Dislcaimer: Not mine
Chapter 37
Harry stormed into his room and hit the first thing he came across, which happened to be a wardrobe. Though he left a sizeable dent in the side of it he also broke a knuckle, he sighed and collapsed onto the bed. He didn't know why he said he wanted to go back to the dorm, he didn't. The truth was he just didn't want to be here. He sighed and started packing his things into his trunk. As he finished he pulled his diary back out and write the latest letter to Sirius, painfully aware that they would never be read. He pulled the knife out as well and smirked. Yeah taking Draconis was really going to make a difference, he thought about doing a proper job this time but decided against it, he made a small cut, just enough to bleed down his arm. Collecting the last of his things together and left the room. He had got to the end of the corridor when he slammed into someone going the other way. It was Draco, who looked him up and down and took in the trunk he was dragging
"Going somewhere?" Harry nodded but didn't make eye contact
"Yeah back to the dorm"
"Any particular reason?" Harry shrugged and started to walk again, Draco fell in step beside him but thankfully didn't break the silence. They reached the defence corridor and Harry tensed slightly but continued walking, that is until the office door opened Harry stopped dead as Remus Lupin stepped out in front of them. The professor looked worn and slightly ill, that is until he spotted Harry, at which point he lost all remaining colour from his face and looked like he would pass out. Harry shivered next to Draco, who looked between the pair, while it was common knowledge something had happened at Harry's detention, the actual details had not come to light.
"Harry?" Draco prompted, Harry's gaze suddenly switched to the blonde Slytherin he
opened and closed his mouth a couple of times but didn't make a noise. Lupin took a tentative step towards them.
"Mr. Malfoy could you please wait for Harry at the end of the corridor?" Draco looked puzzled but didn't disobey and walked off, he stood far enough away that he couldn't hear, but wasn't out of sight of the pair.
##
Outkast took a moment to compose herself after Harry stormed past her.
"One day kid you will thank me" she whispered before climbing the stairs to the office. She knocked once and entered. Severus looked truly defeated, he sat lumped in a chair resting his head in his hands propping his elbows on his knees. The headmaster didn't look particularly pleased either.
"What just happened?" she asked glancing between them
"Harry said he cut to feel something, then announced he didn't need us and he wasn't willing to share my quarters before storming out" Outkast winced, though she wasn't entirely surprised. She put the dagger on the desk
"Here it is Albus, but I think you should be aware of the power it's emanating, the returning charms power was enhanced by the blood Harry shed for Sirius" Albus nodded slowly, why hadn't he seen the depression the boy was falling in, he hadn't really heard what she said. Outkast rolled her eyes at the pair of them
"Hey snap out of it, wallowing in self reproach is not going to help anyone least of all Harry, Now Albus, I can guard the dagger against the charms just as well as you can and at least he won't be looking for it from me. Sev you should know that Harry had another vision… well Voldemort induced pain episode before arriving which may account for some of what he said. Now what are we going to do to help him. The first person to suggest counsellors will find themselves dangled out of the window by their hair." This seemed to have the desired effect as both men began to pull themselves slowly out of their stupor.
"Well I guess I could try and teach him Occlumency again to block the visions" Sev said slowly, Outkast smirked
"Yeah Sev you can try" she muttered under her breath but not loud enough for with of them to hear.
"As for everything else all we can do is give him time. I will not however condone him harming himself physically again, he may accidentally do more then he means to" Outkast rolled her eyes at him
"You tag him and he will do it out of spite. Trust me Albus I have more experience in this mater then you" the headmaster shook his head
"I'm sorry but I must do what I see fit. You may of course have a monitoring crystal.." she cut him off
"I don't want it, the only thing it will tell me is where the corpse is; you bind him he will die by his own hand. He doesn't think he has anything worth living for anyway and you do that to him and he will lash out" Albus met her gaze with grave eyes
"What would you suggest" She thought for a moment
"Sev can you alter your ring so that it will announce pain?" Severus nodded she raised an eyebrow
"Ok, you can monitor him then and he'd never be any the wiser. But I'm warning you that this will turn round and bite you in the ass" with that she took the dagger and left.
##
"Hello Harry" Remus took a step closer but still stayed several feet from Harry
"Professor" Harry replied quietly, not making eye contact, instead settling for focusing on the werewolf's shoes. Remus stopped moving and took a deep breath
"I know that nothing I can say will ever rectify the damage I caused you, but for what it's worth, I am deeply sorry Harry" His voice was broken and weak, Harry nodded and tried to form a coherent sentence
"Not you fault" Harry finally chocked out past the lump in his throat. Remus sighed
"While that's true I doubt it makes either of us feel any better, I don't know if it means anything to you I fought it with everything I had" Harry nodded
"I know" He said quietly, still not changing his focus.
"Please look at me I can't bare it" Remus pleaded. Harry slowly took his gaze to meet his
teacher's; his eyes alight with fear, he glanced behind him and saw Draco looking confused, and calmed slightly. When he finally met Lupin's eyes he saw the pain and regret there.
"Remus, I'm sorry but please give me some time. I know it wasn't really you, but it was your face your voice…you hands" Harry closed his eyes and shuddered at the memory and wrapped his arms around him, he took a deep breath before re-meeting the gaze.
"I understand Harry, please understand I would never hurt you when I'm in control" Harry nodded, and cautiously stepped round him, before hurrying off to meet Draco. Remus went back into his office and closed the door. Sirius is you only knew how I've failed you he thought, letting a tear trickle down his face.
"What was that all about?" Draco said as they continued towards Gryffindor territory. Harry shrugged
"I really don't want to talk about it" He muttered, Draco nodded
"Sure, but when you do I'll listen if you want" he said. Harry stopped in his tracks
"Why are you being nice to me?" he asked suddenly. Draco stared at him for a long moment weighing up what to say
"I guess I found out you weren't the pampered prince we all thought you were" he said honestly, Harry snorted,
"Just like that? You decided just like that to put five years of animosity behind you because of my less then perfect home life? Cut the crap Draco I know you better then that what's in it for you" Harry's voice demanded the truth but wasn't hostile. Draco sighed
"I don't want the dark mark, my father will try and protect me but he is torn, my sister – she's pretty much gone nuts on power. Honestly? You are about my only chance to get out of this with most of my family intact" Draco held the raven-haired boys gaze as he spoke. Harry nodded, that he could accept
"Surely helping me move isn't that above and beyond?" Draco shrugged
"You know, I started by just trying to keep you placid, but you're nice, as loathed as I am to admit it, I can see why you inspire loyalty in your friends. So if you are willing I would like to start again" he held out his to Harry
"I'm Draco Malfoy" Harry took his hand
"I'm Harry…" he screwed up his face "When I work out my surname I'll let you know what it is" Draco smirked. Somewhere in their conversation they had continued to walk to the Gryffindor tower and now were standing at the entrance. Harry looked up at it and sighed
"I guess I better be going. Goodnight Draco"
"Night Harry" The blonde turned and started to walk back to the dungeons. Harry took a deep breath and entered the common room.
##
Severus stalked back to his rooms; his mood was not improved when he entered and found that Harry had indeed packed his stuff up and left. He sighed frustrated with old wizards and misguided teens, not to mention the ambiguous emotions he was feeling towards a certain multicoloured haired witch. He groaned, he had been pacing for several hours
"Grow up Severus go to bed" He snapped at himself, he grabbed a bottle of dreamless sleep and stalked into his bedroom, slamming the door.
##
Outkast had done a very good job of trashing her rooms. Her belongings were strewn throughout the place, the only thing that was undisturbed was the rats cage and the dagger that now resided by it.
"Idiots, stupid moronic shit for brain pussbuckets with all the understanding and empathy of a rubber duck. Why didn't they just pat me on the head and send me away saying 'this is man's talk' after all what would I know about self-harmers why would I know how to help Harry did it even cross that emaciated husk he thinks with THAT I DO IT TOO!" she collapsed on the bed after finally expanding the majority of her anger. After half a minute she heard a knock on the door.
"Come in" she called and heard a soft thumping sound, and sighed
"You're going to have to push a little harder, it jammed on something broken" she heard the door thump open enough to allow someone access. Remus Lupin took in the surroundings slightly wearily.
"Looks like your night was as good as mine"
"What do you want Remus?" She stated in no mood for visitors.
"I just bumped into Harry. He could barely look at me" his said miserably
"Well what did you expect, a 'that's ok I don't mind you tried to rape me' of course he's going to have issues with you. You are just going to have to work at it" She said haughtily, but one look at the werewolf made her regret it.
"Sorry, look I've had a shit time too, why don't you keep me company" she accio'd a bottle of firewhiskey and sat up taking in the devastation. A flick of her hand and everything was back in place. She filled a couple of glasses and floated one to Remus
indicating to the chair. He sat down and knocked back the drink, Outkast raised an eyebrow and refilled it.
"Remus, that really is not going to help." He shrugged and did it again.
"He hates me. I can't believe how badly I've failed them, Harry, Sirius, James and Lily, why couldn't I fight if off I tried I could see myself doing it but was powerless to stop it" Outkast knocked back a couple herself before speaking again.
"Yeah you were powerless to stop it, but something tells me you did influence the proceedings" Remus snorted
"I doubt it" Outkast looked at her despondent colleague
"Really? So you think that the force commanding you to rape your best friend's son would tell you to offer words of comfort, or prepare him?" Remus cringed at the words
"For al the good it did"
"It did a lot of good, to exercise that must influence must have practically killed you and besides, your actions stalled long enough that I was able to stop you before you couldn't stop yourself. Believe me there is a world of difference between almost rape and rape and trust me Harry knows" Remus tossed back another double.
"It's all for nothing if he doesn't talk to me"
"No it's not, if you had actually raped him, he would never forgive you, but what happened… in time and with patience he might come to terms with and you can have some semblance of the relationship you had before back" Remus nodded but said nothing, they spent the majority of that night drinking and saying very little.
##
"Hey guys" Harry said sheepishly upon entering the common room, most of the Gryffindor's were staring at his trunk. Hermione and Ron came over to greet him.
"Hi Harry you coming back to us mortals then?" Ron said teasingly Harry's eyes went wide
"I didn't realise it upset you I'm sorry Ron I never saw myself as…" he was silenced by Hermione who put a finger on his lips whilst slapping Ron with the other hand
"That's not what he meant Harry, you will have to excuse Ron, his ability to form a sentence without offending has been diminishing steadily as he's got older" Ron glared at Hermione but it was mock anger, Harry nodded
"Do I still have a bed here Ron?"
"Course mate come on lets get you settled" with that the golden trio went up to the boys dorms, Harry giving them an edited version of why he was there. By the time he'd finished answering questions it was time to sleep. The version Hermione and Ron got had omitted details such as self-harming and daggers.
##
Next morning over breakfast came the announcement many had been waiting for, the headmaster rose and announced that the Halloween ball was scheduled for the end of the month, what confused some and scared many was that Outkast had been put in charge of organising it. She grinned mischievously as she announced that fancy dress was compulsory. As she sat down the mail arrive. Hedwig soared gracefully over to Harry and waited for him to untie her letter
"What's this girl?" he said giving her a strip of beacon. The note was brief but elegantly written;
We are to resume Occlumency please report to my office after classes
SS
Harry rolled his eyes well there was something to not look forward to. He gave the note to Ron and Hermione who granted him sympathetic looks before they left the hall.
At the end of the day Harry knocked on the potion masters door. The sharp voice barked at him to enter. Harry glared at his father.
"Hello Harry."
"Sir" Harry said with as much respect as he could manage, though it wasn't a lot. Severus sighed
"Harry, one day you will understand why we did what we did" Harry nodded
"I thought you were going to teach me" Severus nodded and pulled his wand
"Legilimens" Severus pushed into Harry's mind but instead of finding memories found himself contained in what seemed to be a white room, Harry was there too
"Where are we?"
"We are in the screening room. Any thought, or person who wants into my mind has to gain access from the gatekeeper" Serverus, was very confused this was not a normal defence against a mind attack and he had no idea what was going on. He glared at Harry's representation
"Are you the gatekeeper?"
"No I am" a voice came from the shadows and a figure came into sight, someone Severus knew all too well.
"Riddle"
##
AN: Sorry I know a seemingly pointless chapter, it will get better promise!!!!!!
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