Disclaimer: I don't own anyone…apart from Sirius…he is chained to my bed! Hee-hee-hee! Joke!

When: Sixth or seventh year

Where: Hogwarts

Characters: Severus

Category: Angst, I think

AN: Last one! Phew! It takes ages!! This one is about Severus, I love him! Play the song November Rain by Guns 'n' Roses while you listen…just imagine it is December Rain instead! That is definitely their best song! Enjoy!

CHRISTMAS VARIETY BOX

December Rain

Rain.

It's raining on Christmas day. How nice.

I like rain, I think. Not because it 'washes away all your troubles' or some stupid saying like that. I just like it. It falls to the ground and just keeps on falling, regardless of anything else. It doesn't care that it's Christmas.

I wish that Albus didn't care either. "Why, you really must come up and join us! It is Christmas after all…" All the more reason to stay away, I think. You have to be merry and pretend to actually enjoy all those ridiculous Christmas jokes and festivities that occur. Heaven forbid, you have to thank people graciously for their gifts. No, I'm fine here, on my own.

No one seems to appreciate solitude very much. They like being in other's company, whereas I would be perfectly content to not see another human being for the rest of my life. I'm sure Albus would say that was unhealthy, or something similar. I think it would perfectly healthy, good for me. Other's company only serves as an annoyance.

But, I can see other's wish for it. I used to feel the same. Not wanting to be alone. Now it is the opposite. I used to long for friends for, heaven forbid, love. I don't think I need to say that I have changed a great deal since then. Or have you?

Sometimes I find myself wishing that everything could go back to the way it was before. But, that's silly. There is no real point in wishing for that which you can never have. I can never change to be back to the person I used to be, young and naïve. I shouldn't even want to, but I do sometimes. When you don't understand how cruel the world is, you can be at least marginally happy. Oh, to be naïve once more.

But growing up has changed me. It changes everyone I suppose. Everyone makes mistakes but I made the biggest mistake of all…I became a Death Eater. Even before I had finished growing up. One mistake has marred my future forever. I have to be a double person, spy for one and pretend loyalty to another. Those who I once wished I could call friends now disgust me. Lucius Malfoy prominent among them.

I wish I could change what had happened. Ha. I wonder how many people have wished that over the years. Wishing never did them any good either… dreams and false hopes are for the weak. Then, I am weak, for I dream just as much as any. But no one knows me, really.

Except Albus.

Damn him, for being so perceptive. He knows what I have hidden so long from the world. I have a heart. I long to be loved just as much as the next fool. And he knows.

Some say he knows everything that goes on in his school. At one time I would have dismissed this as foolery, but now I'm not sure. He knows me better than I know myself…but I suppose that isn't saying a lot.

Tears don't come any longer. They stopped coming a long while ago. Tears are also for the foolish. Tears never accomplish anything. 'They release pent up emotion…' Albus again. Who else? But there is too much emotion built up behind my walls to let simply crying wash it away.

Christmas Day rain.

It runs down my hair and face in rivulets, pooling to run down my back, cold but somehow wonderful. I love the rain. Tears are like raindrops. The tears that I can no longer cry. The tears that I will never cry anymore.

Thunder sounds in the distance, a soft rumbling from somewhere far away. The rain increases in speed and the wind howls, blowing my robes, making them billow around me. I laugh. I must look like the children's nightmare of me. They are terrified of me with my billowing black robes and ruthless demeanour. That is how I like it. So completely the opposite of who I really am.

It's so ironic. What is? Everything. The World.

December Rain falls down my face mingling with the tears that I shouldn't be shedding. Stop crying. Weakness: what I must never show but what I really have a lot of.

Tears and December rain.

I laugh at the world. How hateful life is.

AN: Sorry, that a lot of these don't have quotes. I couldn't be bothered, to be honest! shrugs I hope you had/are having/are going to have a very good Christmas!!

HAPPY CHRISTMAS!!

Flying Purple Cat

xXx