Arty Fowl/ASOUE Crossover

Chapter Two Foaly... That Ecchi!

Mero: ::grinning evilly:: I'm back with chapter TWO!!! Oh, yeahs... If you don't know what an ecchi is, I'm not going to tell you.. Because if I told you, you'd tell me that I shouldn't have told you.

Professorhead: ::yawn:: Merodii-chan STILL doesn't own Artemis Fowl or ASOUE, because she's just a loser.

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Artemis Fowl the Second looked curiously at Foaly, whom he was talking to through that thingie on the computer that you can use to talk to people. (Like a telephone, but you can see them. I don't know what it's called! ;;) He gaped, "What did you say?"

"I SAID," Foaly sighed in frustration at Artemis's listening skills, "Holly loves y--"

At this point, our favorite female LEPrecon officer clamped a furious hand over Foaly's mouth. "Just WHAT do you think you're doing?!" Holly yelled, a mixture of anger and embarrassment, her face as red as a tomato, or... If you like reaaaaaallllly bad puns, red as a holly berry.

Artemis sighed, watching Foaly, Holly, and the narrator have a heated argument about tomatoes. Finally, he diverted attention back to himself, "Now, what I was trying to say, wa--"

Artemis was interrupted by Holly, who shouted extremely loudly, "Who's that half-naked mud girl in the bed behind you?"

Artemis spun around in his chair, "What half-naked mu--" It was Carmelita. Artemis shuddered. "That's Carmelita Spats, my roommate," Artemis said, spitting it out of his mouth with extreme disgust. Holly gasped, "Fowl! You should be ashamed of yourself!" Foaly snickered.

Artemis rolled his eyes, "For being as OLD as you are, you sure are immature, Holly." Foaly looked at Holly, "You know, he's got a point there." Holly slapped Foaly across the face. Artemis began again, "It's not MY fault she sleeps in her underwear. In fact, I was doing a pretty good job ignoring her INCESSANT snoring until you mentioned her." Six hours of sucking up to Nero at his concert must've taken alot out of Carmelita, she was sprawled on the bed, snoring like an elephant. Sickening.

"Sure, Artemis," Foaly winked, "We believe you."

"Pervert," Artemis muttered under his breath before shutting his laptop. He laid his head down on the desk, trying to ignore Carmelita's snorts and snores. But, he had lots of trouble getting to sleep.

Today was Artemis's first day of classes. Goodie. Carmelita ate EVERYTHING that was in the bowl of fruit, even the bugs. So Arty didn't eat breakfast. AND, she forced him to get dressed in the closet, probably so she could go through all of his bags and steal something. He DESPISED that... Thing that is Carmelita. He emerged from the closet wearing his standard Armani suit, because he hadn't recieved the school uniforms yet. (He thanked the Lord for this.)

Artemis looked drearily at his schedule, his first class was gym. He really dreaded this. He wasn't good at sports, and, though he didn't act like it at all, he was quite a klutz. Artemis strolled casually into the gym, though we know he was dreading it. Though, it got a little bit better when he saw how ridiculous the coach looked. Tall and thin, wore a turban, and high-top shoes. This school just got weirder and weirder.

As the coach began to explain something that Artemis really didn't feel like paying attention to, Arty's eyes wandered around the gym. He saw Violet and Duncan, they both smiled and mouthed a "hello", for fear of getting in trouble for talking. Artemis smiled back, kind of.

"Are there any questions?" the coach barked. Artemis's hand raised. "What?" The coach was glaring at Arty like a crazed mad-man.

"Yes," Artemis tried to look as sweet and innocent as possible, which wasn't very, "Why are you wearing a turban?"

Both Violet and the coach looked quite suprised. "I-It's part of my religion," Genghis stammered. Artemis could tell something was up, "What's your religion?" Duncan looked worriedly at Violet, afraid she might be punished for Arty's butting in. He grabbed her hand and squeezed it tightly. Violet gave him a weak smile.

Genghis was glaring at Arty, "I'm...," he stopped and thought, "Shinto!" Just what kind of idiot did this Artemis Fowl take him for? He had the cat in the bag, or so he thought.

Artemis smiled. What kind of idiot did this Coach Genghis take him for? He had the cat in the bag, "Well, Coach Genghis, sir, I'm afraid that Shintoism is a Far Eastern religion. And people in the Far East don't wear turbans, now do they?" Violet giggled and Duncan grinned. 'Twas quite funny to see the pitifully-disguised Count Olaf outsmarted... Again.

The rest of gym class passed quite quickly, Genghis quietly steaming in his office, Arty sitting on a bleacher, shrouded in thought... About a certain someone who's coming to visit him in the next chapter. He was shoved back into reality as his eyes scanned the gym. He saw Violet and Duncan. Violet was leaning on Duncan, Duncan talking to her in a low whisper about something. Occasionally Violet would nod, or say something back to Duncan. Just what was going on around here? The coach was hiding something, and it seemed that so were the Baudelaires and the Quagmires. The bell rang. Students began to pour out of the gym, and to their next classes. A group of girls passed Artemis and giggled.

Arty's next class was with Mr. Remora, so, he strolled there, a flock of girls following him closely.

Mr. Remora was weird, he always had a banana stuffed in his mouth. It was quite disturbing, really.

Artemis seated himself in a desk next to Duncan, hoping to find out something about what's going on. Then, Mr. Remora started spewing out sentences that made NO sense at all, "The rat lied to the cat. The girl climbed a tree. There was a hole here." Artemis stared at Remora strangely. Dencan leaned over the whisper to Artemis, "You need to copy these down. He'll test us on them." All Artemis could manage to say was "Oh" and pull out a notebook and pen. This school put the "mental" in "fundamental". So, the rest of class was spent copying down Remora's foolish stories.

Artemis was bored stiff. How did Remora's students put up with this day after day? He looked up at the clock. Just one more minute until he was dismissed for lunch. It was 11:59. That gave Remora time for one more story. D'Arvit! Artemis's normally ghostly white hand was already a burning red color from writing so much and holding his pen so tightly. But, thankfully, Remora reached for another banana instead of telling another bloody story. The clock turned slowly to 12:00. The bell rang. Artemis sighed, feeling relieved. He closed his notebook and stood. Quite a few girls gazed admiringly at his... Behind. But, thankfully, Artemis was too deep in thought to notice this, because, if he had, he would have been highly more disturbed.

Mero: -.- I know. This one was just as short as the last one. BUT, the next one will be longer!

Professorhead: All flames will be used to burn Count Olaf's eyebrow off.