Ch. 3: Understanding
The train finally reached Waterbury and Maria and Georg took a taxi back to their home in Stowe. Both of them sat in the bus in silence, not knowing what to say to each other. The sun was setting over the mountains and its warmth contrasted deeply with their moods. Maria stared at the hill as the taxi crept closer to their home. When they arrived she took their luggage inside and went to her room immediately.
Georg shook his head and followed her closely into their room. Maria could sense that a wall was already forming between them. That was the last thing she wanted. She was, after all, the one who had yelled at Georg for distancing himself from his children. She decided the best thing she could do was try to make thing as normal as possible for him.
Georg could tell that Maria was in deep thought, so he sat down by her on the bed and waited for her to talk to be ready to talk to him. The news that Maria had given him had only scared him a little. He had always believed in God and Heaven. The one thing he feared more than death was being away from his wife, who had been at his side for twenty-five years. He hadn't thought anything would change before he died, but he sensed Maria had already separated herself from him, however slightly. Georg sighed, not wanting to believe Maria had already decided to let him go. They sat for a little while longer in silence before Georg decided to speak.
"Maria, maybe it would be better…"
"Georg I'm so sorry," Maria broke in. "I didn't mean to distance myself from you this much, especially in the few hours I've been with you. I don't want to lose you any earlier than I have to." Georg smiled at her as she moved closer to him and put her arms around him.
"I love you," Maria told him.
"I know," he whispered as he kissed her. "I love you too." He deepened the kiss, as Maria tightened her grip on him. Maria and Georg fell asleep in each other's arms and didn't wake up until the late morning.
When she woke up, Maria reached over to her husband and lightly caressed his back. He rolled over and opened his eyes to gaze at her.
"So what do we do now?" Maria asked him. "We have to tell the children at some point." Georg shivered at the fact that his children had yet to hear of the news. They probably still thought he was suffering from the flu.
"I would feel better if they were home," he told her honestly. Maria smiled at him compassionately.
"So would I," she agreed. "I just don't think they can come until the tour is over. And I couldn't bear telling them the news if it wasn't to their faces."
"The tour ends in three weeks, right?" Georg asked.
"Yes, three weeks. Then they will be home." Georg nodded to Maria.
"Well, then, we will just have to wait for them," he told her with a smile. "There is no use upsetting them and making them come home early."
"But, Georg…I don't want you to…" she trailed off, not wanting to finish her sentence. Georg took her hand as an attempt to calm her down.
"Maria, I know I'm not God, but I won't die until I see my children. We'll pray, and they'll be home in no time. While they are gone we can do things together. Things we have always wanted to do, and spend as much time as possible together." Georg smiled at the sight of his wife grinning for the first time in days.
"All right, if that's what you want," she told him.
"All I want is to spend my last days with you, Maria," he answered earnestly. Tears filled Maria's eyes again. He pulled her into another hug.
"It's not worth it to be sad."
"Are you scared?" Maria asked him in a whisper.
"Well everyone is a little afraid of death. Even Jesus was scared and he knew he was going to heaven," Georg admitted to Maria.
"At least we won't have to be crucified when we die," Maria mentioned. Georg smiled.
"Exactly!" he exclaimed. "It is almost as if God picked the worst way for him to die to show us all that even though it hurts, we have an eternity in heaven. Agathe always used to tell you can't live forever, because then you would be stuck on this planet forever…never getting to heaven. Would you really want to be stuck on this planet forever? You just have to try to accomplish as much as you can in the time you have."
"Some people are so afraid of dying that they forget to live," Maria said. He looked up at her in surprise.
"Yes…she used to say that as well. She also said, " 'don't be afraid of dying, be afraid of an unlived life,'" he said smiling at Maria. "I forgot all of what she said until you came into my life. I was so scared of death because after she died I felt everyone deserted me, even God. You proved he was there, just waiting for me to look." Maria smiled at him.
"Did the Navy teach you to not fear death too?" she asked.
"They told us that we would die heroes, which was an honor. We would be remembered in our country, and perhaps the world, forever if we died for the country. In some ways I guess it would have been nice to die as a hero, be remembered forever…" Georg told her sighing.
"You'll always be a hero to me," Maria answered him. "And to ten children who love you dearly. No one in this family will ever forget you." She gave him a kiss. "And who knows," She added. "Perhaps you are still a hero to many people that know of you." Georg laughed at her a little.
"I highly doubt that Maria," he told her.
"Well you never know, do you?" she asked. He laughed again and kissed her passionately.
"You know the only reason I'm scared?" he asked her seriously.
"Why?" she responded.
"I'm scared of not being with you," he answered slowly. Maria responded thoughtfully.
"Well, Agathe will be up there with you. She is probably waiting right now, this very second. She might even meet you at those pearly gates."
"I know, and I'm happy about that. I'm still going to miss you," he replied. "I'll be waiting for you, you know."
"Right at the gates?" she asked.
"Right at the gates," he echoed giving her a kiss. "And don't you think for a minute I won't be watching all of you from up above."
"Oh you mean you think you will still be running the ship, huh Captain?" she asked jokingly.
"What do you expect? A Captain never abandons his ship and I don't intend on breaking those rules. However, you are in command, as always. I did put you in command the first day I met you, did I not?" he asked.
"You certainly did. Do you think they have any whistles in Heaven?" she asked.
"Hey…that wasn't…" He began before Maria turned over and kissed him fully on the lips.
"Maria?" he asked.
"Hmm…" she replied.
"Will you tell me when it's over?" he asked. "Tell me when I should accept death and leave the rest up to God."
"I will Georg, of course I will," Maria answered him.
"Good," he smiled. "And I don't want my funeral to be a big deal. I definitely don't want any moping after I'm gone," he told her.
"Georg I'm afraid that's impossible. If you expect me not to cry…or any of your children not to cry…"
"I mean long after I'm gone Maria. I want you to all be strong and understanding. Make sure they don't forget to live. Don't close them out; like I did"
"I'll do my best," Maria promised.
"I know you will. And my dear, get married again," he told her. Maria looked at him for a moment. She could tell it was hard for him to say.
"Georg I…"
"Maria, I know you think right now that you couldn't fall in love with anyone else, but that point has been proven wrong. I thought the same thing when Agathe died, but I am hopelessly in love with you now."
"I think it was a little different with you though," Maria told him.
"How?" he asked.
"Well, for one thing the only reason I didn't turn out to be a nun is because I fell in love with you. I wouldn't have married anyone if it hadn't been for you. The truth is, I don't want to be with anyone except you, ever." Georg smiled at Maria.
"That's really how you feel?" he asked.
"Of course. I love you so much," She paused. "You know, sometimes I wonder about that death do us part vow." Maria told him.
"Me too, sometimes I feel that our love will last much longer."
"It will Georg. I will love you for all eternity." Georg smiled at her remark.
"Think of it, Maria. When we are in heaven we will be together until…well forever."
"I know and it will be perfect," Maria finished; as she bent down to kiss him again.