Disclaimer: Usual applies
Ch. 6 'The Sun's Shadow'
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A headache pressed against the space between her ears in dull pain, the palm she held against her forehead, the icepack at her neck and the pain medication she took a while ago being unhelpful so far. Moaning she rolled onto the other shoulder, repeating, once more, the reasons why she should be lying on her bed rather than the couch, why she should stop Rachael from achieving the dizzying success of her first hangover, why she must move now or face the regrets of not having done anything in the next hour! Nothing, neither the lists or her weighty conscience or the tingling in her shoulder, made her body respond. She was sunk, she was in misery, she was despondent and on the verge of depression - a hazy, muzzy, fuzzy-blue funk that was thrown over her ears, eyes, nose and mouth and that she didn't fight, much as she knew she could, kept her from reacting as she normally would.
The hotel suite seemed too pinky-beige, too soft and enclosed to be comfortable. The couch she had tumbled upon on entering was overstuffed with thin, hard armrests that caused the ache in her head to spread. The odor of alcohol was light but irritating to her overloaded senses, the bed was just too far away, the bathroom could never have all the cold water she needed if it was ever-supplying, fertile as a hotspring. Worst of all - Earth was too far away and at the same time, too unapproachable to be of much consolation. Even the view of it from outer space was soured at present and all its old beauty and appeal lay hidden in the dark, shadowy edge, the sun's shadow, that had swallowed its other half.
"This tastes funny." Rachael said thickly, holding up a bottle one fourth full. She turned glassy eyes on Relena, who only watched with one, half-lidded eye as she talked. "I have..a very - low alcohol tolerance." She tottered close, dressed in the button-up blouse she had had on at the meeting, but without the skirt and still, wearing her pumps. Her shirt tails hung little past her hips and her knee-highs seemed quite rumpled. "'From my muth's' side. Dad could drink... like a fountain." Relena twisted until she lay on her back and Rachael stared at the bottle in her hand. "Did..you have any to drink? This was full - a moment - ago."
"No. I'm not much of a whiskey-drinker." Relena murmured, shading her face with an arm. Oh, she couldn't let Rachael - a young woman older than herself yet so much less streetwise - get so drunk, so crazy-drunk, all because of her, what good would that do in the long run, they needed all their wits the next day! The thought of getting shitfaced made her stomach turn but that was still not enough to raise her. Rachael retreated to the lounge: she could hear her settle into one of the larger chairs, the Klink of a forsaken bottle sounding soon after. Light snoring sounded minutes later.
Lord, had she failed! She failed! And Rachael suffered because of her failing, her shortcoming - how many people had depended on this, how well this would have worked with more time, more planning, more funding! Relena despised the 'easy way', too many took it rather than shoulder the work that needed doing, she wanted to pummel the 'easy way' into a meteor shower and let it get torn to shreds there! People could die, and they took the 'easy way'. Homes and lives would be decided through this groups' actions - and they voted for the 'easy way'. The future well-being of space's growing human population hinged on how this entire project went for them and they grabbed at the 'easy way' rather than roll up their armsleeves -
She had failed.
She had been too confident and failed completely as a result.
Relena felt less inclined to think bad of the liquor available in the suite but her body shuddered at the thought of anything passing through her mouth to her stomach. Nothing would have held.
The meeting started well. The presentation, the speeches, the information so well-gathered and clear and organized. They all seemed opptimistic and enthused by this 'suggestion'. Rachael felt as happy as Relena did. But it didn't work. Several persons brought up questions and points they felt had not been addressed properly and, due to this lack of care, they formed a decision on the project Relena cared so much for. It wouldn't go through.
The main issue was money. (There was none to pass out, much less to the extent it'd be needed to complete the steps in the project). When Relena suggested she pay for some of it out of her own purse - a true risk as that made her susceptible to all kinds of critizism and suspicion - they had turned her down politely. The project would be used in the making of the final product and, of course, they would need her help with it. She could not refuse regardless of her extreme disappointment. With two weeks to form this final product Relena had until then to do what she wished - namely, attend duties of equal importance in other places - before she was needed once more as part of the team.
The final project to come out of all this would be less efficient and more tangled than she saw fit but it would cost less - in the short run, anyway. No matter the long run as they only had enough money to use for short run purposes. The consequences were ones she did not want to face just then.
Heavens, she needed to get away. Just for a while. She had two more days on the colony before the team broke up for the two week recess and she needed time off. Rachael would need some recuperation just as much as she. At least, once she could walk in a straight line again..
Relena heeded the small cry in her body that tugged at her to leave the suite. Disregarding her ID and leaving her blazer in her room she found herself walking the halls of the hotel. It was afternoon and warm outside, long stretches of shadow engulfing whole blocks as the colony's position changed opposite the sun. Giving the matter as little thought as was necessary she went outside and glanced around, taking in the inhabitants and their homes through a less formal eye. To keep herself moving Relena wandered up and down streets perpendicular to the hotel, crossing over every so often to keep things interesting. An hour into the walk she bought some Persian tea, lingering at the restaurant from which she had ordered it a while in enjoying it.
A band of boys - not much younger than her, really, although she tended to ignore those differences for the sake of regular life - performed on the street opposite her. She left the nook with a small smile.
"This is a costly move you're asking of us, Miss Foreign Vice Minister."
"Pardon?"
"Funding is at an all-time low at the moment, Miss Foreign Vice Minister. How do you propose to raise the necessary two billion to finance the project?"
"Money is key to this, I know, but these people need this! - how else are you, we, citizens of Earth, supposed to build trust in the colonies and create a relationship between them and us if we don't dig in?" (She could have bitten herself for the timely phrasing on that).
"It's a well-researched plan, I agree." Mr. Heimer leaned back, his mustache, thick and heavy, rustling under a sigh he let loose. "Nonetheless, the war has ended only a short while ago. This is extremely extravagant, almost too generous, even, to put into action without some shortcuts being made - such as, why redirect all the traffic of the elderly colonies to working colonies when we could just section the old colonies up and build from there? With the materials available, it would take less time than normal, and less people would have to put their life on hold."
"That would take years longer than this plan. And, in the end, it would be more expensive." One of the few things Rachael had dared say seemed to have hit home, although she cowered in her seat under the stare of Ambassador Buckler for much of the time otherwise. Relena nodded aggressively, her eyes darting around at everyone seated at the table. Without thinking of it she stood up, her chair pushed back with a grinding sound, and began pacing around the table.
"The war has ended only a few months ago. The repurcussions of this war still rages on, both on Earth and in space. Yet, shouldn't we confront it? Everyone is still in shock, but shouldn't we overcome it in facing it down?" She turned sharply and the heel of her shoe gave a large squeak. Her expression was tight and aggravated. "We owe it to the people as well as ourselves! In time, every colony will need to be remodeled or built anew. Will our descendants have to repeat this every time?"
"That still does not answer the question of money, Miss Vice Foreign Minister." Relena regarded the speaker, a tall, gawkish man of fifty with a receding hairline, whose voice had rung out dryly in the quiet room quite clearly.
"I would pay out of my own pocket if I could, Mr. Stern. As it is, I am not in that fortunate position. More campaigning, I'm sure, might bring in more funding, but - "
" - that costs money as well. How are we to get forward on this topic?" Mr. Stern nodded at this and the speaker, Ambassador Buckley, leaned back in a smug, hesitant way (were these cushions clean? Or were they crawling with germs and dandruff from former occupants?). Relena's arms lay limp against her sides but her expression remained the same.
"This could endanger lives."
"Not if planned well."
"We don't have the time!" Rachael broke in.
"We have a week. With a large enough team we'll be able to handle it."
"Oh. Well. I am afraid I can't be part of that team." Relena said, her voice tired, shoulders sagging a bit. Mr. Stern's body flew forward as he regarded her forcibly.
"You will not be joining us?"
"You're not supporting us, Miss Vice Foreign Minister Darlian?"
"Is this some sort of pout, Miss Vice Foreign Minister? Are you upset that we are not aligning ourselves with your project as you'd planned?"
"No; no. I am supporting this move: I desperately want citizens of outer Space to have a safe, stable home, and for space to have a place for all to go to without fear, and I know we will get there. Yes, I do not agree with your proposition, or that everyone else agrees to it but myself and my team, but the truth is - I am exhausted. This project has exhausted me." Relena found her seat again and stood behind it. "I will not be joining you out of necessity. Several have expressed concerns for my well-being," Physical and mental, though she did not voice this, "and I am now going to take their advice.
"I will take a week-long vacation, ladies and gentleman. My team will, as well. They have done exceptional work and deserve it." Taking a pause and a deep breath Relena glanced at the clock above the door. Officially, the meeting was over. "If you will excuse us now......"
And that had been it. Two hours, rather than the one hour anticipated, of petitioning and arguing and discussing - she needed a break.
Now, Relena looked up and was astonished to see she had come round full-circle - the hotel was just up ahead. Her feet had automatically led her back the way she knew - a light grip settled onto her forearm and she turned, puzzled, frazzled but healing and pleasantly surprised at the interruption that materialized at her side.
Heero stared her in the face, hard. His hand on her arm did not move but he knew, somehow. She tilted her head in a sheepish way, smiling crookedly. They began walking away from the hotel once more, even though it was near evening. Again, Relena's mind ignored the physical images of what she saw passing by, the people and stores and restaurants (enticing as the smell wafting from them were she never noticed them); a feeling of goodwill did enter her stomach, though, and that was even better. At his presence her nerves calmed somewhat.
She explained to him the events of that afternoon and he listened, breaking in at several points when she lacked specifics. In turn she let loose the gates and flooded him - her frustration leaked into that informational flood but he said nothing about it, for once. Her emotions, so clearly on display, took hold of her gestures and hands until her fingers performed agile tricks in the air around them, this gesture referring to Mr. Stern or Rachael, this hand-slap an accusing thought concerning the Ambassador, that flick of fingers imitating Ms. Krauser, whose flat, non-energetic approach to Relena's project had been an irritation throughout the campaign's baby steps.
They stopped next to a building on which the sun shown directly; the mekamarble was still warm and Relena leaned against it.
"What are you going to do?"
"Now?" Heero nodded, shrugging. Relena hooked her fingers together in front of her and gazed at a pothole in the road. "I don't know. Take that vacation, I guess."
"Where?" Heero asked after a lengthy pause. Relena shook her head - she had tried not to think of it, the thought of a brief recess in her work unnatural to her. Heero shifted in place from one foot to the other until she came up with something.
"I've never taken a vacation. I - well, I never thought that I'd to take one this soon." Relena said, stumbling as her thoughts had not formed complete words yet. She gaven a small, embarrassed chuckle. "They were surprised, though."
"Hn." Heero grunted, steadily eyeing a car parked too far from the curb. Relena turned her head in his direction questioningly.
"When are you going to the old training center, Heero?" She asked. His eyes traveled back to her face.
"Sometime." Relena studied the ground at her feet for several minutes. A quarter of an hour later, with her mouth screwed up and her eyebrows at a severe slant in her face, she glanced at Heero again.
"Might you be willing to plan on going earlier than later?" Heero simply stared at her and she, sighing, stared at the pothole again. Her eyes closed halfway as she enjoyed the warmth of the sun. "I would actually like to..go with you, perhaps. Maybe. If you don't mind." Heero turned away.
"If you need a vacation, go to Earth, don't travel on shuttles all over space." She smiled.
"I was once there when I was five, with my family. Returning, just once, without a party of delegates and state officials, might be an experience." He remained silently but gruffly opposed and she added, "I know it would be worthwhile. Wouldn't you like some company?"
"That's not what I meant."
"Regardless. It won't be here for much longer. Unless you disagree with my accompanying you, that is." Heero was quiet for a long moment before letting out a grumpy sigh. Her smile returned but Heero seemed puzzled at it.
She never mentioned it again, and they never questioned whether or not he agreed. There may have been questions between the two, secrets, certainly - a few mysteries yet to be solved, anything - but this time nothing was stowed away where it couldn't be seen, nothing was tucked into a corner for later arguing. On Relena's part she was glad at the speed at which preparations were made, and how quickly other's complaints and disagreements sputtered out in the meantime. The hospitable colony she had come to in such high hopes she left - the next day, actually - with hope used and befouled but on the mend. And she couldn't wait for this vacation to start.
After all, things never ended where one felt they would - they only ended when they were good and ready to.
Ch. 6 'The Sun's Shadow'
_____________________________________________________________________________________________
A headache pressed against the space between her ears in dull pain, the palm she held against her forehead, the icepack at her neck and the pain medication she took a while ago being unhelpful so far. Moaning she rolled onto the other shoulder, repeating, once more, the reasons why she should be lying on her bed rather than the couch, why she should stop Rachael from achieving the dizzying success of her first hangover, why she must move now or face the regrets of not having done anything in the next hour! Nothing, neither the lists or her weighty conscience or the tingling in her shoulder, made her body respond. She was sunk, she was in misery, she was despondent and on the verge of depression - a hazy, muzzy, fuzzy-blue funk that was thrown over her ears, eyes, nose and mouth and that she didn't fight, much as she knew she could, kept her from reacting as she normally would.
The hotel suite seemed too pinky-beige, too soft and enclosed to be comfortable. The couch she had tumbled upon on entering was overstuffed with thin, hard armrests that caused the ache in her head to spread. The odor of alcohol was light but irritating to her overloaded senses, the bed was just too far away, the bathroom could never have all the cold water she needed if it was ever-supplying, fertile as a hotspring. Worst of all - Earth was too far away and at the same time, too unapproachable to be of much consolation. Even the view of it from outer space was soured at present and all its old beauty and appeal lay hidden in the dark, shadowy edge, the sun's shadow, that had swallowed its other half.
"This tastes funny." Rachael said thickly, holding up a bottle one fourth full. She turned glassy eyes on Relena, who only watched with one, half-lidded eye as she talked. "I have..a very - low alcohol tolerance." She tottered close, dressed in the button-up blouse she had had on at the meeting, but without the skirt and still, wearing her pumps. Her shirt tails hung little past her hips and her knee-highs seemed quite rumpled. "'From my muth's' side. Dad could drink... like a fountain." Relena twisted until she lay on her back and Rachael stared at the bottle in her hand. "Did..you have any to drink? This was full - a moment - ago."
"No. I'm not much of a whiskey-drinker." Relena murmured, shading her face with an arm. Oh, she couldn't let Rachael - a young woman older than herself yet so much less streetwise - get so drunk, so crazy-drunk, all because of her, what good would that do in the long run, they needed all their wits the next day! The thought of getting shitfaced made her stomach turn but that was still not enough to raise her. Rachael retreated to the lounge: she could hear her settle into one of the larger chairs, the Klink of a forsaken bottle sounding soon after. Light snoring sounded minutes later.
Lord, had she failed! She failed! And Rachael suffered because of her failing, her shortcoming - how many people had depended on this, how well this would have worked with more time, more planning, more funding! Relena despised the 'easy way', too many took it rather than shoulder the work that needed doing, she wanted to pummel the 'easy way' into a meteor shower and let it get torn to shreds there! People could die, and they took the 'easy way'. Homes and lives would be decided through this groups' actions - and they voted for the 'easy way'. The future well-being of space's growing human population hinged on how this entire project went for them and they grabbed at the 'easy way' rather than roll up their armsleeves -
She had failed.
She had been too confident and failed completely as a result.
Relena felt less inclined to think bad of the liquor available in the suite but her body shuddered at the thought of anything passing through her mouth to her stomach. Nothing would have held.
The meeting started well. The presentation, the speeches, the information so well-gathered and clear and organized. They all seemed opptimistic and enthused by this 'suggestion'. Rachael felt as happy as Relena did. But it didn't work. Several persons brought up questions and points they felt had not been addressed properly and, due to this lack of care, they formed a decision on the project Relena cared so much for. It wouldn't go through.
The main issue was money. (There was none to pass out, much less to the extent it'd be needed to complete the steps in the project). When Relena suggested she pay for some of it out of her own purse - a true risk as that made her susceptible to all kinds of critizism and suspicion - they had turned her down politely. The project would be used in the making of the final product and, of course, they would need her help with it. She could not refuse regardless of her extreme disappointment. With two weeks to form this final product Relena had until then to do what she wished - namely, attend duties of equal importance in other places - before she was needed once more as part of the team.
The final project to come out of all this would be less efficient and more tangled than she saw fit but it would cost less - in the short run, anyway. No matter the long run as they only had enough money to use for short run purposes. The consequences were ones she did not want to face just then.
Heavens, she needed to get away. Just for a while. She had two more days on the colony before the team broke up for the two week recess and she needed time off. Rachael would need some recuperation just as much as she. At least, once she could walk in a straight line again..
Relena heeded the small cry in her body that tugged at her to leave the suite. Disregarding her ID and leaving her blazer in her room she found herself walking the halls of the hotel. It was afternoon and warm outside, long stretches of shadow engulfing whole blocks as the colony's position changed opposite the sun. Giving the matter as little thought as was necessary she went outside and glanced around, taking in the inhabitants and their homes through a less formal eye. To keep herself moving Relena wandered up and down streets perpendicular to the hotel, crossing over every so often to keep things interesting. An hour into the walk she bought some Persian tea, lingering at the restaurant from which she had ordered it a while in enjoying it.
A band of boys - not much younger than her, really, although she tended to ignore those differences for the sake of regular life - performed on the street opposite her. She left the nook with a small smile.
"This is a costly move you're asking of us, Miss Foreign Vice Minister."
"Pardon?"
"Funding is at an all-time low at the moment, Miss Foreign Vice Minister. How do you propose to raise the necessary two billion to finance the project?"
"Money is key to this, I know, but these people need this! - how else are you, we, citizens of Earth, supposed to build trust in the colonies and create a relationship between them and us if we don't dig in?" (She could have bitten herself for the timely phrasing on that).
"It's a well-researched plan, I agree." Mr. Heimer leaned back, his mustache, thick and heavy, rustling under a sigh he let loose. "Nonetheless, the war has ended only a short while ago. This is extremely extravagant, almost too generous, even, to put into action without some shortcuts being made - such as, why redirect all the traffic of the elderly colonies to working colonies when we could just section the old colonies up and build from there? With the materials available, it would take less time than normal, and less people would have to put their life on hold."
"That would take years longer than this plan. And, in the end, it would be more expensive." One of the few things Rachael had dared say seemed to have hit home, although she cowered in her seat under the stare of Ambassador Buckler for much of the time otherwise. Relena nodded aggressively, her eyes darting around at everyone seated at the table. Without thinking of it she stood up, her chair pushed back with a grinding sound, and began pacing around the table.
"The war has ended only a few months ago. The repurcussions of this war still rages on, both on Earth and in space. Yet, shouldn't we confront it? Everyone is still in shock, but shouldn't we overcome it in facing it down?" She turned sharply and the heel of her shoe gave a large squeak. Her expression was tight and aggravated. "We owe it to the people as well as ourselves! In time, every colony will need to be remodeled or built anew. Will our descendants have to repeat this every time?"
"That still does not answer the question of money, Miss Vice Foreign Minister." Relena regarded the speaker, a tall, gawkish man of fifty with a receding hairline, whose voice had rung out dryly in the quiet room quite clearly.
"I would pay out of my own pocket if I could, Mr. Stern. As it is, I am not in that fortunate position. More campaigning, I'm sure, might bring in more funding, but - "
" - that costs money as well. How are we to get forward on this topic?" Mr. Stern nodded at this and the speaker, Ambassador Buckley, leaned back in a smug, hesitant way (were these cushions clean? Or were they crawling with germs and dandruff from former occupants?). Relena's arms lay limp against her sides but her expression remained the same.
"This could endanger lives."
"Not if planned well."
"We don't have the time!" Rachael broke in.
"We have a week. With a large enough team we'll be able to handle it."
"Oh. Well. I am afraid I can't be part of that team." Relena said, her voice tired, shoulders sagging a bit. Mr. Stern's body flew forward as he regarded her forcibly.
"You will not be joining us?"
"You're not supporting us, Miss Vice Foreign Minister Darlian?"
"Is this some sort of pout, Miss Vice Foreign Minister? Are you upset that we are not aligning ourselves with your project as you'd planned?"
"No; no. I am supporting this move: I desperately want citizens of outer Space to have a safe, stable home, and for space to have a place for all to go to without fear, and I know we will get there. Yes, I do not agree with your proposition, or that everyone else agrees to it but myself and my team, but the truth is - I am exhausted. This project has exhausted me." Relena found her seat again and stood behind it. "I will not be joining you out of necessity. Several have expressed concerns for my well-being," Physical and mental, though she did not voice this, "and I am now going to take their advice.
"I will take a week-long vacation, ladies and gentleman. My team will, as well. They have done exceptional work and deserve it." Taking a pause and a deep breath Relena glanced at the clock above the door. Officially, the meeting was over. "If you will excuse us now......"
And that had been it. Two hours, rather than the one hour anticipated, of petitioning and arguing and discussing - she needed a break.
Now, Relena looked up and was astonished to see she had come round full-circle - the hotel was just up ahead. Her feet had automatically led her back the way she knew - a light grip settled onto her forearm and she turned, puzzled, frazzled but healing and pleasantly surprised at the interruption that materialized at her side.
Heero stared her in the face, hard. His hand on her arm did not move but he knew, somehow. She tilted her head in a sheepish way, smiling crookedly. They began walking away from the hotel once more, even though it was near evening. Again, Relena's mind ignored the physical images of what she saw passing by, the people and stores and restaurants (enticing as the smell wafting from them were she never noticed them); a feeling of goodwill did enter her stomach, though, and that was even better. At his presence her nerves calmed somewhat.
She explained to him the events of that afternoon and he listened, breaking in at several points when she lacked specifics. In turn she let loose the gates and flooded him - her frustration leaked into that informational flood but he said nothing about it, for once. Her emotions, so clearly on display, took hold of her gestures and hands until her fingers performed agile tricks in the air around them, this gesture referring to Mr. Stern or Rachael, this hand-slap an accusing thought concerning the Ambassador, that flick of fingers imitating Ms. Krauser, whose flat, non-energetic approach to Relena's project had been an irritation throughout the campaign's baby steps.
They stopped next to a building on which the sun shown directly; the mekamarble was still warm and Relena leaned against it.
"What are you going to do?"
"Now?" Heero nodded, shrugging. Relena hooked her fingers together in front of her and gazed at a pothole in the road. "I don't know. Take that vacation, I guess."
"Where?" Heero asked after a lengthy pause. Relena shook her head - she had tried not to think of it, the thought of a brief recess in her work unnatural to her. Heero shifted in place from one foot to the other until she came up with something.
"I've never taken a vacation. I - well, I never thought that I'd to take one this soon." Relena said, stumbling as her thoughts had not formed complete words yet. She gaven a small, embarrassed chuckle. "They were surprised, though."
"Hn." Heero grunted, steadily eyeing a car parked too far from the curb. Relena turned her head in his direction questioningly.
"When are you going to the old training center, Heero?" She asked. His eyes traveled back to her face.
"Sometime." Relena studied the ground at her feet for several minutes. A quarter of an hour later, with her mouth screwed up and her eyebrows at a severe slant in her face, she glanced at Heero again.
"Might you be willing to plan on going earlier than later?" Heero simply stared at her and she, sighing, stared at the pothole again. Her eyes closed halfway as she enjoyed the warmth of the sun. "I would actually like to..go with you, perhaps. Maybe. If you don't mind." Heero turned away.
"If you need a vacation, go to Earth, don't travel on shuttles all over space." She smiled.
"I was once there when I was five, with my family. Returning, just once, without a party of delegates and state officials, might be an experience." He remained silently but gruffly opposed and she added, "I know it would be worthwhile. Wouldn't you like some company?"
"That's not what I meant."
"Regardless. It won't be here for much longer. Unless you disagree with my accompanying you, that is." Heero was quiet for a long moment before letting out a grumpy sigh. Her smile returned but Heero seemed puzzled at it.
She never mentioned it again, and they never questioned whether or not he agreed. There may have been questions between the two, secrets, certainly - a few mysteries yet to be solved, anything - but this time nothing was stowed away where it couldn't be seen, nothing was tucked into a corner for later arguing. On Relena's part she was glad at the speed at which preparations were made, and how quickly other's complaints and disagreements sputtered out in the meantime. The hospitable colony she had come to in such high hopes she left - the next day, actually - with hope used and befouled but on the mend. And she couldn't wait for this vacation to start.
After all, things never ended where one felt they would - they only ended when they were good and ready to.