34 – Fallout

Ben got out of his mother's car and slammed the door, stalking toward his house. Before he reached the front door, another car pulled into the driveway. He turned to see Jason grinning at him from the driver's side window as he came to a stop alongside Ben. "Get your butt in the car, dude. We called a game of tackle football at the high school. It's turning into this big three-ring circus that everyone's going to be at."

"No, thanks, man, I'm kind of tired."

"Don't be a spoilsport. Jeff Cavendish is going to be there, and we can watch him kick Kurt's butt. It'll be therapeutic for you."

Ben smiled in spite of himself. Jeff had an ongoing grudge against Kurt throughout high school, where they'd been rivals for football team captain. Usually, Ben was in the Kurt camp. After all, Kurt had been the better choice for captain, and proven it in a number of games. Tonight, though, he thought he might enjoy seeing Kurt get a long-overdue butt-kicking. Which had nothing to due with the fact that Ben was a little pissed at Kurt, of course. "All right. Let me get out of this getup."

Jason seemed to notice for the first time that Ben was dressed in a nice shirt and tie. "Yeah, what's up with the fancy threads?"

Ben didn't want to think about it. Especially not about the way Felicity had been laughing with that guy at the restaurant. A little football might take his mind off that problematic image, he decided. "Nothing. Give me ten minutes, and I'll be out."

"Make it quick. Kickoff's at eight-thirty!"

- - - - -

Under the glare of the football field lights, with the noise of nine other guys hollering and whistling, it was easier for Ben not to think about Felicity. And that guy. And the way she smiled at him, and the way he was leaning across the table toward her.

"Ben, watch it!" Eric shouted.

Ben looked up just in time to see one of the guys hurtling toward him after another, who had possession of the ball. The pursuer plowed into Ben with a bone-crunching blow in the ribs. Ben grunted in pain and spun backward, dropping like a stone. The field lights blinded him for a second and, dazed, he could only lay on the field wheezing for breath. Holy…crap…that hurt.

Eric's face appeared over him, silhouetted in the glare of the lights. "Are you all right?"

"Yeah," Ben managed, reaching up to grab Eric's offered hand and lurching back onto his feet.

Standing a few yards away, Kurt leered. "Some defense, Covington."

With his ribs still aching, and his temper still up over Felicity's mystery date, Ben muttered an uncharitable comment under his breath.

"Hey, don't bitch unless you want him to let you get sacked next play," Jason rumbled, moving off down the field. With a philosophical shake of his head, Eric followed.

Ignoring Jason's warning, Kurt grinned at Ben. "Having some lusty thoughts about the love bunny, are we?"

In that instant, a violent white-hot flash passed through Ben that only partly had to do with Kurt's sarcastic remark. He snapped, rocketing into Kurt, who grunted in surprise. Ben's momentum sent them a full ten feet back before they landed on the field. Ben let his weight fall on Kurt, driving his knee into the man's midsection before springing back onto his feet and hovering over Kurt. "Will you just shut up about Felicity?!"

Coughing, Kurt clutched at his belly. "God, man, all right. What's your problem? I'm just kidding around." He curled his legs underneath him to get back to his feet.

"No, you're not, and that's the trouble with you." Irritated, Ben spun on his heel and started away to resume the game. A second later, he heard a couple of the guys shout a warning, and he turned back around just as Kurt came flying at him. Ben dodged and caught a glancing blow on his shoulder that sent him staggering backward.

Jason grabbed onto Kurt and hauled him off Ben, who felt a hand descend onto his own shoulder. Fuming, he glanced aside to see Jeff Cavendish. "Guys, quit it, already. I thought we were playing ball, here," Jeff boomed.

Kurt lunged at Jeff, but Jason held him back. "What's the matter, Cavendish? Afraid of a little fight?"

"Some of us grew up, moron. Go home and take a cold shower."

Most of the guys walked off to continue playing football. Still angry, Ben shook his head and headed off the field.

"Getting good at walking away, aren't you, Ben?" Kurt called.

That irked him, probably worse than Kurt realized. He'd walked away from Felicity, twice now. At her house. At the restaurant.

Felicity. Damn it, Felicity and that guy! Can I just stop thinking about it, for God's sake? Furious, Ben walked faster.

He was so mad by then that he didn't even notice when he walked right past Felicity's friend Shelly, who was just getting out of her car with Amy and Laura in tow.

- - - - -

Ben woke to sunshine and an insistent knock on his bedroom door. He squinted at his clock. Ten-thirty. "Honey, Felicity's here," came his mother's voice.

His ill temper of the night before settled in like a stormcloud. He hadn't slept well, mostly because his dreams were troubled by images of Felicity kissing some other guy. In the dream, Ben couldn't move toward her or away, and was left staring in futile anger while she and the other guy put their arms around each other and walked off in blissful ignorance of his plight. The worst part was feeling that he'd brought it on himself.

"Honey?"

"I'm up, Mom. I'll be down in a minute."

Ten minutes later, after he'd managed to scrape up a clean pair of jeans and T-shirt, he descended the stairs.

Felicity stood at the bottom. "Hey."

"Hey," he replied. It sounded like he was addressing a stranger. He hated the way he sounded. Ben glanced through a doorway into the kitchen, where his mother was reading the paper over coffee. He opened the front door and held it for Felicity. She walked through, and following her out onto the front porch, he closed the door behind them.

She looked at him, searching his face, before sitting beside him on a bench. "What happened last night? I tried calling you."

Ben sighed. "Some stuff came up. I'm sorry I didn't call you back."

"Football stuff?"

"What?"

"Shelly said she saw you at the high school playing football with a bunch of guys."

Ben gritted his teeth. "You didn't seem to need the extra company at the restaurant."

"Wait a minute, you were there and you didn't come over? Why not?"

"You and that guy seemed to be laughing it up all by yourselves."

"What, Ryan? He just happened to be there! He's an old friend!" she protested.

"Yeah, he looked it."

Felicity shot to her feet and threw her hands in the air in a helpless gesture. "Ben, what is wrong with you? Ever since we got home you've been acting like—"

"Like what?" he demanded, getting to his feet.

"Like you couldn't care less about me!"

Ben heard her voice tremble, and almost gave in. He even took a step toward her, but caught himself. He scraped a hand through his hair and spun away from her. "If I didn't care, I wouldn't have—"

"Wouldn't have what?"

Wouldn't have spent all that money I don't have trying to do something nice for you at Yellowstone, because you deserve it, he thought, frustrated. He had drained his entire savings account dry, and maxed out his credit card, just to show her how much he liked her, liked being with someone who looked at him the way she did. She deserves nice things. And someone who can give them to her.

"Ben?"

He couldn't say it, couldn't say what he knew she wanted to hear from him. It was too much, too fast. He couldn't even look at her because he knew she'd see it in his eyes. Coward. With his back still turned, he let his shoulders slump. "What are we doing, Felicity?"

This time he heard tears in her voice when she spoke. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, you and me. This is—This is crazy. I think—I think the guys are right."

She choked, and he winced. "The same guys who picked on me and my friends in high school? The same guys who think they're too good for the rest of the free world? Those guys?"

He turned around at last, hoping he'd masked his features enough. "Felicity, you and I are like night and day. I can't be the guy you thought I was. I can't live up to that."

He saw her shoulders straighten, and she lifted her chin in resignation even as a tear slid down her cheek. "I guess not."

She backed away and descended the porch steps, and Ben wanted more than anything to go after her as the distance expanded between them…but his feet rooted to the spot, just like in his dream. And just like in his dream, she walked away.