Scarred
A/N: Hey, thanks for reading, guys. This fic is really important to me, since I wrote it around a dark time period in my life . . . So, it's kinda important to know what you all think about it, and to find how if my writing is affected any if I'm in a dark mood.
Quiteona: Thank you. I'm glad you like it. Here's the next chapter.
gab3: Heehee, I'm happy you think so.
patty: I know. I did say it would be something Different. Happy you like it.
anniePADFOOT: Thank you. Happy you read it, anyway.
Titou: Yeah, it's so stereotypical. Always a sweet, nice, pretty girl who likes Remus, and Remus likes her, but neither of them know it . . . Haha. This fic is going to be way different. Remus is so cute as a kid, though. Not sure if I'm ready for him to grow up, yet. lol.
sunni07: Thank you. Remus is one my fav characters as well, so I'm glad you can relate to it that way. Here's more for you.
Jessica: No, it's not a one-shot, but it's a short story, so maybe that's why it came across that way. It's only going to be four chapters long, and my longer stories are like, fifteen chapters. And thanks. I'm glad you like my writing. Makes me happy. Heehee. And don't be sad for Remmie. Things will get better for him, soon.
Sallymander: Thank you. I'm glad you like. Here's more.
Emma Lupin: I'm glad you like it, however, I already have all of that planned out. You'll like what's to come. Trust me.
Disclaimer: It belongs to J.K. Rowling and the readers' who already shaped Harry's world in their minds before it was put on film.
---
James was watching me closely. Even Peter had woken up to see what was going on. And Sirius . . . He was hoping I would give him the go-ahead.
I took a deep breath. "I – I don't care," I said, regretting the words, even as I said them. "Date her if you want."
After all, if she decided that she liked Sirius more than me, than there was nothing I could do about it, anyways.
---
Two
The very same day, Sirius marched over to the Ravenclaw table and asked for Enna. Well, he asked for Julienna because I was the only one who called her Enna. Come to think of it, why was I the only one who called her Enna? She told me that if I called her Julienna, I would die.
This sparked some small hope in my heart. Maybe, just maybe, she wanted me to be the only one who called her Enna. Maybe she did like me better than Sirius, after all.
I watched as Sirius failed to locate her and came slumping back over to our table. "What's the matter?" I asked, trying not to sound too gleeful.
I must've failed because Sirius threw a dark look my way. "She's not there," he said, gloomily. His face expression matched the rain falling from the enchanted ceiling. Inside, I did a happy little cheer.
That must've shown on my face as well because Peter gave a weird look and asked, "Why are you so happy?"
Sirius was looking at me suspiciously, so I stood up, and smiled at him. "I'm . . . going to the library," I lied, knowing he would be peeved if I told him the real reason. "I, uh, I just remembered Madam Pince said that someone had returned this book that I really wanted to read and . . ." I trailed off. Sirius was looking bored, and James wasn't even paying attention. So I just smiled at Peter mysteriously, then left after giving him a small wave.
"You're happy," a gloomy voice said.
My heart started to beat furiously. I turned to face Enna watching me. "Hi . . . Enna," I said, tasting her name on my tongue for the first time. Well, the first time with her around. I had recited it to myself in order to fall asleep last night, but she didn't have to know that.
"You're not on the floor this time," she said, unsmilingly.
"You sound disappointed," I said, narrowing my eyes.
She just looked at me for a second, and then frowned. "Where's your jumper, Remmie?"
Immediately, I started to scowl. "My name isn't Remmie!" I said, still scowling.
"Your friend called you Remmie," she pointed out.
I glared, wordlessly. She was talking about Sirius. "So?" I said.
"So, why can't I?" she said, crossing her arms. "You called me Enna."
"You told me to! And Remmie isn't a pet name," I said, starting to get frustrated.
"Neither is Enna," she said, leaning against the wall. She appeared to be enjoying my frustration.
I sighed. "Why can't you just call me Remus? And I call you Julienna?" I asked.
Her eyes flashed with anger. "Because I don't like Julienna! I don't like hearing you say it."
I stepped back, a bit shocked. "Well, I don't like hearing you say Remmie," I said, angrily.
"Alright, then," she said. "I'll just call you, Shrimp."
I glared at her. "I prefer Remmie."
"I thought you would," she replied. "Now, Remmie, come with me."
"Where?" I asked, hesitantly.
"Away," she said, simply.
Sighing again, I followed her. I barely knew this girl, and already, I was under her spell.
---
She led me to the front doors of the school, and pushed open the door. Then, she stepped out. "Come on, Remmie!" she said.
I looked at her, and then looked outside, towards the sky. "It's raining," I said, pointlessly.
She rolled her eyes. "Duh," she said. "Come on, live a little."
I hesitated, glancing back upwards toward the sky. Then I said something completely off topic. "Why won't you let me call you Julienna?" I asked her.
She stared at the sky for a moment. Then she turned back towards me. "Come outside," she said, running down the front steps of the school, and out into the rain.
I just watched her. The sky was dark with the promise of a thunderstorm, and she was standing there, watching me through the door. She was crazy. She was going to get herself killed. I shivered as I saw lightning fill up the sky. Not two seconds later, a huge thunderclap vibrated the ground.
I motioned for her to come in, but she shook her head, and as I watched, she started to spin around in the rain.
I was breathing heavier now, and the rain was falling harder. Unless I did something, she was going to get herself killed. So taking a deep breath, I ran out after her.
The rain was like ice, and it was all I could do to keep myself from screaming as it made contact with my body. I didn't have a jumper on, just my shirt. Neither did she, but it didn't seem to bother her at all, the crazy fool.
"We're going to get struck by lightning!" I yelled over the thunder. I was soaked from head to toe, and that's when I noticed that her white shirt was now see-through.
She said something, and grabbed my hands, but I didn't hear her. Suddenly, we started to spin. The world went sailing dizzily by, again and again . . . Luckily I didn't eat much for lunch.
My eyes went down to her shirt, well, her chest area, and I found myself blushing. I was wondering whether she had on a bra or not, and my heart was pounding so loudly that I couldn't hear her words when she shouted something to me.
She suddenly let go of my hands, and I looked up to see what was wrong with her. But I don't remember ever seeing her face because at that moment, something white hot raced through my body. And I screamed.
---
". . . know better! Out in a lightning storm! Just plain silly is what it is!"
The first I noticed was that I had a terrible headache. I could barely lift my head, the pounding was so horrible. I opened my eyes to see James, Sirius, and Peter hovering over me. I tried to smile, and winced.
"Don't touch him! You could get shocked!" Madam Pomfrey said from somewhere nearby.
"He's awake," Peter said to her. To me, he said, "Don't touch us, Remus. We could get shocked."
Sirius rolled his eyes. "I think he knows, mate."
"How was it, Remus?" James asked in awe.
"Yeah! Did you feel the lightning go through you?" Sirius asked.
"Did you feel it come out?" Peter asked.
Before I could answer their questions, Madam Pomfrey stuffed a huge piece of chocolate in my mouth, and held my nose pinched shut, so that I had to chew and swallow. That fuzzy warm feeling ran through my body, and immediately Sirius, James, and Peter began to ask their questions all over again.
I, however, had a question of my own to ask. "Madam Pomfrey? How did I get here?"
The nurse shook her head. "Some girl. She said that she would have levitated you, but neither of you had your wands. I've never seen her before, myself."
"Girl? What girl?" Sirius asked, his eyes lighting up. I blushed, avoiding his gaze, and knowing it would do no good to lie to him.
"Enna," I said, quietly.
Sirius stared at me, surprise written all over his face. "Julienna?" he asked, his voice slightly higher than it should have been. I nodded, and his face immediately turned stony.
He turned away from me, and started towards the door. "Where you going?" James asked, raising his eyebrows. He turned towards me. "Where is he going?" I shrugged.
Peter looked from Sirius to James, and back to Sirius again. "Sirius . . . er . . . want company?"
"Bugger off," Sirius snapped, as he went out the door.
James turned towards me. "I thought you didn't want Enna."
I shrugged again, and watched as James and Peter started to follow after Sirius. To be honest, I wasn't sure what I wanted, exactly.
---
I didn't see Enna for about three weeks after that. And believe me, I definitely looked for her. I left meals early to see if she would be outside the Great Hall. She wasn't. And she certainly was never at a meal, herself. I began to wonder if she ever ate. I even considered looking for that secret passage I where we had first met.
If Sirius had seen her, he wasn't saying anything. In fact, he had started to date someone else, already, and he seemed to have forgiven me. He even offered to help me look for Enna. But I declined, and soon, I gave up, completely. If Enna wanted to find me . . . well . . . she had never had a problem before.
I had to admit, though, I was extremely disappointed.
I sat up in the dorm one night thinking about her as I usually did, and wondering if I had done something wrong when James came over to my bed and asked if I wanted to go down to the kitchens for a midnight snack.
Sirius was sleeping, and James must've been desperate because he knew that I would normally frown at the thought of anyone sneaking down to the kitchens in the middle of the night. However, sleep and I weren't finding each other, and I was feeling particularly adventurous, so somewhat surprising him, I said yes.
We huddled together under James's invisibility cloak, and (remembering to close the portrait hole behind us) we set out for the kitchens moving slowly, so the cloak wouldn't suddenly slip off.
Finally, we reached the portrait of fruit, and James reached up to tickle the pear. We took off the cloak as the portrait swung open, and quickly hurried inside. Once in, we grinned at each other like the pair of sleepy idiots that we were, and then walked up to the house elves, planning to ask them for some snack food.
Problem was, there was already someone there.
I gasped. "Enna!?"
She turned and her eyes widened. She had something up to her mouth and was preparing to take another bite. She looked almost funny standing there with her mouth open and the food – looked like a roll – in her hand halfway to her mouth.
"Remmie," she said, uncomfortably. The hand holding the roll dropped to her side. "What are you doing here?"
I stared at her, disbelievingly. I was shocked by lightning. Actual lightning! And the only thing she can say is, "What are you doing here?" I blinked. Did she just not care at all?
"So you do eat," James said, grinning. "Well, there you go, Remus, your problem is solved." Having humiliated me, he stepped off into the crowd of eager house elves waiting to please him.
"What?" she snapped, realizing that I was still staring at her.
"Why are you avoiding me?" I swallowed.
She scowled. "I'm not avoiding you."
"Oh," I said, softly, not knowing what else to say. "Well . . . I haven't seen you in awhile."
"I haven't been around," she said, shrugging.
"Oh," I repeated, beginning to feel stupid.
"Didn't you come down here to eat?" she asked, raising one eyebrow.
I nodded, suddenly not trusting my voice.
"Then, go eat," she said, simply.
That did it. Those three words made the tears that I was holding back start to fall. I stared at the floor, shivering, and watching the liquid splash on the tile. She was acting like . . . like she didn't care . . . or anything. When I . . . I had been the one who was trying to save her. I hadn't wanted her to get shocked. I had wanted to save her.
"Remmie, what's wrong?" she asked softly, just as Sirius had asked.
I stared up at her, my tears clouding my vision. She really didn't know. "Are you mad at me?" I whispered, knowing my voice would crack if I said it any louder. "What did I do?"
She appeared stunned. Then, without warning, she walked over to me, and wrapped her arms around me. I froze, then I started to shake uncontrollably. And she held me. She stayed there and held me until I stopped crying.
"Nothing, Remmie," she whispered in my ear. "You did nothing. I just . . . I don't connect to humanity very well, that's all."
After a while, I pulled out of her embrace, beginning to get embarrassed. We really were the same size, and this could be confused with a lover's embrace.
"Don't cry anymore," she said, quietly. Slowly, she reached out and touched my cheek, gathering a tear on her finger. She held it up to her face. "These are useless," she said, a serious expression on her face. She opened her mouth and stuck her tongue out, and as I watched she licked my tear off of her finger.
"See?" she said, grimacing. "They don't even taste good."
---
She had promised to visit me the following day, so of course, I was on edge from the moment I woke up in the moment. It didn't help that it was a school day. And it also didn't help that I was due to transform that Thursday, and I already felt a bit weak, seeing as it was Monday. Usually I'd be in the hospital wing, but I didn't want Enna to look for me, and not find me. Or worse: to go looking for me, and find me all pale and shaking in the hospital wing. I shuddered. That would be a lot worse.
"Remmie, you okay?" Sirius asked as I sat in History of Magic. We had it first thing in the morning, and a lot of kids were happy with this arrangement. It meant they got to sleep for an extra hour.
I winced as small nips of pain picked at my body. "I'm fine," I said, grimacing.
James gave an equal look of concern. "You sure you're okay, Remus?" he asked.
I nodded and smiled. It was nice sometimes. These guys saw me as their little brother because they were so much bigger than me, and I happened to be the youngest. I was even younger than Peter by two months. Yes, sometimes it was nice knowing that I had friends who would stick up for me no matter what. And sometimes it was just annoying.
"You should go to Madam Pomfrey, Remus," James said as soon as class was over.
"No," I said, shaking my head. "I don't want to."
"But Remmie – "
"No!" I interrupted. I watched as Sirius and James exchanged a look.
"Why not?" Peter asked, giving me a curious glance.
I blushed. "I just don't want to," I insisted, stubbornly.
Sirius glared at me. "I don't care what you want," he said, coldly. "You need to go, so you are going. James?"
"Wingardium Leviosa!" James said, pointing his wand at me.
I felt myself lifting off the ground and I started to get really angry. "Let me down!" I yelled. "Let me down, James!"
"NO, Remus!" James said. He could be just as stubborn as me. He gave a little flick of his wand, and I started to float down the corridor. Students on their way to class were pointing and laughing at me. My face was burning with shame. I had never been so angry.
As soon as he let me down in front of the hospital wing, I took off heading for the opposite direction, but Sirius was ready. He grabbed me. However, Sirius didn't expect me to use my strength on him. I twisted in his grasp, and hit him in the stomach. He doubled over.
"ACCIO, REMUS!" James bellowed, and suddenly I was flying in the air towards him.
"WHAT THE DEVIL IS GOING ON OUT HERE?" Madam Pomfrey shrieked.
There was a loud, "oof," from James as I crashed into him, and I heard Sirius and Peter explaining the situation to Madam Pomfrey. I closed my eyes, knowing I was about to get it.
"Mister Lupin! You should know better!" Madam Pomfrey said, angrily. "Get into a bed, right now!"I was livid. Deep down, I knew my attitude problem had something to do with the werewolf part of me, but my mind wasn't very clear right now. All I could think about was how disappointed Enna was going to be.
---
I stayed in the hospital wing for two days, until the night of my transformation, drifting in and out of sleep. I had nothing else to do, and Madam Pomfrey kept telling me to rest up, so I really could do was sleep. I welcomed sleep, too, because almost every time I went to sleep, I would dream of her.
At first the dreams were innocent. If you count kisses as innocent. In my dreams, Enna would kiss me a lot. They were just normal kisses, like on the cheek, then on the forehead, and I would wake up blushing. But, gradually, the dreams started to change a bit, and before I knew it, Enna was kissing me on the lips, and then, in my mouth, using her tongue. I woke up from those dreams, slightly panicking.
The worst, (or best, depending on how you looked at it), dream that I had happened right before Madam Pomfrey woke me up to tell me that it was time for me to go transform. I remember sitting in class in my dream, when suddenly all of the other students disappeared. Then, Enna walked through the door.
The first thing I noticed was that she was soaking wet, which meant that her white shirt was see-through again. I tried my hardest not to stare, but I really couldn't help it. And a part of knew that this was just a dream, so I guess I figured it was okay. But then, Enna started to giggle. I looked up at her in surprise. Enna never giggled, and that's when I realized . . . She knew what I was doing!
That's when she leaned near to me and said, "It's okay, Remmie. You can see them if you want."
I woke up, my heart pounding. And there was a sticky substance underneath me. I was mortified, thinking I had gone to the loo on myself, or something. And Madam Pomfrey was right in the very same room, coming closer to me, saying something about my transformation.
I stared at her, my face turning bright red.
"Come on, Mister Lupin, it's time to go," she said.
I shook my head. There was no way I was moving from this spot. If I got up, she would see that I had done that. And she couldn't see.
"What do you mean, no? We need to go! Now! I let you sleep for as long as possible. Now, let's go!" She was starting to get angry.
"I can't," I whispered, staring down at myself.
"Why not?" she asked, confused. I didn't answer her. How could I? She was starting to get angry again. "Mister Lupin, if you don't tell me this moment – "
"I-I had a dream," I blurted.
Almost immediately, her eyes got round. "Oh!" she said, understanding dawning on her face. She smiled at me. "Well, that's very normal!"
I blinked. Normal? Were we talking about the same thing?
"You're a growing boy, Mister Lupin," she said, nodding. "It was bound to happen sooner or later. Now, lift up."
Feeling slightly less humiliated, I lifted up.
"Scourgify!" she said, whipping her wand out of nowhere, and pointing it to the bed, and me. All at once, I was dry.
"Wh-What was – ?" I started to ask, but she shook her head.
"You've wasted five minutes, already. Let's go," she said, and rushed me out of the hospital wing, locking the door behind her. I had a feeling she hadn't wanted to answer my question.
---
James grinned at me. Sirius grinned at me. Peter smiled confusedly. And I stared at them as if they were insane. "Hello?" I said, raising my eyebrows.
"Congratulations, Remus!" James finally said, reaching over to my hospital bed, and patting me on the back. "You've just experienced your first wet dream!"
I started to blush, realizing that they had probably all gone through this before. Well, probably not Peter, seeing as he still looked confused. "So . . ." I asked, hesitantly. "You all . . . you have dreams like that, too?"
"Mmhmm," Sirius said, absentmindedly. He was picking at the fringe of my blanket. "All the time."
"And it's normal?" I asked.
"Yes," James said, still grinning at me. "It's very normal, so don't worry."
I blushed again. "If you're sure that it's normal . . . then I wouldn't mind having another dream like that . . ." I admitted, quietly, my face flaming.
"Remmie, you're a pervert!" Sirius said, laughing.
"But you just said it's normal!" I protested.
James nudged me. "What exactly happened in your dream, Remus?"
I shook my head, trying to hide my blushing face from them. "I'm not telling," I mumbled.
James and Sirius exchanged identical grins, and I buried my head in my blanket. The day I'd tell them what happened was the day that Enna kissed me for real.
---
A/N: Thanks for reading, everybody. More to come soon.
Ariana S.