They Tell Me I'm Not Alone
By Riyu Lunin
(Review replies at bottom of page.)
Chapter 3: Porcelain Butterfly
"I didn't think I'd ever see you again..."
"Yeah, well, I would've shown up sooner; but you were too busy having a panic attack encounter with the whale," he sniffed in disdain.
Ryou giggled softly. "I'm all better now, though..." His ears perked up to hear a deep, annoyed sigh. He blinked curiously. "Really, Seto, I'm fine," he whispered. Said man scoffed and turned away to look out the window. (A/R: Let's all take a minute to sigh in disappointment 'cause it's not Bakura, shall we? -grin-)
"Don't ever say things you don't mean, kid. It's how love is destroyed. You should know that better than anyone."
"I haven't seen you for two years, Seto. Do you really have to be so cold? It's just us, after all," he said simply, walking over to the window. Years after Bakura had left, Seto had been like a big brother of sorts. The caring, frozen-over comfort that kept Ryou going. He just smiled.
"Where were you?" The white-haired teen asked. The brunette laughed bitterly and turned to him.
A pair of strong, warm arms wrapped around Ryou and pulled him into an embrace. He knew then that the news must be terrible. "I figured you would go away forever... just like the rest of them,"his eyes shown sadly, "but tell me where you were?"
"You'll never forgive me, but do you really want to know, Angel?" Seto asked.
Angel. On that horrible day so many years ago, Ryou had shed so many tears, that the three left behind with him dubbed him a newly fallen angel. From then on, the nickname had always been his. They had all taken pride in protecting a fallen angel. Until one day, two were gone and one remained.
Ryou nodded against his shoulder.
"I need a place to hide out," he murmured. So he was avoiding the subject? Ryou frowned and then nodded again, burying his face in the hollow where neck met shoulder.
"Don't leave me behind again, ok?" He was terrified of being alone all over again. He clung tightly to the blue-eyed man in front of him.
"Are you afraid I might not be real?" Seto questioned.
"I'm always afraid," he responded, "I'm wondering why you ask questions you already know the answers to." He shifted to look up, emerald eyes fixed in a curious stare. The brunette smiled sadly.
"Come here," he demanded softly. He released Ryou from the embrace, grabbing hold of his hand and tugging him towards the mattress. Leaving the white-haired teen standing there, he quietly closed the door and returned to the mattress. He fell back onto it, dragging Ryou down with him to land on his lap. "You've have some explaining to do. I want to know everything."
He figured it would be something like that. And he wasn't surprised when he felt fingers run across his bruises. Seto was making him comfortable enough to talk. He always loved that feeling of being understood and at peace. It happened quite rarely.
"It's not just anemia anymore," Ryou began gently. "It's Panic Disorder."
Silence. He felt Seto wrap his arms around him and smiled sadly. "You're mad. Because it's one more imperfection added to my list, right?"
"Why do you allow her to hurt you?"
It was a very good question. Maybe it was that fear made him feel real. Pain let him know that he was indeed there; not just half-asleep, taking refuge in a nightmare. Not just a porcelain doll, chipped and cracked. Eyes dead and body soulless.
"She outweighs me by a good eighty pounds. Really now, what do you expect?"
Seto grinned. "Don't lie to me."
"You're doing it again!" Ryou scowled, "You're asking a question you already know the answer to! Oh come on, don't laugh at me!"
"I'm not laughing," he winked. "So tell me something. Why this house? It was damn hard to track you down, you know."
"My dad thought the love of his life deserved a palace. He settled for this instead. She's happy, I think, as long as she doesn't have to do any work on it. I also think... she likes how many rooms it has. The thrill of the hunt for her imperfect stepson."
Seto understood what it meant right away.
"You're not imperfect, you know. Bakura saw it before anyone else did," he said tenderly. A cellphone began to ring then. Seto moved one arm from around him to pull it out of his pocket. "Hello?" He answered.
Ryou could hear something like shouting from whoever was on the line. His eyebrows furrowed in confusion.
"I MEAN IT!" The screaming continued, "WE NEED YOU BACK HERE NOW! YOU HEAR ME?! NOW! GET BACK HERE BEFORE I RIP OFF YOUR B--" The man on the other end was promptly cut off by an annoyed Seto.
"Alright," he muttered angrily before closing it. "He didn't have to be such an asshole." Seto looked down at the frail teen on his lap, who now sat there quietly. He leaned down and whispered in his ear, "I'll be back tomorrow, ok? Sometime during the night."
Ryou silently agreed. "Who was that?"
Seto slowly let Ryou go, standing up off the mattress and shoving his hands in his pockets. "Don't worry about it. Just go eat something, ok? You look like a twig, kid."
Ryou smiled bigly up at him and nodded his head enthusiastically. "If there's anything left."
Both eyebrows slanted upwards. "Yes, it's best not to get your hopes up, hm?" He was smiling again, faintly. "See you soon, Angel." That morning, Seto slipped out the window without a sound. Ryou couldn't help but smile. He stood up and walked over to the bedroom door, twisting the knob and opening it. No sound.
He checked the kitchen to find a mess of dishes left on the table and a note taped to the counter by the sink. A note was scrawled on it in barely legible handwriting, unmistakably his father's. 'Be back later,' it read, 'Left twenty dollars for food. Use it! -Dad'
He noticed the second note. One, single, beautifully written word.
'Starve.'
Well that explained it. Stepmother had snatched up the money before they had gone out. And he found himself grinning. He'd rather die of starvation anyway. He spent the rest of the morning and afternoon thinking and sleeping. What a wonderful feeling, to be lazy and blissfully alone.
"How do you think he's going to take the news?"
Seto slowly closed the window and smiled... happily. "It's going to kill him. From the inside out. But we'll do our part, right?"
"Right."
(A/R: His dream is in first person POV. Just 'cause I think it helps. And any strange dreams from here on out will be in his POV.)
I dreamed, I think. A trivial dream that I didn't understand. Not until much later.
I was in the part of the dream where I happened falling. An endless drop, into complete and total nothingness. My limbs felt... heavy, my mind dull. Somebody is whispering, assuring me that I'll never hit the ground.
"Do you want to hear a story, Ryou?" How... did this happen? Someone's holding me now... and I'm more at peace then I've ever been. Happier to be held, even if only in a dream. Then again, why not enjoy the things that provide comfort?
I nod shortly, eyelids drooping heavily. I can only hear breathing and the perfect silence surrounding me. Us. That deep, husky voice whispers to me and those arms cradle me gently, fondling my porcelain soul. The warmth I can feel seeps through to my core; a place no amount of heat could ever reach. A place that has never been touched.
"The very essence of warmth is lulling you to sleep, is it not?" Yes. "Do you want to know why?" Why? Why do I feel like crying? Why can't I stop the tears now like I've done before?
"At one point in time," it begins, "there was a great mass of butterflies, claiming the forests of earth. Beautiful creatures that worked as if they were mechanical. But one, by chance, was defiant."
I smiled sadly, burying my nose in the hollow of neck and shoulder before me. This is my dream. I'm going to finally hear a story with a happy ending. "And this butterfly did indeed possess a brilliant, free heart," it continues. "Yet, without his brothers to protect him, he was vulnerable and afraid; something no butterfly had ever experienced. It believed in the wonder of being free, no matter how frightening things became."
"What did this butterfly do?" I ask softly. I can hear the soft chuckle, I can feel the way the body holding me shakes with contained laughter.
"Dearest Ryou, it explored and learned the ways of the world! It learned the world's secrets, and all the greatest treasures were revealed. It survived on it's own. A splendid way to live, don't you think?"
I nod again. But no... something is wrong. What is the change I hear in its voice? I'm suddenly feeling frozen, down to the very bone. No... Don't...
"Although, this butterfly grew to feel terribly alone. All the admiration never touched his heart, all the knowledge in the world could not complete him. There was something missing. A piece yet to be put in to place."
Let me go. Please, let me go. The butterfly searched for love, but I don't think I can take it if I'm told that it ends in heartbreak. No. No, this is all in my head, right? I... Please, I need a happy ending. I need to know that they exist.
"On a beautiful spring day, the butterfly found a spider's web. Now, even in his travels, he had never taken the time to study such an intricate design. Flying closer, he examined it, captivated. Then, the spider returned. Quickly, the butterfly flew away. Later on, day after day, he returned to watch the spider, fully aware that it did indeed know of his presence."
I can't breathe, my body is shivering violently. God, why?! I'm... going to die. It hurts so much...
"Finally, the spider grew tired of this. A plan formed in its head. He made sure the butterfly was watching, and suddenly fell from the trees. The spider had been right. The butterfly flew down and made sure the spider landed on its back."
The tears are flowing like rivers now, the only think making me aware that I am indeed still alive. My chest heaves for the air it lacks.
"'How did you know I would catch you?' The butterfly asked. The spider seemed all knowing. 'You love me, do you not?' From then on, the two found love. The butterfly's brothers shunned him for loving such an imperfect, ugly creature. How blind they were. But one day, an argument broke out between the butterfly and the spider. The spider was hiding something vital from its love."
"STOP! STOP, PLEASE!" I cough and hack helplessly, held in place by the immovable arms wrapped around me. The porcelain is cracking.
"The spider bit down into the butterfly's wing, fangs sinking into the wonderful design. Upon removing them, the spider simple said as the butterfly lay dieing, 'I've poisoned you, for with you I am disgusting in comparison. I'm not going to tarnish your beauty anymore.' The butterfly lived on, while the spider disappeared..."
I'm suddenly falling again, devoid of warmth or happiness. That voice whispers to me once more. "What kind of poison was it, Ryou? You know the answer. Tell me what kind of poison it is."
"The poison that eats at my heart," I sob. "The poison of being frigid and alone..."
I don't want to be alone anymore.
One heart-wrenching, terrified scream ripped from his throat, shocking the person who was half-way through the window into falling through it. Quickly standing up and regaining his composure, Seto looked down at the shaking form that was Ryou, breathed, "Shit," in a very quiet and controlled tone, and rushed over to shake him awake.
"Ryou! Come on, kid, wake up!" It wasn't any good. Instead, he opted for gathering the shaking bundle into his arms. Doing so, he sat down on the mattress and wrapped his arms carefully around the fragile boy, helping battle the horrible shaking. "It's alright... you just need to wake up," he murmured.
His eyes suddenly shot open, breath coming in choppy pants. "Hey, calm down! It's alright now!" Seto said sternly, causing the teen to stay still then.
"The butterfly..." Seto looked at him incredulously, wondering if he wanted to know or not. "It was a dream. Just a dream..."
This sent Ryou into a fit of almost silent sobs and hiccups. He buried his head into the older man's chest carefully, soaking it with new tears. "It was supposed to be my dream, all in my head; but the ending to the story wasn't happy! Why?! Why couldn't it stop hurting for once?!" Ryou bordered hysteric at this point. Steo frowned.
"I don't know why. I just don't know."
An hour or so later, Seto had forced some food into Ryou along with a pill, making sure he was fine before he left. Now, Ryou sat on the couch in the living room as he waited for his parents' return. They hadn't even moved the furniture in yet and they were already blowing work off!
It didn't matter, he decided. Still, he twitched nervously. When he heard the car door slam, he jumped in surprise. Only one door? Was it only his father that had come home? Would he even get so lucky? It was highly doubtful.
"Ryouuuu!" A disgustingly sweet voice cooed from the entryway. His eyes widened. No. It couldn't be. Had only his stepmother come home?
Indeed. The red-haired woman tromped into the living room, a scowl on her face. The one that says, 'I've got another reason to be angry with you already! Aren't I a go-getter?!' "Yes, m-ma'am?"
"Your father is fixing a problem with the movers. The assholes seemed to have issues," she stuck her nose in the air, acting stuck-up and elegant. Ryou didn't suspect elegant people said 'assholes' on any kind of basis (yet, he could've been wrong considering he had yet to meet anyone of the sort).
She smirked and trudged over, heels clacking heavily on the hardwood floor and making the planks groan under the pressure. Much to his displeasure, he got a close up of exactly what she was wearing. A plaid skirt that reached mid-thigh (it looked ready to rip at the seams), a pair of nylon stockings (he spotted a large split in the one covering her right leg, running from the knee up), a pair of black heels (he wondered how she had fit into them, her feet were nearly bursting out of those as well), and a very, very tight black shirt that fit every curve (every large and bulging curve, anyways).
(A/R: Oh my god that was fun to write. I had to make her unlikable and this is how I pictured the OC stepmother witch.)
He gulped. "Did you get my notes, sweetheart?" Notes? He blinked. He only got a note.
"Notes?" He asked.
Her make-up caked face dropped into another ugly scowl, bringing out the deep wrinkles she hadn't succeeded in covering up with powder. "Oh Ryou, don't tell me you didn't get the one to clean the house? I thought I made it perfectly visible."
He cringed. No, no, no, no, no, no...
Within seconds, he found himself sprawled out on the hard floor, the side of his head stinging unbearably. And she smiled. Without mercy, she kicked him.
"I expected a clean house, boy."
Again. He screamed, finger nails clawing at the wooden planks beneath him. The tears pooled in the corners of his eyes, threatening to spill.
"I ask you to do one simple thing and you refuse!"
A third time. He rolled over onto his back from the force of it, shuddering as he tasted the metallic essence filling his mouth.
"How could you be so horrible to me?!" She screeched, aiming a well-placed kick higher this time. It hit his ribs. Coughing and spluttering, Ryou was lifted from the ground to look into her narrowed, furious green eyes. "I'll teach obedience to you yet," she smirked. Letting him drop, it continued this way.
"Does it hurt, Ryou?! HUH?! DOES IT?!"
Again. And again. And again.
The butterfly lived on, while the spider disappeared...
He couldn't think properly anymore. Could he ever? Another long, jagged crack was placed in the porcelain. A scar.
And he smiled soullessly. The story was all wrong. It's the butterfly who no longer needed the spider. The butterfly flew away, leaving the spider to die. The remaining hope is destroyed and its life dwindles. Eventually, the spider dies. He dies, infected with a butterfly's poison.
Ryou waits to see the butterfly again, before his death.
Author Rant: Good God I'm messed up in the head. This was angst, angst, and more angst, y'know? Sorry it took so long. That seems to be how it works. I put it off for a while and then write a whole chapter in a few hours. Ah well, go figure. Anyways, review replies! That was quite a few reviews! Thanks all!
Tsucci-chan: Kura! Be nice! Yes, my friend, I agree. They are cute as hell together, quite frankly. Many thanks for the super review!
Terri: YAY! Sad is also what I was going for! Aha, and I'll keep it going! Even though it takes me a strangely long time to update!
DojomistressAmbyChan: Nope, the first sentence flew way the hell over my head! And yes, I know how the stepmother will be taken care of. Eventually. Bwaha, are you sure it's Bakura? And I'm sorry the update was so... late. It's just how weird I am. And yes, I do plan on this being yaoi. Thanks for the review, peace!
Pork Steak the Grande: HA! IT'S DONE, DAMMIT! AT LAST! ... Aheh... Yeah. Anyways, yippee! The sadness will turn to happiness, though not for a while yet! I've still got a big plot twist to throw in! Anyways, much love and peace out. Here's the update, thanks for the review!
Dark Magician Girl / Hikaru: Bwahaha, it's not Bakura! -falls over- Don't hurt me. And why Ryou is taking pills is explained in this update, so yup! It's pretty complicated how messed up I've made him! O.o The house would look good once fixed up I suppose, which is the plan. -dies- Ok, I think I got all the questions answered? Things will get better for Ryou eventually! Promise! Anyways, hope ya enjoy the update!
Mou Hitori no Akari: Nooo! -steals back- Sorryness, but has a lot of work to do yet, y'know? But, I'll make things right! Sometime! And damn... I was thwapped with a barstool. x.o That'd be a first. Here's the update. Thank ya for the review!
Kasbaka: Yaaay! Another person saying it's good! Many donuts and hugs for you! Thank you so much!
FantabulousWatapon: Haha, yes! But, I need her for the rest of the story, so don't strangle her just yet! And dude, pink because Ryou was extremely cute and feminine when he was little like that. I needed a soft, meaningful color. And for more reasons than one, which will also become clear later I guess. Thank you! Laters!
Chelley Angel: Woop! Another awesome reviewer! Thank you much!
Hyacinthus: Meh, the first chapter could've been better, but oh well. Thank ya for the compliment! Here's the update, see ya later!
VampssAmby10210: Lol, I expect a word for what my fic is sometime. Nah, just kiddin'. Awesome does just fine! Sorry for the lateness, but here it is!
BxRis-the-BEST!!: WOOHOO! Totally awesome that you loved it! Thanks for the review, here's the late as hell update!
DemonicMistress Kree-kun: Many thanks, extremely happy that you loved it! Peace!
Elle-Fate2x1-2: THIS is what's going to happen. -points up- Bwaha. It's all angst. But, thanks for the review! I'm totally happy you thought it was great! Over and out!
Word Count: 3410