Disclaimer: Harry Potter & Co. belong to Jo Rowling. I don't own any of them. I'm not making any money off this- if you want to sue someone, sue one of the other millions of fan fiction writers and don't pick on the new girl.

I seriously don't even think I own them. Not even Tom. Okay, so once I thought I owned Tom. But that was in a dream. Really, it was.

The idea for this story actually came to me in a dream that I was Sybil Trelawney (no more reading PoA until 2 am, you naughty girl!) and I predicted that everone's fates would be decided by the fate of the person they were most like.

Dedicated to: Alex and Jennie from Life Makes No Sense, at the moment my favorite RPG, for simply playing Peter and Remus beautifully, plus Catrin and Evadne. Oops, Ruthie too, she's the world's best Sirius! Also to Miss Meg from Marauder's Reign, right at LMNS' heels, for being so nice to me as a new person and for playing Rodolphus Lestrange perfectly.

"Yeah, whatever!" Ginny made a face and threw a handful of popcorn at him. Draco cowered as the kernels hit him.

"Oh, disgusting, Weasley," he complained, "now my neck's all buttery!"

"Mmm," said Hermione nastily, licking her lips.

Draco's eyebrow twitched. "Don't be ridiculous! As if I'd ever let a mudblood like you-"he cut off when he saw his mother standing in the doorway. "Hey, mum," he said weakly.

"I know that you love your father, but Lucius wasn't thinking about us when he ran off and joined those Death Eaters. Everything you remember him telling you is either a lie or I told him to tell you." Narcissa said firmly.

Draco quailed. "Sorry, mum."

"We're helping the Order now, Draco."

"Sorry."

"Don't apologize to me!"

"Sorry, mudbl-sorry, Ms. Granger." Draco mumbled to Hermione.

"That's better. We have some other people joining us, if you don't mind. Maybe you could keep yourselves busy?" said Molly Weasely from the next room over.

"Who's coming, mum?" asked Ginny.

"Neville Longbottom and Luna Lovegood," answered Molly.

A good deal of people in the room groaned.

"So, what do you want to do?" Draco asked.

Ron yawned. "I don't know."

"I have an idea," said Luna. The others in the room groaned.

"What?" asked Harry warily.

Luna fixed him with her big gaze, eyes as big as dinner plates. "We could make fun of the Death Eaters by pretending to be them and their past victims."

Ron opened his mouth to protest, but Neville spoke up. "That sounds like fun."

"If not a bit harsh," added Harry. Neville blushed and nodded.

"What's the plan, Luna?" asked Ron.

She looked at him. "In some legends, when a person dies their destiny becomes embedded in a person who is very much like them. I don't believe it, but-"

"Now there's a surprise," muttered Ron.

"-but if it were true, then we'd all become a person who is like ourselves, in some way or another."

"That sounds interesting," said a voice from behind them. It was Remus Lupin. "Why don't you try it? It would give you something to do."

"Er-"Draco and Ron started.

"Okay," said Harry, "I'm all out of ideas, anyway."

"But let's not do only dead people," said Ginny, shivering. "That sounds a bit scary."

Hermione nodded.

"Okay, so, who's who?" Remus asked.

Harry grinned. "I'm channeling my dad, James Potter. Therefore, I will marry whoever channels Lily Evans, have a kid, and die, and leave the poor kid with my cousin Dudley. Ron, your turn."

"Right," replied Ron. "I'm Harry's best mate, so I'm channeling Sirius Black. I, er...spend a few years in Azkaban and then get killed by my cousin- wait, I don't have one- okay, well, I get killed by a close female relative." He cleared his throat and looked at Draco.

"Well, this is where it gets confusing," Draco admitted. "I'm channeling my dad, so I marry whoever is my mum, and I become a loyal Death Eater. But because I hate Potter, I'm also channeling Snape, who joins the Death Eaters but doesn't stay!" Draco looked furious. "What am I supposed to do?!"

"You had better quit," came Narcissa's voice warningly from the kitchen.

Draco cowered. "Your turn, Longbottom."

"Oh. I'm my dad, so Ron's close female relative tortures my wife and myself into insanity. But it was also decided that I was Peter Pettigrew, so, even if I'm insane, I'm a traitor?" Neville looked rather depressed. "I can't believe that I'm evil."

Ginny snorted importantly.

"Guess who I am?" Luna asked Lupin. "Because my name has four letters, starts with L, and follows the pattern 'consonant, vowel, consonant, vowel', I'm Lily Evans, so I marry Harry, have a kid, then die. I'm also Alice Longbottom, so I also marry Neville, have a kid, then go insane. But because I'm blonde, they thought I should be Narcissa Malfoy, so I have to marry Draco and have a kid, but stay sane and alive. Hey, wait," she protested, "I'm married three times! That's not legal!"

"Most of what I do isn't legal," offered Ginny.

"But I have three kids, by different fathers."

"So?"

"And they're all the same age! Not to mention, listen to this: Because I'm lily and Alice, I die and then I am tortured into insanity by Ron's close female relative. But as Narcissa, I'm alive the whole time!"

Remus chuckled.

"And I thought I had it bad," commented Draco.

"I don't," said Hermione, grinning.

"I have it the worst!" complained Ginny.

"Who are you?" asked Remus.

"I'm Ron's close female relative," she retorted. "That means I'm Bellatrix Lestrange...so, I kill Ron, and torture Neville and Luna. I'm a loyal Death Eater. But because I'm Ron's only little sibling, I'm also Regulus Black. Therefore, I join the Death Eaters but then later die because I'm a coward. So, am I in the Death Eaters and criminally insane, or am I out and dead?"

"That's not that much worse than mine," sulked Draco.

"Hey, you're my sister!" cried Luna.

"Yeah, I know," Ginny said.

"Well, then how come you torture me!?" Luna demanded.

"Er...anyway, moving on," Ginny said hastily. Lupin laughed. "Because I opened the Chamber of Secrets- aren't I evil?!- I'm also Tom Riddle, aka, Voldemort. Thus, I rule the Death Eaters! And I kill Harry and Luna."

"You already tortured me. Some sister you are."

"I kill practically everybody! I am so twisted!" Ginny giggled.

"You need to work on your insane laughter," Draco said, looking at her strangely.

"It's not fair, everybody I channel is evil," groaned Ginny.

"You have red hair, you could do Lily and marry Harry," offered Luna.

Ginny looked shocked. "But I'm Voldemort!" She explained, "I can't kill myself!"

"Who are you, Hermione?" Lupin asked.

"I'm you. That means all I have to do is...be a werewolf." Hermione looked perplexed and the others started to laugh.

"Hey, Lupin, will you bite me next full moon?" Hermione asked, batting her eyelashes.

Snape had walked in and he raised an eyebrow.

"What's going on in here?" he asked.

"I'm mentally sick and I have a very warped mind! Get out of my way or I'll kill you all!" Ginny yelled, and the room fell into a heap of laughter.

Snape turned to Lupin. "Did I miss something?"

"Don't ask," laughed Lupin.

Don't laugh. I thought it was funny. No, I think it's hysterical. Not everything I write is this crazy, you know.