Chapter Five
"Anakin, you look tired." Obi-Wan looked askance at his young Padawan.
"I'm sorry. Master. Were you talking to me?" Anakin shook his head slightly. He knew his master had been trying to give him some lesson, but he hadn't heard anything until his master had mentioned him looking tired.
"Is there something you need to tell me, Anakin?"
Anakin sighed and slumped in defeat. "I still dream about her."
"Padme?"
"No!!" Anakin snapped, surprised at how dense his master could be at times. "I wish I could dream about Padme. I wish I could dream about anything other than this!"
"Your mother?"
Anakin nodded.
"I thought they would go away after." His voice faded out.
"After she died. After she was weak and helpless. After I could do nothing to save her. You thought that after all of this I would forget about her?"
"I thought the dreams would go away," he said softly. Obi-Wan knew his Padawan was in pain, and he decided not to address the anger in Anakin's voice.
Anakin's eyes watered slightly as he tightened his jaw. "So did I. But they don't, Master. They haunt me. I can see her. She's in pain. I can't get to her in time."
"She's not in pain anymore, Anakin. There's nothing for you to do. You must take control. You must stop these dreams." Obi-Wan was truly sorry that the boy had such pain. "Tell me about it, Anakin. I feel as though you are holding something back from me. You never did tell me how your mother was killed."
"She was killed by Tuskens. I couldn't save her." His voice was clipped and tense.
"Anakin-"
"That's all there is to tell. I tried to save her and I couldn't." he was truly angry now. Anakin fought against the memories that assaulted him. Once again he could see his mother lashed to a post. She was weak and hurt. He remembered the feeling of helplessness as she told him she loved him and then left him alone. The anger and hatred he had felt toward the Sand People was only secondary to the anger he had felt toward himself. As a Jedi he should have been more powerful. He should have been able to take care of her and help her. He needed more power. But where was it to come from? "I don't wish to speak of it anymore."
Obi-Wan raised his eyebrows at the lordly tone his Padawan had used. "My young apprentice, You must not be angry. Master Yoda once told you that anger leads to hate and hate leads to suffering."
Anakin laughed bitterly. Suffering? His whole life had been suffering. During the last few months he had experienced more pain than he thought possible for anyone to bear. Before he lashed out at Obi-Wan, he thought of his friend and counselor, Supreme Chancellor Palpatine. He had warned Anakin not to trust Obi-Wan. He had told Anakin to share his pain with no one, for people will use pain against you. "I'm sorry, Master." He said, trying to sound like the dutiful learner. "I will try to think about other things."
Obi-Wan nodded gravely and continued with his lesson.
"Anakin, you look tired." Obi-Wan looked askance at his young Padawan.
"I'm sorry. Master. Were you talking to me?" Anakin shook his head slightly. He knew his master had been trying to give him some lesson, but he hadn't heard anything until his master had mentioned him looking tired.
"Is there something you need to tell me, Anakin?"
Anakin sighed and slumped in defeat. "I still dream about her."
"Padme?"
"No!!" Anakin snapped, surprised at how dense his master could be at times. "I wish I could dream about Padme. I wish I could dream about anything other than this!"
"Your mother?"
Anakin nodded.
"I thought they would go away after." His voice faded out.
"After she died. After she was weak and helpless. After I could do nothing to save her. You thought that after all of this I would forget about her?"
"I thought the dreams would go away," he said softly. Obi-Wan knew his Padawan was in pain, and he decided not to address the anger in Anakin's voice.
Anakin's eyes watered slightly as he tightened his jaw. "So did I. But they don't, Master. They haunt me. I can see her. She's in pain. I can't get to her in time."
"She's not in pain anymore, Anakin. There's nothing for you to do. You must take control. You must stop these dreams." Obi-Wan was truly sorry that the boy had such pain. "Tell me about it, Anakin. I feel as though you are holding something back from me. You never did tell me how your mother was killed."
"She was killed by Tuskens. I couldn't save her." His voice was clipped and tense.
"Anakin-"
"That's all there is to tell. I tried to save her and I couldn't." he was truly angry now. Anakin fought against the memories that assaulted him. Once again he could see his mother lashed to a post. She was weak and hurt. He remembered the feeling of helplessness as she told him she loved him and then left him alone. The anger and hatred he had felt toward the Sand People was only secondary to the anger he had felt toward himself. As a Jedi he should have been more powerful. He should have been able to take care of her and help her. He needed more power. But where was it to come from? "I don't wish to speak of it anymore."
Obi-Wan raised his eyebrows at the lordly tone his Padawan had used. "My young apprentice, You must not be angry. Master Yoda once told you that anger leads to hate and hate leads to suffering."
Anakin laughed bitterly. Suffering? His whole life had been suffering. During the last few months he had experienced more pain than he thought possible for anyone to bear. Before he lashed out at Obi-Wan, he thought of his friend and counselor, Supreme Chancellor Palpatine. He had warned Anakin not to trust Obi-Wan. He had told Anakin to share his pain with no one, for people will use pain against you. "I'm sorry, Master." He said, trying to sound like the dutiful learner. "I will try to think about other things."
Obi-Wan nodded gravely and continued with his lesson.