29 – Road's End

They hate me. I can tell they hate me, Felicity thought, hunching into the bench seat. She didn't dare move closer to Ben. It didn't seem as right now as it had only a few days ago…especially in front of Ben's friends. She sat right beside him, but he might as well have been miles away for how lonely she felt.

Jason kept up a stream of chit-chat, bantering with the boys and occasionally tossing a question at her, but Felicity could tell that none of them were sure what to say to her. Of course they're not. They never even knew me. They wouldn't have bothered to know me when they had the chance, and now they're stuck in a car with me. They're putting up with me because of Ben. She wondered how much less stilted their banter would have been if she weren't in the car.

From the corner of her eye, she glanced up at Ben. He seemed just as uncomfortable as she did. She noticed the stiff line of his shoulders and the way he stared out the window, and for the first time during the ride she felt some kinship with him. He noticed her looking and flashed a brief smile. She smiled back, but he glanced away before he saw it.

Felicity was almost glad to see her house, a sprawling multi-story home in one of Palo Alto's upper-class suburban neighborhoods. "Nice pad," Jason said as they pulled into the driveway.

"Thanks. Thanks for the ride home, too," she said as cheerfully as she could. She realized this was the first time Ben had seen her house, too. Part of her wanted to take him through it and show him the things she'd grown up with, the tree in the backyard with her name carved in it, the doorjamb in the kitchen where her mother had measured her height each year, from toddlerhood until the day she left for college.

But not with them around…judging her.

Ben got out to help her get her bags from the trunk, and carried them to the door for her. "Do you want me to bring these in?"

"No, I've got them," she said, taking them from him. Their hands brushed, and Felicity felt an electrical jolt pass between them. Heat suffused her cheeks. She was acutely aware of the boys watching them. Fidgety, she brushed a lock of hair behind her ear. "So, uh…I'll see you later?"

He nodded and went down the steps. At the bottom, he turned around. "What are you doing tonight?"

"Oh. Just, uh…unpacking, I guess."

He grinned at last, and Felicity felt her heartbeat flutter with memories of their trip. "I'll give you a call."

Felicity couldn't help beaming in spite of his friends waiting in the car. "Okay." She said goodbye and went into the house still wearing the smile. "Mom, Dad, I'm home!"

Her mother came into the foyer. "Hi. Welcome home, sweetie." Barbara kissed her cheek. "Want help with your bags?"

"No, thanks. I'm just going to take them upstairs."

Edward Porter ducked into the foyer from the adjacent living room. "Hi, honey. How was your trip?"

Felicity hugged her father. "Dad, we saw the surgical amphitheater at the Pennsylvania Hospital in Philadelphia. The very first one in the country!"

"Really? That's great."

"And a whole bunch of stuff in Washington, and the St. Louis Arch, and Yellowstone… Dad, Yellowstone was incredible. We stayed at this gorgeous cabin on the lake—"

"Why don't we go upstairs and get you unpacked, honey, and you can tell us about it later," Barbara interjected, herding her daughter upstairs. "I'm sure you're tired."

When they reached the upstairs landing, Felicity eyed her mother. "What was that all about?"

Barbara raised an eyebrow meaningfully. "I don't think your father's ready to hear about whatever happened at the cabin on the lake." She frowned in motherly concern. "Nothing did happen, did it?"

"Mom!"

"All right, all right. You're an adult, and it's your business." Barbara took one of Felicity's bags and pushed open the bedroom door. She set the bag down beside Felicity's bed and gave her daughter a last hug. "I'll be downstairs if you need me. I'm so glad you're home." With that, she exited the room.

Felicity's bedroom was just as she'd left it before her first year of college…and nearly the same as it had been throughout her childhood. The bed was quilted in shades of rose and sage green and covered with plushy, lace-trimmed pillows. The cream-toned wallpaper was covered with old photos, high school merit awards, and childish pictures that she'd never taken down. A hooked throw rug in the shape of a rose lay before a white vanity table at her bedside. She'd forgotten how much different this room looked from her dorm at college. My room looks like a little girl's room. No wonder my parents forget that I've grown up.

Coming to a decision, she strode toward a Victorian-style painting of two little girls and took it down, brushing dust off its frame in speculation. I could re-use this frame for some of my own artwork.

She took the other things off her walls, one by one, and put them away in her closet. Next, she removed the old quilt and pillows from her bed and replaced them with her bedding from college. She rolled up the hooked rug and swapped it with one she'd had at the dorm. Finally, looking around, she decided the room was beginning to reflect who she now was.

Her walls were disappointingly bare.

Worrying her lower lip between her teeth, she had an idea. Opening her first suitcase, she rummaged in its inner pocket and came up with the creased, highlighted road map from their trip. Finding some tape in her vanity drawer, she stood on her bed and fixed the unfolded map to the wall over her headboard. Stepping down, she smiled at the changes she'd made.

It took her until mid-afternoon to finish bringing her room up to date. When everything else had been cleaned, put away, and rearranged, she set a framed photo on the vanity: a black-and-white, torn-and-taped picture of Noel, Julie, Elena, Ben, and herself. She'd been standing beside Noel before the picture was torn up. When Meghan re-taped it, she put Felicity beside Ben. Not for the first time, Felicity wondered if Meghan had intended to put it back together that way. What would happen if I rearranged the pieces again? Felicity snickered at the superstitious notion and shook her head.

She heard her door open and turned around. Her mother stood in the doorway. "Wow…it looks nice in here, honey."

"Thanks. I guess my room sort of needed an update."

Barbara held out the cordless phone in her hand. "Shelly's on the line for you."

Grinning, Felicity took the phone. Her mother left the room. "Hello?"

"You got home how many hours ago and didn't bother to call me?" Shelly growled over the phone line.

"Hi, Shelly," Felicity laughed, flopping on her bed.

"We're going out as soon as I get there!"

Felicity stared at the map on her wall. "I'm sort of waiting for a call later."

"So what? I have a cell phone. I'm not taking no for an answer. You, Amy, Laura and I are going for pizza."

Felicity groaned. "Laura?"

"Yes. She's on breakup rebound, so she's really nice, for Laura—honest. I'm coming right over."

"Okay." Felicity hung up the phone and smiled. Maybe seeing old friends is just what I need.

While she waited for Shelly, Felicity dug out her tape recorder. She sat cross-legged on her bed facing the headboard, studying the marked yellow line across the map from New York City to Palo Alto. She turned the recorder on.

"Dear Sally—I just had the best summer of my life, and it's only been two weeks into it. I never thought a road trip could be this much fun, but Ben and I drove cross-country and saw all these amazing things. We went to Philadelphia and saw the Liberty Bell, and in Washington we saw the White House. Then we went to St. Louis, and it was really funny because we found a spider in the bed and totally freaked out about it. We got stuck in Wyoming on our way to Yellowstone, which was so scary because it was the middle of the night. We had to walk to a service station. Ben was so wonderful the whole time. We learned a lot about each other. I had such a good time, I didn't want it to end. I took lots of pictures, so I'll send you copies next time. Talk back soon. Love, Felicity."