What Launchpad Did During His Summer Vacation
By Sharan McQuack, Launchpad's wife.
I am perfectly aware Griz speaks with a Russian accent, but I don't know how to write that way and besides, I find reading a story written in dialect to be mildly annoying. Not sure why. Guess it feels like making fun of the way somebody talks to me.
Previously called: "Boy, is THIS story going to get DW's fans MAD at me! "
Thanks for reminding me that it's DISNEY that I'm mad at THEM for pulling out all the stops in their "Launchpad is a total and complete moron and you are NOT permitted to respect and admire him. He is the COMEDY RELIEF and you are ONLY allowed to piss in your pants laughing at how stupid is he is, no other response is permitted" routine in Darkwing Duck.
(I've got a chip on my shoulder the size of the Rock of Gibraltar, don't I? But let's face it, Disney was never as mean or as nasty to Goofy, who is a mental midget, as they are to Launchpad)
I should NOT be taking my mad out on DW, therefore, it was major rewrite time. I hope the results do NOT get DW fans mad. You may still think I'm over-estimating Launchpad's IQ, (consider it my way of balancing the universe) I'm in love with him. You don't like that? TOUGH!
Don't say you weren't warned. Anybody who likes DW may well be advised that Launchpad, in this story, actually has a brain. The following is violently Pro-Launchpad. Anybody who doesn't like Launchpad McQuack or thinks he is stupid- please skip this story and all the others I may write. If you want to read a story that portrays Launchpad as a moron, there's no shortage of THEM, Lord knows. I've put up with that GARBAGE for 17 years now and I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!
In THIS dimension, I was named after my Grandma Sarah, who died 6 months before I was born. If she had lived a little longer, my mom would have named me after some other dead relative and Lord only knows what my first name would have been.
As for my last name, there is no reason when my Grandpa Libus came to America (from Hungary- isn't "Bella" a Hungarian name?) that whatever overworked Ellis Island official processed his paperwork DIDN'T change Grandpa's last name to something more acceptable than "Porper"!
I'm a female DUCK about two years younger than Launchpad there. Yes, I'm female, here, too.
"The Virginian" , by Owen Wister, "Em'ly"
"He detailed an escort for me; and the escort was once more the trustworthy man! The poor Virginian was taken from his work and his comrades and set to playing nurse for me. And for a while this humiliation ate into his untamed soul.
It was his lugubrious lot to accompany me in my rambles, preside over my blunders, and save me from calamitously passing into the next world. He bore it in courteous silence, except when speaking was necessary...
There was seldom a day that he was not obliged to hasten and save me from sudden death or from ridicule, which is worse. Yet never once did he lose his patience and his gentle, slow voice, and apparently lazy manner remained the same"
Goselyn looked down from the rooftop she was hiding on. Below, on the sidewalk was Launchpad. Every week, once a week, Launchpad had left to get the Duckburg Newspapers from the newsstand and he did come back with the papers, but he was gone an awful long time each time.
Now Goselyn's curiosity had gotten the better of her and she was following him. Launchpad kept looking around to make sure he wasn't being followed and only the fact Goselyn is a child who can hide in small places kept Launchpad from spotting her.
"He's expecting to be followed by an adult! He's afraid DAD will follow him! Launchpad was hiding something from her father? This is getting interesting."Goselyn thought. (1)
It got better. Launchpad went into the secret headquarters of SHUSH! Goselyn followed by using a secret entrance to SHUSH headquarters Dr. Sara Bellum had told her Dad about. Gos removed a fake air-conditioner that weighted practically zip and popped in.
Gos wasn't supposed to know about said entrance, but she's been sneaking peeks at her Dad's journal. Gos almost gasped in surprise when Launchpad was greeted by Griz with a hearty: " Hello, AGENT Launchpad!"
"Agent Double-0-Duck here with my weekly report" Launchpad said.
"Relax, Launchpad. You can drop the code name and the drill with me. How many times did you prevent Darkwing from being assassinated this week?" Griz asked.
"I don't think I can count that high. I don't think Fenton can count that high. I don't think Mr. McDuck can count that high. Do you know that yesterday someone took a potshot at him, missed him by that much?" Launchpad asked.
"I pushed him out of the way. And ended up having to tell him I tripped because he doesn't believe me when I try to tell him someone shot at him and Lord only knows where the bullet ended up?" Launchpad said.
"I warned you. I told you the truth- that SHUSH has reason to believe that Flintheart Glomgold is bankrolling FOWL, banking all of Darkwing's villains." Griz reminded Launchpad.
" Flintheart is providing them with the toys they use to commit crimes and wreck havoc. Flintheart hopes to at least disrupt-or get enough money to disrupt- whatever big financial project Mr.McDuck is doing for the next two months that is keeping him so busy in conferences and board meetings in Duckburg he doesn't have time to travel." Griz explained.
"Which is why Mr. McDuck gave you two months off. I feared that once Glomgold realized that Darkwing might upset his plans to de-throne Mr. McDuck as the world's richest duck he would put a contract out on Darkwing. That is why I hired you to be Darkwing's bodyguard- to keep an eye on his back." Griz said.
"And as I feared, Flintheart did indeed put a price on Darkwing's head- and a hefty one- right after you became his "sidekick", right after that business with Torus Bulla. " Griz continued.
"Considering how much gold Torus Bulla almost stole, Glomgold share of the take would of been considerable. He can't be happy about missing out on that kind of money." Griz commented.
"I have tried to warn Darkwing that the people he fights play for keeps- but he will not listen!" Griz said, shaking his head.
" And now every crook from here to Timbuktu is gunning for him to collect the bounty on his head- especially since that bounty is offered by the second richest duck in the world! That makes it quite a feather in the cap of whatever crook could collect it!" Griz explained.
"That's why you're having your hands full keeping him breathing! I know it is humiliating to have to pretend to be only his "sidekick", but with his ego, he would accept you as nothing else." Griz explained further.
" And you can not tell him the truth! If he knew Flintheart Glomgold is behide all his villains, he try to take on Flintheart himself, without a shred of evidence! And I don't know what would happen to Darkwing after that, but it wouldn't be pretty!" Griz said.
"Why ME? You had plenty of regular agents.." Launchpad began.
"Who Flintheart might pay off! You hate Flintheart Glomgold as much as Mr. McDuck does! Not that I blame you!" Griz stated.
"Even I don't know how many people Flintheart has killed- as good as MURDERED- by manufacturing defective airplane parts and defective airplanes! You would never allow Flintheart to bribe you!" Griz commented.
"My other agents might not really care, nor really try- one thing about YOU, Launchpad McQuack, you never stop trying. You always manage to CARE." Griz said.
"I do NOT like Darkwing. I think he is a pompous, arrogant egomaniac. But that does NOT mean I want to see him six feet under! I have seen too many agents die from being pompous, arrogant and failing to watch their backs! So this time, I took precautions. I hired you as his bodyguard because we have been keeping tabs on you." Griz stated, as he pulled out a pretty thick file marked "McQuack, Launchpad)
I know about you risking your life many times to save your boss, Scrooge McDuck! And/or his nephews, and/or his self-appointed niece Webbigale! And/or his money, including the famous Lucky Dime (which Dr. Sara Bellum would love to get a good look at just to see if there IS something special about that fool dime). " Griz continued.
"We seriously considered hiring you as bodyguard to Mr. McDuck.! Yes, I KNOW he was getting in and out of trouble long before you were hatched! That's why we considered it! He's not getting any younger and has three nephews who have inherited his flair for finding trouble under his feet. However, since you seem to be perfectly willing to do it as an unpaid bonus, why waste SHUSH resources?" Griz explained.
"You show a definite talent towards keeping people with a talent for getting in trouble alive! All I had to do was mentioned the name "Flintheart Glomgold" to Mr. McDuck and he was perfectly willing to "loan" you to us for two months!" Griz stated.
"You are NOT a stupid man! I've seen the blueprints to that Thunderquack of yours!There's no way could you design a machine like that and be the slightest bit stupid!" Griz continued
"And that's not mentioning the Sunchaser, the first plane to fly thru the center of the Earth- which you built when you were, what twelve? Yes, I know you got your job with Mr. McDuck ten days after your thirteenth birthday!" Griz told Launchpad. (2)
"I could tell Mr.McDuck that if I had to. And you didn't read that contract you signed with our sister organization the DIA as well as you should of. It gives us the right to use your services once more-now. Try to back out and I'll sue you for breach of contract so hard you'll bounce! And I know judges who could manage it without anybody else finding out, so I will if I have to" Griz said.
"You don't have to threaten me. I'm here, aren't I? I could not let this Darkwing Duck guy get killed even before I met him. I sort of like him." Launchpad began.
"I always had a secret yen to play superhero- but I'd feel silly in the dumb costume with the stupid name, the goofy gadgets and the idiotic secret identity shtick! Besides, Sharan has informed me that if I try running around in yellow and red tights calling myself "the Webbed Wonder" or something, she'll feed me my aviator's cap! This way I just do my job. I just help DW fight the crooks and keep an eye on DW's back." Launchpad replied.
"Well, by Labor Day the latest, you can go back working for Mr. McDuck. By then, Mr. McDuck big financial project- whatever it is- should be a done deal." Griz responded.
"Once Flintheart has failed to disrupt said project, he won't bother bankrolling FOWL or giving them toys to play with. Without money or fancy gadgets, most of Darkwing's villains will head for greener pastures- and the few that stay, the police will be able to handle once the bad guys lack proper funding and proper tools, too!" Griz said."
"And I've seen how DW and Morgana look at each other. I smell wedding bells by Labor Day" Launchpad thought.
Goselyn (3), was floored.
Just then, a hand fell onto her shoulder and a voice said:
"Just what are you doing here, little girl?"
Goselyn gave a sigh of relief when she saw the person speaking to her was Dr. Sara Bellum. A SHUSH security guard/agent would not listen to her, Dr. Bellum might.
"I work with Darkwing Duck" said Goselyn truthfully enough.
"He sent me to check on the blueprints for the Thunderquack. He wants to make sure that they are safe and secure. He has reason to believe FOWL will try and steal them" said Goselyn fibbing shamelessly, for all of the sudden she wanted to see those blueprints and ask a few questions.
"A child operative? A good idea of Darkwing's. Nobody notices children. Come this way. The blueprints for the Thunderquack are locked up in this safe." said Dr. Bellum, leading Gos to the safe, deep inside SHUSH headquarters. Since she was with Dr. Bellum, no one questioned Gos's presence.
"Here are the blueprints." said Dr. Bellum. spreading them out on a table.
Gos looked at them. Launchpad's handwriting, all right, although unusually neat. He had obviously taken effort to be as legible as possible. And no one was yelling at him or rushing him when he drew up the blueprints.
Launchpad could take his dear sweet time and make as many slop copies as he needed to before this, the final draft. There was still a squiggle or two, but Launchpad ain't into "perfect".
"What's that stuff labeled "sonar" and "oxygen tanks" and "underwater lights?" asked Gos. (4)
"Why, the Thunderquack is also a submarine. I suppose that's why it's called the ThunderQUACK. Because it can dive like a duck as well as fly." Dr. Bellum explained.
" And if you put the right fuel in it, you could fly that thing to Venus! I'd love to know who designed it, love to shake his hand. Even if some of it is standard parts, designed by someone else. It is very similar IN DESIGN, if not to external appearance, to another plane called the Mc- X and was obliviously designed by the same person. I should know- I designed the ultra-sonic digger (5) that was attached to the Mc-X. I never did find out who designed that plane, either." Dr. Bellum said.
"But the ThunderQUACK is also called that after the LAST half of Launchpad's last name! If Launchpad named a plane he designed after the LAST half of his last name, doesn't that indicate he earlier designed a plane named after the FIRST half of his last name? Did LAUNCHPAD design the Mc- X? And I wonder what Dr Bellum would think if she knew Launchpad designed the Thunderquack." Goselyn thought. (6)
After Dr. Bellum had returned the blueprints to their file and when Dr. Bellum was not looking, Gos removed the blueprints, xeroxed them and returned them to their file. But in her haste to do so before Dr. Bellum noticed, Gos put them back in the wrong order. Dr Bellum later noticed this and knowing she had put the blueprints back correctly, she summoned Darkwing Duck.
Soon, Launchpad landed the Thunderquack on the roof of SHUSH headquarters. Dr. Bellum spoke to DW:
"It looks like you were right about someone trying to steal the blueprints for the Thunderquack. I put the blueprints back in their correct order, only to find someone else had put them back incorrectly..."
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING!" Dr Bellum screamed at Launchpad
" I was just making sure the blueprints were all here- that none of them are missing. Yup, all here." Launchpad said.
" How would YOU know that?" Dr Bellum bellowed.
"I designed the Thunderquack" Launchpad said quietly, but with justifiable pride.
"Didn't know you used blueprints, Launchpad" DW said.
"Of course I used blueprints. You can't design a plane, especially not a plane like the Thunderquack without using blueprints" Launchpad said.
" HE designed the Thunderquack? HIM?" Dr Bellum said.
"Well, he built it anyway." DW said.
Dr.Bellum fired out a barrage of questions about the Thunderquack that only it's designer could answer correctly. A flustered Launchpad answered them correctly, being caught off guard- the questions came too fast and were too many, and besides he knew the answers too well to do anything else.
Just then, a SHUSH clerk came running into the room with the news that one of their photocopy machines had made copies of the Thunderquack's blueprints and no one had permission to do so. (7)
"So that little girl who was in here earlier must have copied the blueprints to the Thunderquack! She must have been a FOWL spy and not working for you as she said she was, Darkwing." Dr Bellum said.
"Little girl? Red hair? Green eyes? About ten years old?" asked DW, already planning to warm Gos' fanny.
"You know her, then? She's an enemy of yours?" Dr Bellum asked.
" Let's just say I've had to discipline her before and I will again" DW replied. "Come on, Launchpad, let's roll" DW said.
Launchpad was very glad to get out of there, he wasn't sure he liked the very strange look Dr. Bellum was giving him. (8)
But unknown to our heroes, the Phantom Blot had been spying on SHUSH headquarters. He had spotted the Thunderquack on the roof.
The Phantom Blot can make himself smaller when he wants to, and being black as ink, he hid inside the back of the Thunderquack easily. The Phantom Blot figured that Flintheart Glomgold would pay big bucks for information on Darkwing Duck.
So when DW and Launchpad went back to DW's headquarters, they had a uninvited hitchhiker aboard- the Phantom Blot.
Right after they arrived at DW's headquarter, DW screamed:
"GOSYLYN! Get right over here this minute!" Gos, who had left SHUSH headquarter right after she xeroxed those blueprints and returned them (in the wrong order, but she didn't know that. She DID expect to be found out sooner or later) to their file, was expecting to be yelled at and came quick.
"Yeah, Dad?" She asked.
"Don't "Yeah, Dad", me. Just what were you doing in SHUSH headquarters and why did you xerox the blueprints of the Thunderquack?" DW asked her.
"I got curious, I wanted to know about the Thunderquack." Gos said.
"Why didn't you just ASK me? I've got extra copies of the Thunderquack's blueprints with the rest of DW's files. I use them when the Thunderquack's got a mechanical problem that I can't figure out the cause of. Using the blueprints helps me find the problem." Launchpad said.
"DW, may I suggest I fitting punishment for Goselyn? The Thunderquack needs a tune-up. As long as she is all of the sudden interested in it, why doesn't she vacuum it's seats and change the oil and clean the windows and wash it?" Launchpad suggested, now talking to DW.
"Not a bad idea. You heard him, young lady. You are demoted to Miss Goodwrench for the rest of the day. Now march!" DW said.
So they marched to the Thunderquacks' hanger where I was waiting for Launchpad, all ready in my overalls. "Hello, Sharan" Launchpad said and kissed me. I kissed him right back. (AND I WOULD DO ANYTHING SHORT OF SELLING MY SOUL TO BE ABLE TO REALLY DO THAT AND HAVE HIM WANT ME TO! AND I MEAN IT!)
"We have a helper. Gos broke into SHUSH headquarters, xeroxed the blueprints for the Thunderquack and caused quite a stir. She's being punished by having to help overhaul the Thunderquack- including changing the oil." Launchpad said.
"I better put her into some old clothes that she is about to outgrow, then. I'll show her how to change the oil, just like you showed me." said I to my much beloved Launchpad.
"OK, what going on? Why did you steal the blueprints for the Thunderquack for? Launchpad would of shown them to you if you asked. You know he designed it!" I asked Gos, as I took her to her room to look for some old clothes.
"This was more fun. And I knew Launchpad BUILT the Thunderquack, I didn't realize he designed it." Gos said.
"Well, somebody had to design it. And I hardly knew one end of a plane from the other when I married Launchpad, so it sure wasn't ME! Got a newsflash for you, Gos. There is a first-class mind hidden under that gorgeous wavy red hair of Launchpad's. He has the bad habit of not using it for much more than a hat rack for that aviator's cap of his, a habit I'm trying to break him of. The way he's helping me manage my temper." I said.
"You really think Launchpad's smart?" Gos asked.
"Take a good look at the Thunderquack and you tell me. Better yet, TALK to Launchpad and LISTEN to him without jumping to conclusions. Ask him something about geography- the man's a walking atlas. Ask him about airplanes, He can look at any airplane on the planet and rattle off the type of plane it is, who made it, etc, etc, everything except the name of the guy who put the rivets in the plane." I commented.
"I sometimes think he's one of those men who think it's un-manly or un-macho to be smart- like some women think it's un-feminine to be smart- and therefore hides his light under a bushel. ." I said, being very proud of my Launchpad and not being afraid to say so.
"I know a lot of people take one look at Launchpad and think "BIG AND DUMB" and refuse to change their minds no matter how often or how well Launchpad proves otherwise. I know Launchpad, someplace along the line, got tired of banging his head again a stone wall and started playing along with the gag- started to pretend to be just as dumb as everybody thinks he is. Because it's expected of him. Because there doesn't seem to be much point in doing anything else." I explained.
"I know because there are people who automatically think I'm stupid just because I'm a girl. So I've been there, I've done that, and I've bought the t-shirt. I believe in Launchpad even if they don't. I have faith in him even if they don't. I will believe in Launchpad always- and always try to get him to believe in himself. I will not rest until he believes in himself the way I believe in him." I said
MEANWHILE...the Phantom Blot was prowling around DW's headquarters and Launchpad caught a glimpse of PB.
Launchpad might of thought he imaged it if it didn't remind him of the time Magica Despell tried to use her evil shadow to steal Mr. McDee's dime. This whateveritwas he saw was like that and it gave him the creeps.
"DW- didn't you say you were looking for an excuse to invite Morgan over to the hideout? Well, I just saw something really weird sneaking around. If you tell her that I have the willies and I think something magic is going on, it'll give you an excuse to invite her here where you can show off all your gadgets and wow her in your element." Launchpad said.
DW pretended to dismiss the idea, but somehow a short while later, Morgana was at DW's hideout.
" Now, I don't believe for one minute that Launchpad saw anything, but it will make him feel better to check it out." DW said to Morgana.
"This is a fairly open place. A small animal might have come in here looking for food and shelter. It's possible that Launchpad saw a raccoon or something sneaking around in here." Morgana said.
"It could ruin my equipment!" DW said, who had never thought of that possibility before." Not if I catch it first. It will be a good test of my magic, to trap it without hurting it" Morgana said.
It wasn't long before Morgana found some tracks- and very strange tracks, too!
"Why these are neither the tracks of a human nor an animal! There are no claw marks, no hoof marks, no talon marks and no indication of webbed feet! What kind of horrible monster has neither claws, hooves, talons or webbed feet?" Morgana asked surprised and a little frightened.
"Unless Goselyn is up to mischief again, I think Launchpad did see something very strange!" Morgan stated.
Just about then, Gos and I got back from her room. I had found some old clothes she was on the verge of outgrowing, told her to put them on, and now we were heading back to the Thunderquack's hanger. We ran into Launchpad and he joined us, but about halfway there, we met DW, Morgana- and we saw something else.
"It's the Phantom Blot!" said Launchpad, recognizing it.
"Oh, no! Not YOU again!' said PB, who of course remembered Launchpad all too well.
"You know this guy? Who is he? WHAT is he?" DW asked.
"He's called the Phantom Blot- he hired a henchman to steal an invisible jet from the Navy, and Mr. McDee and me ended up stealing it right back. I'm not sure WHAT he is, myself." Launchpad said.
"Fool! I am an inkblot! Once, many decades ago, when cartoonists still drew with pens dipped in ink, a blot of ink fell onto a comic book while the artist was still drawing it! Not knowing what else to do, the cartoonist drew me into that story! I've been in this dimension ever since! I can see! Think! Move! But I cannot fit in! So, I am a villain. What else can I do?" PB said. (9)
"Did I mention he was nuts?" Launchpad asked DW.
"Never mind that he's nuts! If he figures out where he is and who I am, I am in BIG trouble." DW said.
So they chased the Phantom Blot. Then Launchpad ran away from the blot, towards a control panel. Launchpad pulled a lever and a trapdoor (10) opened up right under where the Phantom Blot was running.
"Oops! I did it AGAIN!" said Launchpad. Splash! Right into the water of St. Canard Bay! Launchpad grabbed a net and Launchpad and DW netted the Phantom Blot.
"But does he know where he is?" DW asked.
"If he does, he won't be able to remember. I've been working on an amnesia spell that should cause him to forget everything that's happened in the last 24 hours. Don't look at me that way, Darkwing. I promise the worse thing that could happen is he forget everything that's happened in the last 12 hours, honest. I've been practicing. I am a witch, I just have trouble working spells on mortals due to lack or practice." Morgana said.
So, they flew the Phantom Blot to police headquarters, Morgana did her spell on the Phantom Blot-and it worked, he didn't remember anything that happened in the last 24 hours. So they turned him over to the cops and went home.
The End.
My apologies to the fans of DW for being totally and completely to make him out to be a hero. I did the best I could, OK?
1) OK, OK, nobody seems to like my "patent pending punctation marks" except me, so I'll use italitics.
(2) If Mr. McDuck EVER finds out he hired a 13 year old kid to be his personal pilot, 6 going on 7 years ago "their" time, I plan to sell tickets to the fit he throws. Come to think of it, I doubt DW realized Launchpad was 19 and is liable to throw a fit if he finds out he had a TEENAGED "sidekick". I was SO tempted to tell DW, just to see the LOOK on his face.
(3)who, ironically enough, had been listening to all this by using a SHUSH easedropping device she had "borrowed" from her father
(4)Which was about the only things on the blueprints Gos could understand, the words "sonar", "oxygen tanks" and "underwater lights
(5) Before I hear ONE WORD about Launchpad being too stupid for this- A: Even DISNEY admits Launchpad designed the Thunderquack and B: "Pops" Racer over at "Speed Racer" doesn't seem smart enough to ME to have designed the Mach- 5 (which is also submersible) but he did.
--
RANT ALERT! RANT ALERT! RANT ALERT!
And I'm NOT going to get into my suspicions about who designed the "Golden Condor" from "Ducktales: Treasure of the Golden Suns" . Yes, I KNOW who DISNEY said designed it, but
(A): I'm not the only one who notices it's a lot like the Thunderquack (Of course, I could say the said about the "Egret", the plane FOWL tried to steal in "Tiff of the Titans", a DW episode, but I can't imagine Launchpad giving a plane such a lame name)
and
(B). WHY was the Golden Condor "designed with one particular pilot in mind" unless said pilot was the Golden Condor's real designer and let someone else take credit in exchange for being able to fly the thing? Besides, if Mr. McDuck knew LAUNCHPAD designed the Golden Condor (assuming I'm right), Mr. McDuck would of tossed the blueprints into the circular file so fast your head would spin.
Where is it written you can't be smart and sort of goofy? Ah, come on. It's not like you didn't know at least one "class clown" who was very bright.
Did you know ventroliquist Paul Winchell, he should rest in peace, held 30 patents? Or that Lewis Carroll was a Don of Mathematics?
Not everybody who is smart takes themselves- or life- WAY too seriously.
And may all the males reading this forgive me for saying so, but you guys aren't exactly famous for worrying if some supermodel you drool over on the TV has an I.Q. or not. (Oops! My closet feminist escaped again. I've got to get a better lock for that closet.) Sorry, boys- "Do as I say, not as I do" has never gone over very well and never will.
If you ask ME, if anybody distorted the character of Launchpad, it was DISNEY. Launchpad was smarter, more competent and more heroic in "Ducktales" than in "Darkwing Duck", but then people started to admire and respect Launchpad, which Disney could NOT permit- don't ask ME why not- so they demoted him to sidekick status and REALLY made him look moronic in DW.
And THE ONLY REASON ANYBODY WATCHED THE SHOW WAS THAT LAUNCHPAD WAS IN IT AND PEOPLE STOPPED WATCHING BECAUSE HE WAS MADE TO LOOK TOO DUMB AND IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME, TRY DOING DW AGAIN WITHOUT LAUNCHPAD AND SEE WHO CARES!
In fact, I DOUBLE-dare Disney to bring back both DW and Ducktales.
You can do with DW whatever you Billy-be-blessed please.
"You can marry him or murder him", as Arthur C. Doyle said about Sherlock Holmes, for all I care, as long as you LEAVE LAUNCHPAD OUT OF IT.
Bring back "Ducktales" and drop the "Launchpad is an idiot" nonsense and be prepared to sell an embarrassingly large amount of Launchpad beach towels, t-shirts, lunchpails (sorry, honey!), 'till even you admit you could have been doing so for 20 years now if you had been less stubborn.
I promise to admit if I'm wrong. Will it help if I admit I didn't think the Incredibles would be a hit, and hoo boy, was I WRONG?
Especially since trying to be funny by making a hero look too stupid has backfired on Disney since "Ducktales".
Can you say: "Around the World in 80 Days"? Can you say: "Home on the Range"?
I got the idea for this story from "Darkly Dawns the Duck". At some point after watching it at least once, I asked myself the 64 thousand dollar question: "Where did Torus Bulla get the money and the equipment to turn his prison into a flying fortress FROM?"
Then I asked, "Well, who in the Disney Universe has THAT kind of money and is evil enough to invest it in somebody like Torus Bulla? Why, Flintheart Glomgold, of course." (Especially since we KNOW Flintheart has SOME connection to FOWL- we saw Flinty hanging out in a FOWL resort in a DW episode " In Like Blunt", I think.)
And hearing that Disney thought of having the show star Launchpad ( They probably still intended it to star DW, only call him Double- 0- Duck- but we all know who Double-0 -Duck was, don't we?) and calling it Double-0-Duck- well, a certain suspicion of what was really going on "behide the scenes" at DW was hatched.
Pardon me if I like the Disney Corp too much to watch it hemorrhage money without trying to point out where, in my humble opinion, they started to go wrong.
Especially since it's not too late. Disney could do another version of "Ducktales" and could drop the "Launchpad is a moron" bit and see if I'm right or not. And it doesn't have to be a tv show, two stright-to-DVD release brand-new movies, one of "Ducktales" one of "Darkwing Duck" would do for "testing the waters".
And if you think I MIND or CARE if "Darkwing Duck" somehow outsells "Ducktales" as long as Launchpad is back to working for Mr. McDuck and Disney has giving up their "anybody but Launchpad" attitude problem, you are VERY much mistaken. No skin off of my beak either way.
END OF RANT ALERT!
(6) See Ducktales episode: "Top Duck".
Somebody had to design ultra-sonic digger used in that show. Why not Dr. Bellum?
(Don't be silly. Of course I don't think Launchpad knows anything about ultra-sound.)
How's about swaping Nutty Inventors? Send Dr. Bellum to "Ducktales" and let Ugly Twerp work for SHUSH.
(7)SHUSH has cameras or something monitoring the use of its copy machines
(8) How was Launchpad supposed to know that Dr. Bellum was thinking: "How could I have been so foolish? Of course, someone like Darkwing Duck would not take on Launchpad as a sidekick if he were the mindless muscle I mistook him for!"
(9) If the Phantom Blot already has an origin story, I don't know it. So I made one up for him.
10)"Why do we even HAVE that lever?" Launchpad installed that trapdoor there so the Thunderquack could go into sub mode right from DW's headquarters.