Rainwater
Chapter 5: Always Today
Rating: R for sexual situations and suggestions, adult topics and language.
WitchyPrincess
Always Today
The last thing I need is for something else to turn out wrong in my life. I can't take another disappointment. Each day is a war and waking up is the biggest battle. Being alive is one thing but actually living is another thing all together.
Every morning is a struggle to open my eyes, to roll over and see the sun. Every day I'm pushing back tears, watching happy people live luxuriously happy lives...and I hate them. Because they're not me. Because they're happy and all I want to do is fall down a flight of stairs - or something equally clumsy and tragic simply to prove I'm not perfect - and die.
I'm sick of everyone expecting me to 'do the right thing' and looking toward me when they want to have a good time. When did I start being labeled the 'party girl'? When was it that I was crowned queen of happiness? I mean, I know I put up a good front but that doesn't change how I feel. And that's hopeless.
Why is it that people come to me for advice in their lives? In their problems? If they only knew that I was falling apart inside. If they could see my heart instead of just my smile then they'd know. But no one ever looks beyond the gleam of my sparkly blue eyes to see the soul of the person inside.
I keep telling myself tomorrow's going to be a better day. Tomorrow I'll be happier, tomorrow I will really smile because it can't possibly be any worse than today. Today was the worst and there is no exception. But, you see, there's a silly little trick about that word - "tomorrow" - it doesn't exist. It's always today and it's never better.
—Bra Briefs
#######
Pan crossed her arms, glaring angrily and unable to believe what she was doing. It would be just like Trunks to exploit her like this. It wasn't fair. Just because she'd said 'anything' didn't mean she wanted to take it this far. Who did he think he was? And why did Goten and Ubuu find this so funny?
She snapped her head around, glaring at them, before turning back to look at Trunks. To her satisfaction, they shut-up abruptly.
"You're not serious. Tell me that you're not serious Trunks-San." She commanded, crossing her arms and looking very Vegita like. Trunks smirked, also looking like his father as he shrugged his shoulders.
"Actually, Pan-Chan, I am." He informed, handing her the pen. "Now be a good little girl and sign this document for me."
"How did you get it so fast? Who typed it up and when did they fax it to you?" She questioned suspiciously, reading over the paper again.
"My lawyer typed it up and faxed it during dinner because I used my cell to call him from your place while I waited for you to get ready. Now quit stalling and sign it all ready, you've read it three times now. You know what it says."
"Just because I know what it says doesn't mean there's not fine print. I'm not stupid and I don't trust you, so I see no reason to rush."
"Aww, now Pan, there's no reason not to trust me." He cooed, closing his eyes in satisfaction as she continued to frown in his direction. "Besides, you've already said you'd do anything, and you will. I'm here to make sure you keep your word."
"I'll keep my word," She promised, poising the pen over the dotted line. "We're not all dirty lairs." She announced, smirking at him as she signed.
"Whatever, Son, just as long as you realize I own you now." He quipped, laughing softly. She straightened up as he pulled the document toward him, turning to thank Ubuu and Goten for watching her sign it. She placed her hands on her well defined hips, glaring at them all still.
"How did you know I quit my job?" She asked, her voice still cautiously curious.
"Pan, I'm the president of Capsule Corporations. I could find out what type of underwear you wore last week if that's what I wanted to know." He informed, eyeing her significantly. She upturned her lips, crossed her arms over her chest, and backed away.
"That's disgusting, Trunks, and disturbing. Don't you ever snoop in my life, you pervert."
"I promise you, Pan, I don't have any inclination to find out what underwear you wore last week. I barely even want to know where you live, much less what you're wearing."
Pan sighed, obviously angry, as Goten coughed. Ubuu eased his way out of the room, looking rather nervous with the situation, and Trunks chuckled softly.
"Shall we discuss the fine points of our new...life together?" He teased, raising a curious eyebrow. She growled in his direction, a rather sexy sound, as Goten chuckled his way out of the room as well.
"Don't talk to me like that," She warned, shaking her head. "And no, I don't want to discuss anything with you, bastard, except when you're going to die."
"Now, is that any way to talk to your new boss?" He teased, looking at her intently as she shifted her weight from one foot to the other.
"Screw you, Trunks, I just want to get out of here and far away from you." She added, sneering at him. He smirked again, shaking his head.
"Nope, no way at all." He continued to tease. "Now sit down so we can talk about the details."
"There's nothing to discuss. You've already said it, you own me."
For some reason, her saying it sounded like different words to his ears. It sent a whole different sensation down his spine as he looked down at her. He hated to admit it, but she was beautiful. Pale green was definitely her color, and that dress wrapped around her like a lover's touch. He hadn't been able to think about anything but the way she looked all through dinner. That, and the kiss they'd shared four years ago. Silently, he wondered if she'd been thinking about it too.
"I'm glad you recognize that, but this is serious. You need to be to work on time, every morning. I want to see you in that office, and don't think I'm not going to check. I want your job to be top notch, just because you have a contract doesn't mean you can slack off. And, remember, if you don't do your best simply because you want to get fired, not only will you be breaking a promise, you'll be setting yourself up for a lawsuit. You're my new marketing accountant now, and I take my business seriously. Even if it was given to me," He added, remembering her past remark about how he was a 'low-life'.
"Shut-up, Trunks. I'll do my job. Now," She sighed, smoothing down her dress. The action caused his eyes to roam her curves, making him lose his train of thought anyway. "Can I go?"
He shook out of it, swallowing hard. "Not yet," He told her, jaw set. "Remember that you have to help me with the quarterlies, first thing tomorrow morning. It's probably going to take a few days to do, the job is always hard. But I have full confidence in you. Considering you want to see me as seldom as possible." She sighed and started to walk out of the room, her eyes still displaying how angry she was.
That was something he'd always liked about Pan. Her eyes showed her emotions clearly, even if her actions didn't. He could always read her like a book through those eyes. Now, it only made him shiver because all he saw was hate. He used to see adoration and devotion in those eyes. She used to look up at him like he held her world in his palm. She used to make him feel special.
He could use someone making him feel special right about now. He hadn't felt that way in years, hadn't felt calm or collected since she caused him to understand why he'd never truly be happy. Since she pointed out why he'd never find love. And she'd been right about him. He was a coward, a low-life, he was self-involved. He hated that she knew him better than he knew himself back then. He hated that she didn't know him at all now.
What was wrong with him? He thought, wondering why he wanted anything to do with Pan. Why had he just arranged for her to spend time with him, nearly every day for a couple of weeks most likely? Why had he just forced her to take a job at Capsule where he'd have to see her often? But, most importantly, why did he just have a thought about wanting her to know him?
He didn't want anything from her. Except for her to talk with his sister. At that thought, he remembered what else he had to tell her.
"Pan," He called out nicely, so she'd turn back. She did. "Please go visit my sister before you leave. I think she wants to speak with you."
The girl looked angry as she walked away, clearly not willing to take requests from him. He hoped she would anyway. Bra wanted so badly to talk with her.
#######
Bra smiled softly at the girl in front of her, praying silently that Pan didn't hate her as much as she had the right to. After her long discussion with Marron, Bra realized that she had been, to put it lightly, a real bitch to Pan over the years.
She had talked about the girl mercilessly. She had insulted her to her face, even. Sometimes she hadn't even bothered to pretend and be nice to her and every 'delicate' girl, like herself, knew that you were at least supposed to pretend at all times. She had learned as much from her mother over the years.
But with Pan she had been...positively vicious, Bra realized suddenly. She didn't deserve leeway, and she didn't deserve forgiveness. But she was going to ask for it anyway. A lot of things had happened to her over the years that had changed her outlook on life. That had made her become the humble, less snobby person that stood in front of the quarter-Saiyan asking for a bit of mercy.
"What is it that you wanted, Bra?" Pan asked cautiously, all pretenses of liking Bra dropped since they were standing in the center of Bra's room, completely alone.
The room was large with peach paint splattered over the walls in a fancy pattern that mixed brilliantly with the off white crown molding. The posters and decorations that Bra had left on the walls when she moved were still in place, not once touched or taken down. Everything was left exactly the way it was before, from the designer clothes and shoes on her closet racks and the towels that hung in her bathroom, to the stuffed animals on her bed. The only sign that anyone had ever even been in the room at all was the absence of dust on her things.
"Listen, I won't bother wasting your time with phony questions about how you are and the like, I'll just get right to it," Bra told her, giving Pan a serious look as she walked over to her cream white couch and took a seat, telling Pan with her eyes to do the same.
The raven-haired girl sighed, rolling her eyes in annoyance as she took the seat next to Bra while giving her a look that clearly stated 'make this quick'.
"You can go ahead and call me a bitch if it'll help get it out of your system." Bra offered lightly, as though they were discussing the weather.
"I thought you said you were going to get right to it." Pan reminded after she raised a confused, yet slightly intrigued, eyebrow. "What's the meaning of this..." She sounded as lost as her eyes looked. Bra smiled fondly, remembering how Pan's emotions were always displayed through her eyes.
"That's what this is about. I wanted to...well...I wanted to say that maybe I...I mean, I know I...wronged you...alot...And I'm..." She bit her lower lip in annoyance with herself. She knew why this was so hard though; Briefs didn't say 'sorry' for anything, ever. She was breaking a cardinal rule here and she knew it. But she needed Pan's allegiance more than she needed the air she was breathing at the moment.
"Are you trying to apologize for something?" Pan sounded astonished as Bra nodded eagerly, glad Pan had done the hard part of the job for her. The younger girl nearly choked at Bra's admission.
"What'd you do?" Pan continued with a slightly awed tone to her voice. "Did you make a time machine and go into the future to kill me off and now you feel guilty or something? Did Hell freeze over? Did Dende make you do this?" Pan seemed to be in a frenzy, listing anything she could think of that would possibly make Bra do something so drastic.
"Pan," Bra interrupted her tirade with an annoyed smirk turning her lips downward. "You proved your point, and I must say, that was much better than just calling me a bitch outright."
"I aim to please." Pan smirked expertly. "But really, what happened to make you feel the need to...be...nice to me?" She said the words hesitantly, her face twisting when she said 'nice' and 'me'.
"As a matter of fact," Bra's lips snaked into a sneaky sort of grin. "Hell did freeze over, I guess."
Pan groaned and sat back in the chair, rolling her eyes and deciding not to respond.
"Listen, Pan, I wanted to call a truce. We've been silently destroying each other for years."
"Wrong," Pan corrected, eyes narrowed. "You've been silently destroying me for years. I've never harmed you with looks that kill or anything like that."
Bra sighed, waving her hands in defeat. "Okay, I said you did a good job of calling me a bitch already. And you're exaggerating a bit, you haven't been perfectly sweet to me all these years. In fact, I could name a few times where you,"
"Fine, fine, I'll let you win this one Briefs. Sometimes I struck back, but never without good cause." Pan looked ready to throw something at Bra as the memories flooded back to her.
"Pan," Bra reminded gently. "I'm trying to be nice here and call a truce, remember?"
The younger girl shrugged, brushing a strand of raven hair out of her face. "You call it nice, I call it suspicious."
"Anyways," Bra took control before the situation had a chance to get worse, changing the subject. "I said I would get right to the point and that's what I'm going to do. I need you, Pan."
A brief silence, and then, "You need me? Have you lost your marbles?" Pan looked as though she didn't know what to say, what to think. Her eyes widened as her eyebrows turned downward and she scooted further away from Bra on the chair. The blue-haired girl couldn't help but laugh at the awkward way everything was put out there.
Suddenly the laughter felt good to her throat and she couldn't stop it. She fell into a fit of undignified giggles, doubling over as she shook her head and grabbed at her stomach. This was all just too much for her to handle in one day, she realized. With Goten reigniting all of those old feelings she used to have for him, Marron making her realize what a selfish, snobby baby she used to be, and finally Pan. Pan who could refuse to accept her 'apology' and never lift a finger to help her. Pan who was weary of Bra, moving away as if she feared Bra might jump on her at any second, calling her actions 'suspicious'.
Finally she was able to regain her control and she sat up straight in her chair. By that time she caught her breath she was sure that, if she hadn't been trained to always cover her emotions, her face would have been just as shocked as Pan's. She never let loose like that, she never gave way to her impulses and just released emotions no matter how they piled up. She usually just held them all at bay and kept up her mask of happiness.
"What do you mean, 'you need me'?" Pan asked once she was positive that Bra was calm enough to continue a conversation. She didn't, though, look as though she believed Bra was sane enough. Bra honestly couldn't say she blamed her.
"I mean, look Pan, you said it yourself once." Bra changed the subject mysteriously, not making any sense to Pan. This seemed to confirm the girl's suspicions that Bra had indeed lost some of her marbles.
"What are you talking about?" Bra could hear the stress and slight panic in Pan's voice, mixed with the annoyance she knew the girl felt.
"When we were younger you told me that I was a disgrace to the Saiyan title. Remember?" She continued on without waiting for Pan to respond. "You said a Saiyan princess should know how to handle herself and I was nothing but a joke. That if I were a real Saiyan I would know how to fight for myself and not rely on my daddy to win my battles. I mean, you were the only one who ever managed to make me feel bad about not being a warrior."
Pan smiled lightly, thinking Bra was being a little over dramatic about the whole situation from long ago, still not sure why the girl had brought it up. "Bra, you're being ridiculous. We were children then, and if I recall correctly I also said that it didn't matter whether or not you could fight because one day, when Trunks-San and I got married, I'd be the Saiyan queen and you'd have nothing to worry about. And, if I recall, you laughed at me."
"Only because you made me feel so inadequate." Bra told her seriously. "Defense mechanism, you know? And we weren't children, Pan, you were seventeen."
"Yeah, and I was delusional, so what's your point?" Pan shot back at her, defensive in her tone.
"You were not delusional, at least, I didn't think so."
"I thought I could get your brother to marry me." Pan told her mockingly.
"I believed you could." Bra defended, frowning.
"Then you were stupid." The tone the younger girl took as she said this made it seem like she was arguing with someone. Bra noticed this but she didn't comment, knowing that there was no way Pan could be arguing with her, she was only stating facts.
"No," Bra responded calmly. "I just know you, or rather, I knew you. And I knew the person you were, Pan, you weren't someone who'd take no for an answer. I mean, everything you've ever wanted you fought for.
"Just use those black star dragon balls for example. You weren't even supposed to be the one searching for them with Trunks and Goku but you found a way to get what you wanted. And...that's the way I've always seen you. As this sort of powerhouse that knew it's every goal and exactly how to accomplish it."
"So you figured that just because I wanted to be Mrs. Trunks Briefs at seventeen I would get to? Despite the fact that your brother hated everything about me? Despite the fact that he's fourteen years older than I am? Despite the fact that he's probably gay?"
"Pan," Bra cut her off, a warning look in her eyes.
"What? He used to take baths with Goten and they merged into each other's bodies. Now, while I know Goten likes the girls I haven't seen Trunks-San serious with any women...all these years...I'd say that was more than enough reason to raise suspicion. Not even mentioning the way he seemed to completely miss how beautiful I was." There was a slight tone of bitter sarcasm in her voice towards the end, but the rest was said with light amusement. Bra could only laugh at Pan's crazy reasoning for why her brother was sure to be 'gay'.
"My point is," Bra started again, shaking her head. "I've never seen you want something and not get it. So, yes, I thought that if you wanted Trunks you could have him. I still do."
Pan nearly choked. "You're kidding me, right? You think mister 'I'm everything, obey my every command' would fall to his knees and obey my beck and call if I set my mind to making him want to?"
"Well...you have to know your limits, Pan." Bra shook her head, wincing slightly at the impossible picture Pan painted. "I said I think he'd marry you if you were determined to snag him, not that he'd bow to you and obey your crazy commands. My brother may not be able to fight off a determined you, but he's still Trunks. He'd do anything to maintain his pride. And falling to your beck and call is not in that package."
"Okay," Pan started, interested in the conversation now. "So how did you imagine me going about this...winning of your brother's heart?" She was fighting back the laughter as she asked.
"Do you still want to?" Bra questioned eagerly, her blue eyes lighting as she awaited the answer that she was sure she already knew.
"Hell no." Pan told her confidently. "Your brother's an ass and I pity the woman who gets stuck with him...if he isn't gay, that is."
"Pan! He's not gay." Bra defended, slightly shocked because she had expected Pan to say 'yes'. She had thought for sure that there was something going on with Trunks and Pan. And she had thought Pan's annoyed look around Trunks this evening had been because the girl was playing hard to get. But, apparently, she wasn't playing at all.
That made for interesting contemplation. So Pan no longer wanted Trunks? Or was she just fooling herself and she seriously did want him still but wouldn't admit it? Bra was curious to find out but she knew she wouldn't get a straight answer from Pan if this was something the girl didn't want her to know. Pan could keep secrets with the best of them, which was why Bra had her sitting in her room right now, preparing to ask what she was about to ask.
"Whatever. Look, weren't you telling me something important a minute ago? Didn't we get off topic?" Pan questioned, interrupting Bra's contemplation. Bra simply smiled, shaking her head at Pan.
"No, we were directly on topic. What I was saying was that you've always been a woman that fought for what you wanted. What I'm asking of you," Really, I'm begging, Bra corrected silently. "Is that you help me. Pan, I want you to teach me how to fight."
Bra watched the girl's reaction carefully, wondering if she was going to laugh. She didn't. Instead she sat up straighter on the chair, crossing her ankles and leaning her head back. Then she titled her face and looked Bra right in the eyes, her own shining with what could only be curiosity.
"Are you talking literally or figuratively here? Do you want me to teach you how to throw punches or get what you want out of men? 'Cause I'm afraid that I won't be able to help with the second one, though I'm sure you don't need assistance in that department."
"Both, actually." Bra told her seriously. "I want you to teach me how to throw punches and take offense in a fight. But in the process I'll be learning how to take what I want in life."
"How are you going to do that? And why would you need help learning how to get what you want? You've got it all, Princess."
"I haven't got what I want, Pan. And don't call me 'princess' nothing pisses me off more."
"Sorry, I wasn't trying to offend you." Pan told her in a defensive tone, giving a curious look as she continued. "So, what is it that you want but haven't got?" She asked the question in a way that made it sound as if she didn't believe something like that were possible. Imagine, Bra not getting something she wanted.
"Your uncle." Bra told her seriously, their eyes boring into each other after she said it. "And I expect you to keep that confidential. I'm not like you, Pan, I just can't go advertising every guy I'm interested in. But I don't mean that as an insult." She amended quickly.
"You want my uncle? What for?" Pan sounded incredulous.
"Take a wild guess." Bra told her dryly, fighting the urge to roll her eyes at the stupid question.
"No, I mean, why Goten? He's practically Paris' property."
"I know." Bra replied, a hopeless tone to her voice.
"Oh, is that why you want him? You like the challenge or something? Bra, I'm telling you, Saiyan or not, it's not worth the battle. You're probably going to come out lacking."
"I know that Pan." There was anger in Bra's voice as she responded, she was near a shout even. "Look I didn't ask you to help me so that you could talk me out of this. I asked because I need the help. And it's not like I'm begging you to teach me how to trap him or something, I just want you to show me how to fight."
"What for? I still don't get the connection."
"For when I fight Paris."
"Bra, you don't need my assistance if you're planning to kick Paris' ass. You can just fly right over to her house and do it. She's only human, you know?"
"No, Pan. I'm not going to fight her literally. I'm going to fight her mentally. But I need you to literally teach me how to fight because, mental or not, I'm about to go into battle with this woman. I need to be prepared in all aspects of the word."
"So, this is like some kind of ritual before you take your shot at Goten? Or is it your Saiyan blood saying you took long enough about it?" Pan added slyly.
"It's just that...Well, I might as well tell you." Bra sighed, clearly not wanting to admit this. "Like I've already said, I believe that you can get anything you want. Even my brother. Well, I've always thought it had something to do with you knowing how to fight, you know. Like, you always stood up for what you believed in. You were never scared to throw a punch. I just...I feel like, if you teach me how to fight some of that will rub off on me. I mean, the way you live your life is the same way you fight, Pan. With aggression. When you teach me how to fight, you'll be teaching me how you get what you want - teaching me how to do it as well."
"So you believe that if I teach you how to fight you'll be able to get anything you want by using those fighting tactics in life? You think my life is perfect, Bra? Because it's not. And I can't get everything I want, you're fooling yourself if you think I can."
"What have you ever wanted that you've been denied?"
Bra watched her, waiting patiently as the answer flicked across Pan's eyes. There was something there, something she wanted to say but didn't. Her eyes narrowed and she shook her head, turning her face away from Bra as she spoke her next words.
"I wanted my grandfather but that didn't keep him from merging with the dragon balls, now did it?" She looked down at her silver watch as Bra opened her mouth to respond, finding her throat hoarse in the process. There was nothing she could say to that. Goku was gone.
"Anyway, I have to go, I need to get some sleep tonight. I have to work early tomorrow morning." There was a sharp edge to Pan's voice as she said this, the anger clearly evident though Bra wasn't sure why. Hadn't Marron told her that Pan just quit her job?
"Where do you work?" Bra asked, to be sure.
"Oh, I used to work at Toplin's advertising as a marketing manager but the job got too cut-throat for me, people stabbing each other in the back," She stated bitterly, hinting that she meant more than just in the work place. "So I quit about three weeks ago." Pan responded lightly, standing up. "No, I have to go to Capsule tomorrow morning and do some quarterly job analysis papers with your slimy brother. I'm the new marketing accountant." Her face wrinkled as she said it, glaring at the wall as though it were Trunks and she wanted to stab it.
"Why in the world are you doing quarterly analysis with him? That's the worst job you could have possibly taken, even if you need the cash Pan."
"I don't need the cash, I set aside fifteen percent of every one of my paychecks for the entire two years I worked at Toplin's. And it's not like Trunks is going to pay me much for doing this." Pan closed her eyes, scrunching her face and for all the world looking as if she had a sour taste in her mouth that she couldn't spit out.
"Then why would you do this? I thought you said you didn't like my brother?" Bra was getting suspicious.
"I don't. Your brother was killing me in my apartment and I told him I'd do anything in the world that he wanted if he stopped. So this afternoon he made me sign a contract saying I was his new marketing accountant, you know, since I had experience in marketing and all. And he made Goten and Ubuu witness it so it's perfectly legal. So now I have to do his evil bidding."
For a moment neither of them said anything, then Bra burst into another fit of laughter. Pan sighed and rolled her eyes, walking out of the room and slamming Bra's door. Bra realized she didn't have an answer to her plea yet so she went chasing after Pan before she could reach the end of the hall.
"Hey, P-Chan, you didn't answer my question!" Bra called after her as Pan turned around.
"Don't call me P-Chan, Panny, Pan-Chan, or Panny-Chan ever again, Nothing pisses me off more, and you've got a deal." Pan informed her, smirking.
"Fine with me." Bra nodded, smiling on both the inside and out. "When do we start?"
"How's next Friday for you?"
"Perfect." Bra was grinning now and slightly surprised at herself for it. Pan looked shocked.
"You really must be serious, Friday's a date night."
"Surely you don't mean at night?" Bra questioned, smile faltering. Pan laughed.
"No, I don't, I was just teasing you. We'll start at eight in the morning and work until nine thirty, that should be a light warm-up. Just enough for you." Bra nodded her agreement.
"Thanks Pan, I really appreciate this. You have no idea. Oh, and Pan, have fun at work tomorrow." She winked and turned back to her room.
"Whatever," Pan ignored her teasing, rolling her eyes. "Just don't expect this fighting to work miracles for you, okay? I don't want you to blame failure on the martial arts."
"I won't," Bra told her as she shut her room door. Then she added, "Fail, I mean," so that only she could hear it. And she meant it, she wouldn't fail. This was too important to her and she couldn't take another disappointment in her life.
To be continued...