Thompson: (puzzled) But yesterday you said…
Smith: Yes, I know. And the other reason I'm here is to say… that I was wrong. I acted like an old fool. I've been acting like an old fool for many years now. So… can you forgive an old fool, and welcome him back into your party?
Agent Thompson: Why… yes. It would be my honor.
Smith: Thank you, nephew. (turns to Brittany) You know, you're very lucky to have this man. My nephew. And he is very lucky to have you.
Brittany: Why, thank you, Agent Smith.
Smith: You know, I was in love once. I even had the chance to marry the woman I was in love with. But I wasted it. At the time, I didn't realize how valuable true love is. My advice to you: hold on to your true love with all your might. (to Agent Thompson) And that goes for you too.
Agent Thompson: Yes, uncle.
Brittany: Yes, sir.
Smith: Well, I must be off. But I'll be back around seven-ish. That's about when the party starts, am I right?
Agent Thompson: Yes.
Smith: Well, then, I look forward to seeing you. And a Merry Christmas to you both.
Brittany: Merry Christmas.
Agent Thompson: Merry Christmas, uncle.
(Agent HQ, the day after Christmas)
(We see a nearby clock over the street. It reads "8:00." We then see Agent Brown, running as fast as he can from down the street. He is clearly running late. We then see Smith, watching him from his office inside.)
Smith: Running late, are we Agent Brown? Well is he in for quite a surprise today. (chuckles to himself merrily, then quickly sits down at his desk and "gets into character.")
(Agent Brown enters the office and quickly hangs up his coat. He tries to sneak towards his desk and sit down as if he had gotten here on time. Just as he's about to sit down…"
Smith: Agent Brown!
Agent Brown: (nervous) Y-yes sir?
Smith: Step into my office, please.
(Agent Brown, trembling, does so.)
Smith: Agent Brown, what time is it?
Agent Brown: (looking at his watch) Five minutes past eight, sir.
Smith: Agent Brown, what did I tell you the other day about today?
Agent Brown: Ummm, to be here all the earlier the day after Christmas?
Smith: So why are we late getting here?
Agent Brown: I'm sorry, sir. I was… I had made rather merry all day and all night yesterday, and I ended up oversleeping. I promise that it will not be repeated.
Smith: You're darn right it won't be repeated. Agent Brown, you… are hereby…
(Agent Brown, so sure that he is about to be fired, is trembling greatly, bracing for it.)
Smith: ... promoted!
(It takes a moment for this to sink in. Agent Brown comes to, but is puzzled.)
Agent Brown: P-promoted?
(Smith begins to chuckle)
Smith: Yes, promoted! I have decided that for your long and faithful years in my service that you are to be promoted to… Assistant Agent in Charge. That means that you will be in charge of everyone but me. And you will receive a raise, as is appropriate to your new position.
Agent Brown: Agent Smith? I… I don't know what to say, except… When can I start?
Smith: Why today of course! And that's not all. I will also assist your family whenever, wherever, and however I can, especially in the matter of your son Tim. As long as I have anything to say about it, Tim will walk again someday.
Agent Brown: W-why… thank you, sir. And God bless you.
Smith: It's my pleasure. Well, I don't know about you, but I'm freezing in here. Why don't you turn up the heat, and then we can start getting you moved into that corner office just down the hall.
(Agent Brown goes over to the thermostat and turns up the heat, then looks back at Smith, smiling. We then see Smith, some time later, knocking at Agent Brown's front door. Agent Brown answers. The two briefly chat, then Agent Brown disappears. He then returns with Tim, who Smith speaks with. Tim then accompanies Smith as he leads him towards the park. Although hobbling, Tim is walking beside Smith without the assistance of his crutch.)
Narrator (VO): (while Smith and Tim are walking) And so Agent Smith was true to his word and more. Smith, the man who just the day before called Christmas a humbug, became the holiday spirit personified. This he kept the whole year round, for every year for the rest of his life. It proved that even a ruthless, cold-blooded Agent of the Matrix can learn the true meaning, and the true value, of Christmas.
(Upon arriving at the park, Tim rushes to join the other children playing. Smith stops at the entrance and looks back. Up on a ledge, watching him, are the Merovingian, Trinity, Morpheus, and Neo. They are all waving to him, smiling; and Smith waves back, smiling as well.)
Neo: (while waving along with the others) He's still a wuss.
(Morpheus thumps him, and Neo shuts up and continues waving along with the others.)
THE END
Well, whaddya know? I got it finished, in plenty of time for Christmas. So now hopefully this story will bring a little extra Christmas cheer into your lives. Thanks to all you guys for reading this, and especially for your reviews. And thanks to WB, the Wachowski's, and anyone having to do with A Christmas Carol, for not suing.
Well, Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year