DAY BY DAY by Chinsky
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Except Zack's song. I actually wrote that. Tell me what you think, it's my first time writing a song.
Chapter 7
Zack was worried. Although he had gotten in touch with Freddy, he didn't know what had happened. Why they didn't come to school, and why Katie was with him. He had been worried for a while now. Ever since he had gone out with Summer the spring or two before, her constant mood swings were the center of his attention. It seemed cruel to think that, considering that he loved Summer, but it was true. He had written a song for her, the day before. It was about her.
crimson colored lips part away
Her smile was always on her face. She shined and sparkled from head to toe, but then you saw her eyes. Whenever someone looked at her eyes, they saw down farther into her soul. Zack was one of the only people that could do that. Her disguise was perfect, but what kind of person could Zack call himself if he didn't recognize her unhappiness?
your happy smile fades today
He couldn't share it with anybody, he couldn't unload or rant or freak out to anyone. He was on his own with this one, with his--perfect--girlfriend.
im lost among the light
Recently, it had become too much for him to handle. First there were the grades. Unless she got a 90 or above on ANYTHING, she wasn't satisfied. And for Summer, satisfaction was a high priority.
but your energy glows so bright
She drew people in wherever she went. Her friends flocked to her for advice, to anywhere from relationship problems to how to feed the dog.
its pulling me so close, so far
But even with that amazingly perfected smile she hid behind...
the bruises aren't hidden, i can see the scars
He knew she was in an unhealthy state of mind, and he was the only person that could help her.
to take, to give, to want, to gain
i love you, but i can see your pain
It was costing him. This was the first song he had written in a while. He was suffering from song-writer's block. There were times where he felt that there was nothing to say to her, and that was the worse. Where all she did was tell the complete and honest truth, and there was no equal statement to rectify or feed back. Her heart was too big, always suffering with the problems of others, and then the problems of her own. She had grown to be short-tempered lately, snipping at the stupidest things, and then crying over others. Zack's shoulder was a pillow for sobbing endless tears. Everytime she came to him with that look on her face that he grew to recognize --and dread-- specifically, he was the perfect boyfriend. He skipped lunch with her and took her out for ice cream. He bought her presents on the way back. She smiled at him but her eyes were still distracted, and he didn't know how to get the flame that was once in them lit again.
your mind is there but your heart is not
i dont know how to put it past
and i just cant forget
the way it sprung and grew so fast
your light still shines
but the darkness doesn't fade
i watch you live, and you have to know
it hurts me everyday
He was also worried about what she might resort to.
bloody messes don't add up
don't try that when you've had enough
There were countless kids in their school that slit their wrists or caused themselves pain because the pain of just living was too strong. Only one girl had ever been successful in ending the pain, and it blew Summer out for weeks. Zack and Summer didn't even know her, but Summer berated herself for not knowing and not helping in some way. The fact that she blamed herself was a twist in her perfectionism. Other girls, and sometimes guys, would come to her and show them the scars and scabs that ranged from wrists to ankles, seeking advice, seeking help.Zack was afraid that since Summer was so open to it all, and knew so much about it, it might become an...an option, for her to try, for her to practice, for her to become addicted to.
no shame in doing what you do
He knew that her natural ability to help people was something to be proud of. He was proud of her. Hell, just looking at her filled him with such...amazement. She was such a truly beautiful person, inside and out. He loved her so much. He never told her that, exactly. It was a funny thing that he told Freddy to tell Katie those words, when he couldn't even bring himself to say them. But he knew that even though she WAS beautiful, she wasn't living in dreamworld like Zack. She was facing reality head-on and it was rearing it's ugly head.
the pain comes from living it true
He wanted to protect her in some way, to guard her and to hold her whenever things got rough. The only problem was that, that was more and more often. Summer would tell him things that would scare him, sometimes. Things like, that she wanted to get away, or that she climbed on her roof the other day and wondered what it would be like to jump off, or even that she'd love to get in a car and just go someday.
to watch and feel and finally fall
He knew too much about her, and another thing he was worried about was that he was turning into her.
to have the pain and numb it all
He was afraid that by worrying so much about Summer and Summer's worrying about other people, he wasn't worrying enough about himself. The only wise thing his dad had ever said to him, was that there are 3 parts of a healthy life--Self, Work, and Marriage. In Zack's case, work translated to school, and marriage translated to the relationships he had with Summer and with his friends. School was fine, his grades were high. He already knew there was a problem with Summer...and when it came to himself, he didn't know what to think.
that's unhealthy living if its even been
He always felt down all the time. Constantly ignoring emotion, just being Good Ol' Zack all of the time instead of being What Zack's Really Like. The one time he felt like he was himself was when hewas playing guitar. But, of course, there was that little problem of not being able to write a song in 6 weeks. The band was suffering, but Zack didn't know what to do.
but i love you, and this isn't the end.
Zack didn't know what to do about a lot of things.
your mind is there but your heart is not
i dont know how to put it past
and i just cant forget
the way it sprung and grew so fast
your light still shines
but the darkness doesn't fade
i watch you live, and i must let you know
it hurts me everyday.
He sighed and pushed open the doors to the cafeteria, and the first person he saw was Summer. Summer, his girlfriend. The first thing he thought was Geez, she looks beautiful. Dressed in her school uniform, it wasn't anything special, but that's exactly why she looked so beautiful. She was looking down at the ground, books tightly against her chest even though she was sitting at a table. That's when the second thing Zack thought entered his mind...Uh-oh. Someone tapped her on the shoulder. Summer threw on her smile, and beamed at the girl. The girl waved and hurried on. Summer returned to looking at the ground as her lips slowly closed and tightened into a straight line.
Zack sighed. He walked over to the table, pulled a chair close to Summer. She immediately latched on to him, and all he could do was hug her back.
And although he wasn't proud, nor happy about this, the third thing he thought was This is going to be the death of me.
And even though he loved Summer, he knew this was the truth.
#$&!&S&IOTCALUK$&(!#
"So what do you want to do in the city?" Freddy asked Katie, as she pulled his arm and dragged him along to their track.
"You know, I'm not really sure," she replied. "Maybe just walk around?" She grasped his fingers tighter.
"Ouch, Katie, I love you, but that kind of hurts."
Katie grinned. "Sorry lover-boy, I thought you'd be strong enough. Or maybe I thought that you'd like a little pain." She sent him a very devious smirk. Freddy raised his eyebrows in surprise, and the look on his face almost sent Katie cracking up.
He finally smiled in a state of what seemed to be delirium and excitement. Katie smiled back, her laughter bubbling inside of her. She slowed him down and pushed him up against the wall roughly. Freddy grinned even wider. Katie shot him a faked confused look. "Are you a masochist Freddy Jones?"
Freddy's cheeks turned the slightest shade of pink. Katie's mouth dropped and she teased him further. "Why, is our Freddy Jones blushing?"
"Aw, shut up," Freddy replied, shuffling his feet a little. He looked down, but Katie pushed his head back up again and kissed him. She found herself grabbing his shirt collar roughly…she told herself it was to play the joke out further, but she also thought that maybe it was so that she didn't fall or float away…
Freddy kissed her back, and he ran his hand up to her hair. As his fingers sifted through her brown locks, he suddenly tightened his grip and yanked. Katie pulled back, shot him a mischievous grin, and shoved him against the wall even harder and kissed him harder as well.
Freddy pushed her back for a second, but only to say, "Oh yeah, and I'm the masochist."
Katie shoved him again. "Shut up and kiss me Jones."
He grinned again. "Will do Posh, will do."
And there in the train station, with a strange homeless man watching them, he followed through on his promise.
()&$(#)(#(#
A/N: SO CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?? I actually UPDATED DAY BY DAY!!! ::insert BIG gasp here:: Yes, yes, it's shocking and surprising. It's kind of a twist...a bit of a difference...I'm sorry to say that I really don't like the way I wrote this fic, and that's what's giving me the most of a problem. I have no idea where to go. I thought if I turned in for a more serious issue, I might write a little bit better. There's an element of truth in Zack's view of Summer, relating to how I've felt a month or two ago. I was wondering how it must've felt to other people, and voila...If you want, you can vote on whether or not Summer and Zack should stay together. Not that I'll actually write based on the outcome, but for fun, sure why not? :)
And again, SO SORRY this hasn't been updated in so long. School started, drama (WHOO FOR RAGTIME!!!)started, Christmas break started...(WOW it's been a while.) Read my other fic, Split Screen Sadness, if you like F/S stuff. I like that one a lot.
One more thing: I have no editor at the moment (she's not online) and I was just so excited that I wrote a chapter, that I just tried to edit it over myself. If there are some errors please forgive me, but I really wanted to get it up and running! :)