(AN) Hi people! I know that I should be working on Fading Darkness, yada yada, but I'm having extreme writers block and can't think of a dang thing to write for it. Instead, I'm writing this story, which I hope won't suck as badly as Fading Darkness does . Yes, I know the Kagome crossdressing as a boy idea has been used a million times, and that's where I got the idea from. (duh... me feel dumb...) I also got inspiration from the book A Child Called Some of the awesome fics I got the idea from are:
School Daze, by Clara
Double Life, by Renko-chan
and...... something else, I forget. XD
Oh, yeah, most of this story is in Kagome's view point. Just to clear things up.
: speaking
ermenhimer': thoughts
ermenhimer: dreams or flashbacks (flashbacks in author s perspective)

I'm home!
I closed the door with a click. Once again the time I dreaded was coming. Dinner with my father.
I walked into the kitchen, passing through the living room first. There I saw my father, drunk and unconscious. Normal as usual. I passed on into the kitchen.
Bleh... this is disgusting. I whispered to myself, for fear of being heard. I looked at all the dirty dishes that had accumulated from the time I left for school to now. About six hours and a weeks worth of of dishes.
It's more than usual. Probably just had his over and had with them,' I thought as I picked up a grubby sponge and started washing the hundreds of dishes.
An hour passed, making it about 5:30. I stood back and looked at my handiwork, feeling extremely proud of myself. In just a hour, I had cleaned up the horribly messy kitchen until it shined, put all the now clean dishes into the appropriate places, swept under the stove (the horror!), and had started dinner without even waking my father up! I smirked a little, but the start of a smile disappeared as quickly as a rat under fire. Someone put their disgusting, hairy arms over me. I didn't even have to look behind me to see who it was. The scent of alcohol. The drunken voice when he spoke.
Sooooo, what am I eating for dinner?
Ah yes, my father, the drunken, alcoholic, bastard.
I replied in a monotone voice, knowing that if I spoke with the wrong tone, I could be beaten.
I hope you made enough, he said with an evil grin on his face. Although I hadn't turned around, I could feel his expression change.
Wait... enough? It was a whole stinking pan full! Why wouldn't it be enough? Unless...
My father finally moved and stopped leaning on my back. He sat down at the table I had set and started speaking.
You better make another pot. My friends are coming over tonight, he said with a grin, knowing that I knew what that meant.
Crap. I had only made enough for three, not four. Or fourteen...
I silently cursed. Looks like I have to cook more.... I hate cooking and there was no more fish. I only have a half an hour left until they come. Yes, my fathers .
Let me tell you about my dear father. For starters, he is a rabid heroin addict. He is also a drug dealer. And an alcoholic. He killed my mother and brother, but won't kill me, much to my despair. I would rather die than do what I am forced to do. Just to stay alive and escape the beatings, I've become a murder. Not directly, that was only once. The memories of that time tear me apart. But anyway, my father forces me to sell his drugs on the street. people at school will talk about how some one will have died of drugs and I know it is my fault. Because of my father,
I have to wear long pants or long skirts to hide the bruises or scars from my beatings. It all sums into one fact. I hate him as much as I need the sun to live. I cannot forgive him or myself for the sins we have committed.
A knock sounded, cutting through the air like a shock wave. My father walked to the door and opened it, revealing the first of the so called friends, code name . The name fit him perfectly. Silently killing, leaving no trace of his existence, save two sharp dagger points in the victims skin. His signature, I guess you could call it.
A brief look of surprise crossed his face when he saw me past my father. I had just finished somehow scrapping together enough food for four people, not counting me. I was going hungry again. Oh well. Not the first time. I started to walk up the stairs to hide in my , also known as a tiny box closet.
Come back down here.
I froze in my footsteps. I slowly turned around, seeing his smirking face.
Where are you going? The party has only just started.
Oh god.
Half and hour later
I ran up to my room. I slammed the door and locked it. I slumped down against it, my breath coming out in ragged puffs. Blood tricked down my forehead and into my mouth. My cheek stung like it was full of venom and I could feel it start to swell.
Feet thundered up the stairs. A sudden force that slammed into my door causing me to lurch forward.
Come out here bitch! Snake's voice yelled into my ear.
Another jolt, stronger this time. My father had joined the fight against the door.
Get out here right now! He bellowed loud enough to wake a sleeping deaf dragon.
My stomach lurched again, not from the jolt, but from another trickle of blood going into my mouth. I heard a crack. The door was loosing the fight. I scrambled away from it and went towards the tiny window. The door burst open sending pieces of shattered wood everywhere, revealing my father and Snake, drunk as could be.
Snake ran forward and slammed my body against the wall. My head hit it and I swore I could feel my head crack. My head hung low, my pride thrown away in a meager attempt to save myself. I felt Snake's putrid breath on my face.
Thought you could get away, did ya? Well, it'll take more than that to escape. I hold your life in my hands, you know? There is no escape.
I looked over at my father, a last effort to stay alive. His expression was the same. A grin. As if nothing was wrong.
Looking to your daddy to save you? No such luck, girl. That man you know as your father isn't who you think it is. Nope, we killed him a long time ago, while you were still a little baby, defenseless and scared. We killed your mother too. We had her under our control, her obeying our every word like the dear puppet she was. Weak. She finally gathered up some courage one day and tried to run away to save you. Sadly for her, we caught her and your killed her. Then you were conned. Just like your weak, pathetic mother. It's all your fault. If it weren't for you, she'd still be alive and happy. Oh, and that's not all of it... Snake shoved his face into mine, his disgusting putrid breath smelling of tobacco and beer.
You, with your own hands, killed the only person who had ever truly cared and loved you. With your own filthy hands. You're a filthy, little scum of a murderer. He grinned, seeing the anguish in her face.
I'm a murderer. I killed the only person who cared if I lived or died. I'm a murder...
flashback: 1 year ago
Kagome sat at her desk, alone, like always. Nothing ever changed here. She sighed.
Everyone else is so happy and free. I wish I could be. They all have friends and live innocent, naive lives, oblivious to reality. I really envy them...
A hand came down and gently poked her shoulder. Kagome jumped. She had been so engrossed in her envy she hadn't heard the person who had stepped next to her.
She looked up and saw someone's face right in front of hers.
The person stood up and grinned.
Hiya! My name's Ayumi. What's yours? The person grinned at her like she was a normal person. Kagome could almost feel the warmth radiating from her soul. A welcoming feeling... unusual. She wasn't cold.
Kagome stood up and smiled at the girl. A real smile, not the stupid phony one she usually wore.
Kagome. My name is Kagome.
Ayumi kept her cheery smile on. Well, I'm kind of new here and kinda lost. Is this Mrs. Kindaichi's class? Her smile turned sheepish.
Kagome sighed. Just a new kid needing directions.
Yeah, this is Mrs. Kindaichi's class. Do you need anything else?
Nah. I'm just happy to be in the right place. I even have a friend now! Ayumi plopped down into the seat next to Kagome. Man, I really thought I was lost.
Kagome was taken aback. Friend? Some one not inching to get away from freak girl Some one not trying to pry into the popular group? Maybe this isn't just a new kid needing help.' Ayumi prattled on about how klutzy she was as while Kagome kept to herself.
Half a year later:
Kagome? Kagome?
The said person shielded her eyes. What, Ayumi?
Nothing. You were just so quiet, I wasn't sure if you were alive. Ayumi grinned with a smile that could melt ice.
Kagome groaned. Ayumi, I'm almost always this quiet.
No you aren't... actually you are. Why? I don't think I've ever even seen you with anybody else. You're perfectly nice. Why don't you at least try to make some friends.
Ayumi, you sound like a mother duck.
Ayumi snorted I do not! She stuck her head in the air. Quack! Quack! Now I sound like a mother duck.
Kagome laughed. The first time she had really laughed.
Ha Ha! I made you laugh! She (Ayumi) stuck out her tongue, then jumped up and started running.
Another month from then:
I'm home! The door locked behind her. Dad? Where are you?
A hand came out of the air and punched her cheek, sending her flying into the wall. Her father grabbed her chin and raised it so she had no choice but to look into his disgusting dirty face.
He smirked. I saw your little friend today. Cheery girl, ne? I don't like that. You didn't tell her did you? Kagome shook her head, fear evident in her eyes. Good. I want you to get rid of her.
Get rid of her... kill her? I can't do that. She's my friend, the only person I trust. She trusts me. I don't want to...'
No. I won't kill her. Kagome staggered to her feet. No. I refuse.'
You will. Or else. Her father dragged her to the kitchen where a pot of boiling water sat. He grabbed the pot and dumped the scalding water over her, holding her so she couldn't get away. Her dropped her on the floor.
Now will you kill her?'
Kagome's eyes clouded over. She managed to choke out one word.

He smirked. He handed her a gun.
An hour later:
 Kagome? Where are you? I came like you told me to. Ayumi said, looking behind a tree for her friend. (They're at the park.)
Kagome stepped out from where she was hiding. i'm right here Ayumi, she said in a monotone voice.
Ayumi looked up. She ran forward and hugged her. Kagome flinched at her touch. Hey, you're all wet. And your skin is burned! What happened- Ayumi stopped in the middle of her ramble when Kagome stepped away and shoved her back.
 It's your father, isn't it? Ayumi said. You're being abused.
Kagome suddenly reached into her bag. She pulled out the gun and put it to her friend's face.
Fear was evident in her face and voice.
Kagome shook with self hatred. You know to much. He doesn't like you. I had someone who was changing me and gave me hope and a reason to rebel against him. Someone who gave me courage. I wasn't in his control anymore. He didn't like that. He likes to touter me. Instead of just getting rid of the person, he decided that if I was to get rid of the person, it would hurt much more.
Ayumi smiled a little. And that person was me? The person who gave you courage?

She nodded. Well, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I caused you so much trouble. I should have left you alone. Then you wouldn't have to do this. But I understand. I don't want to see you hurt. Do what you have to. She grinned all though tears were streaming down her face. At least I had an awesome friend while it lasted.
Kagome shook even more, this time from grief. I'm so sorry. Goodbye Ayumi. I will never forget you. Please forgive me. Her hands shook on the trigger. A pair of warm hands wrapped around her own cold ones on the trigger. Kagome looked up and saw Ayumi's warm smile.
Don't worry. I'll help you. I'm not afraid. Ayumi pushed in Kagome's finger, pulling the trigger. Her head went backwards from the force of the bullet. Kagome threw the weapon out of her hands and rushed forward to catch her as she fell.
Ayumi! Why did you- A hand covered in blood reached toward Kagome's cheek.
I'm sorry. You just looked so lonely. I'm so sorry... Ayumi stopped, coughing up a clot of blood.
No. It wasn't your fault . It was all mine. I don't deserve anyone as nice as you to be my friend. A piece of scum doesn't deserve friends. I don't deserve forgiveness.
I don't care. You will always be friend, through thick or thin. Even while I am away, I will constantly think of you. Don't forget me. I will watch over you from heaven and never let anything happen to you... do not forget me... With those word Ayumi's hand fell from Kagome's face, her eyes shutting halfway closed.
Kagome looked down at the still and quiet smiling face of her friend. Her body shook with tears and sobs. Ayumi's face was covered with droplets of tears.
NO!! AYUMI!!!!!
End flashback
 I felt myself crying, warm tears slowly dripping down my face. Ayumi. You didn't deserve to die. I'm a murder. A piece of scum. I don't deserve to live.
Snake saw my troubled face and the tears going down my face.
Weak. Stupid weak girl. What do you want? To live, or die? I didn't even have to think about it.

Snake exclaimed in a surprised tone.
Death. I choose death. I said, thinking back to Ayumi.
I don't want to see you hurt......
Snake pushed me more towards the glass window. Final decision? I saw his yellow teeth and smelt his disgusting breath.

I felt glass pierce my flesh. I felt myself falling. I heard laughter and saw Ayumi's face. I heard a thunk, and all was black and quiet.
--------------------End Chapter One-------------------------------------------------
(AN) Okay, how was it? No, Kagome and Ayumi were not in love. Ayumi was Kagome's first and only best friend, so their bond was very tight. All though I do approve and like some shojo-ai fics, there will be non in this story. The true plot will emerge in the next chapter, since this was just prelude. Please, tell me what you think, and if you want, flame me! BWAHAHA! BURN, TOES, BURN! MWAHAHAHAHA!
You see the button?
The button is scared.
Save the button from the crazy authoress by reviewing!
Poor button.