Chapter Fourteen – See why in shadow I hide

Why am I doing this? Kaira thought, as she walked into St Mungo's. Why am I letting him affect me again?

She had made excuse after excuse until she had realised that they were just excuses. And she had never been one to shy away from unpleasant tasks. She owed it to herself to see him, to see what he had become. And there was a chance, just a very slight chance, that he had changed.

Dr Joliffe met her at the entrance to the psychiatric wing. She was a professional-looking woman in her late thirties, who smiled brightly as she shook hands.

"I am glad you have come, Ms Elmsford. I think it will mean a great deal to your father to see you. He still keeps asking for you. We tell him that you are coming, but he doesn't believe us. His illness has only increased his paranoid tendencies."

"How is he?" Kaira tried to not look terrified.

"He is stable, but we have to keep a close eye on him. There's not much we can do for him." Kaira tried to remain cool and not look like a frightened seven-year-old. "It's this way."

Kaira followed the doctor into a small, white room that contained a bed in which slept an old man. She didn't recognise him. He looked frail and almost as if the slightest wind would turn him to dust. She didn't recognise him. He certainly didn't look anything like the man who had terrorised her as a child.

"Mr Bristow?" the doctor shook the old man gently, and his eyes opened. Kaira shuddered. They were the same. They were still that piercing grey that she remembered from her childhood. "Your daughter is here."

"Kaira?" he squinted. "Where is Kaira?"

"Here," the doctor ushered her forward.

"That's not Kaira... Kaira's a little girl. Who's she?"

"It's been a long time, father," Kaira said. "I have grown up,"

"Kaira? Is it you?"

"Yes, father."

"I shall leave you alone," the doctor said. "If you need anything, just call."

She closed the door behind her, leaving Kaira alone with her worst nightmare grown old.

"How are you?" she asked, trying to keep her voice calm.

"Oh, I'm wonderful," he said. "Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful... it's so nice so nice so nice here..." The gleam in his eyes was disturbing. "Nice, nice, nice... when they're not trying to poison me!"

"They wouldn't try to poison you, this is a hospital."

"That's what you think... they don't like me, they think I'm bad, just because I don't want mudbloods around me... they want to get rid of me, they do..."

"Well if you behave as you used to do when I was a child with regard to muggle-borns, it would be no wonder if they did want to poison you!" Kaira snapped. "You killed people!"

"They were corrupting the gene pool, they had to go... it wasn't as if I enjoyed it, not like some of them, no, I wasn't like that. It was the only way to keep the race pure, to keep magic pure. If they had just kept away from the true wizards and witches, there would have been nothing wrong with them. I had no choice."

"Of course you had a choice! You killed people just because of who their parents were."

"I'm not the only one who's done that. People always do that. Would you not think that the child of a Malfoy was likely to have a tendency towards the Dark Arts? It's just the same. Once a muggle, always a muggle. We had to keep them out, get rid of them... it was the only way, only way..."

"You make me sick! At least I'm not a child any more, I don't have to listen to you." Kaira spun on her heel and headed for the door.

"Kaira, don't go, don't leave me. Please, don't go!"

She turned to look at the frail old man in the bed. He had been punished for his crimes. She could at least sit with him for a while longer. She walked back to the bed and sat down in a chair beside it. What could she talk to him about? Perhaps she should do as Dumbledore had suggested and ask him about Snape.

"I met an old acquaintance of yours recently," she said. "Severus Snape. Do you remember him?"

"Severus, Severus, of course I remember him. He was so very valuable, very. He was so young. I looked after him for a while. Yes, I remember."

"Why was he valuable?"

"I can't tell you, no, it's a secret. I can't tell anyone. It's a secret."

"Why did he join you?"

"I don't know. He was too wishy-washy for most things, he just made potions. I don't know why he wanted to help us, he was so quiet he never said a lot. But he was very valuable."

"Why?"

"You want to steal my secret! Go away! It's my secret!"

"It's okay... I don't want your secret. I just want to know more about Severus Snape."

"He was very cold, yes, that's what he was. Cold. He didn't seem to care about anything. That's what I used when my Lord wanted me to get him to commit to us."

"What did you ask him to do?"

"I only had to suggest it, it was like another of his experiments... I just said, isn't it time you tried that on a muggle, to see how it affects them? It's a more accurate test than a rat. But you're trying to steal my secret again! Stop it!"

So that was it.

"I don't want your secret. It's okay," she soothed gently.

"Go away now. I want to sleep. I won't tell you my secret! I won't!" The old mad looked as if he was about to burst into tears. "You're trying to steal my secret!" Kaira got to her feet.

"It's okay. I don't want your secret. I'm going to go now."

"You are going? Goodbye. Don't let them poison me."

"They won't poison you. Goodbye, father,"

"Goodbye." He blinked owlishly. "Bye bye."