Disclaimer: I don't own FAKE. :( Neko, Psychotic 101, Vicki, and Jasmine are all real people. (Shocking, isn't it?)

Author's Note: Wow, this fanfic sucks. All you diehard FAKE fans are going to hate me for this. This is the worst FAKE fanfic you will ever read. Seriously, people, I'm not lying.

Chapter 1: The Beginning

"How the hell did this happen?" said Dee to himself as he slowly regained consciousness. He was in an abandoned warehouse, chained to a concrete post with Ryo, Berkeley, JJ, Drake, and Ted, his fellow co-workers from the 27th Precinct. How they'd gotten there was very foolish, in Dee's opinion. They should have known from the start this was a trap.

Ooooooh, flashback............

It was 10:00p.m. at the 27th precinct in New York City. Dee and Ryo were just about to leave and let Drake and JJ take over, when Chief Smith barreled into the office.

"All right," he began. "We just got an emergency call from a spooky, creepy, abandoned warehouse on 69th street. I want all of you, including Rose and uh....." the chief paused looking at Ted, who had just walked into the office.

"Ted?" asked Ryo, pointing at him.

"Yeah, sure, whatever. Yeah, all of you go there. I'll see you tomorrow," he said as he left out of the door. The room was silent. After the chief was out of earshot, a loud "bite me, lardass!" rang throughout the precinct.

Suddenly, Chief Smith burst into the room to see Drake, Ted, and Dee screaming and complaining, JJ clinging to Dee, Berkeley getting his coat, while checking out Ryo, and Ryo, looking slightly pissed.

"Excuse me, shit heads," said the chief calmly, bringing all previous action to a halt. "I forgot my hat."

"Chief Smith," said Rose politely. "Might I inquire why I have to go to the call?"

"How about because I said so!" the chief countered.

"But as commissioner, don't I outrank you?"

"Not in this story!" grinned the chief, placing his old fedora hat on his graying hair.

Needless to say, when the chief was out of earshot, Berkeley joined his fellow officers in cursing the chief's name.

"Oh, come on, Dee," began Ryo, "It shouldn't be that bad. Besides, you were just complaining about how we do nothing but sit around all day. Give me one good reason you don't want to go out on the call.

Dee glared at Ryo and simply pointed to JJ, who was hugging Dee unmercifully, yelling sweet nothings at him every five seconds.

"Well, Laytner," Berkeley began, "Since you're busy at the moment, I'll just ride with Ryo to the address. Drake, you can go with Ted."

JJ squealed in ecstacy at the new orders, nearly throwing Dee in the police cruiser. Ryo got in the driver's seat of his car with Rose, as Drake and Ted got into their car.

With minimal conversation, Drake and Ted arrived first to the warehouse.

With few passes being made at Ryo, Ryo and Berkeley arrived second.

With many death threats being made by Dee ( including "I swear to God, JJ, if you don't shut the fuck up, I will crash this car into the fucking ocean- I don't care how far it is!- just to watch you drown and then I will purchase a submarine to take you a bajillion leagues under the mother fucking sea and throw you out so the pressure crushes you instantly), he and JJ arrived last.

As they entered the warehouse, they came across a note that simply said "look up." And like complete dummies, they did and found themselves unconscious five seconds later.

Ooooooooh, end of flashback......

Dee looked to his right, saw JJ unconscious next to him, and quickly tried to move toward his left. On his left, thankfully, was Ryo- a beautifully unconscious Ryo. Dee, realizing he could move his left hand to some degree, suddenly got a naughty idea. Unfortunately, it seemed JJ got the same idea, which caused Dee to get distracted. If Dee weren't chained up, JJ wouldn't have seen the light of day. Under closer examination, Dee realized that JJ was "sleep-molesting" him. He shuddered as he turned toward Ryo, pissed to find that Berkeley (also next to Ryo) had the same dirty idea.

"Rose! If you don't get the fuck off of Ryo, I'll fucking kill you!" Dee exclaimed, loud enough to wake the dead, and Ryo. Ryo looked at the commissioner, who was caught in the violating him.

"Commissioner Rose," began Ryo, trying not to kill him as well, "you do know this is sexual harassment."

"Only if we're at work," smiled Rose. Ryo moved closer to Dee for safety, then realized five seconds later he'd made a grave mistake, for Dee enacted his earlier plan.

"Dee!" Ryo blushed, "we're at work!"

"Actually, you're being held hostage," said a voice from the shadows.

"And you'd better give into our demands if you want to be released in one piece," said another voice.

To Be Continued

Didn't that suck? I know it did! It gets "better," if you can call it that. Well thank you for suffering through that! The power of friendship be with you!