Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars! I wish I did, but that's not the point.
*****
Light slowly began to flood into Aro-Ken's vision. He moaned and rolled over. He could feel the back of his head throbbing, and tried to use the Force to ignore it. He could feel dried blood on his forehead from his fall down the chute, and he still had some small cuts and bruises.
The young Jedi pulled himself up into a sitting position and looked around, using the Force to reach out.
The cell he was in wasn't very large. It was all durasteel. Aro-Ken found himself sitting on a black surface, and there was hardly enough room for him to stretch out completely. There was not much room in front of it to walk around.
As he shakily rose, Aro-Ken realized he still had his lightsaber clipped to his belt. They must not have seen it.
He unclipped it and was about to activate it to cut through the door, when it suddenly slid open. Instantly he put the lightsaber back on his belt, hoping the two guards who entered hadn't seen it.
"Huh! I'll bet you fifty credits this one won't last more than two minutes with Gripfang!" one chuckled upon seeing Aro-Ken.
"I'll take that bet," the other one said.
Both surly guards pointed their blaster rifles menacingly at him, and Aro- Ken tried his best to look scared although he wasn't really worried about them at all.
They led him out of the cell and down a long hallway. The hallway walls had doors to what he assumed were more cells about a meter apart from each other. From what Aro-Ken could sense, they all had occupants.
They finally turned out of the hallway and went down a winding maze of corridors. Aro-Ken lost track of the direction they had come in.
The two guards stopped in front of a large door. One of them pressed his hand to the small screen on the wall, and the door slowly opened, creaking on old and rusty hinges.
One of the guards roughly hit Aro-Ken between the shoulder blades with the butt of his blaster rifle, and he stumbled forward, managing to stay on his feet.
He found himself in a room similar to the one he and Del-Mon had entered previously. There were men all about, drinking and smoking, yelling and laughing. Upon seeing Aro-Ken, they began cheering. "Another meal for the Gripfang!" "Call the Prime Minister!" "Tell Captain Sorro!" "Hurry! This will be good!"
Aro-Ken was shoved over to a large, elaborate throne. The man seated in it had hazel eyes and no hair. His forehead was tall, and he had a rather pointy nose. He was dressed in the manor of a military man. He looked at Aro-Ken for a moment.
"Where is the other?" he asked.
"He is being brought here as we speak," one of the guards said.
"Good. I wish for him to see his young friend die," said the man.
As though on cue, a struggling Del-Mon was suddenly pulled through the door.
When the two guards who held his arms arrived at the throne, they shoved him to the ground.
Instantly he was up. Aro-Ken noticed that his master's hands were bound behind his back.
"Ah, both are here. Wonderful. The Gripfang is getting restless, as are my troops. I hope you will both enjoy your last few minutes alive," said the man in the throne, whom the two Jedi assumed was Captain Sorro.
Aro-Ken looked to his master, who gave no indication of what he should do. Was he aware that Aro-Ken still had his lightsaber? He could tell Del-Mon was thinking, but had no idea what his thoughts were.
Suddenly, he looked the captain straight in the eye. "Captain, we are Jedi. We have been sent to meet with the king and queen. Let us go," he calmly said.
"Ha ha ha! I am not weak-minded, you cannot fool me. All Atheists must die!" he cried.
Instantly Captain Sorro slammed down a hand on his armrest, pressing a button that Aro-Ken had just noticed.
There was a whirring sound behind him, and Aro-Ken spun around. He saw that the floor was opening up. Below was a tank with a thick looking, yellow- brown liquid in it.
"The Gripfang will eat tonight! Put the boy in first!" cried Captain Sorro.
Instantly, the guard shoved Aro-Ken roughly in the chest. He stumbled backwards, waving his arms for balance, and then fell into the large tank, taking a breath at the last minute.
"No!" he heard Del-Mon cry.
Aro-Ken hit whatever the liquid was, and found he floated in it, as though it were water. As he neared the surface, he suddenly saw a glass top come over the top of tank. There was no way he could get up to breathe.
Unable to hold his breath any longer, Aro-Ken let it out, and then inhaled.
Inhaled? He suddenly realized that whatever this liquid was, he could breathe in it. He held his hand in front of him in amazement, and saw that two or three centimeters around him was dry. The liquid did not touch his skin. Instead it was suspended away from him.
Aro-Ken looked around. The liquid was thick and yellowish-brown. It was hard to see very far ahead. As he squinted, he saw a large black shape on his right.
He tried to turn around, but the liquid made the tank seem to have no gravity. He spun too far and wound up facing the same direction he had been facing earlier.
He could sense something behind him. This time as he spun he used the Force to stop himself before he went too far.
Aro-Ken saw, looming in front of him, the largest creature he had ever laid eyes on. He wasn't quite sure what it was. It was very long, like an eel, only much, much longer and thicker. It had scales, but Aro-Ken couldn't tell what color they were in the lighting. The cranial range of its body was shaped like that of a dewback. Its flat mouth was open, exposing four or five rows of sharp teeth. Each tooth was probably about the size of Aro- Ken's hand. He assumed it was the Gripfang, and now saw why the soldiers had been betting on it to eat him in under two minutes.
As the Gripfang loomed closer to him, Aro-Ken quickly dove out of the way. He kicked and stroked as hard as he could, fighting to find a way out of the tank.
He suddenly bumped into the transparisteel wall. Looking out, he could see the guards gathered around it, laughing and passing credits to one another. Near the back of the huge crowd, he saw Del-Mon with a pained, longing look on his face. He knew his master would break the tank in a second if he had the chance, or jump in himself if two muscular guards weren't firmly holding his arms.
Using the wall to turn himself, Aro-Ken saw Gripfang coming towards him, and he frantically pushed off the wall with his feet. He dove and went under the strange beast, and could feel the liquid rippling as it snapped at him.
Aro-Ken twisted and wove about the tank, allowing Gripfang to chase after him. But he was too swift for the creature to grab him.
Occasionally, Gripfang's teeth would graze him, but Aro-Ken ignored the small cuts and rips in his tunic.
Finally, Aro-Ken had to stop and rest. He got over to the side of the tank. He was sweating, and his muscles were starting to burn.
Suddenly, Gripfang appeared. He'd hoped the huge animal hadn't seen him.
Aro-Ken looked frantically back and forth, but found that Gripfang had him trapped.
The young boy suddenly remembered his lightsaber. His hand went for his belt, but the lightsaber was not there! It must have fallen off as he had tried to evade Gripfang.
As Gripfang loomed nearer, his huge mouth open, Aro-Ken lifted his feet and kicked out, hitting Gripfang's snout. Caught off guard by the move, Gripfang froze for an instant, but that was all Aro-Ken needed.
He dove, going down, down, down, until his head brushed the bottom of the tank. His ears popped a few times from the sudden pressure change, but he ignored it.
Frantically, he scanned the bottom of the tank, looking for his lightsaber. But instead of the lightsaber, he saw bones. Dozens of them, the remnants of Gripfang's past meals.
He drew in a sharp breath, and suddenly sensed Gripfang coming up from behind him.
Aro-Ken looked harder, and made sure he kept swimming. If he held still, he was done for.
Suddenly, out of the corner of his eye, he spotted a gleaming metal. The lightsaber!
Swimming and kicking as hard as he could he reached out for it.
Searing pain suddenly erupted in his lower leg. He cried out and looked back, and saw Gripfang had seized his leg in his teeth.
"Aah!" Aro-Ken shouted as he tried to shake and twist his leg free, but it was no use.
Aro-Ken looked back to his lightsaber, reaching out as far as he could, but still couldn't reach it. It was less than a hand's width away from him.
He stretched, his fingers reaching out. Even though he knew he couldn't grab it, he kept his hand out. Aro-Ken suddenly imagined the lightsaber jumping into his hand, seeing it perfectly in his mind.
As he opened his eyes, his vision blurry with pain, he saw that his lightsaber was beginning to twitch.
Amazed, he kept trying, just reaching out and pushing it with the Force, trying to shove the blinding pain in his leg from his mind.
Finally, it sprang into his hand. Aro-Ken instantly jammed his thumb on the ignite button, and slashed at Gripfang's face and mouth with the bright blue blade.
Surprised, Gripfang released its prey, and Aro-Ken kicked away, pumping his legs like he never had before. He noticed his injured leg left a trail of blood in the liquid.
He found the nearest wall and pressed his back against it, holding his lightsaber. With its light, he could see slightly farther into the liquid. He slashed at the transparisteel a few times, but found the lightsaber wasn't strong enough to break it.
Gripfang was very mad now. Aro-Ken didn't need the Force to see that. The enraged creature came for him, but Aro-Ken met him with a barrage of furious swings and thrusts. Gripfang suddenly turned away as Aro-Ken attacked.
What was it doing? Was it giving up? Aro-Ken curiously watched it.
Without warning, Gripfang whirled around, and its thick lower body slammed into Aro-Ken's chest, setting him spinning head over heels.
He struggled to straighten himself out. Each time he spun around, he saw Gripfang coming closer and closer.
Once again, the huge mouth opened. Aro-Ken abruptly stuck out a foot, and it hit the wall, stopping him.
Instinctively, without thinking, Aro-Ken pushed up with his blade, and discovered he had jammed it into the roof of Gripfang's enormous mouth.
Gripfang writhed and struggling about, trying to lash Aro-Ken with its tail again. It swung the young Jedi back and forth as he clung desperately to his lightsaber.
Aro-Ken managed to pull his lightsaber out of Gripfang's flesh, and kicked away.
Gripfang didn't give up. It came towards him again, and Aro-Ken spun, twisted, and flipped to avoid the teeth, occasionally slashing the serpent's face.
This time, Aro-Ken purposely aimed for Gripfang's eyes, trying to blind it. From the looks of things, his strategy was working.
Then, in a completely unexpected movement, Aro-Ken saw Gripfang's head shoot downward as it thrashed about. Aro-Ken didn't have time to move, and Gripfang's jawbone clipped his head.
He found himself drifting downwards, and then found himself underneath Gripfang.
Quickly, without bothering to stop himself from spinning, he slashed madly at Gripfang's underside, assuming this was where the beast's vital organs would be.
Gripfang's yellow-green blood spilled into the liquid, mixing with its dark yellow and the red of Aro-Ken's own blood.
The Gripfang suddenly stopped moving, except for a few involuntary twitches. Quickly getting out of the way, Aro-Ken watched with grim satisfaction as Gripfang's body drifted to the bottom of the tank, landing heavily on the many bones.
Aro-Ken sighed in relief, and turned off his lightsaber, clipping it on his belt.
From outside, he could now hear outraged bellows and curses.
Slowly the liquid of the tank began to drain, and Aro-Ken discovered he was upside down.
As his feet suddenly hit solid ground and he was forced to stand, his left leg crumpled and he fell against the side of the tank. He leaned there, trying to get his breath back. One of the other tank walls was suddenly pulled away, and a flood of angry guards rushed in.
Two of them seized his arms and bound them behind his back, and then hauled him away.
They threw him to the ground in front of the captain, and he stayed on his knees.
"You have killed my pet. I must admit I am impressed," Captain Sorro said with an amused smile.
Aro-Ken smiled and sighed in relief.
"Kill them both."
Aro-Ken's eyes suddenly went wide as the two guards seized him again.
"No! Aro-Ken!" he heard Del-Mon's voice ring out from the other side of the huge room.
Aro-Ken turned, and saw his master was being dragged away, out a door opposite the one the guards were dragging Aro-Ken towards.
"Master!" he shouted. He struggled to turn around, but the guards struck him, and he quickly gave up.
So this was how he was to die. He wasn't even a Jedi.
Aro-Ken dejectedly limped in front of the guards, the leg Gripfang had seized hurt too much to put a lot of weight on it.
The guards stopped at a door, and shoved Aro-Ken into the room within. He put his hands on the wall to stop.
Almost instantly, he heard blaster rifles being drawn and loaded.
He looked to the door. There was no way to get there quickly enough without them seeing him or getting shot.
Aro-Ken stood there, straight as he could. He didn't say a word. He was going to die as honorably as he could.
The three guards stood up with grins on their faces, aiming for him.
Aro-Ken closed his eyes.
All three rifles fired simultaneously. He felt one hit his side, another embedded itself deep in his arm, and the third grazed the side of his head. They forced him back against the wall.
With a small cry, he slumped to the ground.
"Come on, let's dump his body on the transport for Jadda before the dancing girls get here," one of the guards said as he approached Aro-Ken.
That was all Aro-Ken heard before his world was enveloped with darkness.
*****
What did you think? Please review! Flames, like, no-like, whatever! I'm a review freak, I'll read anything!
*****
Light slowly began to flood into Aro-Ken's vision. He moaned and rolled over. He could feel the back of his head throbbing, and tried to use the Force to ignore it. He could feel dried blood on his forehead from his fall down the chute, and he still had some small cuts and bruises.
The young Jedi pulled himself up into a sitting position and looked around, using the Force to reach out.
The cell he was in wasn't very large. It was all durasteel. Aro-Ken found himself sitting on a black surface, and there was hardly enough room for him to stretch out completely. There was not much room in front of it to walk around.
As he shakily rose, Aro-Ken realized he still had his lightsaber clipped to his belt. They must not have seen it.
He unclipped it and was about to activate it to cut through the door, when it suddenly slid open. Instantly he put the lightsaber back on his belt, hoping the two guards who entered hadn't seen it.
"Huh! I'll bet you fifty credits this one won't last more than two minutes with Gripfang!" one chuckled upon seeing Aro-Ken.
"I'll take that bet," the other one said.
Both surly guards pointed their blaster rifles menacingly at him, and Aro- Ken tried his best to look scared although he wasn't really worried about them at all.
They led him out of the cell and down a long hallway. The hallway walls had doors to what he assumed were more cells about a meter apart from each other. From what Aro-Ken could sense, they all had occupants.
They finally turned out of the hallway and went down a winding maze of corridors. Aro-Ken lost track of the direction they had come in.
The two guards stopped in front of a large door. One of them pressed his hand to the small screen on the wall, and the door slowly opened, creaking on old and rusty hinges.
One of the guards roughly hit Aro-Ken between the shoulder blades with the butt of his blaster rifle, and he stumbled forward, managing to stay on his feet.
He found himself in a room similar to the one he and Del-Mon had entered previously. There were men all about, drinking and smoking, yelling and laughing. Upon seeing Aro-Ken, they began cheering. "Another meal for the Gripfang!" "Call the Prime Minister!" "Tell Captain Sorro!" "Hurry! This will be good!"
Aro-Ken was shoved over to a large, elaborate throne. The man seated in it had hazel eyes and no hair. His forehead was tall, and he had a rather pointy nose. He was dressed in the manor of a military man. He looked at Aro-Ken for a moment.
"Where is the other?" he asked.
"He is being brought here as we speak," one of the guards said.
"Good. I wish for him to see his young friend die," said the man.
As though on cue, a struggling Del-Mon was suddenly pulled through the door.
When the two guards who held his arms arrived at the throne, they shoved him to the ground.
Instantly he was up. Aro-Ken noticed that his master's hands were bound behind his back.
"Ah, both are here. Wonderful. The Gripfang is getting restless, as are my troops. I hope you will both enjoy your last few minutes alive," said the man in the throne, whom the two Jedi assumed was Captain Sorro.
Aro-Ken looked to his master, who gave no indication of what he should do. Was he aware that Aro-Ken still had his lightsaber? He could tell Del-Mon was thinking, but had no idea what his thoughts were.
Suddenly, he looked the captain straight in the eye. "Captain, we are Jedi. We have been sent to meet with the king and queen. Let us go," he calmly said.
"Ha ha ha! I am not weak-minded, you cannot fool me. All Atheists must die!" he cried.
Instantly Captain Sorro slammed down a hand on his armrest, pressing a button that Aro-Ken had just noticed.
There was a whirring sound behind him, and Aro-Ken spun around. He saw that the floor was opening up. Below was a tank with a thick looking, yellow- brown liquid in it.
"The Gripfang will eat tonight! Put the boy in first!" cried Captain Sorro.
Instantly, the guard shoved Aro-Ken roughly in the chest. He stumbled backwards, waving his arms for balance, and then fell into the large tank, taking a breath at the last minute.
"No!" he heard Del-Mon cry.
Aro-Ken hit whatever the liquid was, and found he floated in it, as though it were water. As he neared the surface, he suddenly saw a glass top come over the top of tank. There was no way he could get up to breathe.
Unable to hold his breath any longer, Aro-Ken let it out, and then inhaled.
Inhaled? He suddenly realized that whatever this liquid was, he could breathe in it. He held his hand in front of him in amazement, and saw that two or three centimeters around him was dry. The liquid did not touch his skin. Instead it was suspended away from him.
Aro-Ken looked around. The liquid was thick and yellowish-brown. It was hard to see very far ahead. As he squinted, he saw a large black shape on his right.
He tried to turn around, but the liquid made the tank seem to have no gravity. He spun too far and wound up facing the same direction he had been facing earlier.
He could sense something behind him. This time as he spun he used the Force to stop himself before he went too far.
Aro-Ken saw, looming in front of him, the largest creature he had ever laid eyes on. He wasn't quite sure what it was. It was very long, like an eel, only much, much longer and thicker. It had scales, but Aro-Ken couldn't tell what color they were in the lighting. The cranial range of its body was shaped like that of a dewback. Its flat mouth was open, exposing four or five rows of sharp teeth. Each tooth was probably about the size of Aro- Ken's hand. He assumed it was the Gripfang, and now saw why the soldiers had been betting on it to eat him in under two minutes.
As the Gripfang loomed closer to him, Aro-Ken quickly dove out of the way. He kicked and stroked as hard as he could, fighting to find a way out of the tank.
He suddenly bumped into the transparisteel wall. Looking out, he could see the guards gathered around it, laughing and passing credits to one another. Near the back of the huge crowd, he saw Del-Mon with a pained, longing look on his face. He knew his master would break the tank in a second if he had the chance, or jump in himself if two muscular guards weren't firmly holding his arms.
Using the wall to turn himself, Aro-Ken saw Gripfang coming towards him, and he frantically pushed off the wall with his feet. He dove and went under the strange beast, and could feel the liquid rippling as it snapped at him.
Aro-Ken twisted and wove about the tank, allowing Gripfang to chase after him. But he was too swift for the creature to grab him.
Occasionally, Gripfang's teeth would graze him, but Aro-Ken ignored the small cuts and rips in his tunic.
Finally, Aro-Ken had to stop and rest. He got over to the side of the tank. He was sweating, and his muscles were starting to burn.
Suddenly, Gripfang appeared. He'd hoped the huge animal hadn't seen him.
Aro-Ken looked frantically back and forth, but found that Gripfang had him trapped.
The young boy suddenly remembered his lightsaber. His hand went for his belt, but the lightsaber was not there! It must have fallen off as he had tried to evade Gripfang.
As Gripfang loomed nearer, his huge mouth open, Aro-Ken lifted his feet and kicked out, hitting Gripfang's snout. Caught off guard by the move, Gripfang froze for an instant, but that was all Aro-Ken needed.
He dove, going down, down, down, until his head brushed the bottom of the tank. His ears popped a few times from the sudden pressure change, but he ignored it.
Frantically, he scanned the bottom of the tank, looking for his lightsaber. But instead of the lightsaber, he saw bones. Dozens of them, the remnants of Gripfang's past meals.
He drew in a sharp breath, and suddenly sensed Gripfang coming up from behind him.
Aro-Ken looked harder, and made sure he kept swimming. If he held still, he was done for.
Suddenly, out of the corner of his eye, he spotted a gleaming metal. The lightsaber!
Swimming and kicking as hard as he could he reached out for it.
Searing pain suddenly erupted in his lower leg. He cried out and looked back, and saw Gripfang had seized his leg in his teeth.
"Aah!" Aro-Ken shouted as he tried to shake and twist his leg free, but it was no use.
Aro-Ken looked back to his lightsaber, reaching out as far as he could, but still couldn't reach it. It was less than a hand's width away from him.
He stretched, his fingers reaching out. Even though he knew he couldn't grab it, he kept his hand out. Aro-Ken suddenly imagined the lightsaber jumping into his hand, seeing it perfectly in his mind.
As he opened his eyes, his vision blurry with pain, he saw that his lightsaber was beginning to twitch.
Amazed, he kept trying, just reaching out and pushing it with the Force, trying to shove the blinding pain in his leg from his mind.
Finally, it sprang into his hand. Aro-Ken instantly jammed his thumb on the ignite button, and slashed at Gripfang's face and mouth with the bright blue blade.
Surprised, Gripfang released its prey, and Aro-Ken kicked away, pumping his legs like he never had before. He noticed his injured leg left a trail of blood in the liquid.
He found the nearest wall and pressed his back against it, holding his lightsaber. With its light, he could see slightly farther into the liquid. He slashed at the transparisteel a few times, but found the lightsaber wasn't strong enough to break it.
Gripfang was very mad now. Aro-Ken didn't need the Force to see that. The enraged creature came for him, but Aro-Ken met him with a barrage of furious swings and thrusts. Gripfang suddenly turned away as Aro-Ken attacked.
What was it doing? Was it giving up? Aro-Ken curiously watched it.
Without warning, Gripfang whirled around, and its thick lower body slammed into Aro-Ken's chest, setting him spinning head over heels.
He struggled to straighten himself out. Each time he spun around, he saw Gripfang coming closer and closer.
Once again, the huge mouth opened. Aro-Ken abruptly stuck out a foot, and it hit the wall, stopping him.
Instinctively, without thinking, Aro-Ken pushed up with his blade, and discovered he had jammed it into the roof of Gripfang's enormous mouth.
Gripfang writhed and struggling about, trying to lash Aro-Ken with its tail again. It swung the young Jedi back and forth as he clung desperately to his lightsaber.
Aro-Ken managed to pull his lightsaber out of Gripfang's flesh, and kicked away.
Gripfang didn't give up. It came towards him again, and Aro-Ken spun, twisted, and flipped to avoid the teeth, occasionally slashing the serpent's face.
This time, Aro-Ken purposely aimed for Gripfang's eyes, trying to blind it. From the looks of things, his strategy was working.
Then, in a completely unexpected movement, Aro-Ken saw Gripfang's head shoot downward as it thrashed about. Aro-Ken didn't have time to move, and Gripfang's jawbone clipped his head.
He found himself drifting downwards, and then found himself underneath Gripfang.
Quickly, without bothering to stop himself from spinning, he slashed madly at Gripfang's underside, assuming this was where the beast's vital organs would be.
Gripfang's yellow-green blood spilled into the liquid, mixing with its dark yellow and the red of Aro-Ken's own blood.
The Gripfang suddenly stopped moving, except for a few involuntary twitches. Quickly getting out of the way, Aro-Ken watched with grim satisfaction as Gripfang's body drifted to the bottom of the tank, landing heavily on the many bones.
Aro-Ken sighed in relief, and turned off his lightsaber, clipping it on his belt.
From outside, he could now hear outraged bellows and curses.
Slowly the liquid of the tank began to drain, and Aro-Ken discovered he was upside down.
As his feet suddenly hit solid ground and he was forced to stand, his left leg crumpled and he fell against the side of the tank. He leaned there, trying to get his breath back. One of the other tank walls was suddenly pulled away, and a flood of angry guards rushed in.
Two of them seized his arms and bound them behind his back, and then hauled him away.
They threw him to the ground in front of the captain, and he stayed on his knees.
"You have killed my pet. I must admit I am impressed," Captain Sorro said with an amused smile.
Aro-Ken smiled and sighed in relief.
"Kill them both."
Aro-Ken's eyes suddenly went wide as the two guards seized him again.
"No! Aro-Ken!" he heard Del-Mon's voice ring out from the other side of the huge room.
Aro-Ken turned, and saw his master was being dragged away, out a door opposite the one the guards were dragging Aro-Ken towards.
"Master!" he shouted. He struggled to turn around, but the guards struck him, and he quickly gave up.
So this was how he was to die. He wasn't even a Jedi.
Aro-Ken dejectedly limped in front of the guards, the leg Gripfang had seized hurt too much to put a lot of weight on it.
The guards stopped at a door, and shoved Aro-Ken into the room within. He put his hands on the wall to stop.
Almost instantly, he heard blaster rifles being drawn and loaded.
He looked to the door. There was no way to get there quickly enough without them seeing him or getting shot.
Aro-Ken stood there, straight as he could. He didn't say a word. He was going to die as honorably as he could.
The three guards stood up with grins on their faces, aiming for him.
Aro-Ken closed his eyes.
All three rifles fired simultaneously. He felt one hit his side, another embedded itself deep in his arm, and the third grazed the side of his head. They forced him back against the wall.
With a small cry, he slumped to the ground.
"Come on, let's dump his body on the transport for Jadda before the dancing girls get here," one of the guards said as he approached Aro-Ken.
That was all Aro-Ken heard before his world was enveloped with darkness.
*****
What did you think? Please review! Flames, like, no-like, whatever! I'm a review freak, I'll read anything!