It's June 2. I'm Liz Parker and I can't sleep...again.
I keep telling myself that this will be the last sleepless night and that tomorrow I'll get some much needed rest. But I've been saying that for almost three weeks now.
What should have ended as the first peaceful night alone with Max in a long time became a night at home with Maria. Our tears over melting ice cream was anything but good for the soul.
I would have given anything to be able to curl up in Max's arms and just sit and be together. To lay my head on his chest and feel his heartbeat-something that I had thought would never happen after Pierce took him from me. But things kept coming in the way. BR
BR
I felt it for a short while. We were running for our lives and we almost killed ourselves in the process. We were on foot and trapped...the only way to escape was to jump...and we did it. I had never gotten such a rush or such a scare at the same time. Somehow we survived the jump and managed to find our way to the old trailer. And there we rested. I could feel his heartbeat reassuring me that he was really there, that he wasn't in that lab and that we weren't dead. I felt him.
Call me old-fashioned...but ice cream just isn't the same as feeling the heartbeat of the man you love.
We haven't actually talked much about what happened between all of us. Or perhaps I'm the only one. Alex has Isabel, Maria and Kyle are becoming more like brother and sister every day, and Max and Michael have always helped each other out. The only one left to lean on is Tess and I don't see that happening any time soon.
It's my own fault though. I love Max Evans. I do. I can't remember a time that I didn't love him anymore. But I can't stand in the way of his destiny. His mother made that decision for me.
Max is the last hope for his kind and part of that package is Tess. One day he'll see that I'm right. That'll be the day that I die.
I still see Max every day at school, but things are different now. I can see it in his eyes that he's searching for a way to change my mind. I can also see the sadness. It breaks my heart.
I wonder what Grandma Claudia would have to say about the way things have turned out. She knew that there was something about Max from the very beginning. But that was before Tess came along. I wonder if she would understand why I've done the things that I have. I try to tell myself that I am following my heart...even if that means breaking it.
I can't give in though. I've been weak too much in my life, always letting others control my actions. Its time that I do what I think is best. And that's staying away from Max.
But I am weak. I know it. I would go back on my vow at a single kiss or touch. He has that kind of power over me. I can't help it. But until he changes his mind or I give in, things will stay the way that they are. I just hope that I can get some sleep before my parents ask any more questions.
I'm off to toss and turn until sunrise, when I'll be confronted with another day of torture and of temptations. But at least I'm learning a few things from all of this.
I didn't know it was possible to break your own heart.
-Elizabeth Parker
Friday, June 2, 2000
4:17 am