AN: Aight, shocker for you all!! I'VE ACTUALLY UPDATED!!! Hahahaha… I know, I'm nuts. Took me a while year, but I managed! Sry it took that long, btw. Been busy around here and with my new classes and everything, it's been hard to do anything. Hell, I even forgot about anything I was writing until a couple of weeks away when I was looking through files on my computer and had the urge to write again when I saw my stories that I had unfinished. And since I was reposting another of my stories, I figured I'd at least update this one cause this was one of my fave stories that I was writing. I just hope ppl still like it after a year's gone by. Eh, I suppose I'll find out soon enough, huh? Sry again for taking so long! But thx to the ppl who've been nice enough to send emails every so often to remind me to update! Appreciate it!! hugs to you all Enjoy this chapter!

Disclaimer: Own not-ta!! :p

Still Have All of Me:

''5 months later; Harry's PoV''

As I woke to the sound of birds chirping in my open window and the smell of sausage roaming throughout the house, I could hear the small noises of children playing, most likely from outside. I pulled myself out of bed as my feet carried me over to the open window. As I gazed out, I found Keri, another little girl named Alex, and a little boy named Nathaniel. They were cute little kids. That is, when they weren't trying to pulverize you.

I sighed as I turned from the window and walked down the stairs to the kitchen where I was greeted with two happy little "Hello's" as Keri and Alex quickly ran into the room and back outside to play. I laughed at their childish antics as I was then greeted by Jimena.

"Mornin', Harry. Have a good sleep."

"Better than most," I replied as I took the offered morning coffee from her hands. "How 'bout yourself?"

"Same."

We walked out to the porch to watch over the kids that were currently awake and already playing in the day's sun. When we took a seat, we were both quiet at first, our eyes watching over the three children. "What's on your mind, my dearest Harry?" she asked me calmly, almost surprising me from the sudden disturbance of silence.

"Huh?... Oh, nothing really. Just thinking about something that I've been contemplating, s'all."

"Ah, I see's… And what might that be?"

"… Could I ask you something?"

"Sure, I guess. But I can't guarantee I'll have an answer for you."

"… Do you think I'd be any good as a father?"

"What?" she looked at me, surprise evident through her confused features. "Harry, where the hell did that question come from?"

"Oh, how supportive of you…"

"You know what I meant, Harry!"

"I know, I know…" I sighed. 'This is much harder than I thought…' "It's just that… Well…"

"Let me guess," interrupted Jimena, "You had an interest in adopting one of the kids?... Falling in love with them and can't even keep them. Whatever am I going to do with you, Mr. Potter?"

"Oh, you're quite the funny gal today."

"I try… So, let's take a gander at who you would possibly want to adopt…" 'Smartass,' I thought to myself as she purposefully set a finger on her chin to think. "Let's see, the only one who comes to mind happens to be… her!" Jimena pointed out towards Keri, who was still playing a game of tag around the front yard. "So, how was I on my suspicions?"

"Quite good, actually."

"Keri would love that idea, ya know? Especially since she seems to be quite fond of you out of everyone else that she's met."

"That's always reassuring…"

"… So, you want our dearest little Keri over there to become the next Potter of this day and age, huh?"

I took a glance at Jimena, almost sensing another meaning in those words. "So to speak…"

Jimena looked over at me and smiled. "I think that's a great idea! I was beginning to wonder when it would sink through that thick skull of yours!"

"Oh, the laugh riot you are today, aren't you?"

"Only towards you!"

>It ain't no fun lying down to sleep
>And there ain't no secrets left for me to keep
>I wish the stars up in the sky would all just call in sick
>And the clouds would take the moon out on some one-way trip

We laughed with each other, while Jimena gained the attention of Keri. "What?" asked Keri as she stood in front of us.

"Harry, I believe you should tell her…" mumbled Jimena as she stood.

"And where will you be?" I asked her as she called the kids inside.

"Finishing up breakfast for everyone. Unless you want me to starve them to death?"

I snickered as she disappeared into the house, then paid my attention back to Keri, who continued to stare at me with curiousness in her eyes. "What is it, Harry?"

"Well, Keri…… You remember how you always wanted a mum or dad?"

"Yes. Why?"

"Well… how would you like it if I adopted you then?"

Keri was silent for a moment, a grin climbing its way to her angelic face. "Really?"

I smiled back at her. "Really… What do you say?"

Keri giggled and flung her arms around me, almost screaming a loud, "Yes!" in my ear. This only made me laugh as I returned her sudden hug. When she let go, she ran into the house, yelling, "Harry's gonna be my new daddy!" Earning many other screams and laughs from the other kids.

When I walked in, I found Keri and a few other kids jumping around, circling Jimena every once in a while whenever she had walked by. "Harry, calm your daughter!" Jimena yelled at me playfully, a smile lying across her face.

I chuckled at her and Keri ran towards me. Taking her up into my arms, I strolled over to Jimena. "Need any help?" I asked her as she took some freshly made scrambled eggs off the stove.

"Sure, get some more plates out for me and set them around the table, would you? I'll be out in a minute with the food."

"Alright. Wanna help Keri?"

"Yeah!"

Keri quickly jumped out of my arms, taking the few plates that I had taken out of the cabinets, and cautiously walked to the table with them. She proceeded to do this with every pile of plates I took out until there were none left, then again resumed on the silverware and cups. As she did this, I helped Jimena take out the sausage she had made prior to and placed them in the middle of the table.

(A.N. Just so you all know, this scene is kinda whacked up b/c I couldn't get the scene out like I wanted to. So if it's really dull or stupid, or whatnot, sorry! But just play along wit me, k? Thx!)

When breakfast was done, I followed Jimena to another room, while the kids ran around the house playing hide and seek. When we reached the office where Jimena or myself talked with visitors about the kids, Jimena took a seat behind the desk while I sat in the one in front of her.

When she took out the stack of papers meant for adopting, my heart began to race slightly as the realization of my adopting Keri hit me full force like a blow to the head. We sat there silently, me looking down at the papers that lay under Jimena's crossed hands.

"Are you sure, Harry?" she asked, once again scaring me from the sudden onslaught of silence.

"What do you mean?"

"Look, I ask that to everyone, you know this. So don't take offence to it. It's just my way of knowing the person isn't going to back out. That's all."

"… Oh, well… I'm sure. So there's no point in asking that, now is there."

"I suppose not…" Keri looked down at the papers and took out a pen. "Ok, all I need to do is ask you a few questions, then you can sign and Keri is all yours. Like you don't already know this anyway." I smiled at that knowingly and nodded my head. "Alright… First of, your full name?"

"Harold James Potter."

"Date of birth?"

"31 July, 1980." (A.N. It is 1980, right?? Gah! I feel stupid today… hahaha.)

"Schooling?"

"Graduated."

"From?"

"… High School."

I almost missed the small smirk that brushed across her lips, but then quickly disappeared… Almost…

"Any criminal history on record?"

"Unless you call fighting on and off with your worst enemy in school a criminal record, then no."

I heard Jimena chuckle at my statement, but resumed her questioning. This seemed to go on for awhile, just questions that any adoption agency would ask. It wasn't until the question of "Are there any living relatives that would be able to watch over the child incase of your absence for any known reasons?" did I stare at her blankly before I quietly, and unsurely, answered, "Um… You?"

"You know I don't count in this situation, Harry. Now please, answer the question."

"Um… Then no."

"And would you care to answer why?"

"My parents… they, um…" 'Quick, Harry! Think of something, fast!' "… They died…" 'Smooth there, Potter…'

"I'm sorry to hear that… May I inquire as to why?"

>I drove all night down streets that wouldn't bend
>But somehow they drove me back here once again
>To the place I lost at love, the place I lost my soul
>I wish I'd just burn down this place that we called home

I sat there, stunned for a moment, for the first time not having a sufficient answer for of her questioning. 'I don't want to lie… but I can't necessarily answer the truth. I'll blow everything'

"Harry, answer the question, please."

"Why do you need to know that?"

"Because it's a standard question."

"Like hell…"

"What?"

"Mina, I don't understand why you need to know anything like that about my parents?"

"Harry…?"

"Why, Jimena?!"

"Harry, what has gotten into you?! It's just a question that needs to be asked of every person who wishes to take a child from my care. It's not like it's going to be giving away some deep, dark secret about you that you don't want everyone to know! So I don't see what you're getting so hyped up about!" When I didn't answer her still, her eyes narrowed at me. "What is there to hide about you or your parents, Harry that could be so bad?"

"It's nothing that you need to worry about."

"Like hell I don't! Keri's one of the kids in my care! I need to know these things, damn it!"

"And you're asking me what the hell has gotten into me?! What the hell has gotten into you!?"

"If you aren't going to tell me, Harry, I can't allow you to adopt Keri!"

"What? Why the hell not?!"

"Because if you can't tell me a simple answer to a simple question, there sure as hell is no way I'm going to trust you in having Keri being taken care of in your supervision!"

"… Jimena, what are you getting at?!"

"Look, would you just answer the question, Harry?"

"Not until you tell me where you're getting at with all of this?!"

I heard Jimena sigh as she closed her eyes to gain control of her sudden anger. "Look, I'm just making sure that Keri is taken care of. I love that kid like she were my own and I'm not about to let just anybody take her for fear that she'll be thrown out like any other dumbass parent would do!"

"What the hell are you talking about, Mina?" Jimena only sighed again, burying her face in her hands. Then it hit me… "What are you hiding, Mina?" I whispered to her suspiciously.

She looked up over her hands, her eyes boring into mine like fire. "What are you hiding, Harry Potter?" she asked so quietly that I almost didn't hear her. When I didn't answer her, Jimena sighed and stood from her seat, looking out the window and down at some of the kids who took the game of "hide-and-seek" outside. "Are you ever going to answer me, Harry?"

"Huh? What do you mean?"

She turned to look at me, determination swimming through her clear blue eyes. "I mean, Harry," her voice was low as she walked back to the desk, the palms of her hands lying flat on top of the papers that were previously being filled out, "is who are you? Really? ... Or more of, what are you exactly?" I looked at her in confusion, fear that she knew who I really was ringing in my head. "No scar like that," she indicated to the one on my forehead, "doesn't just come from nowhere, Harry. I want to know why you're hiding."

"…… Specify, what do you mean?" I tried stalling, but I wasn't getting too far.

"Why are you hiding from who you are, Harry Potter? …" I flinched. "Still don't get what I mean? How does this ring a bell…? 'Golden Boy'?" Oh boy, this is not turning out too good… "No? How about 'the boy-who-lived?'" Damn. "Or, my personal favorite from the rumors I've heard, 'the boy-who-never-seemed-to-die'? That one still working strong for you, I see."

'Oh shit…' I repeated in my head. "H... H…… How did you know?"

>It would all have been so easy
>If you'd only made me cry
>And told me how you're leaving me
>To some organ grinder's lullaby

''That same day; Ginny's PoV''

(Duh duh dun!!! CLIFFY!!!!!! Bwahahahahahaha!!!! But don't worry, I'll be continuing the prior scene at the beginning of the next chappie, so just be patient. K, ppl? …)

I stood there with a close friend of mine, looking down at the many lonely gravestones of all those who had died in the final war. A main couple in particular…

There, sitting right in front of me, was that of my brother's, Ron. I miss him terribly. He was always there for me when I needed him. Always the over-protective, yet blast of a brother. He was my favorite, next to Charlie. Who ever didn't help but love my brother Charlie because he was always with dragons was nuts! (AN: I did get the right bro on that, right? Brain Fart!) But definitely, Ron was still and always was my favorite bro. Hell, he was even the first person I told about my sexual preference. I mean sure, being bisexual and all isn't all that big of a thing, but you have to remember, it's me we're talking about here. But he was quite understanding. I mean sure, I still had my infamous kiddy crush on Harry, but I just seemed to find women just as attractive as men. So, he accepted it, no questions asked. But you know what I think? I think he was bi too and just didn't tell any one, that's why he was so keen to it when I told him. But hey, that's just my opinion.

Sighing, I turned my gaze onto the one next to it. "Harry…" I whispered silently to myself. Oh, how much I missed him. If you didn't include the small crush I had on him, he was like another brother to me. And I loved him so much because when Ron wasn't there, he was. He always backed me up in everything. Hey, he even saved my life in my first year to Hogwarts. I couldn't ever seem to stop myself from thanking him day after day after that. Even when I didn't voice it, I would always repeat it in my head…

How much I missed those two. Everyday after their deaths, I cried my eyes out. Although, who could blame me. If it weren't for those two, especially Harry, we'd all probably be either dead or under Voldemort's ruling. And as grateful as I am to them, I just wish that I was in one or both of their places right now because they deserve to live and go on with the lives that neither of them will have now. I used to berate myself everyday after that. That is, when I wasn't helping comfort Hermione and Draco. Who just as easily reciprocated those actions. But I never told them straight out. And it wasn't until Blaise Zabini had caught me that I ever mentioned anything about it to anyone.

And yes, before any of you ask, I am talking about the Blaise Zabini. She's actually pretty nice when you get past the Slytherin exterior. And she's opened up much more now since she's been with me, Hermione, and Draco. Hell, I've even come to like her as more than just a friend. And I admitted that to her. That's why she's standing here next to me as I reminisce.

And as I sighed again, I felt her hand grasp mine and squeeze slightly. I returned the gesture and looked at her, a small appreciative smile lying across my lips. "You ready to go home?" I heard her ask quietly, as though not to wake anyone in the silent graveyard like they were nothing but a bunch of children being laid down for a nap.

I looked back down as the individual gravestones, another small smile across my face as I lightly nod my head, whispering, "Yea… Let's get home."

I looked back up at Blaise, seeing the light-hearted, genuine smile that she always held for me. She leaned over slightly, brushing our lips together, before she guided me out of the graveyard. And taking one last glimpse at the two ominous headstones, I followed her back to the Burrow, where Draco and Hermione were waiting for us.

>It's hard, so hard - it's tearing out my heart
>It's hard letting you go

''Blaise's PoV''

I walked Ginny to the graveyard that didn't lie too far from the Burrow. She said she wanted to see them one last time before we headed back to Hogwarts, where Dumbledore wanted us all to meet. I knew she missed them both terribly, so of course I offered to go with her to console her if she might've needed it. It wasn't much of a surprise that when we reached the graveyard, she went over to Weasley and Potter's graves.

I stood there silently, watching her as her gaze switched from both headstones. I could see how she wanted to cry, but wouldn't allow a single tear to fall. She had sworn to herself that the next time she would cry about either Weasley or Potter, it would be when she died and met up with both of them in "the afterlife". And if I have my way, that won't be anytime soon. I love the girl, and there's no way I'm letting her leave me anytime in the near future.

Yes, I just admitted to you all that I love Ginny Weasley. Don't be so shocked. Bound to have happened sooner or later if you ask me. I mean, I knew that I had liked her for a while. But I was never sure what to think of it because in my parents' eyes, if you ever did anything remotely sexual with someone of the same sex, it was a crime to all of wizarding humanity, even though it was excepted in the wizarding world. They were quite sad, weren't they? But because of them, I never told Ginny how I felt. I always kept it to myself.

I knew that I started liking her when she would go around with Granger and Draco, helping Madame Pomfrey with the others who weren't quite out of the shock of this whole war. I would help too, when asked or needed to. But I would mainly watch Ginny as she walked around and comforted the others. But the whole time, I would get a glimpse into her eyes as she faced me and I would find that she was hiding something back. But not letting another soul see what it was. I'm pretty sure she hid it from Granger and Draco that whole time as well.

And it wasn't until the day that I was walking around Hogwarts one evening that I found her, or rather heard her, in Moaning Mertle's bathroom, curled up slightly as she sat in one of the empty stalls. I was stunned, to say the least. Not once had I seen her lock herself away like she was here, telling herself a load of nonsense of the things she never did and just cry to herself. Not even noticing that I was standing in front of her, just screaming to myself to get Pomfrey or one of her friends. Even Mertle was dazed by her behavior and just floated there to watch, not knowing herself what to do.

After awhile of just watching, I did something that any other pure Slytherin would kill me for. I bent down next to the Gryffindor, wrapped my arms around her, and held her as she cried into my shoulder. Truthfully, I never had to deal with something like this before, so I just did what I thought anyone did. I rocked her slowly, brushing my hand through her hair, and whispered comforts in her ear. This seemed to have helped her as she stopped crying and instead just sat there, with her head still on my shoulder.

What she did next shocked me. She wrapped her own arms around me, buried her face further into my shoulder, almost into my neck, and just sighed. I heard her whisper a small "Thank you", and I just smiled, tightening my grip on her slightly as her breathing became even and I knew she was asleep.

>Now the sky, it shines a different kind of blue
>And the neighbor's dog don't bark like he used to
>Well, me, these days I just miss you
>It's the nights that I go insane
>Unless you're coming back
>For me, that's one thing I know that won't change

Quite a few days afterwards, I seemed have made it a habit to find her there every evening. Sometimes she would be in the same state I found her in the first time. Sometimes she would just sit there and stare off into space, only to snap out of it when I walked into the bathroom. Ginny would sit there silently, talking to me like we had known each other forever. She would tell me things that I thought never ran through any Gryffindor's mind. Like how she told me that sometimes she would sit there and think of suicide because she thought that no one but her brother, Ron Weasley, cared for her. And the only one who ever knew, besides myself, was Potter. And I was shocked to find that the only reason she never did it was because she and Potter had made a pact.

I found that Potter, the Harry Potter, had contemplated suicide more than once in his life. I guess it was mainly because of his aunt, uncle, and cousin. But that just had shaken me right there because the savior of our world had thoughts about killing himself. I would've never figured that from him. Of course, I also thought he had the perfect life at home, so I shouldn't really be so surprised. But I guess he had told Ginny of this when she had told him because he admitted it straight back to her. But in response to that, Potter had said that as long as Ginny never went through with it, neither would he. I guess Ginny tried talking him out of it, but he managed to have her agree. I think that's why she feels she shouldn't belong here. And I can understand where she's coming from, but I can also understand Potter's point. I would've made her do the same if I were in his shoes.

I had made her tell Granger and Draco about that afterwards. Which had taken much convincing, but I had managed. Draco wasn't too happy and attempted to tell her off, but in the end only pulled her into a hug and told her never to think that again because he didn't want to lose anyone else. I wasn't too stunned this time around on how close Draco and Ginny had become. I had been watching the trio since day one. I saw how they started caring for each other so much. And I was happy that they had each other to comfort them. I just wished that during that time, I had someone too. But I won't get into that…

Granger pretty much just hugged Ginny as tight as she could (which made me slightly jealous mind you…), but you could definitely see the anger she held in her eyes. But could you blame the girl? I would've smacked Ginny the moment I found out if I was her, but I'm also Slytherin. So that doesn't help much in this situation.

After that, the trio let me "hang around" with them more often. In fact, we pretty much became inseparable out of everyone who was still in Hogwarts. And it felt great considering I hadn't been close to anyone since the war ended. And by now, that was eons ago. Good thing I never joined the Dark Lord, huh?

Shortly, as time went by, Ginny and I spent more time with each other than we did with anyone else. But I don't think Gra… er, I mean, Hermione and Draco really ever did mind considering they were always taking care of things that needed to be down in, around, or outside of Hogwarts. Plus, they were like brother and sister now, so they pretty much hung around each other by themselves just like Ginny and myself. And as I "hung" with her more often, the more that I felt for her. But since she never acted as though she was interested in girls "that way", I always stayed silent about it when around her. So you can pretty much guess how surprised I was when she had come up to me and admitted that she liked me. I mean, not just "like" me. But like me like me. Now, don't sit there and doubt me. I was happy as bloody hell. Just shocked.

I could remember how shy she almost acted when she told me. The almost shy innocence that radiated off of her was enormous. But the relief that showed when I admitted that I liked her back was outstanding! She just seemingly jumped into my arms and gave me one of the sweetest kisses that I had ever had in my entire life at Hogwarts. I swear, I was on cloud nine… And I wouldn't change that for anything.

>It's hard, so hard - It's tearing out my heart
>It's hard letting you go
>Now some tarot card shark said I'll draw you a heart
>And we'll find you somebody else new
>But I've made my last trip to those carnival lips
>When I bet all that I had on you

We told Gra… Hermione (this gets really hard sometimes…) and Draco the day after, and they weren't surprised in the least. In fact, the first thing that came out of both of their mouths was, "We were wondering when you two would admit it!" And we all laughed. It was a great relief to know that our two closest friends weren't despised with us, and in fact knew we were to get together before even we did! But, still… a relief none the less.

So here I am, with the woman I consider the love of my life (whether she agrees to that statement or not is beyond me…). And all I want to do is just hold her right now as she looks down at Wea… um, Ron's (no sense in saying that now…) and Pot… um, Harry's (I need to get used to this…) graves. When I heard her sigh, I leaned closer and grasped her hand within mine and whispered, "You ready to go home?"

She took one last look at each gravestone, as though letting her eyes memorize the names Ronald Weasley and Harry Potter. Then a single, yet small smile lightly graced her lips as she nodded her head and quietly whispered, "Yea… Let's get home."

She looked back up at me as I smiled at her response. I then leaned closer, brushing our lips together lightly. And when we separated, I could almost feel her take one last look behind us at the two headstones as I tightened my grip on her hand slightly and began leading her out of the small graveyard and back home.

''Severus' PoV''

(AN: Just so you all know, Snape is completely and utterly OOC!!! For some odd reason, when I was making this scene, I couldn't get Snape's character right, so I just kinda wrote whatever was in my head. So if it's Really that bad, plz forgive me and plz be patient with me. K? Thx!!!)

I sighed as I put down the quill and began rubbing my temples. It was currently ten in the morning and I hadn't gotten any sleep the night before. I was too busy running around making sure a certain someone didn't go and accidentally kill anyone with his animal instincts. Not that I'm truly angry at the prospect or anything. But just imagine yourself chasing after someone who thinks that everything and everyone is trying to harm him when he's in animal form. Not easy when you picture it all together, now is it?

Shaking my head, I look over at the tired figure, currently resting on the bed that lay opposite end of the room. 'Never would've thought someone could look so peaceful after all of this…' I say to myself as I continue watching him, 'Especially someone who's so broken…'

Incase you haven't figured out (or if you already have…), the man I'm talking about is Remus Lupin. One of the men I almost loathed ever since my teenage years at Hogwarts. And even though he looks so peaceful right there, just lying asleep as though there are no cares in the world, he's actually quite shattered on the inside……

Consider this…

Remus Lupin, the werewolf who everyone thought was so strong and didn't have any faults. Or at least, never showed them. And yes, I'll give them credit for that comment. At first I thought he had everything. The perfect life (even if he was a werewolf…), no doubts, no fears, no anxieties. Hell, he even seemingly had the perfect love life. Which was one of the reasons why I hated him so… But no, he didn't even have that anymore. Not since the incident at the Department of Ministries…

………

Sirius Black… the mutt that he was. Even if he was a pain in the ass and someone I considered an enemy… he was always true to his word. At least he tried anyway. He always protected the ones he cared for. Even if he didn't know it was a mistake. And he always cherished the love that he had. He always took care of Lupin, especially when everyone found that Lupin was the animal that he is. But he looked past all of that. Which shocked most, but he didn't care. At least I can give that much recognition to Black… Even if he still is a mutt…

But when I heard that he fell through that veil… I knew Lupin was heart-broken. But he never showed it in front of anyone. He somehow knew that he needed to be strong. If not for Black or himself, then for everyone else. And I think for him that took a lot of willpower and guts. I still sometimes wonder how he managed it. But I don't ask questions that might not have any answers. It will only confuse things more than they already are.

Truthfully, shortly after, I thought he had gotten better. And it wasn't until he lost Potter did he seemingly reduce back to what he had been when Black died. I saw how it scared everyone as he seemed to keep to himself and block everything away from any single eye to see. It seemed as though he would eventually begin to cave in and somehow kill himself. But even I knew he was stronger than that. Even though he looked it, I knew he wouldn't take his own life just because he thought there weren't any other person or persons he thought would ever want him again.

And I confirmed that thought when I found him almost wallowing away, alone in a room where he thought no one would find him. And when I confronted him, he didn't seem to surprised that I had found him there… Which in turn, surprised me…

>It's hard, it's hard, it's hard, so hard
>It's hard letting you go

As I just began finishing with my nightly rounds around Hogwarts, I had come across a half open door that earlier wasn't opened at all. When I looked inside, I found Lupin sitting at the far end, looking out the window, with what looked like a potion within his hands. Which immediately, in my mind, reverted to the thought of it possibly being fatal. I slowly walked up behind him, Lupin clearly not noticing that I was there yet. When I was close enough, I took a quite glimpse at the vial and nearly gasped as I saw the label with the word "Strychnine" written across. Demonstrably a muggle poison. 'Where in Merlin did he get that substance!?'

"Lupin… What are you doing?" I ask, shaking him out of his stupor.

"Huh?..." he quickly turned to me, as though he wasn't surprised that I was standing there; just slightly dazed. "Oh um… hey Snape. What are you doing here?"

I walked up to him, leaning up against the windowsill he was currently looking out. "Oh, I don't know… I decide to take my nightly rounds to make sure that there is no one traveling around the hall at this time of night and I find you hiding away in this empty classroom with quite the nasty poison within your hands. And with the way you've become immensely distant the last couple of days and the fact that you've been sneaking around doing things I most likely won't like the outcome of, I find it rather disturbing when I add it all together… So, you care to explain and prove my theories wrong?"

Lupin snorted. "Quite observant of you there, Snape. But it's nothing that you need to worry about… Which, come to think of it, why do you care?"

"I suppose you have a point there…" We sat there quietly, just looking out the window. I, myself, taking quick glances at Lupin's face, seeing the great remorse that swam around his eyes. "Care to talk about it in hopes of you not making a stupid mistake?" I asked before I can stop myself.

He looked over at me, surprise evident on his face before it disappears and he shrugs lightly. "There's nothing to talk about…"

Now it was my turn to snort. "My foot… But, if you don't want to talk about and choose to go along with whatever you happen to be thinking, I won't force you into doing anything you evidently don't want to."

Sighing, I stood from my position at the window and began walking towards the door, almost regretting and berating myself for walking away from him. Finally, he asks, "How do you cope?" as my hand just touches the doorknob.

I was silent at first, not sure how to answer that. "I'm not too sure," I finally say, almost in a whisper. "I've never really had anything to begin with… So I don't know what, necessarily, I have to cope with."

He grunts at my answer. "You have no idea what you've missed in life then…" he says in an almost inaudible voice that was shaking slightly from his sudden amount of emotions.

"Care to clarify what you mean, Lupin?" I ask as I turn to face him, finally. But he doesn't look at me. His eyes are still on the darkening landscape of Hogwarts.

At first, I thought he wasn't about to answer, but then… "You should consider yourself lucky, ya know…"

"Huh?" I began to walk back up to him slowly, not even realizing it myself until I was standing next to him once again.

"You don't know what it's like to lose everyone you had left of your family… To see them just taken away from you as though they're nothing." By now I could hear the tears that were fighting to come out, but he managed to push away. "First I lost James and Lily. And Harry since he had to be sent to live with his relatives… Then Sirius when he was sent to Azkaban. I almost thought I had nothing left after that…

"Then Sirius escaped Azkaban, I had Harry back since I taught defense… I thought life was actually going to look up. Even if Sirius still was on the run… But when I lost him…… Life seemed to crumble. But I sucked up all the energy and all the courage I had left because Harry would still need me. Even if he was the only thing I had left… I was still happy because I hadn't lost everything…… Until now."

Lupin snorted in spite of himself and closed his eyes. "Losing Harry was probably one of the worst things that could've possibly happened… Both of them… Both Harry and Sirius never got to live a life that both of them deserved. It was taken away from both of them far too soon…"

Lupin looked up at me as he said this, his eyes shinning with his unshed tears that he seemed to attempt to fight back but wouldn't listen to him. "You don't know what it's like, Severus. To have everything that you ever loved torn away from you because of one man. Consider yourself lucky… You won't have to worry about that since, like you said, you never had anything." He gaze reverted back out the window, darkness now fully consuming the outside. "You should cherish that fact because you won't ever have that nagging feeling deep within your heart as you let the ones you held so close go. Like Hermione said… You don't know what you truly have until you lose it……"

I was stunned… I wasn't sure what to say to all of this as the werewolf became silent as a few tears managed to finally fall from him gloomy-ridden eyes. I kept repeating to myself, 'How can he manage to live through all of this?' as I sat down next to him, one of my arms hesitantly wrapping itself around Lupin's shoulders. His head laying itself on my shoulder for comfort.

"I can't say that I understand what you're going through, Remus," I quietly whispered, unsure what quite to say. "But I know that both Black and Potter wouldn't want you to lock yourself away and slowly kill yourself by morning to death over their own… They both died for the cause, yes. But they also died saving the people in which they loved most. Black for Potter and you. Potter for you and his friends. So you have to understand that even though they are dead, they're still sitting there fighting to protect all of you, even if they aren't physically here to do it. They both loved you, Remus. So you have to be strong for both of them, and be thankful that they had the life that they did and are most likely in a better place where others aren't going to judge them for who or what they are… Alright?"

Did that just come out me? Severus Snape? The greasy, slimy git who treated all of his students like shit and never showed compassion? What is wrong with me?! But seeing the look in Lupin's eyes as he looked up at me with a grateful smile on his face made me glad that I had said what I had.

"Thank you…" I heard him whisper as he laid his head back on my shoulder.

"For what?" I asked confusingly.

"… For saying what you did… I needed that."

I looked down at him for a moment, but smiled in spite of myself and lightly tightened my grip on him. My own way of saying "You're welcome…" But looking back down at the vial he still held in his hands, I nudged him slightly and asked, "Are you going to let go of the vial now, Lupin?" (Habits seem to die hard…)

He was silent for a few moments before he nodded his head and placed it within my awaiting hand. After that, we sat there for a while longer, until I noticed that he was asleep and carried him to closest room, where I stayed to watch him for the night.

>It's hard, so hard - It's tearing out my heart

Ever since that night, Lupin has much improved. He's even allowed the others back into his life without him feeling constant remorse for Black or Potter. Which I'm grateful for since it makes life always easier.

Sighing, I stood from my seat and walked over to the bed, lying gently down next to Lupin. One arm slightly wrapping itself around his waist as I saw his eyes open sleepily and he smiled at me.

"Hi, Sev…" he whispered softly, making me smile lightly.

"Hey. How you feelin'?"

"Better than last night…"

I laughed quietly at this. "That's good… You up to getting anything to eat?"

Seeing him shake his head in response, he came closer beside me and buried his face into my chest. "Sleep, Sev. I know you haven't gotten any all night since I could feel you watching me as I slept…"

"Couldn't help myself…"

"I bet… Now sleep, Sev. You need it."

After saying this, I could hear Lupin's breathing calm till it indicated he had fallen back asleep. Sighing and tightening my hold on his waist, I kissed the top of his head gently. Breathing in the fresh scent of his hair before I too fell into the dark reassurance of sleep.

>But it's hard letting you go

AN: Any and all mistakes are my own. My beta moved and I haven't gotten a hold of her in almost a year. So I no longer have one and work on my own. Fun times! :p Hope you all enjoyed the chapter! I'll try to update this again soon!! grins

Blue Rosed Dragon