Disclaimer: not mine!
Chapter 32
Albus watched the retreating figure and sighed. Getting people help when they didn't want it was always more trouble then it was worth, he had to wonder what Harry had done to make a respectable professional take off like that. He pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration, why was it the youth had no idea what was the good for them? Albus took a pinch of floo powder and threw it into the fire
"St Mungo's" he said tiredly.
##
"So Harry two down in one day you must be very please with yourself" Harry grinned and tipped his glass toward Outkast.
"All because of your excellent coaching no doubt" She mimicked his gesture as Severus walked back into the kitchen after changing, Harry was surprised
"Wow and I only thought you owned black robes and yet here you are in black trousers and black tops. My your wardrobes are colourful places" he indicated that he included Outkast's in that sentence, Severus glared Outkast shrugged
"Hey blacks good, goes with everything" Severus sat down next to them, and gave Outkast a pointed look. She nodded slightly and turned to Harry
"Hey Haz, it occurred to me that you have been back a couple of weeks and I have yet to see you practice any of the moves I taught you" Harry swallowed the last of his pumpkin juice, and thought about that
"You're right, want to come help" she grinned
"Sure, go get changed I'll meet you outside the room of requirement" Harry bounced off up the stair case. Outkast rose to leave too. She opened the door and felt Severus wrap his arms round her waist
"Be careful with him, he's the only son I have" he spoke softly into her ear, she smiled and turned to face him,
"I'm always careful" she smiled and placed a chaste kiss on his lips before disappearing. Severus closed the door unaware of the figure in the shadows; Pansy still had her book in her arms she smirked that was very interesting she thought before heading to the Owlery, her father would be very pleased with her.
##
Outkast reached the corridor and the door was already there, indicating Harry had beaten her to it, she smiled as she entered; the dojo looked like the exact replica of her personal one. Harry was warming up on the mats. She tugged off her boots and robe and joined him. After half an hour of warm ups Outkast went over to the punch bags
"Let's start with some unarmed stuff shall we?" Harry nodded and faced the bag Outkast was bracing, he took a second to compose himself before hitting the thing, and she rolled her eyes
"That was pathetic" He glared at her and hit it again with a little more force. She scoffed
"Ok my mother can hit harder then that and she's been dead for years" Harry's glared reached a new level of intensity and he swung a kick at the bag, Outkast nodded
"Better, but I know you, put some emotion into it. Imagine the face of someone you hate on the bag" Harry closed his eyes briefly and then let rip, Outkast was pushed off the bag
by the force
"There you go, knew you could do it. Who was that?" Harry released a breath
"It was no one just my general feeling of pissed off-ness" Outkast braced the bag again as Harry went back to working sets, the impact was as strong as before he was just going through motions, Outkast talked to him while he was focused
"Harry you have every right to be angry, don't bottle it up, but focus that anger who are mad at"
"I'm mad at Voldemort" the punches increase in power
"Why?"
"For taking my family, I'm mad at Dumbledore for sending me there, I'm mad at Severus for leaving me there and not taking me" Tears were falling with the punches, Outkast was using magic now to take the blows
"Who else?"
"I'm mad at my friends for not noticing, I'm mad at Remus for not fighting it, I'm mad at my Aunt for pretending she didn't see and I'm mad at Vernon" with the last name Outkast was sure her collar bone snapped from bracing the bag, but Harry's rant continued
"I'm not just mad I'm incensed, I'm livid, I'm outraged, I'm furious how dare he do that to me? What gave he the right, I'm mad at the helplessness the injustice, I'm enraged, he took it from me, he ripped it from me and I couldn't stop it!" with the last words the blows stopped coming and Harry crumpled onto the floor tears making rivers down his face, his entire body shaking with each sob. Outkast let the bag go and sat next to him. She wanted nothing better then to put her arm round him, but didn't knowing it wouldn't help. She just sat there and let the tears fall until Harry had calmed enough to talk; he wiped his eyes and scrubbed his face with his shirt
"Sorry" he muttered, not making eye contact,
"You have nothing to apologise for, a lot of what you said is true, you have just reason to be mad a lot of the people you named" Harry felt the tears making a comeback, he closed his eyes to try and stop them falling.
"Don't do that, and never listen to the 'there, there don't cry' bollocks, you have a reason to so don't try and stop yourself" Harry nodded he opened his eyes and let them fall, he shuffled closer to Outkast
"Do you mind if I hug you?" she asked him, her voice indicating that this was for her benefit as well. Harry shook his head and got as close to her as her could, she threw an arm round his shoulder's and the other across his chest and squeezed him into her, rocking him slowly.
"Harry do you mind if I make some observations about you list?" Harry shook his head but didn't look up. Outkast took a couple of deep breaths.
"Ok, firstly I can see why your mad at your friends, but I've watched you with them if there was even a whiff of them getting close you change the subject, if they push it you walk away. Before you start getting defensive on me I know why you do it, you don't want them to see you like this I get that but you have to realise you are a brilliant actor you make people believe it when you say nothing is wrong, and in doing so protect yourself. You can't blame them for not noticing what you painstakingly hide I mean if I didn't know better I would think you'd stopped cutting" Harry tensed at that and tried to move, Outkast pulled him tighter to her
"Don't worry I won't say anything, but we will be have that discussion at some other point. Anyway we're digressing. Voldemort yeah you have major reasons to hate him and that's good you'll need that hate so don't play it down for fear of people reactions, same goes for Albus, Petunia and to some extent even Sev. Remus however" Harry cut her off
"I know I shouldn't hold that against him and logically I know it wasn't his fault, but" he started to stutter trying to phrase his feelings in a way that was understandable,
"I know he didn't want to and would never when he is not being controlled, but it was still his hands that….touched me" his voice was cracking and disjointed, Outkast nodded
"I guessed that would be it, Harry I'm not going to list the reasons why you should forgive him, no doubt you know them all, I'll leave that to everyone else. It's not their choice come to think of is it's not really yours either. You can forgive him, or you can't, but if you choose to want to fix that bridge I'll help you it will never be like before and anyone who says it will be is either lying or stupid but it can be close" Harry nodded again thankful that she wasn't pressing him for answers it was scary how well she understood him.
"Now as for Sev, do you at least on some level understand why he couldn't take you in?" Harry nodded
"He was a spy he would have been killed" Harry muttered reluctantly
"Yeah that would be it and as much as we would have liked it too present circumstances haven't changed which is why he can't acknowledge you as his" Harry sighed
"I know" he said in a small voice, he was sounding more like a lost child then the confident teen that walked in. In some ways Outkast was glad it meant he'd dropped his wall and let her in, now she had the task of helping him build them back up stronger then before. Harry took a breath and figured while he was being honest he might as well go the whole way
"It's just that when I was little I was told my parents were dead and that's why I was in that wretched place and then I come here and find out all about magic and my history and then a teacher who hated me claimed to be my dad. All I could think was I must have done something really horrible for him to hate me so much I was left there" Outkast pulled the small boy onto her lap and wrapped her arms round him
"Honey you did nothing, ok? Nothing don't ever think that" Harry was crying again and logic was taking a back seat to his feelings.
"How do you know? You didn't know me then I must have been a bad kid if he didn't want me then" Harry chocked on his words
"Hell he doesn't want me now, he only took me because …well because… I don't know why he did it" Harry finished and collapsed against her chest. Outkast ran a hand through his messy hair.
"He took you because it was obvious you were no safer there then with him and at least, with him, he knew you would never be hit at home. He loves you Harry, I know you find that hard to believe but he does" Harry murmured something incomprehensible and sighed. He moved to get off Outkast and she didn't stop him this time. He stood and took a few deep breaths composing himself. He wondered to the far side of the room and picked up one of the knives. He threw it at the target hitting the bull's-eye. Outkast nodded her approval.
"Harry why don't you go talk to your friends, think about what I said, you don't have to tell them anything important but let them know how much they mean to you ok?" Harry nodded he'd actually wanted to see Ron and Hermione again anyway. He picked up his abandoned shoes and went back to his room to grab a shower before going up to the common room.
##
Outkast left the room of requirement feeling rather ambivalent, she had got further with Harry then any counsellor ever would and that was the problem she wasn't a shrink, she couldn't not take his problems home with her, she was tired and the recently repaired collar bone ached to high heaven. She made her way to her quarters and locked the door.
"I need a drink" she muttered before heading into the bathroom shedding her clothes on the way. She used magic to banish the jewellery as taking it off manually was a pain in the ass. She reached into the cabinet and pulled out a vicious looking scalpel. She pulled it across her arms methodically making one cut for each name Harry given her. Eight in total, she let them bleed openly for a few moments saving the pain, before placing the scalpel back on the shelf. The wounds healed without a second glance leaving eight new faint white lines on her arms. She shrugged she had so many no one would question a few more; she got in the shower and tried to wash the negative emotions away.
##
Harry walked into the common room and saw the figures of his two best friends in a lip lock on the couch Harry rolled his eyes
"Must be the season for it" he muttered, before running over and engulfing both of them in a hug. Ron yelped in surprised, Hermione blushed slightly
"Harry a simple hello would have sufficed" she scolded half heartedly, Harry grinned
"I just want to show you guys how much you mean to me" he said Hermione rolled her eyes, Ron looked at him as though he'd fallen in from another planet
"Err is that antidote thingy still having an effect on you mate?" he was asked, Harry let them both go and shook his head
"No, it's just that someone made me see how unfairly I treat you and I want to say I'm sorry and well I'll try and stop it" Hermione was as confused as Ron looked
"Err that's nice Harry but what are you talking about?"
"Nothing don't worry" he quickly changed the subject
"Hey Ron are you the new Quidditch captain?" he asked Ron beamed
"Yeah I am and great news your ban was lifted, so you can play again" Harry's grin got bigger he loved Quidditch. He spent the rest of the evening with his friends discussing everything from school to the somewhat ominous hints Outkast had been dropping about the Halloween costumes she'd got them. When the time came for Harry to return to his room he was incredibly tired, the emotional roller coaster he'd been on since his talk with Outkast had taken its toll. He went to be praying for a good nights sleep.
##
"Are you sssssssure about thisssssss Parkinssson?" a robed figure crawled forward and nodded
"Yes my Lord, there is no doubt my daughter overheard him saying as much"
"And who wasss he talking to?"
"The new Defence against dark arts teacher" Voldemort nodded that was unfortunate.
"Very well my servant you have done well and ssshall be rewarded for your loyalty" he
raised his voice so all gathered would hear
"We have a traitor in our midst we ssshall call him out and ssssshow that fool Dumbledore what we do to hissss ssssspiessss"
Harry woke screaming clutching his forehead. He stumbled across his room and practically fell down the stairs he reached the master bedroom but was too late Severus had already answered the summons. Gasping with pain he fell out of the door, and forced himself to ignore the spilling pain in his head. His legs felt like jelly but he made they work he staggered up to the DADA office, he banged on the door gasping for air. Remus opened it, and before he realised he was doing it Harry stumbled backwards tripping on the floor
"Outkast" he gasped, Remus went away and returned a few moments later, with the witch, she looked at him and then at Lupin
"Headmaster's office" she said Remus bent down to pick Harry off the floor, Harry screamed and scrambled away. Remus looked hurt,
"Don't worry about that now go tell Albus we're on our way" The werewolf took off, Outkast placed her hand on Harry's forehead, the pain eased slightly. She turned towards the headmaster's office, Harry found himself floating along behind her. They entered to find Remus and Albus waiting for them. Harry spoke not giving anyone the chance to ask
"Voldemort's going to kill my father" he gasped, and the mixture of pain and grief made
him pass out….
####
AN: Yay anther chapter hope you like!
Ok reviews from chapter 29 up to now *cracks knuckles*
Iluska, Vegita 43, Blackdragonofslytherin, Opal, Witchfire37, AngeldoleMorte, Coreys-angel, Adenara Yatman, RAFfreak, Spacecatdet, GraceJames, Serinthia ; Thanks for reviewing guys you're great!
HecateDeMort: No it's always the moose I tell you the Moose!!!!
Mayhem: I'd tell you to calm down but what's the point??
Xyverz: Wait and See :-p
Ash Knight: Outkast's story will come to light slowly but yeah there is more in her past that you don't know yet.
AtrieJen: All will be explained hang in there!
Slytherin@heart; Draconis is May's (and it pretty too!)
Spirit element: Who said anything about caffine ;-) all will be revealed later.
ShaeLynn: Catch the bunnies!!! They make good slippers!