Disclaimer: AHA! You caught me! I'm JK Rowling, and I lied! I'm 13! Honestly, if you believed this, you need some pills. Soon. Only the crap you don't recognize is mine. The songs are Vanessa Carlton's, and Avril Lavigne's.
A/N: Okay, I'm sorry if you don't like the way I use lyrics from songs in my story. But, I think that sometimes songs can describe how the characters are feeling a lot better than I can. I'm also sorry that you may not know all of the songs, but I do, and this is MY story, not yours. So if you really don't like them, then stop reading. I'm not forcing you! On a lighter note, I'd like to thank all of you who reviewed, and tell you that I love you! (I'm not a perv, I'm trying to be nice!) So here they are:
Quills 'N Ink: Thanks a ton! I'm glad you like it!
Aria-wolfstar: I'm sorry, but I've already written the next few chapters, but after that I will try not to be so song-ish! Thanks for reviewing!
SilverCrystal Thorns: Thanks! I will!
Eva Angel: heehee- I like JoJo too... especially "The Happy Song"! Heehee that song makes me laugh cause of the name... It sounds like it should be on Sesame Street! Thanks for reviewing!
Evenstar of the undyinglands: Thanks! If you know any other good Lily/James, I'd love to read them!
Angel-gurl: Aren't they cute! I like to write this ship the best cause you don't have to stay true to the books as much as with the other ships!
Kaelin Brooke Spar: Thanks!
MercuryEclipse: Thanks for reviewing! Umm... I'm not sure if you need a beta, but your stories are great! Please update soon! I understand fluffyness, I love fluffy!
Seven Salted French Fries: Thanks, but I think Wormtail is a little piece of $hit, so he's not gonna be in here! Sorry if I disappointed you!
Tekvah Ariel: I know Avril wasn't around in their time, but I liked the song. I'm sorry if this story struck you as to be a song fic, but I never meant for it to be like that! I will try not to use songs very often, but that's just my style of writing.
Chibs3000: Thanks!
Anochera: Well, I can't update as often as I'd like to, (and that would be every day), because when my mom's not at work, I can't be on the computer for very long. But when she is at work, I try to update!
Vickiicky: Yay! Me too, so if you'd like to read some, go to my favorite stories section in my bio! I'll try to add more often!
Oliverwoodkicksass: I know, I don't like the way Lily is portrayed in most fics. So I decided to write one on how I thought she should be!
Confessions
Lily woke to discover James's arm around her. He was still asleep, but Lily was so angry, as she shoved him roughly aside to get up, that she didn't care if he woke up or not. She wasn't really as angry as she was scared, even though she knew he hadn't done it on purpose. James finally came to just in time to see tears pouring down Lily's face as she closed and locked the door to her bathroom. He heard her start the water, and then a CD. It wasn't very loud, but it was just loud enough so that he could make out the words.
Once upon a year gone by
She saw herself give in
Every time she closed her eyes
She saw what could have been
Well nothing hurts and nothing bleeds
When covers tucked in tight
Funny when the bottom drops
How she forgets to fight... to fight
And it's one more day in paradise
One more day in paradise
As darkness quickly steals the light
That shined within her eyes
She slowly swallows all her fears
And soothes her mind with lies
Well all she wants and all she needs
Are reasons to survive
A day in which the sun will take
Her artificial light... her light...
The song suddenly stopped, and then a different one started. As the first few notes waivered out, he heard the drops of water hitting her skin as she stepped into the shower.
I cannot find a way to describe it
It's there inside
All I do is hide
I wish that it would just go away
What would you do
You do if you knew
What would you do
All the pain
I thought I knew
All the thoughts lead back to you
Back to what
Was never said
Back and forth
Inside my head
I can't handle this confusion
I'm unable come and take me away
I feel like I am all alone
All by myself
I need to get around this
My words are cold
I don't want them to hurt you
If I show you
I don't think you'd understand
Cause no one understands...
He was both saddened and confused by her choice of music. Why was she crying? Was she angry? When he heard the water go off, he silently slid out of her bed, and crept over to her bathroom door. He listened to see if she was still crying, and didn't think she was. He knocked softly on the door.
"Lily?" he whispered. She opened the door a crack, wrapped in just a towel.
"What?" Lily asked gently.
"Can I talk to you?"
"Mmm..." she replied, opening the door so he could come in.
"Are you... okay? I woke up and... you were crying,"
"Oh... I was just... scared. I'm alright now. Thanks though,"
"What scared you?"
"Umm... something happened that made me think of... something that happened last year..."
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"No, not really..."
"Oh, okay. But if you ever do..."
"Yeah. Thanks," said Lily. They sat for a moment in silence, but then James said,
"You have a great voice." Lily blushed crimson, and then he said,
"You're one amazing girl, you know that Evans?" James kissed her quickly on the cheek, and swiftly left the room. Only once he had shut the door again did Lily smile.
-I'm amazing, huh? Well he's more confusing than one of Lexie's lectures on Divination! And why did he kiss me?!?- Lily kept herself busy thinking about this as she dressed, blow-dried her hair, and applies some mascara.
-Today,- she though, -Is going to be one Hell of a confusing day.-
After breakfast, which went surprisingly well, Ana came up to Lily on their way to Charms to say,
"Guess what, Lily? Sirius asked me out!" Lily knew that Sirius hadn't had a girlfriend since last year, so she hoped that this meant that he was doing better.
"Awesome!" said Lily, happy for both of them. It was later, in Charms, when Professor McGonagal told James and Lily of their next assignment as the Heads: to plan their next ball. They were both very excited about it, and after classes and homework, at 10:30 PM, they sat down to begin planning it. James yawned and said,
"So, should partners be required?"
"No! There's no way I'm going with a boy!"
"Why? Oh, you're a lesbian, I forgot!" Lily kicked James for this.
"I'm not a lesbian!"
"Well, you know, you sure seem like it sometimes! I mean, you haven't had a boyfriend since, like, last year. And that wasn't for very long, either."
"You wouldn't understand."
"Try me."
"He... he raped me."
"What?!?"
"There! Are you happy now? You wouldn't want a boyfriend after that either." And with that, Lily left the common room, and headed up to the privacy of her own room; as tears had filled her eyes as she told him the truth.
It was hard for Lily to recall such an event, because she really believed that Chris loved her. They had been dating for 6 ½ months, and he treated her like a goddess. However, as he was Lily's first serious boyfriend, and as she was 16, she pushed aside any thought of him having been rushing things. Now, however, Lily was so hurt by his breaking up with her the morning after, that she just assumed that all guys were like this, and only dated girls for their looks. She figured that they just used them, and abused them, and then swapped them out for a new one.
James, on the other hand, had had no idea about what had happened to Lily, but now, her choice of music earlier made sense. He had just though that she didn't want a boyfriend right now. Now that he knew the truth, however, he decided that he would do whatever he could to try and make her see that he would never treat her that way. For the smallest glimmer of hope that he had left in his heart that said Lily could still fall in love with him, had grown just a tiny bit. Surely she must at least think of him as a friend. She had been there for him when he needed someone to talk to, and now he had also found out one of her secrets. He knew that she might have a few more secrets, but he would have to do something in return for her if he wanted to know them. For now, he'd have to wait until morning to apologize to her for making her remember. Still feeling rather guilty, confused, and stunned all at the same time, he fell asleep on his bed, fully dressed, thinking about what tomorrow would bring.
A/N: Okay! Now, I need you guys to Review, review, review! I will try and update tomorrow, because my mom has to work then too! Lots of luv, Anniebelle