RUTHIE AND PETER'S HONEYMOON NIGHTMARE
Chapter One
It was over a year since Peter Petrovsky had proposed to his sweetheart, Ruthie Camden. She had been so stunned when he finally did pop the question that she had burst into tears. The following months were quite heady, between taking the SATs and keeping their marks up. They had won full scholarships to UCLA, and had managed to snag one of the limited numbers of co-ed apartments on campus. But they were also focused on preparing for their wedding day, which was scheduled for a couple weeks after their high school graduation.
It was Valentine's Day. While it had been nearly two years since they last made love, Ruthie and Peter were determined to at least attempt to cool the raging fires between them until their wedding night. But Ruthie wanted to do something that was romantic and different. It turned out she had luck on her side. Inspired by an unusual custom that was long in vogue in Japanese coffee houses, a local spa happened on the idea of having customers pay about $50 for the privilege of steaming oneself for one hour in a vat, totally surrounded by ground up, piping hot coffee beans – and with nothing on except a paper bikini covering the crotch area.
Ruthie had called into one of the innumerable radio contests hoping to get front-row seats and backstage passes to see a hot concert act. But when she failed to answer the question correctly (it was something to do with the country with the oldest continuing democratically elected assembly – answer, Iceland, where the Allthing has met since 930; her guess had been Switzerland), she got two one-hour passes to the coffee spa. Peter thought the idea of exfoliating in coffee residue was weird at first, but he accepted her offer of a date when he reckoned that if he didn't, she'd give the passes to her sister and brother-in-law, Lucy and Kevin Kinkirk.
And so, on a Tuesday night, after they had finished their homework, they made the trek to the spa. They were instructed to undress and put on only the paper pants. This, they did in separate dressing rooms. They then made their way into the appointed room. It had been a long time since Peter had seen Ruthie's bosom like this, but she didn't mind. After slipping inside their appointed vat which they shared (there were six, each of which could hold two to four people – but this night, they were all alone), an attendant brought over what looked like two chutes. He pressed a button, and out it came: hundreds of pounds of steaming, ground coffee beans, kept at a temperature of 140 degrees Fahrenheit, until only their heads and necklines were visible. Every few minutes, the attendant would return and rake some of the coffee, so that the top remained hot.
It was like nothing else Ruthie and Peter had ever experienced. It certainly was different, and the thought that each other was almost completed naked under all that coffee make both terribly excited and wanting to have each other as dessert once this was all over.
After their hour was up, the attendant returned, and shoveled some of the coffee away so that their shoulders were now visible. He then reached forward and pulled each of them out. At that moment, Ruthie wanted to get Peter right then and there, but they both decided to stick to protocol. They returned to their dressing rooms, cleaned themselves off, removed the now rather crumpled up paper shorts, and got dressed.
"Wow, Ruthie, that was absolutely amazing!" said Peter, once they left and took a brief walk to the Promenade – ordering milkshakes for themselves.
"It was different," agreed Ruthie. "I'm glad you did like it. And to think we almost did ... well, you know."
"Yeah," laughed Peter. "But in about four months, we'll finally be able to do it again – for real. And this time, with nothing between us at all."
"It's going to be weird," said Ruthie, "being pregnant – again." She paused wistfully, remembering how Peter had knocked her up a few months after they had started their sexual liaison at a summer arts camp – but how it ended in a miscarriage.
"We made a mistake, Ruthie," said Peter. "But now we're ready."
"Still, it would've been nice if your mother was still around."
"What's done is done," said Peter. "I've cried a river of tears over what happened between my parents. But it's not going to bring either of them back."
"Oh well," said Ruthie. "Anyway, Peter, we have to talk about the wedding. You know we have less than a month to finalize who's going to be in our wedding party. Mary's going to be matron of honor. Who's your best man?"
"Rod."
"You're kidding! Lucy's old boyfriend? Why him?"
"We've kept an e-mail correspondence ever since the trial a couple of years ago. During the times his Marine unit was here, we had coffee and talked military stuff. Not that I'm ever going to enlist, but I've kind of come to trust him."
"Well, that's really cool," said Ruthie. "It'll be kind of neat to see him again."
The two talked some more, then they returned back to the parsonage. Peter was still boarding with the family, as he had for quite some time. He and Ruthie figured they still had some time before the official 'curfew', so they made out with their clothes on for about an hour or so. They then kissed each other good night. Peter made his way to his room, while Ruthie went up to her attic bedroom.
The next morning at breakfast, Lucy and Kevin were cooking bacon and eggs for Peter and Ruthie. Eric and Annie, having had a romantic Valentine's night at home, were having breakfast in bed, joined by Sam and David.
As Lucy served the breakfast and poured some orange juice for Peter, he asked his future sister-in-law: "Luce, do you mind if I ask you and Kevin a personal question? You don't have to answer, but it's something that's been on Ruthie's and my minds."
"Of course, Peter," said Lucy, "as long as it's not too personal."
"Ruthie and I have been talking about it, and we've decided we want to start a family as soon as we can. Like, on our honeymoon."
"So what's your question?"
"Well, we want to try, but we don't want to try too hard," said Ruthie. "How often did you and Kevin have sex when you were trying to get pregnant with your twins – Jennifer and Charles?"
"Um – like most newlyweds, we couldn't keep our hands off each other. I'd say about three or four times a week," replied Lucy nervously. She normally would not have answered such a provocative question, but in this case she did because she knew how important it was to her sister and future brother-in-law. "Mind you, having children wasn't the most important thing on our minds. We just like the idea of being married. That we did get pregnant was the best thing that could happen as a result, but if we had to wait a few more years, we would have."
"But what if you didn't get pregnant at all?" asked Peter. "How far would you go to try to have a baby?"
"You mean something like a test-tube baby?" asked Kevin. "Lucy and I talked about it, but we've had three kids so far the normal way, so it's kind of a moot point."
"But would you and Luce have gone that route, Kevin? Would you, even though you're Catholic?"
"Most Catholics in America, me included, think it's really no one's business what we do to create new life, not even the Vatican's. I was born around the time the first in-vitro baby was born – Louise Brown, in Britain. But my parents did remember the flack that happened when the then Pope said that it was wrong for her to be created that way. They were quite indignant, in fact. I mean, her parents were her parents – nothing changed there. Who cares if she was conceived in a Petri dish and not a womb?" Kevin took a breath, and then added, "So, yes, Peter, Lucy and I would have done that. Surrogate motherhood, never."
"And why are you worried about that anyway?" asked Lucy. "You got pregnant once before. It didn't work out, but you did. And when do you have children of your own, you'll feel like no other feeling in the world."
"Thanks, sis," said Ruthie, giving Lucy a big hug. "Well, Pete, I think we should finish this and go to school. Afterwards, I have to go to the dressmaker for my initial measurements."
"And I have to go to the formal shop," said Peter. "I'm still trying to decide whether I should –"
"Buy," interrupted Kevin. "Buy your tuxedo. You and Ruthie will find you're going to go to a lot more formal occasions than you think. A good, carefully chosen tux will go with any formal dress your wife will wear. And it'll last you at least a few years."
"Thanks, Kevin," grinned Peter.
Having finished their lunch, the lovebirds made their way to school, and another long grind. Kevin and Lucy, meanwhile, had a "quickie" before each went to work: he at the police station, she at the church.
Chapter One
It was over a year since Peter Petrovsky had proposed to his sweetheart, Ruthie Camden. She had been so stunned when he finally did pop the question that she had burst into tears. The following months were quite heady, between taking the SATs and keeping their marks up. They had won full scholarships to UCLA, and had managed to snag one of the limited numbers of co-ed apartments on campus. But they were also focused on preparing for their wedding day, which was scheduled for a couple weeks after their high school graduation.
It was Valentine's Day. While it had been nearly two years since they last made love, Ruthie and Peter were determined to at least attempt to cool the raging fires between them until their wedding night. But Ruthie wanted to do something that was romantic and different. It turned out she had luck on her side. Inspired by an unusual custom that was long in vogue in Japanese coffee houses, a local spa happened on the idea of having customers pay about $50 for the privilege of steaming oneself for one hour in a vat, totally surrounded by ground up, piping hot coffee beans – and with nothing on except a paper bikini covering the crotch area.
Ruthie had called into one of the innumerable radio contests hoping to get front-row seats and backstage passes to see a hot concert act. But when she failed to answer the question correctly (it was something to do with the country with the oldest continuing democratically elected assembly – answer, Iceland, where the Allthing has met since 930; her guess had been Switzerland), she got two one-hour passes to the coffee spa. Peter thought the idea of exfoliating in coffee residue was weird at first, but he accepted her offer of a date when he reckoned that if he didn't, she'd give the passes to her sister and brother-in-law, Lucy and Kevin Kinkirk.
And so, on a Tuesday night, after they had finished their homework, they made the trek to the spa. They were instructed to undress and put on only the paper pants. This, they did in separate dressing rooms. They then made their way into the appointed room. It had been a long time since Peter had seen Ruthie's bosom like this, but she didn't mind. After slipping inside their appointed vat which they shared (there were six, each of which could hold two to four people – but this night, they were all alone), an attendant brought over what looked like two chutes. He pressed a button, and out it came: hundreds of pounds of steaming, ground coffee beans, kept at a temperature of 140 degrees Fahrenheit, until only their heads and necklines were visible. Every few minutes, the attendant would return and rake some of the coffee, so that the top remained hot.
It was like nothing else Ruthie and Peter had ever experienced. It certainly was different, and the thought that each other was almost completed naked under all that coffee make both terribly excited and wanting to have each other as dessert once this was all over.
After their hour was up, the attendant returned, and shoveled some of the coffee away so that their shoulders were now visible. He then reached forward and pulled each of them out. At that moment, Ruthie wanted to get Peter right then and there, but they both decided to stick to protocol. They returned to their dressing rooms, cleaned themselves off, removed the now rather crumpled up paper shorts, and got dressed.
"Wow, Ruthie, that was absolutely amazing!" said Peter, once they left and took a brief walk to the Promenade – ordering milkshakes for themselves.
"It was different," agreed Ruthie. "I'm glad you did like it. And to think we almost did ... well, you know."
"Yeah," laughed Peter. "But in about four months, we'll finally be able to do it again – for real. And this time, with nothing between us at all."
"It's going to be weird," said Ruthie, "being pregnant – again." She paused wistfully, remembering how Peter had knocked her up a few months after they had started their sexual liaison at a summer arts camp – but how it ended in a miscarriage.
"We made a mistake, Ruthie," said Peter. "But now we're ready."
"Still, it would've been nice if your mother was still around."
"What's done is done," said Peter. "I've cried a river of tears over what happened between my parents. But it's not going to bring either of them back."
"Oh well," said Ruthie. "Anyway, Peter, we have to talk about the wedding. You know we have less than a month to finalize who's going to be in our wedding party. Mary's going to be matron of honor. Who's your best man?"
"Rod."
"You're kidding! Lucy's old boyfriend? Why him?"
"We've kept an e-mail correspondence ever since the trial a couple of years ago. During the times his Marine unit was here, we had coffee and talked military stuff. Not that I'm ever going to enlist, but I've kind of come to trust him."
"Well, that's really cool," said Ruthie. "It'll be kind of neat to see him again."
The two talked some more, then they returned back to the parsonage. Peter was still boarding with the family, as he had for quite some time. He and Ruthie figured they still had some time before the official 'curfew', so they made out with their clothes on for about an hour or so. They then kissed each other good night. Peter made his way to his room, while Ruthie went up to her attic bedroom.
The next morning at breakfast, Lucy and Kevin were cooking bacon and eggs for Peter and Ruthie. Eric and Annie, having had a romantic Valentine's night at home, were having breakfast in bed, joined by Sam and David.
As Lucy served the breakfast and poured some orange juice for Peter, he asked his future sister-in-law: "Luce, do you mind if I ask you and Kevin a personal question? You don't have to answer, but it's something that's been on Ruthie's and my minds."
"Of course, Peter," said Lucy, "as long as it's not too personal."
"Ruthie and I have been talking about it, and we've decided we want to start a family as soon as we can. Like, on our honeymoon."
"So what's your question?"
"Well, we want to try, but we don't want to try too hard," said Ruthie. "How often did you and Kevin have sex when you were trying to get pregnant with your twins – Jennifer and Charles?"
"Um – like most newlyweds, we couldn't keep our hands off each other. I'd say about three or four times a week," replied Lucy nervously. She normally would not have answered such a provocative question, but in this case she did because she knew how important it was to her sister and future brother-in-law. "Mind you, having children wasn't the most important thing on our minds. We just like the idea of being married. That we did get pregnant was the best thing that could happen as a result, but if we had to wait a few more years, we would have."
"But what if you didn't get pregnant at all?" asked Peter. "How far would you go to try to have a baby?"
"You mean something like a test-tube baby?" asked Kevin. "Lucy and I talked about it, but we've had three kids so far the normal way, so it's kind of a moot point."
"But would you and Luce have gone that route, Kevin? Would you, even though you're Catholic?"
"Most Catholics in America, me included, think it's really no one's business what we do to create new life, not even the Vatican's. I was born around the time the first in-vitro baby was born – Louise Brown, in Britain. But my parents did remember the flack that happened when the then Pope said that it was wrong for her to be created that way. They were quite indignant, in fact. I mean, her parents were her parents – nothing changed there. Who cares if she was conceived in a Petri dish and not a womb?" Kevin took a breath, and then added, "So, yes, Peter, Lucy and I would have done that. Surrogate motherhood, never."
"And why are you worried about that anyway?" asked Lucy. "You got pregnant once before. It didn't work out, but you did. And when do you have children of your own, you'll feel like no other feeling in the world."
"Thanks, sis," said Ruthie, giving Lucy a big hug. "Well, Pete, I think we should finish this and go to school. Afterwards, I have to go to the dressmaker for my initial measurements."
"And I have to go to the formal shop," said Peter. "I'm still trying to decide whether I should –"
"Buy," interrupted Kevin. "Buy your tuxedo. You and Ruthie will find you're going to go to a lot more formal occasions than you think. A good, carefully chosen tux will go with any formal dress your wife will wear. And it'll last you at least a few years."
"Thanks, Kevin," grinned Peter.
Having finished their lunch, the lovebirds made their way to school, and another long grind. Kevin and Lucy, meanwhile, had a "quickie" before each went to work: he at the police station, she at the church.