Rainwater
Chapter 9: Justification
Rating: R for sexual situations and suggestions, adult topics and language.
WitchyPrincess

Justification

Sometimes you have to tell yourself to stop and take things slowly. Sometimes the pain wells up inside until you feel this panicked feeling in your chest and you don't think you can breathe, so you just have to take a time-out in your day to calm your nerves.

Well, it used to be a sometimes thing. Now I feel like everyday, every moment is one of those panicked, out of control, moments. Nothing ever slows it. And I just need someone to hold me and tell me when to breathe in and when to breathe out. Someone to rub my back, to wrap their arms around me and keep me safe from me at night.

I find myself always asking about my purpose in life. Always wondering about where I'm going, where I've been. And it's stupid to overanalyze everything. I know that but it's not the same, telling myself to stop and actually doing it, I mean.

He's the only thing that has ever made sense to my life and when he's not around I find that I lose all purpose completely. I'm more lost than before and that says something. All I want is for that dependence to go away. I want to learn how to be happy on my own before I can consider being happy with someone else. Even him and he means everything to me.

But when that thought comes to me, that panicked feeling returns. All I can think about is how true that statement is. He does mean everything to me. And what does that mean? How does this affect my life? And...what if he never cares? How do you accept the fact that you may have lost everything before you've even had it?

Sometimes I hate him much more than I hate myself.

–Bra Briefs
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Bra drew in a breath as she tried to calm her racing pulse. She couldn't believe what she was seeing, couldn't believe this was happening. Not now. She needed to be strong, she reminded herself, her friends were watching her right now.

They were sitting in the food court of the mall; her, Marron, and Ubuu. Directly across from Bra, right in her line of vision, was Paris. And Goten. Talking. She noted, with some sort of self-restraint, that his hand was lightly resting on her shoulder and they seemed to be very comfortable with each other. So this was it, then? They had made up. She wondered who had apologized to who first. Though, she was sure, she didn't need to wonder; of course it had been Paris. It had to have been.

She averted her eyes, praying silently that Goten wouldn't see them and come over and join. Faintly, she heard Marron ask her a question but she couldn't make out what it was. The words were muddled and sounded as if they were coming from far away. How could this be happening right now? All Bra wanted to do was crawl into a hole and hide there forever. She forced a smile on her face as she opened her eyes, looking directly at Marron and not towards the area where she had seen Goten.

"What did you ask me, Marron?" She managed after a second.

"If you were okay. Clearly, you aren't." Marron raised a blonde eyebrow, challenging Bra to disagree.

"She looks a little pale." Ubuu added, leaning forward to inspect Bra's face. She wrinkled her nose and moved farther back, not wanting either of them to make a fuss over her.

"I'm fine, just a little tired." Her voice was curt as she responded, throwing the french fry she had been about to place into her mouth back onto her tray. She pushed her food away and leaned back with agitation. "Can we go back to Capsule already?"

"What's this?" Marron teased, an edge of suspicion to her voice. "You, the shopping queen, want to leave the mall without more than you can carry weighing someone else down?"

"I just don't," She didn't get to finish, Goten had spotted them after all.

"Marri, Ubuu, it's good to see you." It wasn't Goten, however, who greeted them first, but Paris. Marron looked up, her crystal blue eyes sparking with amusement as she gathered the scene before her, catching on quickly. She never missed a beat as she responded,

"Good to see you as well, Pari. It's been a while," There was tension in her voice, a teasing lightness that made Paris stiffen slightly. Bra recognized the snappiness as something that used to be very familiar to her but was no longer her way of speaking. She sighed inwardly with her predicament - she had to pretend when she was with Marron, she had to still talk like that.

"Yes, it has. I suppose, a little too long." Paris was slightly apologetic as her eyes circled away from Marron and landed dead on Bra. The young Saiyan had to remind herself not to sneer, Goten was watching.

"Paris, you remember Bra, don't you? Trunks' little sister?" That was Goten, using the term that Bra had outgrown years ago. Besides, she was the most well known woman in Japan, she didn't need someone else's name to associate with her own; it stood out all on its own. The face she gave Goten made sure he understood that without her having to say the words.

"The heiress to Capsule Corporations, of course I remember her. The question is, do you remember me? I'm Goten's," She hesitated here, obviously deciding between one word and another. When she'd come to a decision she cleared her throat to cover up the pause and smiled brightly, extending her delicate hand to shake with Bra's. "I'm Goten's girlfriend."

"I remember you." Bra informed, taking her hand briefly and shaking it in hers. She wanted to rip Paris' manicured nails off her fingers, but found her self-control somewhere. "I just wasn't aware that you and Goten were still dating." Bra knew, even before she said the words, that she was breaking the code. She wasn't supposed to point out that Paris and Goten were, to everyone else's knowledge, broken up. She was supposed to accept the girl's explanation without question.

"Oh, well, we just reconciled." Paris was eyeing Bra distastefully as she responded, not liking the boldness of her statement. Even Marron had drawn in a small breath of displeasure after Bra had made that last comment, but neither girl said anything about it. Instead, Ubuu came to the rescue with,

"Well, it's good to hear you two are working things out. I always thought you belonged with each other." Every woman there gave Ubuu a burning look that shut his mouth. He wasn't supposed to say that, making it apparent that Paris and Goten had been having problems, even if Bra had just done it. And, from Bra's perspective, he wasn't supposed to think they belonged with one another.

Ubuu cleared his throat uncomfortably, getting up and excusing himself to take their trash away from the table. Goten shifted his weight from one foot to the other, his face suggesting that he wanted, very much, to walk away as Ubuu had done. Goten wasn't stupid, he could feel the tension around the table.

"So," Paris finally spoke after a moment of cold silence. "How long have you been back in Japan, Bra?"

"Not long," Bra answered evasively. "I just got back recently."

"Oh, well I'm so glad I ran into you now then. It really has been a pleasure seeing you again. You've grown so much since you left." There was an insulting type of awe in her voice as she said it. It suggested that Bra had been very young, undeveloped, when she left. The younger girl gritted her teeth but smiled despite herself.

"Yeah, I guess we both look much older." Bra smirked, even though she'd tried to hold it in, as she observed Paris' scandalized expression. "Not that you don't look just as lovely as ever." She sugarcoated. Silently noting to herself that the sad part was, she did look lovely.

Just barely, Bra caught a glimpse of the wicked smile Goten sent her way upon hearing the comment on Paris' age, and she had to fight the blush that wanted to tint her cheeks. He thought it funny that she was insulting his girlfriend? Well, that was certainly interesting.

"We should be going." Paris grabbed Goten's hand protectively, a little rougher than was needed, as Ubuu walked back over to the table. "It was nice talking with you all. See you later Marron." And she stormed off without even the slightest pause for a response. Bra had to bite her lip to keep from giggling in amusement.

"Why on earth did you do that, Bra?" Marron hissed, her light eyes glinting angrily. "Paris can be a very vicious enemy."

"Well then she must not have ever had serious competition because I'm certainly not afraid of her."

"You should be." Marron warned, crossing her arms in disgruntled uneasiness. "I don't know what's gotten into you."

"If you ask me, I'd say you were jealous, Bra." Ubuu volunteered, his dark orbs boring into her. She shifted uncomfortably.

"That's why no one asked you." She shot back snootily, standing up to signify that he was not to argue with her. "Paris has absolutely nothing that I want, nothing I couldn't get. I'm ten times prettier than she is or will ever be."

"She's a model, Bra." He countered, standing up as well, as if that were supposed to discount everything Bra had just said.

"So? I'm the second richest woman in Japan; only my mother has more worth than I do. Besides, I could be a model if I wanted."

"Why are you justifying yourself to him?" Marron questioned dryly, gathering her purse and following the two of them as they started walking away from the food court. "He wouldn't know beautiful if it came and hit him on the back of the head to get his attention."

"Then why's he always staring at you?" Bra teased, pleased with the way Ubuu's ears turned deep red at the words.

"Oh, that's the exception. I mean, you'd have to be blind not to notice me."

"Then I must need correctional laser eye surgery." Bra mumbled, smiling to herself because of her own joke. Marron hit her on the back of the head as they both giggled lightly.

"That wasn't funny." Marron countered, through her smuggled laughter.

"Then don't laugh about it."

#######

Goten ignored the pleading voice inside his head that told him to turn away. Ignored the terrified whispers that coaxed him into remembering why, exactly, he shouldn't be here, doing this. He couldn't turn away now, he'd already called her. He'd already apologized and sent a dozen roses to her place, a dozen more to the office where she usually had photo shoots. There was no turning back.

Besides, he reminded himself casually, he wanted this. Ever since Paris had left his life he had felt as if there was an empty space inside his heart. A hole that just couldn't be filled. He'd felt lonely in more ways than one, and couldn't seem to find solace in anyone but the one he couldn't have. He missed her, there was no denying that.

So why was his heart speeding so fast as she stood there, out of dread and not anticipation? Why was he hoping she'd turn around and leave, hoping he wasn't making a huge mistake by apologizing to her? He could feel the tingles in his spine, as she reached one of her small hands up to run through her thick wavy chocolate hair, that told him he was definitely still interested in her. So, that wasn't the problem then.

It was as he had this thought that he saw her, the girl that put a name to his fears. Out of the corner of his eye he had caught a sight of her uncommonly blue hair and knew, without a doubt, that it was her. The girl that had encouraged him to call Paris, even without being aware of it.

He turned his head back to Paris, completely focusing his attention on her gorgeous green eyes and for the first time, being disappointed that they weren't a shimmering blue. The emotion started him, took him completely by surprise. He was aware that he found the other girl, the one with blue eyes, attractive, but he hadn't thought he'd be wishing she were here instead of Paris - instead of over there.

"You've finally come to your senses." The fair-skinned girl mused, curving her delicious lips into a winning smile. "I knew you'd realize how much you hurt me sooner or later. And when you did, I knew you'd understand that it was the very reason why I couldn't come back to you this time. I'm so glad you called, Goten."

He realized he should have hugged her then, taken her into his arms and kissed her, but he couldn't manage the gestures. He was only able to place his hand on her shoulder softly and smile down at her. Her words had been his undoing.

He hadn't called because he'd hurt Paris, could care less that he'd hurt her. He'd had every intention of letting her stew until she came crawling back to him - and she would have. But that was before Bra came back. Before he saw her at her welcome home party, dressed wonderfully and looking fully grown, matured more than he could have imagined. Before he began imagining exactly how mature she was.

And that was wrong. She was practically his little sister, for Dende's sake. He couldn't really be...lusting after someone that young and vulnerable. Could he?

Well apparently he was. And that was the reason he'd decided to call Paris. If he was starting to think even Bra was desirable, then surely he was missing Paris something fierce.

But now that she was here - her shape as beautiful and awe inspiring as ever, her eyes glinting with love that couldn't be mistaken, her smile nearly taking his breath away - he still couldn't shake the thought of how much prettier Bra's eyes were than hers. How they glimmered with something so innocent and breathtaking when she looked at him that he couldn't get the vision out of his head. How her hips were curved slightly rounder, her hair fuller and longer, her smile much more inviting. And her lips...He nearly groaned out loud with the thought of what he wanted to do to those lips. What he wanted those lips to do to him.

After a second more of torturing himself, he became aware that Paris had said something about Marron. She had spotted Bra as well then, because the girl was sitting with Marron and Ubuu. To Goten's dismay, he looked up in just enough time to understand that Paris was walking over there, and followed her instantly, inwardly grumbling. He didn't want to see Bra now, not like this. For some reason, he felt very guilty knowing that he was with Paris and Bra would see them together. Though that, in itself, was completely ridiculous.

He stepped over to the table quickly, trying to stand quietly behind Paris as she greeted Marron. Maybe this would be a short, sweet hello, and they could be on their way. He thought about leaning his head towards Paris' ear and telling her that he wanted to get out of here, but then he changed his mind. Paris and Marron had already exchanged their hello's and when he saw his girl's green eyes land on the figure of the girl that was haunting his thoughts, he spoke before Marron could open her mouth.

"Paris, you remember Bra, don't you? Trunks' little sister?" He added the end, not because he thought Paris needed the reminder, but because he thought he did. He had to remind himself exactly how young she was because his eyes were on her now and she looked anything but 'too young' for him.

She looked radiantly pretty. She was wearing a white shirt with gold trimming that flowed lightly but still managed to show off her figure. He could just glimpse the forest green pants she was wearing to compliment the shirt, along with the matching green make-up around her eyes. He remembered how perfectly smooth her face looked without the make-up, how very soft and inviting her lips were despite light pink gloss that shimmered on them.

She was glaring at him, though, he realized as the conversation continued on. Apparently she hadn't liked the additive he used to introduce her, and he had to fight to keep the slight wince from his face. He hadn't meant to offend her, only to remind himself to keep his thoughts wholesome in regard to her.

Her next words, though, didn't help in that goal.

"I just wasn't aware that you and Goten were still dating." The bite in her tone made him shift uncomfortably, as the guilt he'd been feeling earlier rushed up again. Why was it that he felt like he was doing something wrong by standing here next to Paris?

He didn't even think to glance at her to see how she would take such a comment, knowing that in Paris' world people didn't usually speak to her like that. It wasn't Bra's fault, though, that Paris was used to being pampered and Bra couldn't be expected to heed to other people's way of acting. Anyway, it would be good for Paris to be humbled by somebody, no one ever showed her even the slightest hint of disrespect.

Too late, he realized that Ubuu had said something that was good enough to allow him to be excused from the bickering. He wished badly that he could go too, not liking the way he was mentally coming to Bra's defense with every opportunity. He was with Paris and when she was offended he should be offended. Theoretically anyway.

There was a small silence in which he felt that he should open his mouth but couldn't quite find the words so he remained silent. Paris, did not. She used the opportunity to bite Bra back with her words. Goten wasn't really paying attention but, from Paris' tone, he could tell that what she'd said had been condescending at least. Something about how much Bra had grown and that was enough to make him lose his train of thought once again. She had definitely grown.

But Bra's words back were just as horrible, enough to keep his attention focused on the conversation. No one had ever kept up their battle of wits with Paris for this long, no one.

"Yeah, I guess we both look much older." Bra responded to whatever insult Paris sent her way. Her fighting spirit was enough to draw Goten's attention, but the smirk that she added to it made him unable to hide the slight smile that proved his amusement of her teasing Paris. Her eyes met his face and she caught the look as he fought hard to stop himself from commenting positively on her behavior. Paris would never let him live it down if he did.

He saw Paris' back straighten in anger, a clear admission to him that he'd be hearing about this all night, as she spoke,

"We should be going," and grabbed his hand with a little more force than was needed. He didn't even attempt to argue with her as she pulled him along, his mind too busy with what was wrong with him to try and persuade her differently.

#######

Goten had been right; he'd heard about Bra's 'bitchiness' all night. Paris ranted and raved, flipping her hair back and forth, softly muttering all through dinner. When he took her back to her house, she was still scowling, giving him dirty looks. She sat in his air car, glaring at him, waiting for him to say something in agreement with her. He hadn't been very accommodating when it came to insulting Bra, and he'd been a little scatterbrained because Paris kept mentioning the young girl's name.

Couldn't Paris see how gorgeous Bra was? Didn't she even think to stop opening her mouth about someone that pretty because maybe, just maybe, it would distract Goten's attention away from her? Paris was used to being the center of attention.

"Well?" She vented, pressuring him to say something.

"What?" He asked slowly, turning his head to face her, sighing because he knew what she wanted.

"Don't you have something to say? Anything about the way she treated me?" She pressured, her nose shifting into the air. He sighed again.

"Not really." He told her truthfully, knowing he should have patted her ego. Knowing this was going to start a fight.

"Not really? You don't have anything to say to me about her? Didn't you hear what she said to me? Didn't you see how she looked at me?" She puffed, leaning back into the chair and crossing her arms. "You know what I think Goten?"

He lifted an eyebrow, curious. She thought? "No, what?"

"I think you've been distracted all day. And that's not all, I saw the way you looked at her. I think you've been distracted because of her and that's why you haven't got anything to say."

"Paris," Goten started, a stern, warning tone to his voice. "Do you hear yourself? Are you going to do this forever; be jealous of everyone? I won't live like that. Don't start with me tonight, okay? We just worked things out, didn't we?"

"I'll tell you what, Goten," She started, leaning forward with an attempt at being intimidating. "You keep this up and you'll be right back where I left you, miserable without me. I'm not going to tolerate being treated like that. If I ever feel even slightly suspicious that you've got something going on with that girl I'll drop you faster than hail before a hurricane. Do you understand me?" She glared at him for a long minute in silence, not really expecting him to answer, before she turned around and pushed his car door open. She stomped out and slammed it shut, still scowling, and marched all the way up to her house door without looking back.

Goten sat in the car, his eyes closed in frustration, hands gripped on the steering wheel.

What was he doing with her still? They were always like this; really good or really bad. There was never a middle ground. Dende, he wished that just one day wasn't heaven or hell, that just one day they could stay on earth.

Even when he thought they were progressing she always seemed to make him see things weren't working. And whenever he left she called him back. And he always went. So why had he called her this time? Again the question flooded his brain as he pulled away: what was he doing with her still? He knew what they needed to do; she needed to let go of him and he needed to do the same for her.

But he loved her. Didn't he?

To be continued...