Disclaimer: Harry Potter and all his little friends belong to the wonderful mind of JK Rowling…not me. What? You thought I was JK Rowling? Ha, why would I write fan fiction when I could be making money…ah, to be stupid…

When: Draco is age four, so it is pre-Hogwarts. Not sure what year it would be, though…

Where: Malfoy Manor

Characters: Draco and Lucius Malfoy

Category: Humour

AN: Okay, I fully expected to be flamed for this one… I know that you don't find it funny, but I did warn you that I had a twisted sense of humour…you're welcome to think that this is rubbish because I expect you to! :) I wrote this one in about fifteen minutes!

CHRISTMAS VARIETY BOX

Bunnies!

Children today are tyrants. They contradict their parents, gobble their food and tyrannize their teachers.

Socrates.

Draco stared up at his father in horror.

His father stared haughtily back.

Draco looked at the present. It was a toy snake. He hated snakes. Daddy should know that. He wanted a bunny. Bunnies were nice. He felt his lip begin to tremble and his eyes grew strangely wet.

"D-d-da-daddy!" he wailed, as only a four-year-old can.

Lucius looked down at his wailing son and spoke quietly. "Stop this screaming immediately, Draco." Draco started to cry in earnest now. His little face screwed up in anger and his fists were balled.

"I – d-don't w-want it! Da-daddy!" Draco screamed. Lucius began to feel vaguely worried. How was he supposed to shut up this screaming child?

"Draco, be quiet." This had no effect. If anything, Draco began to cry even harder.

"Draco, I'll take away the rest of your presents if you don't shut up," said Lucius, sternly. Draco was definitely crying harder now. The thought of no presents seemed highly distressing to him.

"Draco," he hissed, "if you don't shut up now I'll-" But what would he do? What could he do? He couldn't very well cast cruciatus on a four-year-old. Maybe he could use a silencing charm? No, Narcissa wouldn't approve and he didn't really want to be on the receiving end of a tickling charm from her.

Draco cried harder, irate at being ignored. Daddy was meant to do everything he wanted. That was what daddy was for.

Lucius groaned: he was beginning to get a headache from Draco's constant screeching. He was sure he was never this bad when he was a child.

Lucius went over more possibilities in his head. So, not cruciatus, not a silencing charm…maybe he could kick Draco until he shut up…No, Narcissa really wouldn't be happy with him then.

He had no idea how to deal with Draco. I mean, for god's sake, the kid wanted a bunny?! That wasn't how Malfoys were supposed to behave. They were evil through and through. Lucius could definitely believe that as he looked at the child before him. Evil through and through…he'd already given him a headache and Draco wanted a bunny for crying out loud. If that wasn't evil, then what was?

"Draco. Stop this screaming or I'll get mum to come and talk to you."

The child stopped screaming.

Thank the Lord.

"Mummy will give me a bunny, then."

Ah, true. Narcissa had the fault that she gave Draco everything he wanted. Anyway, she was staying with her sister. No, he wouldn't give in yet.

An hour later, Draco was still screaming and Lucius had aged about forty years. He was literally tearing his hair out.

"Enough!" he yelled wildly. "Draco, I will give you anything you want if you stop screaming this instant!"

The evil child looked up at him. "Anything?"

How could I have given birth to this? "Yes, anything, Draco," he answered, desperately.

"Okay."

The next day, Lucius looked in horror at Draco's room. Everything was fluffy and had bunnies on it. The wallpaper had a woodland scene with pink bunnies; there were literally thousands of bunny cuddly toys; there were numerous books and notebooks depicting bunnies; a chair in the shape of a bunny's head and Draco even had a whole new wardrobe with bunnies on it. But worst of all, Draco had insisted on a tattoo. In the wizarding world, you were allowed them at any age and it was painless and relatively quick. But there was absolutely no way of getting them off. And Draco had a, yep, you guessed it: bunny, a pink bunny tattooed on his stomach.

He was dead.

Narcissa was going to kill him.

AN: Well, I did warn you, didn't I? I suck at writing humour because it is only funny to me and no one else…sigh What is the world coming to?